An Unreliable Narrator

Recently re-watched the series and then I went around on some forms. I saw a ton of interesting theories, and I in particular liked this one, along with a similar one. I figured I'd write something to try and get out of my slump. Plus not enough people have written stories on this idea, so might as well throw my own out there and see if anything happens.

I've only seen the anime series, so if there's something mentioned later that contradicts me to a ridiculous extent, or makes me sound like an idiot, I really am sorry. But this is Fanfiction, right?

Be warned; this is quick without too much thought beyond the basic concept or proofreading. Despite that, it took a while to write, though only because I'd write it in short bursts, so there may be some disconnect. Oh and I can't write 1st person worth a crap anymore, but my typical 3ed person just doesn't work here.

So, you want to know who I am? Well, for all intents and purposes, my name is Kyon. No, I'm not telling you my real name; I'm pretty sure even my parents have forgotten it by now…But anyway, I'm a pretty typical high school student. I go to school, study, do homework, get decent enough grades…and am currently part of the S.O.S brigade.

What's the S.O.S Brigade? Well, it's the 'Spreading Excitement all Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi' Brigade. Yes, it's a mouthful. Yes, the aforementioned Haruhi probably spent far too much time coming up with a name that could be abbreviated to S.O.S.

And yes, it is very aptly named.

But hey, when your after school club is filled with a time traveler, an epser, an alien, and is run by a goddess who knows nothing of her powers…chaos tends to follow. More like it trails us like an obsessed ex who's just waiting to try and force their way back into your life by showing up at the most inconvenient moments...you get the idea. Oh, and there's the occasional possible world-ending event, but we've been pretty good at avoiding those lately. More or less.

Which one of the above am I you ask? Why, I'm none of them. Yup, I'm just a regular high school student who made the mistake of giving Haruhi the idea to start said club when she mentioned she found every other club boring. Yup, your boring, average Joe who's conveniently surrounded by all these fantastical people or other creatures, and giving you a nice narration of these events from my weary eyes. After all, if you're going to get told a story as insane as this one, you might as well have someone to relate to as your narrator, right?

…What, you don't believe me? You don't believe that I'm normal? Just because I end up in a room of freaks every day after school I must be one as well, right? Why can't I just be normal; isn't that good enough for you? Have you already gotten spoiled on the insane things I've told you and now you've decided that par just isn't going to cut it anymore?

Ok fine, maybe I've embellished a few things. But really, I doubt you'd understand if I just outright told you what I am. Yes, I did say what, though I will assure you I am one-hundred percent male and I'm completely human right now. So if you really want to know, well, I'll have to explain a few things.

And now for a quick overview on the way the universe works, as told by Kyon!

Don't give me that look; you were the ones who wanted to know. So just sit back and make yourself comfortable or leave; see if I care. Brats…

Anyway, most people seem to think that the 'laws' of this world are set in stone. And no, I don't mean laws like the ones that say you can't oh say; steal a computer via blackmail or tramps around in bunny girl cosplay on school grounds. No, I don't mean those types of laws; I mean the invisible laws that keep the universe running smoothly.

You see, in reality these laws that are labeled and treated like stand-alone principles, really aren't at all like that. Each law is actually interconnected to every other law like a spider's web. You can isolate one strand and examine it, even name it if you're into that kind of thing, but never separate it. At least, not without causing a lot of damage. And I mean a lot.

Like possible world-ending damage.

These laws of the universe, as some might like calling them, also only exist because they work. Whatever consistent, stable, product that came of the original chaos and randomness that resulted from the 'Big Bang' is what continued to exist and will keep existing for a very, very long time. Fire isn't cold because that just didn't work. I mean, could you imagine cold fire outside of some fantasy world or shiny movie prop? That's just weird.

But that's not the point really. Energy likes being hot, so fire is hot...obviously. If you don't believe me, well, go stick your hand in a fire. Go on, try it. Just don't blame me when you end up with a nice burn. And well, other things, like stable gasses, rocks, all of those nice things we're all used to, ended up the way they are now only because they worked. Impossible things don't exist because, well, they're impossible. Self-explanatory really.

At least, they don't exist without…help. Help that can blissful ignore the laws that usually make things impossible and trample all over a carefully planned system that took forever to work out and more headache that you can imagine.

And you can trust me on this; I know.

Heck, if you want something really interesting, then how about this? Life was once one of those impossible things. Yes, you heard me right, life as we know it, was originally an impossible thing. I mean come on, think about it! Organic matter from inorganic stuff like rocks? There wasn't even real dirt, at best you had sand or crushed rocks. The concept of 'organic' didn't even exist, so why should it ever?

Well, now I can just see people shaking their heads at me. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Clearly it didn't stay that way forever, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation. Plus there's abiogenesis, but even that needed help in order to occur. Yes, it did; it still took place in a lab and all, and that is most certainly help! Look just…why I'm still talking to you people…I'm still not sure. Usually this type of…randomness isn't my jurisdiction.

Whatever, I'll get to that later. Anyway, back to why life actually exists, ok?

To put it simply, boredom happened. So, that really doesn't explain much of anything does it? Well, really, that's all I can figure, because one second life wasn't even a myth and then poof! It was there. Nothing impressive, the most basic organisms you could possible think of, but hey, it was life!

And even if it had been impossible before that moment, it found a way to survive and weave itself into the already established laws with just a few nudges here and there. In short, life managed to survive because it could work. Just because it hadn't happened to form without some help doesn't mean it can't exist. Look at computers and stuff; if people hadn't invented them then they wouldn't exist, and they certainly work well enough. Life really wasn't that much different. Except being self-sustaining, which was nice.

After a while evolution really began to take over, weeding out the bits of life that just didn't work. Completely normal, and it helped to build strong instincts. If something didn't have the instinct to survive, it obviously died. If something didn't think to reproduce, stop snickering you, then it just faded away. Simple enough, but that was really important.

Flash-forward a bit-ok maybe a little more than a bit, try just under 4 million years, and you have today. Countless life forms living together, all relying on each other. Sure humans have messed the system up a bit, but eventually everything will work itself out. Or at least it would have, if randomness and boredom had not struck once more.

And this time, in a way that made life look as interesting as a rock.

Haruhi Suzumiya.

In every way she seems normal, but really she's the farthest thing from it. I'm as normal as it gets, so she's, rightfully, my exact opposite. And only she and her…spontaneousness could ever cause such a potential problem. Yes, I know 'spontaneousness' isn't a word, but let me finish.

When the force of spontaneous action took a corporal form, the world, well actually, Earth really didn't do much of anything. Or notice that they now had what was, for all intents and purposes, a goddess among them. Flawlessly, she'd woven herself into the world as if she'd always existed, and not just dropped out of the sky one day. Or, well, appeared.

Really, I didn't panic, I swear! I just…worried a lot.

Why, you may ask?

Well, if you must know, she must never know of her abilities. Haruhi Suzumiya had done all of the above without even realizing it, and it needed to stay that way. As long as we can keep Haruhi out of the loop, the world will be safe for another day. Who knows what that girl would do with practically unlimited power?

After all, if she ever found out, then her actions would no longer be completely spontaneous, and, instead guided. That may seem like a good thing to some of you, but no, it's not. She barely understands the laws of society; do you really think she'd ever be able to grasp the laws of the world?

No! Never, she'd just start changing things as she saw fit, and not in a good way. Purely spontaneous and random actions are fine; that is quite literally, her role in the universe, and it has yet to end in pure catastrophe, but guided actions with long-term effects? At least the changes she makes unconsciously naturally bend to the laws of the universe as best as they can, but if she ever decided on something and forced it to happen, it would happen exactly the way she wanted. And it wouldn't try its best to conform and blend, but stand out just as loudly as Haruhi does. No bunny girl costume required.

Look, here's an example that she'd probably think of. 'Hmm, well apparently I'm an all-powerful goddess, so how about I take away that nasty think known as death since it's such a bummer?' Sounds great at first, right? Eh! Wrong!

But Kyon, no one will ever die again, right?

Yup, that's kind of what 'no more death' means, right? But there's the problem; no one would ever die. Even if you were crushed by a rockslide or mauled by a bear, you'd still be alive, and you'd spend the rest of eternity suffering impossible pain that should have kill you out-right! And don't even get be on about the population-explosion that'd happen. Within a few days there'd be a crisis and a food shortage up the wazoo. Heck, if it ever came down to cannibalism in order to survive, you'd still be alive even after being eaten!

How about no. That's just gross and disturbing on so many levels.

So yeah, that's why it's so important that Haruhi never learns of her powers. Oh sure, the other members of the club are overly worried about her getting bored with this world and creating a new one, but that's only almost happened once. I'm more worried about the things I just told you about coming to pass, since I really think they're far worse for everyone in the long run.

Plus I just can't stand to sit by and watch her mess everything up. Not after so, so, much time went into stabilizing this universe and making everything work, and then for it to be torn apart and forever damaged by her? You have no idea how long it took to make the universe accept just life without everything collapsing, and don't get me started on how long it took to restore some sense of normality. With a whole new universe I'd have to start from scratch, and who knows what things could be considered normal and stable there?

…And now you're all confused, right? Why is a high school student talking about this like he has any control over this? Well I did admit I wasn't 'normal', right? …I bet you all are getting bored by this, right? I know I would be. So I'll just cut to the chase, bite the bullet, and tell you want I am.

See, those few who know about Haruhi Suzumiya think of her as a goddess. That's technically correct, but it isn't actually what she is. Sure it's close enough, but there's a better thing to call her. I already called her the force of spontaneous action, and that's basically what she is. A force. Calling her a goddess more or less implies that she's a being that actually controls things, at least in my mind it does. But actually, she's so much more than that; she doesn't control anything at all, but instead she spurs things into motion with her mere presence.

Like life, for example. See, I was actually going somewhere with that one! And here none of you trusted me.

And believe it or not, I'm actually the exact same thing…kind of.

Well, I guess the term 'god' would better apply to me, since unlike her, I am completely aware of what I am, and what I'm doing. Heck, before she decided to gather on Earth, she didn't even have a real sentience since she was literally spread out everywhere causing new headaches to deal with just because she didn't know what else to do and was somehow bored. Which even I hardly understand since she, like I said, could barely think. Being stretched throughout the galaxies will do that to someone; human or god.

I'm basically her exact opposite, and in more than personality. My job is to fix problems that affect the universe's stability and figure out how conflicting elements should fit together so they don't end the world. Of course it's overwhelming since there's plenty of little hiccups every moment of the day. Remember that these 'hiccups' can be anything from something new coming into existence, ripples from time travel, or even just a star exploding prematurely for some reason, and then you'll think twice at rolling your eyes at my woes.

Don't worry, even if I'm not there to keep things it check, there's always the Date Integration Though Entity who will keep an eye on things. And there's another mouthful of a name, so I'm just going to call it the Data Overmind, alight? Obviously I'm still needed if things start to go to hell in a hand basket since the Data Overmind can only do tiny manipulations in comparison, but I'm right smack dab in the middle of where any such hell worth of a universe-sized hand basket is likely to spawn from.

And no, Yuki Nagato, or any other Humanoid Interfaces have no idea what I am, though I have a feeling they suspect something. A human shouldn't have been able to survive five seconds against a rouge unit, much less as long as I did, but there's absolutely no data pointing to me being anything but completely normal. I do decide what's normal after all.

Besides, the Data Overmind is already too focused on Haruhi, and the tiny bits of chaos she spawns. Nothing I, or even the Data Overmind, can't just let slide though, since they'll work themselves out. Trees blossoming out of season? Pfft, easy; the wrong climate and conditions will take care of that in a matter of days. Even the problem of Itsuki Koizumi, and any other espers for that matter, will fix itself soon enough. No I'm not going to do anything about them, or to them! Yeesh, the boy became infertile them moment he became an esper.

…You people are sick. I did not find out 'first-hand', I'm a guy, remember? I just realized it when I was wondering if I'd have to do something about espers! But I won't have to even worry, since it seems as though even with given powers, the universe will naturally prevent humans from passing those abilities on.

So there you have it; I'm actually what you'd call a god. What, surprised that I'm that important? Maybe some of you really did think I was just a normal guy, but I'm not, so there. I just like to try and pretend that I'm normal, since it is my job to maintain the balance of the entire universe. It is nice just to be a side-character sometimes, since you have to deal with less crap then the protagonist…or whatever Haruhi qualifies as. So maybe I am a bit of an unreliable narrator, so what?

If you have a problem with that, then you're acting like you yourself don't embellish any stories you tell. Maybe to make it all seem more dramatic, or to make you look like a hero when really you were just there. I did the opposite of what most people would do, but hey, I'm not a person, so no foul on my part!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for the S.O.S Brigade meeting, and the last thing I need is another penalty…

Ah, who am I kidding?

No, I'm not discrediting abiogenesis or anything; it just happened to work for a somewhat-plausible example to put things into perspective. I happen to believe strongly in abiogenesis myself. I also have no idea if what I said about Istuki is true, nor do I care, it just fits nicely with the idea of things that shouldn't exist being fixed naturally because of that.

And for those of you who want the cut-and-dry version of the theory, it's basically Kyon is also a god, but unlike Haruhi he knows it. Some versions have him being the god of order/normality, while other have him being the unknowing god that everyone is fooling.

Personally I enjoy the theory that only Kyon is a god, and everyone else received powers from him with everyone trying to keep him in the dark instead. Basically that they were all normal before, but the moment he believed that they were Time travelers or espers or even a goddess, then they were just that. Well, Haruhi is just a pseudo-goddess, and while she does cause strange events, she's mostly there for Kyon to automatically blame weird stuff on, be it her actions or his own.

But alas; I have nothing beyond that to write for that idea. Maybe someday.