Hi everyone ^^ This is my first glee fanfic, so bear with me. This is set during the first week back at school after Christmas vacation. Enjoy (:
Open Happiness
The first day back at school after a holiday was always the worst. No matter how happy she was to be back in Glee club, prepping for regionals, Mercedes was still tired- a result of many late nights during the holidays. So when Mr. Schue proudly told them that this week's lesson plan didn't involve learning some life-changing acceptance lesson she was happy.
"This week will be all about emotion." said Mr. Schue, while scribbling the word emotion on the white board. "We all have something to say. A message we'd like to share with everyone. That'll be your job this week. Find a song that relates to what your feeling, and perform for us."
"I don't get it." said Puck. "Isn't that what we do every week?"
"No, see this week, you aren't limited to a style or a specific artist. I want you to sing something that reflects who you are and/or something that's on your mind. Open up a bit. The point of this, is to find yourself in music. This week you aren't putting up an act. You aren't going to pretend you're a princess or a knight, you will be yourself." Mr. Schue watched them all squirm in their seats. "Being someone else is easy. These songs are going to take some time to think about-" he broke off when Santana raised a hand, a smile plastered on her pretty face.
"Mr. Schue, I have a song." she said. Everyone glanced at her in surprise, but she did not falter. "Mercedes, Brittany? I'm going to need your help."
Mercedes frowned. They hadn't practiced anything, they hadn't even talked about a performance. "Sure, but I don't-"
"Just follow my lead." said Santana smugly as she made her way to the front of the classroom. Reluctantly, Mr. Schue took her seat and watched her expectantly.
After whisper whispering something to the band, Santana placed herself leaned against and grinned. It was then that Mercedes was certain this was a joke. She still couldn't understand exactly what was the point of all of this, but she knew Santana wasn't being serious. She was proven right when the music started. Amused, she fought hard not to laugh, instead, keeping a straight face, she sang back up as though this were serious.
It's getting late
I'm making my way over to my favorite place
I gotta get my body moving
Shake the stress away
I wasn't looking for nobody when you looked my way
Possible candidate, yeah
Who knew
That you'd be up in here looking like you do
You're making staying over here, impossible
Baby, I must say your aura is incredible
If you don't have to go, don't
She began dancing, please when her fellow glee clubbers started singing along.
Do you know what you started?
I just came here to party
But now we're rocking on the dance floor, actin' naughty
Your hands around my waist
Just let the music play
We're hand in hand, chest to chest and now we're face to face -
"No. That's enough." Mr. Schue stood up and signaled for the band to stop.
"That's twice now that you've interrupted my singing. No me gusta." Santana crossed her arms and glared at the teacher. To everyone's surprise, she didn't raise her voice or threaten anyone.
"Santana, I don't think you understand the point of the lesson," started Mr. Schue, but the latina rolled her eyes.
"Sure I do. You said we had message, right? One we should share? Well, my message is that I'm really in need of a party." Santana grinned when Brittany cheered. "Some dancing, a few-" she glanced at the teacher "coolers. You know? Let me know if anyone's interested in hosting." She shrugged and sat on the stool next to Mercedes, letting the subject drop.
Exasperated, Mr. Schue ran a hand through his curly hair. "Do I really need to explain everything again, or do you understand?"
"We understand, Mr. Schue. You can count on us. I've already thought of a few songs that I find will illustrate perfectly the sadness and fear in which I'm forced live my life daily. My talent, Mr. Schue is as much a gift as it a curse." Rachel spoke up for the first time, earning several groans.
SMSMSMSMSMS
The next few days passed quickly. Teachers had wasted no time in handing out projects. Between homework, Glee club and classes, Mercedes didn't have much time left for Shane. Not that it mattered much. Ever since Sam's outburst in the hall a few weeks back, things hadn't been going so well. it didn't matter that she had told the blond to move on. There was still an awkward tension between herself and Shane that made it really hard to spend time together. She supposed he was also upset with her for rejoining the New Directions. But he didn't understand, he couldn't. Glee club was a family. Mercedes loved Shelby and the Troubletones, but she also missed her friends. And since Mr. Schue had agreed to let the Troubletones perform a number at every competition, all was well. Shane couldn't or wouldn't understand that, not that she could blame him.
"Mercedes!" Mercedes glanced back and saw Tina jogging towards her. Glee practice was in ten minutes and they were both heading that way.
"Hey!"
"Have you thought about the song?"
Mercedes groaned and shook her head. "A bit, but it's really hard. I dunno what I'm supposed to sing about."
"Well, I know what I'm not going to sing about- Mike." said Tina in a low voice. "Last time, I made a fool of myself and cried a river."
"it was sweet!" laughed Mercedes, as they made their way to Glee club.
"No, it was embarrassing. I think I'll just wait until someone performs. Just to have an idea of what were supposed to do." Tina paused and glanced at her friend. "Mercedes, I'm really happy you're back. It just wasn't the same without you."
Mercedes smiled and grabbed Tina's hand. "I'm glad I'm back too." she murmured, squeezing. But her smile hadn't reached her eyes, and Tina had noticed.
They were the last ones to arrive. Everyone else was already seated, deep in discussion. Mercedes couldn't make out exactly what they were saying but whatever they were talking about seemed upsetting. Before she could ask what was going on, Mr. Schue walked in, all smiles, and she settled herself between Quinn and Blaine.
"Mr. Schue, a few of us have already prepared our songs for this week's assignment. You should just take a seat and enjoy." said Rachel.
"I'd like to go first, if you don't mind." Sam spoke up from beside Rachel. "You said it's about the emotion, not the beat, right?"
"Yes..." said Mr. Schue slowly.
"Great then." Sam stood and grabbed his guitar. "Take a seat."
Mercedes blushed when he glanced up at her and smiled, from the front of the room. This is for me, she thought glumly. As if him being here at all wasn't stressful, now he was going to sing. About her. When he started playing his guitar, she smiled, despite the tune's depressive air. The way he strummed the strings on his guitar, the way he softened right before singing the first lyric... it never failed to appease her.
Is there a cure for this pain
Maybe I should have something to eat
But food wont take this emptiness away
I'm hungry for you my love
Well I made it through another day
In my cold room
On scraps and pieces left behind
I survive on the memory of you
His voice was enough to send chills up her spine. It was filled with sorrow and regret, but it was his eyes that shook her the most. They were on her, not once leaving her face. Someone grabbed her and and squeezed in support, and was surprised to see it was Quinn. For a second, everyone but Sam had disappeared.
All Of me is all for you
You're all I see
All of me is all for you
You're all I need
Is there a remedy for waiting
For loves victorious return
Is there a remedy for hating
Every second that I'm without you
She was aware of all the eyes that were on her now. It didn't help that the song made her want to die. Mercedes felt the tears fill her eyes, but blinked them back. He wasn't allowed to do this. He wasn't allowed to sing a song like that to her when she had made it clear that it was over. And she wasn't allowed to miss him as much as she did.
All of me is all for you
You're all I see
All of me is all for you
You're all I need
All this life is all for love
Its the only road I'll choose
And every street and avenue
Only one will lead me back to you
When he ended the song, there was a long silence interrupted by Tina's sobs. Mercedes glanced behind her and smiled sadly when she saw Mike comforting her. Even Rachel seemed moved.
"That was mournfully depressing." said Santana slowly. "That actually just killed all the joy in the room."
"Santana," Mr. Schue glared at her. "Sam, that was..."
"You asked me to sing about what's on my mind. Well, that's what's on my mind." said Sam shrugging.
"That was beautiful." said Tina between sobs.
"Yeah," agreed Puck.
"if you love Mercedes so much, why don't you just date her?" asked Brittany. No one spoke. Trust Brittany to pick up on something like that and mention it. Mercedes, lost for words could only stare at the whiteboard.
"Time for something happy, I'll go next." said Puck brightly, clearly trying to change the mood. But Mercedes fled the room before he could even stand. Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to give in until she was further away from the glee club, safe from curious eyes and ears. It wasn't long before she reached her car and sat down, leaning against it. The song had been cruel. Not only did he force her to see the level of his pain, but he'd manage to make her admit her own. She wasn't certain who she was crying for. Maybe it was for Sam, it didn't matter that they weren't together anymore, she still cared and seeing him sad wasn't something she enjoyed. But then there was Shane, who deserved so much more than a girl who could was rethinking all the plans they had made. And there was herself. Mercedes had never been so confused. Shane was supportive and safe, but Sam was the devil, begging her to give in. He was sinfully handsome, charming and the furthest thing from safe. Yet, when she closed her eyes, he was the one she saw.
"'Cedes?"
Mercedes looked up to see Santana looking down on her and braced for the comments to come. Much to her surprise, the other girl sat down beside her and sighed.
"They kicked me out," she explained. "I thought you could use a friend."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing." Santana shrugged when Mercedes raised a brow. "Well, I may or may not have told Sam that it was wrong to sing to you."
"He had every right to. Mr. Schue did tell us to sing about what we were feeling." said Mercedes, coming to Sam's defense even though she agreed with her friend.
"Nuh uh. Trouty mouth had no right to make you upset." Santana glanced at the other girl and sighed. "Look, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but obviously it's not over or you wouldn't be crying right now."
"I'm just so confused. When I started dating Shane, I didn't love him. I barely even liked him. I thought that after a while I'd fall in love." said Mercedes quietly.
"And did you?"
"No. I care about him, but I don't love him. You know, I've done a lot of mean things. But, um, this is by far the worst." Mercedes rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and laughed. "God, who would have thought that I, of all people, would be in this mess?"
"Listen, I like to think that the Troubletones are still a fierce group, even if we're back in the New Directions and I like to think of us as friends. So, I'm going to tell you this, the right decision isn't always the easiest. But I'll support you. No matter who you choose," Santana smiled, visibly nervous. "because you supported me, no matter who I chose."
"Are you okay?" asked Mercedes. It had been a long time since she looked, really looked, at Santana. Something was off. Her eyes had lost their mischievous glint, her smile wasn't genuine and her attitude had died down. As much as Mercedes enjoyed the lack of arguments between Santana and the rest of the Glee club, it wasn't right. This wasn't her friend and it was all wrong.
"Christmas was pretty hard." she shrugged, but tears filled her eyes. "My Abuela wants nothing to do with me, because I'm... you know." Mercedes nodded and wrapped her arms around her friend.
"She's silly. Love is love. It's beautiful no matter who you love." Santana nodded and leaned against the other girl.
"But it hurts," murmured Santana. "It makes us vulnerable and we loose people. Is it even worth it?" Mercedes did not answer. They stayed like that a long time. Both lost in their own memories and troubles. Santana, thinking of her abuela and Brittany, and Mercedes, thinking of Sam and Shane. At first, neither girl noticed when the other started crying. They didn't until until their sobs intensified. They gripped each other tightly, trying to comfort both themselves and each other, while silently wondering why love had to hurt so much.
It had been a day since the infamous serenade and Mercedes still felt sick at the thought of seeing Sam again. Everything would have been easier if he had been snarky and arrogant, even rude. But he hadn't been. Underneath his new found confidence, she still saw uncertainty, fear and sadness. He was still the same Sam she had fallen for last year. Sure, he had matured a bit, he was taller, his hair was darker... but he was still Sam Evans, dork extraordinaire. It didn't help that things with Shane were getting worse with everyday that passed and that she wasn't sure she wanted them to get better.
Mercedes opened her locker and put her books from the previous class away. She had successfully avoided every single glee member that morning. They would have questions. Questions she couldn't answer, or rather wouldn't. From what Mercedes had over-heard Jacob Ben Israel saying, Santana had also been quiet since their talk in the parking lot. She supposed they both had a lot of thinking and soul searching to do.
"Mercedes?"
She stiffened at the sound of the voice but didn't spare Sam, who had joined her at her locker, a glance. "What do you want?"
"To apologize. I shouldn't have sung that song-" he started.
"You had every right to sing what ever you wanted. It was the assignment after all." said Mercedes, still not looking at him. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have left practice like that. I missed Puck's performance."
"'Cedes, look at me." though his voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper, she could hear the pleading in his words and finally looked up.
"Sam-"
"I meant everything I sang. Every word." he smiled sadly. "I don't like you, Mercedes." Insulted, her jaw clenched. So he thought he could just waltz into McKinley and ruin her life? Anger started bubbling inside her, but before she could , he rushed to continue. "I love you."
Knees? Legs? She couldn't feel them. Here he was, saying he loved her in a crowed school hallway and she was happy. This was wrong. It was the shame of the emotions that were stirring in the pit of her belly that made her stiffen.
"You can't." she said coldly. "You're going to have to stop loving me because I have a boyfriend, Sam. He's kind. He doesn't deserve this."
"You keep saying that he's in your life, but you never once said you loved him." said Sam, unmoved by her tone. "That's because you don't, do you?"
"This conversation is over." Mercedes slammed the locker shut. There was no way she was going to talk about that with him, of all people.
"Tell me something, did you ever love me?" he asked, grabbing her hand before she could leave. Did she ever love him? There was a time when she would have cut off her right leg if it meant he was happy. He had been her world. He had been everything that was beautiful in this dreadful world. Then, he left and a part of her had died. She'd lost count of the number of times she cried for him. The headaches, the unattractive puffy eyes... Mercedes couldn't hear the word "Avatar" without feeling the sharp pain of grief, even today. Love couldn't possibly describe what she had felt for him. He had become a part of her. But she wouldn't tell him just how deep her feelings had run. Not when he already knew.
"You already know the answer." and with that, Mercedes tugged her hand free and hurried to Glee rehearsal. However, once she arrived, she found the door locked with a note sticky-taped onto it.
Glee Rehearsal
Auditorium for today
Confused, she made her way quickly down the now deserted hallways, hoping to get there on time. She did not want Mr. Schue mad at her again. Luckily, she was right on time and apparently one of the guests of honor. There were two chairs set in the center of the stage. One was occupied by a very unhappy Santana and the other, Mercedes guess was for her.
"Thank God. Mercedes, they're insane." said Santana catching sight of her.
"What's going on?" asked Mercedes as Puck led her to the chair.
"Finn'll explain everything." he said.
The rest of the Glee club stood nervously in front of the two girls, carefully avoiding their eyes. Finn took a tentative step forward, but quickly stepped back at Santana's expression. If she could have thrown daggers with her eyes, he wouldn't be alive. None of the glee club members would be.
"Ever since you girls have come back to the New Directions, you've been quieter. You've been different." said Finn slowly.
"Yes," agreed Rachel. "And while I'm not fond of Santana's comments and Mercedes' divatude that rivals mine, Glee club isn't the same without-"
"Those elements." continued Quinn. "You haven't been yourselves lately and frankly, we're getting worried."
Mercedes did not speak. Santana however, raged. "You don't need to do an intervention every time someone's upset. Live and let live. My problems are mine and mine only so you can take your pity and leave."
"I'm with Santana." said Mercedes, her eyes suddenly flashing in fury. "You don't like our attitude, but when we tone it down, you miss it? Make up your minds. We've done nothing wrong."
"For once." agree Santana.
"No, but we have." Finn said, his voice confident. "You left the New Directions because we didn't appreciate you. We took you for granted."
"And for that we're sorry." said Kurt. The two girls remained silent, but visibly calmed.
"We haven't been very good friends either." said Tina.
"I'm sorry for outing you Santana." said Finn quietly. Mercedes heard the sharp intake of breath beside her, but didn't move to comfort her friend. There would be a time and place for that, but it wasn't now. "I shouldn't have. No matter how rude you were. I could have ruined your life."
"That's over." said Santana coldy. "I've moved on."
"That's not the point," said Kurt exasperated. "We're quick to call you out on your mistakes, but we aren't better. Mercedes I let you down. And I'm sorry."
"We all let each other down." said Artie.
"Just... don't leave again. We can fix this. We can be like before." said Rachel, urgency creeping in her voice.
"Excuse-me?" Mercedes had lost her at 'don't leave again'. Maybe they were drunk. Maybe this was a bad dream because nothing made sense.
"Satan, Mama." Puck stepped forward. "You can't leave us. Not just because you have kick-ass voices, but because we're a family." Santana and Mercedes glanced at each other, confused. "It's not the same winning a trophy when you're missing friends."
"But most importantly, we don't want to lose your friendship." said Quinn. "And we feel you, both of you, pulling away from us."
"Wait, you think we're leaving the New Directions?" asked Mercedes slowly.
"We've prepared a song," said Rachel quickly. By then the anger had faded and the two girls were now extremely uncomfortable. Mr. Schue, who had been watching in the background, stepped forward and gave his student an encouraging smile.
[Blaine]
well hello is this thing on?
is anybody listening?
a brand new day has begun
the first thing that i want to do
(is) make sure that you feel it too
so I'm not the only one
Mercedes fought back a grin as she watched her friends dance, her anger and confusion quickly dissolving. Blaine looked ridiculous, smiling like an idiot, but she appreciated the effort. Sam sent her a wink, as he danced.
[Group]
Come on and let me off it's a brand new day
open up a little happiness today
so i can be someone new (so i can be someone new)
come on and let me off to a better way
open up a smile on another's face
so i can feel something new
open up, open up some happiness
open up, open up some happiness (feel something new)
open up, open up some happiness
open up, open up some happiness
[Artie]
oh excuse me
ahem ahem let me clear my throat
so you can hear clearly every word spoke
today i woke up feeling lovely
happiness over flowing know'n somebody loves me
just think yesterday i was down and out
now there's not a single thing for me to frown about
and the same thing can happen to you
smiling so hard my mouth is like a capital U
[Puck]
i want the sun to shine all the time,
is that too much to ask?
oh i wanna have some fun
i want all my friends to come
coz it's now or never
learn the words and sing together
Puck grabbed Mercedes' hand and tugged her to her feet. He pulled her into a big hug. Finn did the same to Santana. Then, as though on cue, other member started hugging them one at a time. Mercedes was careful to avoid Sam, but not careful enough, he managed to sneak in a hug after Mike. But instead of letting her go afterward, he kept an arm around her shoulders, hugging her to his side. Despite their previous argument, there was something safe and familiar about leaning against his hard chest. Something she didn't feel with Shane, no matter how much she liked him. Sam smiled down at her, and for a second all their drama was forgotten. She missed him, but most importantly, she had never let go. The feelings she had buried last summer slightly resurfaced, and so she was relieved when Blaine pulled her away from Sam for a dance.
[Quinn, Tina]
your heart deserves your trust
a choice made by all of us
the sun will come back tomorrow
there's a message in a bottle
so come on I'll meet you there
there's enough sunshine to share
as long as you know the bridge between us is a rainbow
[Group]
Come on and let me off it's a brand new day
open up a little happiness today
so i can be someone new (so i can be someone new)
come on and let me off to a better way
open up a smile on another's face
so i can feel something new
open up, open up open happiness
open up, open up open happiness (feel something new)
open up, open up open happiness
open up, open up open happiness
open up, open up some happiness (ah come on ah come on)
open up, open up open happiness
open up, open up open happiness (yeah) (feel something
new)
open up, open up open happiness
open up, open up open happiness yeah
When the song ended, the group came together for a giant group hug. The tension that had previously filled the auditorium was replaced by laughs and giggles. Even Santana seemed content but when she looked up and met Mercedes' gaze, she nodded knowingly. The glee club would be looking forward to their songs now. And after their apologies and kind attempt to fix the wrongs they had committed, they deserved at least some of the truth.
Songs:
Please Don't Stop The Music - Rihanna
All of Me - Angus and Julia Stone
Open Happiness - Gym Class Heroes
Please Read and review, it would mean the world to me. I know that Santana may have appeared slightly AU, but in my mind, her abuela's anger and shame has affected her more than the show has shown. I wanted to show a bit of that. The next chapter will have more Sam/Mercedes interaction. Thanks for reading. 3