~End of Ishvalan 1909~

"cmon, aren't you going back" Roy asked blankly, trying to see over the blondes shoulder. Seeing her tend to a mound of soil.

"who's that? an old war buddy?" he asked, stepping closer to the grave with an expressionless face. It was just blank. The closest one he came to sympathy. No. This wasn't sympathy. It was empathy. He knew fair well what kind of horror she was feeling.

"No sir" Riza's soft tone held so much remorse, the air was thick with grief. So much so you could cut it with a knife.

"It's an Ishvalan child…" Those words made Roy's heart ache.

"One left dead with no where to call home." This was killing him to see her go through this. He would do anything to make it stop.

"Lets go! The war is over now." His voice didn't falter the same way his expression did, he cringed, though was grateful her back was turned to him. He didn't want her or anyone else to know how much he really cared. About her, and about a lot of other things.

Riza looked down, still not turning to meet him fully.

"The fighting maybe but the nightmares of what we did to this place are far from over. They'll stay with me for as long as I live." She paused to heighten the depth of her words

"I believed in you, I trusted you with my father's research and then I applied to the military academy because I hoped to help other people." This cut Roy deep. He let another woman he deeply cared for down. He developed a seemingly unbreakable bond, and then broke her trust like that. Why did she remind him so much of the redhead he once held like the only girl in the world.

"But as it turned out thats not what I wanted. Theres no escaping the truth." What she didn't tell him was what that truth was. The truth was that she was madly in love with Roy. Perhaps that was why she was so fiercefuly protective of him. Though she knew his feelings for her only traveled as far as friendship. She accepted this fate with perhaps the most grace a person could retain whilst having their heart shattered

"I can never atone for the hell I've caused."

I have a favor to ask mustang

Please.. deface my back. Erase the knowledge of fire alchemy from the world." she said, standing and looking at him dead in the eyes, Cocoa met ebony as they stared each other down. Her silently pleading, and Roy, being shocked.

He knew what this would do if he dared try it.

He knew for a fact if he used his skills to burn her flesh. It would be agonizing for her…. Just like it was for Lotus.

Mustang's gloved fists clenched, unclenched and then clenched again

"How could i ever do so-"

"At least… I may never be able to atone.. but at least there can never be any more flame alchemists Please do this. please set me free from my fathers burden. set me free from his alchemy Im begging you

~Flashback~

Perched at the edge of the couple's bed, was a few things they used often. a small bottle of cooking oil, though it had not once been used for such. A pair of handcuffs, and a horse whip.

For a couple that hadn't had sex yet. Roy Mustang and Lotus Arashi had quite the passionate bedroom lifestyle.

But tonight was for something else. Something knew. Something Roy hadn't tried yet.

Here, in the dim candle light, was Lotus, bound up by her wrists and strung to the headboard. Her ankles tied to each post at the foot of the bed, legs spread in a most shamefully open way. Giving all of herself to Roy.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked gently, reaching out to touch the thick cords that held her from coming completely undone. They were both so youthfully new to this, but so willing to try anything if it meant they were screaming each others names.

"They're not to tight are they? I can loosen-"

"Roy! They're supposed to be snug." Lotus giggled quietly, causing the raven haired man to scowl briefly.

"Well maybe I should gag you this time, since you want to be a smart ass." He chuckled quietly, tracing his gloved finger down her stomach, then back up. Groping her soft breasts. God. He loved this, and everything about this. Having her flawless body at his fingertips was one of the most satisfying feelings he could ever really experience.

"Are you really sure you want to try this? I'm still not good with it." Roy asked nervously, holding up his hand, he detested admitting this. But at the cost of her injury, he couldn't afford to be anything less than cautious.

Lotus nodded, squirming just a little bit with anticipation. Ready for anything and everything.

Roy nodded, uncertainty overwhelming him. He shut his eyes tightly and held his hand up again.

The sound of fingers snapping could be heard throughout the house.

And then a scream of agony.

Roy's eyes snapped open in a flash, seeing the girl he cared so deeply about, still tied up, and now, her leg soaked in blood.

Lotus's body was covered in a thin layer of sweat from the feeling of the flames lapping her skin, as well as from the sheer terror as the fire burned her more than she'd care to admit.

In a panic, He cut the ties that restrained her, and pulled her onto his lap, the fear in his eyes was almost as bad as hers before she started whimpering and crying softly.

"What have I done?" he breathed, seeing the burn marks on her inner thigh. Thank God that was the only place that seemed to have gotten hit.

"Lotus, I-Im so sorry!"

It was then that the redhead looked up at him, a very pained but understanding look on her face. "I-im fine i just need to get it bandaged up" she winced sharply as she tried to move. Roy set her down and stood up, still only wearing his boxers, he looked around for what to get to help her.

Despite her condition, Lotus gave a dry chuckle as her body quivered and twitched from the unbearable sensation. "theres cause and antiseptic in the bathroom in the cupboard above the sink" she said gently. He was so innocent sometimes, it reminded her that there was only a few short years between their age. It made her feel like less of a creep for dating someone who was a little older.

When Roy returned, he gave a sympathetic look as she sat there shaking like a feather from the sock of having her flesh burned. He should have known better, he should have told her no, or that they should wait until he knew how to control his alchemy better. Why in God's name did he get so ahead of himself that he would put her in danger.

For weeks afterwards, Roy became so much more tentative to his woman, making sure, even though she insisted she was fine, that he would take care of her bandages and change the gauze pads. This was his fault. This was his burden to bear. Every time she tried to argue with him, or try and convince him that she could take care of it, he would silence her with either kisses or a gentle lecture about how she deserved to be treated like a queen.

For a while things were going great.

For a while she felt safe.

And then he was gone. Just like that.

current time

Roy looked down at Riza with the same somber expression. He couldn't bear the thought of what he had done to Lotus, He hated the idea of putting someone else through that pain. But he also understood Riza's need for it… This cut him like a knife. He really was a monster

"Alright… I'll leave as little traces as i can."