Title: The End
By: Tortured Chen
Rating: Tame - a bit of violence and angst.
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss and ME (Grr! Argh!) and not to me.
Yeah, not happy about it, but that's how it is.
Feedback: You joking, right? I crave it. Need it.
Spoilers: All the way to WRECKED I guess.
Distribution: At http://www.geocities.com/chenanceou/New_Beginnings.html
Note: This is the result of torture. Seriously. I did not want to write
this. But it kept me awake and when I did manage to sleep - it had the
audacity of invading my dreams. So here it is.
*
He had shown up at the house after Dawn had gone to bed and insisted they
had to talk. She had tried to get him to leave, but he had been adamant.
So they had gone outside to the back porch and Buffy had told him to make
it quick.
"Please do me a favor and don't interrupt me. It will not take long.
Then maybe I will. You owe me that much."
"I owe you nothing." She had nevertheless sat on the steps of
the porch.
"Yes, you do. So shut up and listen for once."
He chose to continue standing. Physical proximity to her wouldn't help
what he had to do. "I'm through. Basically that's it. It's more than
what I can deal with, you see... I tried to love you in every possible
way. I tried to give you what you needed, when you needed it. I did a
pretty damn good job at it too. Well, most times. The important thing is
that I did my very best."
"I was your sounding board, cover, escape goat, friend, fighter,
ally, enemy, confidant, keeper of secrets, punching bag, monster and
lover... Yes, lover pet. Not that you would ever admit it. No, the word
you used was... convenient. So I guess I was that too."
She was ready to get up and go back inside, but something in his voice
made her stay on that step. He seemed defeated, but at the same time the
words came out with a quiet determination.
"I can see the wheels turning in that head of yours. And I will save
you the grief: I am not leaving. I'm more of 'the tough get going' sort
of guy. I am not like the others - You should have known that by now.
Except you don't, do you? I'm not leaving Sunnydale. If you need me to
fight, I will fight. If Nibblet needs me, I will be here. Just don't come
looking for me if your 'need' is a punching bag or a boy toy."
The undercurrent of anger and frustration seemed to get the better of him
because his voice was getting louder.
"I would have lived and died for you and I never would have let
you go... Did you know that for me your happiness was worth more
than anything? Your laughter can light a whole room - a whole town
Slayer! Yeah, I sound so pathetic. Even as a stupid human I lived for
love. That's all that William knew and that's all he left me. Both
existences cursed by love. But you know what, pet? I am not a man, like
you so diligently pointed out to me numerous times. I am a creature of darkness."
He was talking more to himself than to her, she could sense it. The voice
that had been so loud and urgent minutes ago was now a soft
whisper.
"Creatures of the underworld can't afford to love, pet. Tonight is
the night when dreaming ends."
"Good bye to you."
With that he had looked at her long and hard. Something in his eyes
shifted as he turned and walked into the night. He was gone.
That had been weeks ago. Unlike before, he made no lame excuses to come
to the house or the Magic Shop. When she patrolled 'his' cemetery he was
always markedly absent. She had broken down a couple of weeks latter and
had gone to the crypt. The furniture was there; the refrigerator with
beer and some bags of blood. But no sign of him. He had stuck to his
word. He hadn't left, but was keeping out of her way. Finding out he was
intent in keeping only out of *her* way was something she found out by
chance... Dawn had brought home a book report with a note from her
teacher saying she was very pleased with Dawn's progress. Buffy had
hugged Dawn only to be met with cold stiffness from the girl.
"He helped me."
She had no need to ask who the 'he' was. So he had seen Dawn.
"I haven't seen him in ages. I thought he had left." She was fishing
for information, trying to sound as if she didn't care, and feeling
foolish for doing it in such an obvious way.
"He explained everything to me. About you two. How it was crushing
him. He talks to me, you know? Like I can actually think." With that
the tall young woman who used to be her kid sister went up the stairs.
Some days latter it was Tara. She had finally come over to the witch's
new apartment to pay a long over due visit. After they had some coffee
and talked about banalities she helped Tara collect the mugs and plates,
only to find an ashtray on the sink. She looked at the cigarette butts in
the ashtray and Tara followed her eyes.
"Spike can't stay without a cigarette for more than ten minutes, can
he? He smokes outside, but still leaves the ashtray here for me to clean.
I have to talk to him."
Spike. Here? She had wanted to ask and she could tell Tara was willing to
talk... But her pride stopped her. Damn him, what right had he to
keep haunting her like this? It seemed she thought more about him these
days than she had thought about him in all the years they had known each
other.
Then the day came when she had needed him. An honest to G'd reason to call him
in. A horde of demons was trying to start a hit man service on the
outskirts of Sunnydale. The first 'mark'? Nobody else but the Slayer
herself. She could take care of herself, she didn't need anybody's help.
Ever. But she had to think about Dawn and the others. She had sent Xander
to the crypt, afraid that if she showed up there he would hide from her
as he done before. Xander had returned with Spike in tow.
Seeing him again after all those weeks was a revelation to her. The
emptiness that had been eating her insides was gone and in its place she
felt a warmth and excitement that had missing in her life for a long
time. She was just happy to have him there in the same room with her,
even if he was keeping his distance and avoiding eye contact.
- Well, he did say hello. That was something, wasn't it? - Buffy heard a
little voice in her head saying: Pathetic, much? And told it to take a
hike. She was happy. He was there.
The meeting had gone on smoothly. The plan as simple as ever: go in and
kill everything. Spike had come up with some good suggestions for some strategy
and Buffy marveled at his ability to see all the dynamics of a battle.
Dawn was sent with Tara and she had seen Spike go over to the two girls
and talk to them before hugging Dawn good bye. She caught his last words
to Tara.
"Take care of each other. And get me some blood on the way home. I
always feel hungry after kicking some demon ass." He had smiled
at them and his smile... She hadn't seen him smile like that in such
a long time.
It was time to go and they had divided in two groups. Buffy stood at the
door of the old factory the demons were using as their 'offices' and
checked the others. Xander had a long ax and behind him Anya held a small
blow torch - for any demons requiring extra crispiness. On the other side
a magic-free Willow had a cross and a star of David around her neck,
stakes tucked into her jeans and a baseball bat.
"I am an equal opportunity gal." She had said to Spike's raised
eyebrow earlier.
Where was Spike?
"I've got your back covered Slayer." His voice coming from behind
her.
She turned around and met his eyes for the first time. She would have bet
the last dime in her meager account that his eyes were the exact
reflection of hers. The thrill of the battle shone there with a hint of
lust. She smiled at him.
"You always do. Don't you?" She allowed the affection she felt
come through.
With that she turned around a resolve brewing in her heart. She had to
get him back. Simple as that. Life without him around was a half life and
she wanted it whole again. After the battle. They would have plenty of
time after this.
"On three... Three!"
And then all hell had broken loose. They had underestimated the number of
demons in there. Not only the number, but the variety. Spike and Anya
were the only ones that could tell the difference between the drown-only,
burn, beheading-needed and disembowelment- required demons. Willow concentrated
in what she did know - and that was vampires. The newly turned were easy
enough, but there were others that were giving more trouble than had been
anticipated. Buffy had gone into battle with a vengeance. The sooner this
was over, the sooner she could talk to him. So she kicked, punched,
beheaded counting the minutes. She would hear Spike and Anya yelling:
"Buffy, the head.", "Whelp, go for his third eye!",
"That's not where his third eye is, moron!"
They were outnumbered, but they were doing fine. The demons were being
put down one by one. Three by three if you counted the ones Anya had
torched with glee. The problem was the structure of the factory itself.
Maintenance was not a demon forte and pieces of rubble were starting to
prove a risk. Dodging another large piece of falling debris, Buffy was
intent in beating the living daylights of one big, slimy thing. She heard
Willow yell for help and in the corner of her eye caught Spike moving
towards her.
- He's got Willow covered. -
She turned back to her slimy adversary only to be hit square on the face,
that little distraction had cost her advantage. Back to business then and
with that Buffy started kicking and punching again.
After what seemed like hours she turned, her posture alert and ready to
strike, to find nobody lunging at her. It was over. The place was a mess.
They really had brought the house down. Dust everywhere, pieces of plaster and
some of the structure beams at odd angles. Her muscles ached and her head
hurt from all the kicks and punches she had been graced with. Except her
mind was not even remotely concerned with that... it was focused with
laser precision on only one thing. But first things first - let's get everybody
out of here before the building collapsed.
"You guys... Everybody okay?"
"Xand man barely standing, but breathing." Xander answered from
a corner. He was covered in goo and had a nasty cut on his
forehead. But he was right, he would live.
"I broke a nail and sweetie, there's no way you are going to sleep
with me tonight. The stench from that goo is going to last for days."
Anya and Xander were already helping each other get out.
But... Where were Willow and Spike? A flash of red caught Buffy's eye and
she rushed towards it. It was Willow, partially covered by some
plaster and unconscious.
"Will? Will, are you okay?"
"Wha... Yes. I think so. Just a small bump on the head. What year is
this?" To Buffy's horrified look, Willow smiled and said, "I
was joking! Post victory humor, hello?" glancing around at the piles
of dead demons and vampire dust she asked. "It IS post victory humor
right? We did win?"
"Yes, we did win. It doesn't feel like it, my body is bruised all
over, but we did win. Let's find Spike and get out of here."
"Spike? He was here... I mean that's the last thing I remember. This
scary vampire had taken my stake and he was going to stake me Buffy! But
Spike came and got me out of the way and then..." Willow wrinkled
her nose. "And then I don't remember. I guess that's when I bumped
my head."
"Well, we have to find him. Sun is going to be up soon and this
place has more holes than Swiss cheese now. He will be Mr. Big Pile
of Dust." Buffy helped Willow up and they both started looking.
Xander and Anya joined them after spending some minutes waiting for the
two girls at the door.
Minutes passed. An hour. Where was Spike?
"Maybe he left Buffy." Xander said after they had gone over all
the corners and nooks that the vampire could have been. "He's not
here."
"He wouldn't leave in the middle of a fight. You know it Xander! You
worked with him all summer and did he ever leave you? Did he ever not see
it through?" Despair was starting to creep into Buffy's voice. She
could feel herself loosing the grasp on her self control. Oh my God.
Please God.
"Willow was the last one to see him." Anya was tired and wanted to
go home. Spike was a big boy and could take care of himself. She
just wanted a bath.
"Umm... Like I said... I was going to be staked. Spike came from the
right, coming between me and the pointy and knocked me over right before
that vampire was going to..." Her eyes suddenly opened wide with
understanding and terror. "Oh, Buffy! You don't think...?"
"Spike got staked?" Anya's question was the last drop.
"He didn't get staked! He couldn't get staked! No!" Buffy started
to pull pieces of the rubble, throwing them in a futile attempt to
find the vampire. Hysteria took over.
"Buffy, we already looked everywhere." Xander tried to pull a
Buffy he almost didn't recognize away.
"NO! I didn't get to tell him. I didn't get to tell him!" She
struggled against Xander's tight hug and dropped to the floor. It was
covered with the distinct vampire dust. Her head was spinning 100 miles
per minute. Images of the blond slicing her sanity.
His eyes, when she had come down the stairs so confused after clawing her
way out of the coffin, his laughter when she had tried to drink her
troubles away... The images kept coming faster and faster... No
chronology to them, no order. They assaulted her with an intensity that
felt she was being dealt blow after blow. No. It couldn't be true. Spike
talking to Joyce in the kitchen of the house... Spike stopping her from
combusting from the frenetic dancing. Spike loving her, Spike kissing
her... The pain in her heart made breathing impossible. It hurt. So much.
Gone. He can't be gone. I didn't have time to tell him. Spike telling her
she would crave him. She did. Come back so I can tell you just how
much... Pain. My heart is breaking. Breaking from pain, from regret, from
wasted time, from lost opportunities... Breaking. She heard a raw and
desperate howl growing in her guts... She let it out in a long anguish
sound. Spike...
"Buffy?! What's going on?!" It was Xander, she could almost make
his face through the tears that were running freely down her cheeks
now. He looked like a vision from a dream. But this was no dream. It was
a nightmare. A nightmare she had created.
"He is gone. He is gone and I never got to tell him. He was my
friend, my enemy, the keeper of my secrets and my lover..."
The three around Buffy exchanged surprised looks. Spike and Buffy? It was
pretty obvious now. Willow had never seen Buffy like that. Not even after
Angel left. She hugged Buffy and tried to help her up, but Buffy shook
her away.
"Buffy, It's going to be okay... Maybe he just had to leave."
"No Will, Spike is gone." The words carried with them the weight
of the world. "I can feel it. I can't sense him anywhere. Spike is
gone and it's too late. I waited too long Will. I was afraid of being
with him. Afraid of what that said about me... What would you guys think
of me?" She hugged herself. "Now it's too late. Too late to say
I love you. I love you Spike."
THE END
You are all depressed by now? Trying to forget you ever read it? Okay... Try reading the next chapter.