Chapter 1
BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP!!! SMASH!!!!!!!
"God! Noon already? I hate having to set my alarm early!" Matiso said with a sigh of frustration.
She had woken up with a terrible hangover because of all the partying she had done last night with ... Well, who knows? She just went from place to place, stopping wherever there was alcohol, loud music, and where nerv credit cards were accepted.
Realizing that she had a massive headache, and couldn't remember a damn thing from the night before, there was only one choice that was rational. " I need my morning beer."
The sun will always rise and set, hobos will always have excessive amounts of toe jam, and Matiso will ALWAYS have her morning beer. It was just another law of the universe. Alcohol was her lover, her best friend, and her drug. She needed it as much as Rei needed a personality. She would go through Hell and back for her morning beer. Unless she ACTUALLY had to use any more energy than just going to the fridge and grabbing a beer, or searching for something she hasn't drank in her stash. Going to the store first thing in the morning was way too hard, so she gives up. The only problem was that Matiso gets really violent and angry without her morning beer and takes it out on anyone and anything she can get her hands on.
In short, she really, REALLY, REALLY, needs her beer for her own sanity and the safety of everyone else.
As she made her way out of bed and towards the kitchen, Shinji froze in fear and his balls dropped. He had forgotten to make sure there was beer in the fridge and he heard how much she had drunk last night from Kaji. He started to remember the 'incident', the main reason why everything pointy, flammable, explosive, and stretchy had to be locked away until she had drank her morning beer. He did something he almost never does, he prayed to God. "please, please, PLEASE let there be one more beer in the fridge, not just for my sake, but for everyone else too."
As she opened the fridge, he went and cowered behind a chair in the living room, close enough to see what was going on, but far enough to dodge a flying object. She reached in and pulled out the last beer. Shinji relaxed just in time to start panicking again as Pen-pen snatched it from her hand, blew a raspberry, and headed over to the other side of the kitchen. With a loud 'creak' Matiso ripped the fridge door off the hinges and was about to use it as a beating board against the penguin.
Shinji, realising things were getting really out of hand, stepped in. "Pen-pen, give Matiso the can"
"SQUAWK" he said while shaking his head left and right, trying to say 'no'.
"I understand that you want the beer too, Pen-pen, but if you don't give her that beer, she'll kill us all! After she's done with you she'll kill us too! Please Pen-pen, I'm begging you, GIVE HER THAT BEER!!!"
Pen-pen thought for a moment, then reluctantly gave Matiso the beer. She chugged it, and was almost instantly back to her senses.
"Ahhhhh, that was good." she turned to thank Pen-pen and realised he had been staring at her. This wasn't any normal any normal stare, this was a stare of a challenge.
"What's wong Pen-pen? Does the widdle penguin want some beer?
Pen-pen couldn't take it anymore. Every time she takes his beer, she has to rub it in too! So he did just what anyone else would have done in his situation, he grabbed a two-foot long knife from the kitchen table and screamed " DAMN YOU, UBERBITCH!!!!!! IN GOING TO SHOW YOU JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BETWEEN A PSYCHOTIC PENGUIN AND HIS ALCOHOL!!!!!"
Then he lunged at her, missed, hit the floor face first, and started swearing while screaming in pain. Shinji and Matiso were both looking at each other, stunned. They were both amazed that he could speak English at all, let alone know more swear words than both of them combined. After a while he got back up, preparing to take another lunge at the still dumbfounded Matiso when Shinji intervened.
"PEN-PEN, STOP!" he shouted as loud as he could to get the crazed penguins attention.
"WHAT!" he screamed back.
"Why do want to kill Misato"?
"You want to know why I want to kill her? SHE TOOK MY BEER AND BRAGGED, THAT'S WHY"!
"There has to be a better way to get revenge than by killing her".
"Hmm, fine, a duel, 4 paces, ill go get the guns".
Just then, Asuka walked into the kitchen and asked "Guns? Is someone going to get killed? Can I watch"?
At the sight of her, Pen-pen instantly became enraged and screamed "NO ONE LOVES YOU, EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD IS YOUR FAULT. NOW LEAVE, OR ILL CUT YOU INTO SUSHI".
Scared and hurt, Asuka ran away screaming and crying "YOU ALL JUST WATCH, WHEN IM A FARIY PRINCESS ILL TURN YOU INTO TOADS, I'm special, I'm special, IM SPECIAL".
Misato, finally regaining her senses said "I'm not going to duel with you" seeing his anger she "how about we have a drinking contest instead. So we can see who is the queen-"
"King"
"-whatever, of alcohol in this household".
"I see if I win than you have to hand over all the alcohol and coconut suntan lotion to the penguins".
"Coconut suntan lotion"?
"Yes".
" On behalf of humanity I accept you r challenge"
"good now I will be off to train and will be back in three days. You better be ready"
He jumped out the window and with that the challenge was on!