"Kiss & Tell"

Disclaimer (CMA): The characters and settings used in this story are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogagukan, Kitty TV, and Viz Communications. They are used here without permission, but with no malicious or libelous intent. The author receives no compensation for this work aside from peer reviews.

"So… Akane tells me you're quite the kisser."

Shrug. "Dunno how she'd know; ain't like I ever kissed her."

"That's not what she tells me."

Strange look. "Huh. Well, maybe next time she tells ya somethin', you should make sure she's got her facts straight. Who'd want to kiss that uncute tomboy, anyway?"

"You, apparently."

"What!? That violent macho chick ain't got looks enough to make her dad want to kiss her; don't expect me to go around kissin' her!"

"If you'd like, I've got photographic proof right here, just waiting to go to press. Give it one, two days, and the whole school will see what you've got. The town will find out within the week."

"What're ya trying to get outta me this time?"

Coy smirk. "Not much… just a little taste of what Akane got."

"Y- you gotta be kiddin' me! No way!"

"So, you did kiss her? Or do you mean, I haven't looks enough for you, either?"

"I mean, I ain't kissin' you, or nobody! That's just sick!"

"Tsk, tsk. Such a kid. It's just one little kiss; what do you say?"

"I say, no! I'm not that stupid; you've prob'ly got one of your spies in the bushes with a camera, so you can try and put pictures of me kissin' you around school!"

"So you'd rather I post pictures of you kissing Akane around school?"

"You ain't got none, 'cause I ain't never kissed her!"

"Back to square one, are we? I'm telling you, I have the pictures right here. One kiss from you, and they could all go into the dustbin, never to be seen again."

"What do you take me for!? I'd rather kiss a toad than you or Akane!"

"Have it your way, then. One toad, coming right up."

Stunned pause. "Do you, like, read my mind or something?"

"Of course not. I figured you'd say something like that, and it just so happens that I have a toad right here, waiting to be kissed."

Another pause. "You seriously want me to kiss a toad? You're sick."

"You're the one who said you'd do it."

"I did not! I'd said I'd rather kiss a toad; I didn't say I would!"

"Close enough."

"Look… why don'tcha just show me whatever pictures ya got, so I at least know what the stakes are, here."

Amused laugh. "'What do you take me for?' I show them to you, I lose my leverage."

"So they're fake? So what's the big deal tryin' ta get me ta kiss a toad!?"

"Fake? No. I don't have any cameras that take 'fake' pictures."

"Yeah, but you did somethin' to 'em, didn'tcha?"

Exasperated sigh. "Why do you insist on dragging this out? You've got two options. Well, no; three. One, you kiss me, pictures go away. Two, you make a fool of yourself kissing the toad, pictures go away. Three, you do nothing, pictures go all over school, in the paper, on street corners, anywhere people can see them."

Frustrated glare. "Why would ya even want me to kiss you anyway? It's Akane I'm engaged to, and I don't even want that!"

"Engaged, schmaged. I'm talking about a kiss, not a wedding ring. Although, now that you bring it up…"

"Uh-uh. Forget it. No way am I gonna get engaged to you; I'd be broke in a week!"

"So you'll kiss me?"

"How many times do I gotta say it!? No!"

"So you'll kiss the toad."

"No, no, no! Where'd you even get pictures of me kissing Akane, anyway?"

"Ah-ha. So you did kiss Akane!"

"Y— what!? Of course not! What are you talking about!?"

Girlish giggle. "I knew it! Yep, daddy's going to be so happy!"

"WHAT!? YOU— WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT!?"

More giggling. "Oh, nothing important. But I have always wanted to be an aunt."

"Jeez! Just gimme the pictures already, so I can burn 'em or somethin'!"

"Nope; I told you, you've got to kiss me first."

"Give 'em to me, I said!"

"And I said, 'no.'"

"This is gettin' us nowhere."

"Indeed. So, do I get that kiss, or a good laugh?"

Angry glower. "I… jeez. Fine, where's the toad?"

Author's Note:

… Yeah. I was just kind of bored when I wrote this. A weird idea popped into my head, and I said, "Sure, what the heck." R & R if you really want to, but there's no need.