The Band Geek Strikes Back
Disclaimer Believe it or not, Jebediah Sprankle, Lola, Melvin and Zelda are all our own creations. You cannot use them, kidnap them, or plot against them without our explicit written permission.
Jebediah Sprankle was your average disgruntled thirteen year old male clarinet player. He sat slouched in his seat, sending glares that would've blistered roadkill at his band director. Said band director took no notice, as he was too busy interpreting what Mozart might really have meant when he wrote that A flat. Meanwhile, Jeb sat and steamed. He hated band. He hated the clarinet, and he hated Mozart. Even though he hated the clarinet, he had learned several years before that it was handy for one thing. When played improperly (and improperly was the only way Jeb knew how to play the thing) the noises that could be produced on a clarinet were enough to shatter the eardrums of any nearby listeners.
This was good for Jeb, because ever since he had hit his teens, he had been going through an intense period of angst, and had had an unquenchable desire to rule all the peoples of the free world (third world countries need not apply) with an iron hand. He had quickly learned that if he were to produce a few tortured sounds on the clarinet, the innocent nearby listeners would do almost anything to make him stop. Armed with this knowledge, he began to form his plans on how he was going to take over the world…
Suddenly, sick of hearing his band director's interpretation of Mozart, he stood up, put his clarinet to his lips…and blew.
The hundred-odd band members in the room turned around in shock and horror. The awful noise that filled their ears brought them to their knees.
"Please stop!" one poor oboe player plead. Jeb narrowed his eyes and turned his clarinet bell in her direction. She dropped to the floor, motionless. Excitement rushed through Jeb. His plan was working. Finally, the band director screamed,
"Please, we'll do whatever you want." Those were the magic words that Jebediah Sprankle wanted to hear. He stopped playing. He raised an eyebrow.
"Anything?" An evil smirk twisted his face.
"Zelda! Get down and cover your ears!" Melvin dropped his saxophone and tackled his friend Zelda, who was sitting beside him. He shoved his fingers in his ears and she did the same. They watched in stunned silence as Jebediah, the last-chair clarinet player, stood up, and put his horn in his mouth. The nanosecond Mel heard the terrible squeak came from the clarinet, he acted. He had been preparing for this thing his entire life…or at least since he'd learned to read. All his books on how to be a superhero said that the only way to defeat a supervillian (which he was sure Jeb was) was to first resist his plot to enslave the population of the free world. He watched in stunned horror as Lola, the oboe player, was knocked unconscious by Jeb's playing.
The band director seemed to be pleading for his life, and Jeb stopped playing. Cautiously, Mel took his fingers out of his ears. When he did, he heard the band director saying,
"I'll do whatever you want, just please stop playing!"
"Anything?" asked Jeb.
"Yes, anything." Jeb seemed to think for moment. "You will all be my servants. We will make the rest of the citizens of the world our peons. You will all do whatever I wish. Do you understand? If you don't I will start playing again."
"Yes," said the band director. Then he turned to the band. "You all heard him, We will serve Jebediah." All the band members except Lola (because she was unconscious) agreed with a falsely hearty cheer. To Zelda , who stood beside him, Mel whispered softly,
"We have to stop him." Zelda nodded.
"We have to save Lola, too. She won't go along with his plans." Jebediah had begun to speak again.
"You will all follow me and do exactly as I say. Now, everyone file out of the bandroom." He motioned to Mel.
"You, take that oboe player and revive her." Mel did as he was told. He gently slapped Lola until she came around. Then he whispered to her,
"Lola, listen. Jeb has decided to take over the world. Zelda and I are going to try to stop him but we need your help. Okay?" A little woozily, Lola nodded, then fainted again. Mel slung her over his shoulder.
"She'll be fine, sir, she just needs some air," he said to Jebediah. Jeb gave him cross look, but said nothing. As the band, now under the control of the geek turned dictator, filed out, Mel and Zelda slipped away, dragging Lola.
A few weeks later…
Jeb sat at his desk, which was made out of a pile of greasy pizza boxes. The screen of his laptop cast a faint glow on his acne-pocked skin. He sat back, and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He, the geeky sophomore had taken over the world. He sighed with satisfaction. He now controlled the entire world…well, except for the three pesky kids who had gotten away. They must have slipped out while he wasn't looking. It was too bad, because he had taken Lola, the unbelievably hot oboe player with them. She was so beautiful, with her pale skin and greasy blond pigtails. Her braces gleamed when smiled and she always looked so vulnerable and cute when she was sucking on her inhaler in the middle of an onslaught of asthma. She was his one true love, and he would stop at nothing to get her.
Suddenly, he snapped out of his fantasy and the sharp scent of human excrement filled his rather large nostrils. Maybe making his Headquarters of World Domination in the porta-potty had not been such a great idea after all. Especially since someone was urgently knocking on the door. He quickly stepped out, apologized to the man waiting outside for making him wait. Now, he was off to find those pesky freshmen. He not only take over the world, but gain his one true love as well.
Authors' Notes Congratulations! You've made it through Chapter One! We would like only to say that no geeks were harmed in the making of this story, and we DO NOT mean to insult anyone. (Us? Insult anyone?) So no nasty reviews on how we are so mean to geeks. We wouldn't be making fun of them if we weren't dorky ourselves. J