All right, let's see how this goes as my first attempt at fanfic, internet posting and stuff of that sort so please bear with me. I guess this is where I insert a standard nondisclosure phrase along the lines of -The characters of Firefly and its universe do not belong to me, nor do I have any delusions that they do. They spring forth from the mind of Joss Whedon as Athena from the brow of Zeus and in no way what-so-ever do I have the right to call them my own. I Bow before the magnificence of Joss, he is the master and I am but a lowly unicellular life form which pales in comparison, blah, blah blah..- Ok, now seeing as this is my first story please share your thoughts with me, I want to know people read this and (hopefully) love it (or at least don't get violently ill and lose their ability to form complete sentences from it). Well, hope to the wind, here it is and enjoy!
A string of Chinese profanity gracefully floated off of the tip of Captain Reynolds's tongue. Crudely translated it remarked on the fornicating capabilities and proclivities of one scum-faced-badger-breasted-tit-sucking hominid which was, coincidently, at that moment monopolizing the captain's attention. A rough translation, but one which conveyed the general attitude of the captain towards a certain lowlife whom which he was dealing with, although much of the subtle wit and irony, as well as the colorful sub context, is lost in translation. While Malcolm Reynolds had no reason to have inside information on the mammary glands of this particular well dressed cockney Badger that he was conversing with on the com-line, accuracy wasn't Mal's main concern at the moment. It was simply a heartfelt description of not only the current situation, but of the entire crew's history with Badger and his dealings.
"Naw; cap'in Reynolds, I'd "ave thought you'd be a bit mo' appreciative of me for all of my immensely valuable business ventures of which I'v been plent'y agreeable and fair in my dealings. Therefore I find your outburst a bit unset'ling as to my further cooperation with the likes of you and your crew."
"Cooperative? Fair and agreeable? This from the same spineless slug that sends us after a load of Alliance marked goods and refused to ante up payment for our services rendered? The same manipulating bastard who set us up with a contact and when things went south brought his goons in to take over my ship and cover his hairy badger ass?"
Slightly affronted yet amused, (Note to readers, Hi Readers: ) Imagine this dialogue in the most awesome cockney accent ever. It will just turn out better for everyone if I don't type it, doubt that I could, and you just visualize (audiolize?) it yourself. Thanks and enjoy. Now back to your irregularly scheduled fanfic.) "Well maybe you wouldn't be interested in entertaining a certain proposition I have recently become aware of, no? Of course not, silly of me to ask since surely you have become dear and fast friends with your precious Alliance after that infamous broadcast slamming their entire administration. Naw, nobody would be looking for a little recomp after all the irritation you've caused. Hell I bet you have job offers pouring down your hatch because everyone would want to throw their lot in with a marked crew of Alliance crossing renegades. Now then, if I happened to tickle your curiosity as to what I'm offering, I'd be glad to see you planetside, like usual." A click as the screen went black and Serenity was once again alone with her crew.
"Goramm weasel, skuzzy leech like himself, betcha nothing gets him quite so giddy as an opportunity to kick honest thieves like ourselves when they're down."
"Captain, any reason we are even givin' him the time of day?" asked Zoe.
"Because we don't have much of a choice here now do we? Of all our contacts, associates and places of refugee the Alliance goes and wipes out they leave that miserable piece of gos se. If they ain't dead, then they act as though we are. Sure we may have some nice shiny new parts and Serenity has been patched up good as used, but how does anyone expect us to get the funds to keep her that way? Call up the good ol' Alliance and ask for some job recommendations and references? No we need coin, good paying at that, now more than ever. I am sure all of you are well aware of that little fact that we are not quite the same cozy crew as before. We're short a pilot, we have no funds and have no other associates willing to deal with us other than that blood sucking leech. Who is probably just waiting to sell us out to the Alliance, who undoubtedly are imperially pissed at us now. If we had to be careful not to run adrift of them before we have to be even doubly more so now. Everybody knows the saying 'hell hath no fury like an evil despotic monopoly scorned'. No we have no other choice, we deal with that lowly piece of gos se, we get paid and we hopefully live to deal another day. River, lets finish entering atmo and land. The sooner this is started the sooner we will be finished and clear of Badger and his filthy little claws"
Silence in the bridge as Zoe, Mal and Jayne stare at the deceptively fragile teen sitting at the controls, eyes closed and sitting stock still despite the growing need to avoid becoming several greasy spots on the rapidly approaching planet below.
"Uhh, Captain to River, is there a problem? River? RIV.."
"There is always a problem. People may say it is nothing but how can nothing be really nothing? There is always something that caused the initial question so a response in the negatory towards the initial question is either a…"
"River, pull yourself back into this control room in this galaxy girl, right now. The only problem I see is the very large and solid landscape of Persephone, which I may add is very much something, coming up exceedingly fast and we being not in the least slowing down. So maybe in a few seconds you will have your answer and we can all find out how something can very quickly become nothing. So would you start landing sequence and we..."
"No"
"What …? No? You are not crashing this ship girl, would somebody..."
"No. Even if Serenity hits terra at the standard gravitational acceleration rate of 9.8 meters per second there would be something left, not necessarily something of salvageable means, but something never the less. Based on the law of conservation of mass, matter can neither be created nor destroyed, therefore the atoms, quarks, charms and other quantum elements of which all matter contains and which in turn composes Serenity and her crew will remain. Something will always remain, consequently nothing is never noth..."
Growling, Jayne stalked towards River sitting at the controls, "River you gorram nutter. I didn't stick with this crew passing through Reaver space not once, but twice, just to end up gittin' splattered all over Persephone by a space crazed loony. Girl you..."
Hands dancing over control panels, flipping switches and flickering lights as River's hands moved at lighting speed, suddenly causing engines to rotate, flare, and Serenity lurched in response to her commands. Sending Jayne, who was not seated or steadied by a convenient open pipe, flying gracelessly through the air and into a pile of assorted tools, parts and boxes. After an additional surge of the engines, Serenity settled to the ground in a landing much more gracefully than Jayne's.
"River what the hell's gotten into you… again…still… girl? Just when we thought you were straightening out in the mental department and all you go and…"
"Nothing. Nothing, Captain, nothing at all." River replied as she spun out of the chain and flowed out of the room, leaving Zoe and Mal standing about as Jayne dragged himself towards a more upright position. Muttering characteristically some rather unseemly and vulgar choice phrases, "Never thought I'd say it but I'm rather missin' Wash's pilotin' skills" Jayne growled.
"Yeah, we all do, no question about it" Mal said as Zoe picked up a lone dinosaur thrown from the consol to the floor during the landing. "We all do."