A/N This is my first fic, a little daunting! Please R&R, if you don't like suicide then please avoid this fic!
IT'S TO LATE NOW
I close my eyes, let go of all feeling, all the pain, the ache in my heart that will not cease, everything. The wind howls past me as I fall, my mind suddenly flooded with images. I see Harry and Ron smiling at me, my two best friends. How had it come to this? I thought I was the smart one? But then they say love is blind, I was blinded by words, words that I know now to be empty, that meant nothing. Would my friends ever know, ever understand why I've done what I'm doing? A flicker of regret, maybe but it's to late now.
Why had they made me choose? I had been in turmoil for days, deciding how to tell them, to tell them I was in love, a secret forbidden love, but love none the less. They had been so angry with me, Ron had been hurt deeply, I'd seen it in his eyes. I knew that one day he had hoped we would get together, I had felt the same way, before him. I couldn't even recall how it had started, a glimpse here, a glance there, but it didn't matter, it had all been false, every word of it a lie, it's to late now.
And Harry, 'I thought we told each other everything? How could you? And with him?' he'd shot at me, angry and hurt. He'd then gone to catch up with Ron, to comfort him, be his friend, the way I should have. I stood and watched them walk away, Harry's arm round Ron's shoulder, no doubt telling him that everything would be alright, somehow. I felt my heart ache, longing to run to them, to say sorry, I'd made a mistake. But it wouldn't be true, my heart and soul were his, I know its to late now.
I still had him, I ran to our special place, back to him, sobbed my heart out as he comforted me, stroking my hair, soothing me with gentle words. I tell him how angry they were, how hurt, how bad I felt. I look up at those grey eyes, usually so cold but now so full of warmth. He tells me it will be ok, that I still have him, now and forever. He kisses me, making me feel as though everything will be alright but I know it will never be the same again, never as its to late now.
I return to the common room late, my eyes puffy and face red still from crying, it is void of people, except two figures sat by the fire. A flicker of hope, did they forgive me? Understand? Harry looks at me, his expression full of disdain. Ron doesn't look up, can't bare to look at me, he just sits and stares at the flames, his eyes also red. I hang my head in shame, shame for what I've done, how I've betrayed their trust. Harry speaks, his voice cold and empty, he knows its to late now.
'we've spoken about it, if you continue to see him then we can't be friends anymore.' so that's it, they want me to choose, my friends or my lover. The silence stretches on, Ron looks up at me at last, the pain in his eyes so intense, it almost breaks my heart, almost. 'how could you?' is all he says, 'I love him,' is my feeble reply. Ron looks away, no longer able to stomach the sight of me any longer. 'well?' asks Harry looking at me. They want me to choose right now, I feel panic rising, I can't let him go, he's part of me, he always will be, its to late now.
'I'm sorry you feel that way.' I reply softly. Harry continues to stare at me, his emerald eyes showing utter disbelief, his mouth moves but nothing comes out, momentarily unable to speak. The stillness is unbearable, finally recovering his voice he yells, 'you're choosing him! He's a Slytherin! A death eater! He serves Voldermort!' I shake my head, they don't know, don't understand, 'no, he's changed, if you just give him a chance.' I plead. But it falls on deaf ears, they won't listen, to much has happened, to much water has passed under the bridge, no for them its to late now.
Ron stands up, looks at me for the last time, the pain clearly evident on his face, 'I thought you were smart?' he says before leaving. Harry comes over, his eyes pleading with me to reconsider, 'please Hermione, think about what you are doing!' it would be so easy to say what he wants to hear, to lie to him, but I cannot, I shake my head, 'I can't leave him, he needs me.' I say. He glares at me, unable to understand, 'then our friendship is over!' he says as he leaves. It is the last time either of them ever speak to me. I run, tears flowing freely again, back to our special place, hoping above all hope that he is still there, as I realise its to late now.
He's not here, gone back to his dorm, to sleep. I find a dark corner, curl up tight and sob to myself. I don't know how long I've been asleep for, I wake to his voice, before I am able to tell him I am here, I hear another voice, this one low and raspy. 'you have served me well young Malfoy, the deed is complete?' 'yes my lord, she has no-one.' 'Good, I don't want anyone to trying to rescue her, shame, such a good mind, wasted on a mud blood.' 'yes my lord.' he agrees. I sit, trembling in fear and shock, hidden in my dark corner, they do not see me, do not hear me, my heart is shattering into a thousand fragments as it dawns on me what has happened, the betrayer is now the betrayed, but its to late now.
'When will you take her?' he dares to ask, 'today, before they have a chance to recover their friendship, I leave it to you to ensure that does not happen.' 'of course my lord.' I let out a silent gasp. as I sit hidden in my corner, only making a sound when they have gone. I feel my heart break, the pain is intolerable, why hadn't I seen this? Was I truly blinded by love? Unable to think, feeling suffocated I run, run as fast as I can, through the still dark halls, up the stairs, stopping only when I run out of path, nowhere left to run. I'm stood at the top of the highest tower, I look down, its such a long way, that's when I know, know what I must do, its to late now.
I have no choice, I have betrayed my friends, lost their trust, he was right, they would not miss me, no-one would look for me. I had been a fool, and for what, a few well chosen words, no real meaning in any of them. I knew that now, it had been a task, I had been a task, to serve the most foul being in our world, he had done his job well, fooled me, Hermione Granger, fooled by Draco Malfoy. If I was taken prisoner I could betray them further, I couldn't allow that to happen, I could not knowingly be disloyal to them further, I know its to late now.
'I'm sorry' I whisper as I stand on the edge, the pain is killing me, tearing me apart from the inside, I need it to stop, for all of this to be over. I hold out my arms, as though I could fly, maybe next time I will do things right, maybe I won't make such a mess, feel such pain, fall for such lies, just maybe I will get it right. Stepping of the edge I fall, down and down, so fast, I see the ground and I pray, pray that in the next life I'll get it right. But this time I know, this time, it's far to late.
A young blond haired man is racing through the halls, running faster than he ever has before, he feels sick, how had it come to this? He has to come up with a plan, a plan to get her out of there, and fast. To hell with my lord, to hell with what he thinks, to hell with what he'll do. He knows she will never betray her friends, that she will take everything they do to her, that she will die before being disloyal. The griffindor common room was this way wasn't it? There is one person who can help her, if he can repair their friendship, even if it means lying to her, telling her he no longer loves her, even if it means breaking both their hearts, he had to do it, do it for her, his only true love, before its to late.