Author's notes: Here's another one-shot. I write too many one-shots, I don't know why, I must got at least 10 of them. Anyway, this one-shot idea is from Nochiketa.Go check out his stuff, I recommend either Ant Farm or Acid Test, both of which are complete re-imagination of the SAO and Alicrization arc respectively, they're very interesting reads. Anyway the idea he gave for this fic was Kirito taking responsibility for the death of his guildmates and confesses to their parents. So I thought of this scene.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online, I just own a broken ceiling light.
In the shade of a cherry blossom tree, whose leaves glowed an autumn orange, a lone headstone stood, its inscription still freshly carved from a year ago.
Sawada Yumia. Or, otherwise known to Kazuto, Sachi.
He stood silently before it, head bowed, arms cradling a bouquet of lilies; the flowers of peace, purity, and innocence. A second later, his head rose and he went down on one knee to place the bouquet before the tombstone, a single tear escaping his eyelid as he did.
"…I'm so sorry. I couldn't protect you," he said, wiping his eye with the back of his hand.
It was done. He had apologized. To her grave. In person.
A promise he made on that Christmas night, a different life ago. He had kept it. Never forgotten it. Not even for a day. Yet the guilt was still there, a regret that won't ever fade.
He rose to his feet, closing his eyes for one more moment of silence. Getting Asuna's whereabouts wasn't the only favour he got out of Kikouka, he had asked for the names of those who died on June 22, 2023. There had been close to twenty names, but he found the ones he wanted after checking the times of death; four had been within the same hour, and another two hours later. And Kikouka pulled some strings and told him the school they attended. Then Kazuto dived into the social networks, searching for any hints of their offline lives. He could have easily called their parents instead, but he didn't want to face them. How would they respond to the boy who caused their children's deaths? So he met up with some old classmates who managed to tell him the burial locations for they had been invited to the funerals. And here he was today, having already visited the graves of Keita, Sasamaru, Ducker, and Tetsuo, leaving Sachi for last because he dreaded going to hers the most.
The moment of silence was over, but he would stay silent a lifetime if it took away the guilt of what he did to the Moonlit Black Cats. He turned to leave, but saw a woman who stood watching him by the stone path of the cemetery. Her face held a strict sense of familiarity to Kazuto, however he was sure he never met her personally.
"Good afternoon," the woman said and Kazuto became certain of who she was. It was the voice, or rather the tone that gave it away. Both mother and daughter shared a distinct soft tone that just hangs in your head, and you could never forget it once you've heard. His heart raced at the realization.
"G-Good afternoon," he stuttered his reply, bowing slightly.
"Are you a friend of Yumia?"
"Yes. Umm…I'm Kirigaya Kazuto, nice to meet you." He bowed again, nervous.
The woman smiled, and Kazuto thought it looked the same as Sachi's, the way the eyebrows would slant downwards as the lips curled up. "I'm Yumia's mother, Haru. Nice to meet you too, Kirigaya-kun. Sorry, but can you give me a moment?" She had brought flowers as well, and Kazuto stepped out of the way as she placed the bouquet next to his. A light breeze blew by as she stood up again, her dark hair prancing in the air like a soft dance. She looked at him again, a light touch of regret on her expression. "I knew a couple of Yumia's friends, but I don't think I've met you before. I would have invited you for the funeral otherwise. Do you go to Shingawa Highschool as well?"
Kazuto's face fell. "No," he said, glancing back at the headstone once more. His fingers coiled round the edge of his shirt as a frown formed on his face. "I was in the game with her."
At that, Haru's smile dropped. "Oh, I see." Her voice trailed off.
A killing silence settled between them, neither person meeting each other's eyes; Kazuto looking to the ground, and Haru at the stone's inscriptions. It was one of those moments where you knew the conversation wasn't over, yet not one or the other party had anything more to say. Above Kazuto, the afternoon sun stared down at him, its light bearing heavily as if it was a giant interrogation light glaring upon him. He wanted to leave. Get away from this place as fast as possible. No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't find the words to explain to Haru what had happened.
Get away now, a voice kept yelling at him. Don't say anything. Walk, don't talk. Just leave.
But he knew he couldn't.
"I saw her die," he began, his voice croaking as the memory came flooding back to him. He had relived the scene a thousand times, and each time the pain was just as potent, never mitigating, always unrelenting. Even now. "She…She was a close friend. And I—"
"You don't have to say it if you don't want to, Kirigaya-kun," Haru said, the grief in her voice evident.
He shook his head. "No, you have to hear this. As a parent, you must want a closure."
Haru nodded, looking at the tombstone. "Yumia must have trusted you a lot," she said breathlessly.
"She did, and…" he clenched his fist till the nails dug into his flesh, "…and I broke that trust." The words were coming to him now, and he held nothing back. What he had done to the Moonlit Black Cats deserved no sympathies; his ego, pride, arrogance had costs them their lives. No, he deserved judgement. "She was afraid, very afraid, of dying. So I told her she wouldn't die, I would protect her. It was easy saying that to her then, I felt like a hero, or a knight. But when it really mattered, I couldn't do it. I failed to keep my promise."
"Kirigaya-kun, you can't blame yourself for that."
"There's more, Sawada-san," Kazuto said, his eyes no longer staring away but at Haru. "I caused her death. When we first met, I lied to her and her friends." He didn't know how to exactly explain the concept of difficulty spikes in MMOs, but he did his best, telling her everything from being a Beater to allowing the Moonlit Black Cats to enter a trap even when he knew it was one. Haru listened attentively and tried to follow as closely as she can, however she would still occasionally looked puzzled at some of the gaming terminology.
There was silence again when he had finished speaking, leaving for the rustling of leaves as the wind blew by to fill the sound gap. Seconds soon turned to minutes, dragging the moment further and longer.
It was Haru who finally broke the silence. "Kirigaya-kun," she said, steeling her voice so that it wouldn't be strained with emotions. "For someone as young as you, it's hard to understand a mother's love. We always want to do something for our kids. When Yumia was trapped in the game, I was devastated, because there was nothing I could do at all. She was always a shy and timid girl, and I would go through each day whilst she was in there, not knowing how she was doing, what she was doing, whether she would survive. It killed me, what I didn't know. I loved my daughter so much, and I couldn't help her." Her eyes were now staring straight into Kazuto's, and strangely he didn't flinch away from the focus. "But today, what you have told me puts me at peace. It puts me at peace because I now know, in that game, she had people like you who cared for her when I wasn't there. I don't blame you for what you did and I doubt she did as well. But today, I really found closure. Thank you." She turned to the headstone and bowed ninety degrees.
Kazuto's eyes widened and he looked to the ground. "I-I'm sorry…I'm really sorry…"
Haru straightened herself, wiping the tears that had appeared away from her eyes. "I don't blame you, Kirigaya-kun. After I lost her, I knew I had to move on. So thank you for telling me everything, I'm grateful." She smiled at him, and he felt a great burden lifted off his shoulder.
He returned the smile. "Thank you, Sawada-san, that means a lot to me," he said, then bowed deeply to her. "I think I'll be leaving now, Sawada-san. Thank you again." She returned the bow, and he turned and walked down the cemetery path, among the tombstones.
Arigatou. Sayonara.
Author's Notes: I haven't written anything in two months so I feel a bit off about this one. So tell me if I screw up this one. On another note, I'm sure you noticed that I took the liberty of making up Sachi's real name as well as her mother who wasn't even mention in the anime. Well, the reason I chose Sawada Yumia was because I like the name Yumia, it sounds beautiful. Sawada is just so I get the Sa in Sachi. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this fic. Again, credit goes to Nochiketa for the idea.
Well, that's the end of this one-shot, be sure to favorite, review, or PM me if you want. See ya.
