"I've got to say, that sounds pretty lame."
The dark haired man facing her from the other side of the booth took on an expression of mocking amusement.
"Brave words from the human. Your running commentary hasn't been appreciated, by the way."
Suzanne leaned forward and let her elbows rest on the table top, drumming her fingers against its surface while considering her next words. She was in an entirely bizarre situation at the moment. All she'd wanted was a cup of coffee at her favorite late night diner. The man – Damon, he'd said his name was – throwing himself into her booth was unexpected. Him hypnotizing her into listening to his problems was even more unexpected.
"Not exactly. Your freaky eye contact thing took away my fear. Besides, you wanted someone to complain to and now I've been vampire powered into confidentiality. Might as well be your sounding board and tell you when I think your ideas are subpar."
Damon let out a laugh that wasn't quite so condescending as before and waved his hand in her direction before saying in a bored tone, "Go ahead, princess. Lay it on me."
A little annoyed, she allowed some bite to enter her voice when she said, "It's Suzanne. And all I'm saying is I think you ought to make your entrance with some more subtlety. You're going back to your hometown in a few months to torment your brother, who is probably going to insert himself into the life of the clone of the vampire woman who both of you dated, right?"
"Right."
"So torment him. You can't just swoop in and kill the clone or her family. It's the suspense that will get him all hot and bothered. Make it obvious that you could and would wreak havoc, rampage, etcetera, but don't do anything too villainy right away."
Damon leaned back and seemed to be contemplating her response. Letting out a considering hum, he swiped her coffee mug faster than she could see and took a long gulp. Suzanne's mouth fell open, partially in awe of the display of speed, but mostly in offense.
"Dick move."
"I could snap your neck in a second. Or I could just drain you. I'd be really nice to me right now."
Suzanne only snorted in response. The vampire had just ranted about his plans for nearly half an hour. Clearly he was in need of friends, and she was apparently the next best thing. She wasn't scared either way – didn't have that emotion available at the moment, but he probably wasn't going to kill her.
Probably.
In a jokingly upbeat tone she said, "One, I have severe anemia, so I'm probably not as gourmet as you're used to. And two, I took a karate class once with my ex girlfriend, so I'm confident I could take you on."
The vampire laughed and proceeded to finish off her coffee – something she was still mildly pissed about – before sighing dramatically and saying, "Girlfriend, huh? And here I was planning on seducing you. I could rock your world."
Suzanne pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and exaggeratedly swooned before responding, "Oh, if only. And I'm bisexual, not lesbian. But regardless, I have no desire to enter any kind of relationship, even a purely sexual one, so forever we shall pine for one another." Becoming serious, she said in a scolding tone, "And using your hypnosis would be entirely ineffective consent on my part, so –"
Damon cut her off and responded equally seriously as he said, "Not on my agenda. Compelling away fear, yes. Making it impossible for girls to blab or making them forget, yes. But I don't compel girls to sleep with me. They make the initial decision on their own."
"Alright then. And I really would prefer being left alive. I have a Dalmatian at home and there would be nobody to feed him."
Damon nodded seemingly to himself before saying, "I like you. I'll keep you around."
"How magnanimous of you."
"Enough about me, princess. Tell me something interesting about you. And not by human standards. I've been alive for a long time. Wow me with fun facts and personal records."
Suzanne laughed before going quiet. Her life wasn't incredibly interesting at the moment. She loved her job as a hospital receptionist, but it didn't exactly scream excitement. After a minute she finally made eye contact once again before saying, "I went to circus camp for a few summers as a teenager and can walk a professional tightrope. My personal record is fifty feet long."
Damon barked out a short laugh and let out an impressed whistle before he replied, "Unexpected. I'm going to one up you. My personal record: I once drank seven bottles of bourbon in three hours. Pretty sure I died of alcohol poisoning a few times, but it didn't stick."
"How does that work? You're dead, clearly, but you can eat and drink human food? So either you function like a human mostly, or you're like a Cullen and going to vomit that coffee up later."
Suzanne jumped a bit when a snarl suddenly left Damon before he practically spat out, "Fucking Twilight. Worst thing to happen in a century. Fucking sparkling vampires, ruining our rep-"
She tried to keep a straight face – really, she did – but he didn't seem too annoyed when she burst into laughter.
"I get it, I get it. Scary vampire over here."
"Damn straight I am."
Unable to stop herself, Suzanne made eye contact before saying in the exact same somewhat arrogant tone, "And damn straight I am not."
Damon snorted in response and repeated his earlier statement when he responded, "Yup. Definitely keeping you. To answer your question, as long as I keep up my steady diet of blood my body functions like a human's. But with the super strength and speed and compulsion."
Suzanne thought that over for a moment before shrugging and saying, "You have a pretty good gig going on there. Though personally I'm not a fan of that last one."
He waved his hand at her dismissively and said, "Don't be a baby. I only made you listen and not tell anyone."
"And took away my fear. Good call on that one, if I'm being honest. I'd probably like you a bit less. Well, less than I do already for taking my fucking caffeine away from me. I just had a twelve hour shift and still have stuff to do at home-"
Damon only rolled his eyes and cut her off, "I'll get you a new one some other time."
Suzanne felt a spark of surprise, but no unease as she said, "So I'll be seeing you again sometime? Hopefully not at midnight again, prince charming."
The man across from her looked uncomfortable for a moment before he changed his expression to one of arrogance.
"Well you're obviously crazy about me. And you aren't terrible to look at."
With the lack of sleep finally catching up to her, Suzanne yawned loudly and stood up.
"Well, Mr. Vampire. This has been fun, but I'm completely beat."
Suzanne slid her phone across the table and said, "Put in your contact info then call yourself. I'm pretty boring, so you reach out when you want to hang out."
Damon did as she said and when his ring tone went off she couldn't help but laugh once more.
"Really? Dead or Alive? Cliché."
"I'll have you know that I was the first one to like this song when it came out and-"
Suzanne had already begun walking towards the door. With one last glance over her shoulder she waved him goodbye.
When she walked out the door towards the parking lot she was barely able to hear him mutter under his breath.
"A human. I'm turning into Stefan."