Author's Note- A huge thanks goes out to Ansuz, who helped me edit this thing at 3 am. If it wasn't for her it would be a good idea poorly expressed. And have a really crappy title. Thank you!
I want to scream.
But I won't give her the satisfaction.
Instead I tread water, pouring more effort than is wise into making it look effortless.
From up above, Azula laughs. "Poor Zu-Zu. Do you need help? Need me to lend you a hand?" I just glare up at my sister. We both know that she intends for me to die here. Azula sends me a sickly sweet smile in response. I shiver; telling myself it was from the cold.
"Now what, Zu-Zu?" Azula's taunt echoes in the well, echoes in my mind. "I can kill you now." A small blue flame appears in Azula's palm. She stares at it almost lovingly. "Or I can watch as your weakness finally catches up with you." The flame dies silently as Azula clenches her fist. She places a hand on her elbow while the other one taps her lips, posing as though in deep thought. Azula loves her theatrics.
Then suddenly she claps her hands, as though the great plan that she has in store for her brother had suddenly hit her out of the blue. "Why Zu-Zu, I am being cruel." A pit of ice is forming in my stomach, weighing me down. "How rude of me. I will go entertain those weaklings you call friends, since you can no longer do so." Once again Azula grins coldly into the watery pit that encases me. "I will leave you here to die alone." Azula leans into the well, as though trying to tell me a great secret, her cruel grin fixed in place. "Goodbye Zu-Zu." The whisper is as heartless as her eyes. And with that she disappears.
Leaving me alone.
I curse myself, curse my flaws, my weakness. I should have realized that Azula's ambush of the Avatar hadn't been pure chance. This was Azula. Nothing she did was left to chance. She had purposely pushed me farther and farther from the group, and I, in my desperate fight for survival, hadn't even realized that I was being herded. I am such an idiot!
The well had been hidden; a net of leaves blending in perfect with forest floor. I hadn't noticed it as I blocked and dodged Azula's flames with my own growing desperation. One false step had changed my fate from a fiery pyre to watery grave.
No! I'm not dead yet. I have survived worse than this. This is nothing. I swim towards the wall of the well. It was only four feet high. Four measly feet away from escape. I've jumped farther than that. If I can find a handhold I'll be fine. My cold fingers felt their way along the perimeter, sliding off of the smooth wet stone. There is nothing to grab on to! Every purchase my fingers find is slippery with water and algae, coating my fingers with grimy slime.
Maybe I can improvise. I take a deep breath, then another, then another. I reach deep inside, looking for warmth, looking for the heat that is alive. The heat of every firebender. I find it curled around my heart, sleeping. Gently I reach out to it, feeling it slowly unfurl its lazy flame. I wait until I have it close then will it bigger, will it to fill my body, will it into my hand. A small light erupts. I slam my hand into the wall, forcing the heat into the stone. The stench of burning pond scum fills my nose.
Then I'm under again, arms and legs pushing hard to push me back up. I breach the surface in silence, trying to see my handiwork. The flame licked the stones for seconds, maybe, if I was lucky. And I'm not that lucky. So much for that idea. There is no way it will work. Not only is firebending in this much water extremely difficult but also my amour is too heavy. The moment I stop kicking and treading I sink. And the well is far too deep for me to just sink and try and take it off. I'd just keep going down and down, my feet never touching the bottom.
I scream. A shout of rage and frustration that stole the energy I should be saving. I'll need it. I'm so useless! If I was been any one else I could get out of here! Aang would just shoot himself out like a cork from a bottle and land gracefully, smiling impishly while he tells everyone how much fun he is having. He'd probably jump back in so he could do it twice. Toph would just bend steps and laugh, telling everyone that she wasn't the Blind Bandit for nothing. Sokka, well, Sokka might have drowned. That's if Suki didn't come tearing after him the moment he left her sight. And Suki could probably find a way to scramble out of this place. There is more to Suki that meets the eye. She's something.
And Katara… the water would catch Katara like the tide rising to search for the moon. She would have risen from the well the way the sun rises into the morning sky. A little bit of water doesn't pose any danger to Katara.
But they aren't here. I'm alone, yet it seems as though my only choice is to float for as long as possible and pray that it is long enough for someone to find me. I take a deep breath, my inner flames melting away the panic and the unnecessary self critique. It can wait until later, when I am warm and dry and Sokka is making a thin joke at my expense. I need to be calm. I can remain calm.
At least for the moment.
At first I just concentrate on staying afloat. The well was too small for me to lie on my back, to have my own body keep me above the water. I count my breaths, starting over again every time I lose count. It keeps me calm, safe from the panic. It keeps me sane. At first.
Yet as the sun began to set one fact begins loom like the growing shadows.
No one has come.
There had been no shouts of my name, no footsteps in the woods. Even Azula hasn't come back to view her handiwork. Perhaps that last glimpse of my face was enough for ego. Or perhaps she's busy. Is the battle still going on? Has it lasted this long?
No, it must be over by now! But maybe a retreat had been necessary. Azula is powerful. Aang is the Avatar, but Azula the most talented firebender that I have ever seen, ever heard of. And it isn't like she came alone. It would be best for them if they had ran, if they had hopped onto Aang's flying bison and rode as far away as they could get. And leave me. Aang is the Avatar. His life comes first. I have taught him enough about firebending. Aang can handle the situation without me. He is what is needed, who is needed, to restore the balance. I have done my part. The world won't miss me.
No. Aang isn't like that. None of them are. Sokka and I broke into an inescapable prison, caused a riot, kidnapped the warden, and escaped with three other prisoners. They wouldn't leave me. Even if they have fled they would return. They would come back to search for me. And even in the well it isn't like I'm hard to find. There are scorch marks all around the clearing. I can still faintly smell smoke and ash above the brackish stench of water.
Maybe they think I'm already dead. That's what Azula will have told them. Azula probably believes it too, that I gave up hope at her words and moments later sunk deep into the water. That weak little Zu-Zu wouldn't hold on. He'd give in. He always gives in.
Not this time. I will hold on. I will! There will be no wavering with indecision. I will survive this! Even if it is just to prove to myself that I can. I'm a warrior. My death waits for me on the battlefield, my life a sacrifice for my cause, my companions. I won't die here like an elephant rat in a bucket, desperately swimming in circles just to keep afloat. They'll find me.
If they weren't already dead. The thought swirled like a dragon shark in deep water. And no matter how hard I try can't banish it back into the despair from whence it came. They could be dead. Azula is strong. She is smart. And she is unconscionable. She had planned this out. She has killed the Avatar once already; maybe she has done it again.
No! That can not, will not happen!
I choke and sputter as my head dips below the surface. It is just for a moment, but I feel the panic shoot through me like a lightening bolt. I kick harder, relief flooding as my head breaks the surface again. I am tired. I am so tired. My legs aches from the kicking. My neck throbs from craning my head up so I can watch the infinite sky darken from my tiny hole. My arms cramp from slowly flailing them from side to side. I'm moving slower. The realization is a damning one. I need to not be slow. I need to be quick and lithe and light. I need to keep floating!
Why? The question dashes through my mind. Why do I need to survive? Everybody dies. I have done my part, played my role on this pathetic stage to its bitter end and swallowed my suffering just like everyone else. I have the scar to prove it. I could just let go. Just sink. It would take seconds. The pain would be nothing to that of the brand of shame my father scorched into my face in front of his kingdom. This would be calm… easy. Private.
Clear blues eyes flash before my face. No! I have more to do! It won't end here! I still have more to teach Aang. More to learn from Aang. Not just Aang, but all of them. I've never had friends before. I want to enjoy them longer. It's selfish but our time together has been so brief. I want more. I will get out of here.
But I am so cold. The sun was almost gone, taking what little of the day's warmth that I could get down here with it. The loss of heat, even if it was just a small amount, is something I can feel with my entire self. I'm getting so heavy, my limbs filling with lead. It is so hard to move. So hard to keep treading. My fingers are growing numb.
How had Sokka and Katara done it? How had they lived in the artic? I'm freezing. I can feel how quickly the chill is draining my strength. They lived with that, and worse, for their entire life. How did they survive? How did the Water Tribe manage to keep itself afloat all these years? They should have frozen to death centuries ago.
If they could do it then so can I. I can survive this! I will survive this. I am Fire Nation! I am a warrior. A fighter. A survivor. I can't die yet. Not like this. I have to show them I can do it. I need to show Father I am not weak. I need to help Aang master his firebending. I need… I need to apologize to Uncle. I won't die here!
I don't want to die here. The thought screams in my head as I sink a little deeper. I kick. Oh how I kick! I pump my arms, trying to poke my head up so I can suck air desperately. But the water is to pulling me down. I can't even cry out as I sink deeper into its depths. It pressed around me, smothering me. The deeper I sink the heavier it becomes. The tighter it grips at me.
No. That wasn't right. It cradles me. It whispers sweet promises in my ear. It will protect him. It will end my pain. It will pull me along its path as I follow with wonder. As it pulls me deeper into its bosom, I sigh, the last few bubbles of my breath disappearing back to the surface.
Vaguely I wonder if I will be missed. Not long ago the answer would have been simple. No. No one loved me. No one needed me. I was a traitor. I was weak. I was useless, pathetic. But now… maybe someone will wonder where I have gone. Maybe someone will cry for me.
"Zuko. Zuko!"
Yeah… like that. Maybe someone will call my name like that.
"ZUKO!"
But not in my ear! I clap numb fingers to my head, trying to block out the voice.
Voice? That doesn't make any sense.
I pry open my eyes. Bathed in moonlight, she crouches over me, cradling me. I can feel hot drops landing on my head.
Tears? For me?
"Ka…tara?" My eyes blur. "You… found me."
She laughs, but there is no humor in it. Yet there was something… alien in it. Something soft and sweet.
"Yes." She brushed back the wet hair and pressed her warm lips gently against my clammy skin, as though I was made of precious porcelain. "I found you."
She pulls me closer as we wait for the rest of the group. She whispers sweet promises in my ear. She will protect me. She will ease my pain.
And I will follow her with wonder.