Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, or the first and second authors
(Kathleen, Kitty, or Dude and Rayven or Ray). I do own me.
Author's Note: Just a weird concept with a very comic twist. The ones to really get this would be my fellow Authoresses, but I kind of think it's funny anyway. Read, my pretties, and your little characters too!
Chapter 1
"Okay, Professor, Gambit can see why de X-Men would have a meetin' at 3 o'clock in de mornin'. Dat has happened before. But what he askin' is.why in hell are we in de Astral Plane?" The Professor shook his head and smiled at Gambit, who was obviously ornery from lack of sleep. Of course, despite the patience of his students, he had to admit they all looked like they'd had their feathers ruffled (and no, not in the Shi'ar fashion.now that's my idea of a bad hair day.) And the news he had for them didn't make it better, but before he could relay his message, Jean spoke. "I believe I know why we're here, Charles." She said, a grim look on her face. "But why this part of the Astral Plane? This place is usually the setting for a battle of wills, based on its ability to change to the whims of its inhabitants." Phoenix gestured to the complete, vast space of blank white around them. Xavier shrugged. "Authors often want to impose their wills on their surroundings- it comes naturally to them. I thought any less would be offensive. And, as you know, they do operate in the wee hours of the morning, which is why I decided on this time-" "Wait a minute." Cyclops looked like he had been taken aback. "Authors? Have we come here to meet authors in battle, Professor?" "That'd be a pretty one-sided battle, Ah think." added Rogue. The Professor shook his head. "I'm well aware of that, Rogue. No, we've come here to negotiate terms with a few of them. Namely, the few rather obsessive- and insane- ones that have been coming into our lives lately." Gambit suddenly nodded in understanding, but a dark look crossed his face. "One of dem fan girls stole a deck of cards from Gambit." He grumbled. Wolverine almost rolled his eyes. "Get over it, Cajun. How much do those things cost, like a flamin' buck?" Gambit's face nearly turned red. "Well.it was the principle of de t'ing." he said almost inaudibly. And then, gathering courage, he summoned a comeback. "Besides, what've you got to worry about, mon ami? Dey ain't all obsessed wit' you." Wolverine merely glared back at Gambit. "I'd do well to remind you that one of them is, Cajun. The one that's the most active author, and prolly the most dangerous. Half-insanity and half-logic is a winning combination in a writer seeking prey." Looking apologetic, Gambit nodded his head. And then- they arrived. (Dun dun dun!) Amongst a roster of ten X-Men and their founder, one would believe that three teenage girls would not be too impressive. But, being authors, they most certainly were the most daunting things the Astral Plane could see. After all, not often would three unite. As they were in their element, the three all looked ethereally beautiful. The first, with long dark hair and blue eyes, seemed anime-like- cute and mischievous. The second had hair of a similar shade, but it was close cropped and red-tinged. Her eyes were sea foam green, masking a maturity beyond her age, but also a craziness found only in an author. The third looked most definitely like the ringleader. She had shoulder length brown hair with highlights, and eyes the color of grass, tinged with grey and brown. Her quick glance at Wolverine confirmed that she was the fan he spoke of, and yet, she pulled a deck of cards out of the pocket of her cargo khakis. She looked fondly at them and then smiled up at the X-Men. "So, we meet again. Well, as much as I'd like to do what we were going to- negotiate- I'm afraid something has come up." "A comic book convention?" asked Iceman jokingly. "The annual Trekkie meeting?" put in Wolverine sarcastically. "Actually, neither." The leader replied. "And, by the way Wolverine, I am by no means a trekkie." "I am the trekkie!" proclaimed the second, looking offended. Wolverine only grinned in response. "Anyway, we've come to warn you of something." the second one told them with importance in her tone. "It's that-" "They're going to kill you all!" cried the first, grinning evilly like only an author can. "Kathleen!" chastised the second, looking serious. The first, Kathleen, only grinned and chuckled. "Well, my friend tends to have a flare of the dramatic." the leader started with a grin to match her fellow author's. "But what she speaks is nearly true. I'm afraid the inevitable has happened- the lingering fandom of people on earth has drawn all the worlds together, giving authors their full power. And they're starting to use it. I only discovered myself about an hour ago, but already they start to venture and speak of conquests.speak of capturing the characters who have eluded them by being fictious." She spoke in a bare, theatrical whisper. "And most are powerless against them." "So I guess you're here to collect what's rightfully yours." Archangel said rather dryly. "The X-Men." "We won't be taken without a fight." Psylocke warned. The leader laughed aloud, and soon the other two joined her. When they stopped, tears had wet their eyes. "Well, as appealing as it is to take you," admitted the second, "we've not come to do that." "You, fight us." spoke the first, amusement in her tone. "Waa!" she cried out, moving around her hands in some strange pattern. She then snickered. The leader and second rolled their eyes. "Yes dude." they said in unison. "Really, we've come to help you." the leader told them. "You see, there is a way you may be able to escape capture, at least for a good time. In the meanwhile, the FCPA will be working to fix the world merge." "The FCPA? Who are they?" queried Storm. "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" cried the leader, and then caught herself. "Sorry. I'm unable to tell you that. I'm not actually supposed to know that information, but I am the sole possessor of Entity." "Fascinating?" Beast asked in confusion, raising an eyebrow. "Anywho, you may be able to escape capture by using these." The leader held out a bag full of devices that looked like something between Cyclops' visor and a pair of sunglasses. "They are somewhat like detectors of auras. They will tell you the nature of someone's relationship towards you." "Interesting." Prof. X said, picking up a visor and putting it on. He looked at Cyclops and saw a flash of green script that proclaimed 'dedicated student', and a button appeared that proclaimed 'wink for more detail'. Beast, who had done the same and looked at Iceman, murmured "Oh my stars and garters." He then took the visor off and glanced over at the leader. "Where'd you get your hands on such an admirable piece of equipment, my dear?" The leader grinned. "Let's just say that's classified." "Well, it be a useful machine, petite." Gambit proclaimed, "but what does dis have to do wit' escapin'?" "I was getting to that. Anywho, you have to use those to find one known as a 'true fan'- one that will do absolutely anything for the love of a character- namely yourself. This person must also be an author. If you can ally yourselves with them- which is childishly simple, considering that they'll probably collapse in honour just at the suggestion of being around you- they will protect you. However, be wise. Some authors are more powerful than others- and some have unusual allies." Cyclops nodded in understanding as he attempted to put his new visor over his current one. The leader smiled kindly and merged the two for the hapless mutant. With the new modifications, he looked at the author and saw the flash 'conflicting feelings'. "Conflicting feelings?" Cyclops pondered aloud. The leader looked a bit flushed. "Uh, I'd think that you should take it well into advisory not to use that to look at any of us. Ever." Cyclops seemed shocked, but nodded again. "Alright." Wolverine chuckled as he reached for his own visor. Gambit had put his on and was admiring himself in a newly appeared mirror. He smiled over at Rogue. "Pretty cool, eh chere?" Rogue shook her head as she looked around at her team mates. "Ah think y'all look like you've been in the Matrix." At the mention of the Matrix, the first grinned widely. "That movie was awesome!" she crowed, going into an impression of Neo dodging bullets. Gambit looked over at her with a smile of amusement until two fateful green words flashed before his eyes. "True fan." He spoke aloud, but it was barely a croak. His usually devil- may-care-expression looked drained of blood. "What'd ya say, shugah?" Rogue asked, still merry. Gambit pointed at the first and wordlessly showed Rogue the inside of his visor. She also paled. "One of.one of them is your true fan, Remy?" Rogue looked hurt, somehow. "But-" The first, also known as Kathleen, turned to look at Rogue. "What? What're you guys talking about?" "Well, petite." Gambit said, putting on a smile, "you're my true fan." The leader and second shrugged. "Figures." The leader didn't really seem impressed by their revelation. "But.don't you.?" Gambit seemed confused. "How would you.?" "It's kinda duh that Dude's in love with ya. I mean, hard not to notice when-" "Silence, toi!" cried the one now also known as Dude. The leader again shrugged. "Just stating the obvious." Dude grinned. "Well, you shouldn't talk, you're the one in love with-" "Quiet, you!" exclaimed the leader, blushing furiously. Wolverine then looked at her and seemed deathly angry and yet relieved at once. The second laughed. "You're both asses." She stated. "Dang it, Ray- of Sunshine- why aren't you obsessed with someone? You're the sap!" the leader looked somewhat disappointed. "It's not faair!" whined the first. "Gambit, tell her it's not fair!" Gambit seemed very, very confused, but turned to Ray. "Uh, it's not fair, petite?" "Gambit." Dude sighed happily and clutched Gambit's arm, leaning against him. Gambit's expression read complete and utter confusion, but he didn't move. Meanwhile, Rogue looked like a thundercloud of jealousy. Wolverine approached the leader and looked her in the eye. "Well, darlin'. I guess you know what I'm goin' ta ask." The leader sighed in disappointment. "Yes, a character can have more than one true fan, Wolver-" Wolverine looked sufficiently baffled. "I was goin' ta ask you to be my.uh.protector, but if ya don't want the job-" The leader's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?" she burst out. "I'd do it for a box of stale donuts and a poke in the eye!" She then frowned, however. "But why would you want me as a protector? What's with the sudden change of heart about trusting us?" Wolverine heaved a sigh. "Darlin', it's either you or some other rabid fan girl. An' like ya said, some authors are more powerful than others." The leader lifted a brow. "Was that a compliment? You do know, my stories aren't the best, I was just talking about my connections with the FCPA and my tons of characters, I mean, the other Wolverine fans would totally chew me up if they ever figured this out, like, they'd kill me-" Ray sighed. "Pizza?" "Yeah?" "You're rambling again." "Right." She sighed and then grinned. "I guess the whole collapsing in honor thing was sorta accurate, but my sense of balance isn't bad, luckily." Wolverine lifted an eyebrow. "Okay then, darlin'." "Anywho, I guess our work is done. We should go and warn the-" Pizza was abruptly cut off by a cry of triumph from Storm. When they turned to look at her, she blushed. "I apologize, my friends. But finding my true fan and discovering she's not.well.a man of dark intentions-" Ororo said with a blush, "is a relief." "Who's your true fan?" asked Pizza in confusion. She looked at her two companions, then eying Ray. "Ohh. I didn't catch that one." "Probably didn't get this one, either." called out Iceman. He looked pointedly at Dude. "You're attracting more X-Men than Magneto, Dude." Pizza grinned. Dude only laughed evilly and smiled at Bobby. "I guess- hope- our work is done here." said Ray with a grimace. "In fact, let's leave before we get any more of it. We still have a couple stops to make, don't we?" Gambit seemed confused, but it wasn't anything new. "Where would you go, petite?" Pizza responded for her. "Next stop is the TMNT 'verse. And you're coming with us." "And so am I." Psylocke cut in, rather belatedly. Pizza glanced over at her- she smiled sheepishly. "I haven't been telepathic in a while.I was kind of looking around. But you're my true fan." Pizza shrugged. "I may end up overdoing this phrase, but it figures. You're with us, hopping to the next 'verse." "How're we supposed to get there, darlin'?" Wolverine asked. Screwing up her face with concentration, Pizza.concentrated. What else? She puzzled and puzzled until her puzzler was sore, and then found a solution. "Well, I've got a short term solution." Pizza proclaimed. "We can imitate teleporter's powers from here to get to the TMNT 'verse, but how we get on from there is-" "Something we'll have to figure out when we get there." Dude cut in, rather seriously for herself. "We don't have a lot of time, remember? Maybe it'll be different in the real world." Pizza nodded. "Alright, everybody join hands. We're off." Archangel frowned. "What about the rest of us?" The authors smiled in sympathy. "We can't take you all." Ray told them. "It's beyond the power we can manifest here." "I wish you good luck, however." stated Pizza. Strangely, she kissed Cyclops, followed by slapping him in the face. She then grinned and joined the forming circle of teleportation. Cyclops rubbed his cheek in disbelief as they disappeared- the first and her charges in a pillar of blue light, the second and Storm in a flurry of shockwaves, and the leader and the two martial artists in a swirl of iridescent sparkles. But not before one of them had taken the time to yell "BAMF!".
Author's Note: Just a weird concept with a very comic twist. The ones to really get this would be my fellow Authoresses, but I kind of think it's funny anyway. Read, my pretties, and your little characters too!
Chapter 1
"Okay, Professor, Gambit can see why de X-Men would have a meetin' at 3 o'clock in de mornin'. Dat has happened before. But what he askin' is.why in hell are we in de Astral Plane?" The Professor shook his head and smiled at Gambit, who was obviously ornery from lack of sleep. Of course, despite the patience of his students, he had to admit they all looked like they'd had their feathers ruffled (and no, not in the Shi'ar fashion.now that's my idea of a bad hair day.) And the news he had for them didn't make it better, but before he could relay his message, Jean spoke. "I believe I know why we're here, Charles." She said, a grim look on her face. "But why this part of the Astral Plane? This place is usually the setting for a battle of wills, based on its ability to change to the whims of its inhabitants." Phoenix gestured to the complete, vast space of blank white around them. Xavier shrugged. "Authors often want to impose their wills on their surroundings- it comes naturally to them. I thought any less would be offensive. And, as you know, they do operate in the wee hours of the morning, which is why I decided on this time-" "Wait a minute." Cyclops looked like he had been taken aback. "Authors? Have we come here to meet authors in battle, Professor?" "That'd be a pretty one-sided battle, Ah think." added Rogue. The Professor shook his head. "I'm well aware of that, Rogue. No, we've come here to negotiate terms with a few of them. Namely, the few rather obsessive- and insane- ones that have been coming into our lives lately." Gambit suddenly nodded in understanding, but a dark look crossed his face. "One of dem fan girls stole a deck of cards from Gambit." He grumbled. Wolverine almost rolled his eyes. "Get over it, Cajun. How much do those things cost, like a flamin' buck?" Gambit's face nearly turned red. "Well.it was the principle of de t'ing." he said almost inaudibly. And then, gathering courage, he summoned a comeback. "Besides, what've you got to worry about, mon ami? Dey ain't all obsessed wit' you." Wolverine merely glared back at Gambit. "I'd do well to remind you that one of them is, Cajun. The one that's the most active author, and prolly the most dangerous. Half-insanity and half-logic is a winning combination in a writer seeking prey." Looking apologetic, Gambit nodded his head. And then- they arrived. (Dun dun dun!) Amongst a roster of ten X-Men and their founder, one would believe that three teenage girls would not be too impressive. But, being authors, they most certainly were the most daunting things the Astral Plane could see. After all, not often would three unite. As they were in their element, the three all looked ethereally beautiful. The first, with long dark hair and blue eyes, seemed anime-like- cute and mischievous. The second had hair of a similar shade, but it was close cropped and red-tinged. Her eyes were sea foam green, masking a maturity beyond her age, but also a craziness found only in an author. The third looked most definitely like the ringleader. She had shoulder length brown hair with highlights, and eyes the color of grass, tinged with grey and brown. Her quick glance at Wolverine confirmed that she was the fan he spoke of, and yet, she pulled a deck of cards out of the pocket of her cargo khakis. She looked fondly at them and then smiled up at the X-Men. "So, we meet again. Well, as much as I'd like to do what we were going to- negotiate- I'm afraid something has come up." "A comic book convention?" asked Iceman jokingly. "The annual Trekkie meeting?" put in Wolverine sarcastically. "Actually, neither." The leader replied. "And, by the way Wolverine, I am by no means a trekkie." "I am the trekkie!" proclaimed the second, looking offended. Wolverine only grinned in response. "Anyway, we've come to warn you of something." the second one told them with importance in her tone. "It's that-" "They're going to kill you all!" cried the first, grinning evilly like only an author can. "Kathleen!" chastised the second, looking serious. The first, Kathleen, only grinned and chuckled. "Well, my friend tends to have a flare of the dramatic." the leader started with a grin to match her fellow author's. "But what she speaks is nearly true. I'm afraid the inevitable has happened- the lingering fandom of people on earth has drawn all the worlds together, giving authors their full power. And they're starting to use it. I only discovered myself about an hour ago, but already they start to venture and speak of conquests.speak of capturing the characters who have eluded them by being fictious." She spoke in a bare, theatrical whisper. "And most are powerless against them." "So I guess you're here to collect what's rightfully yours." Archangel said rather dryly. "The X-Men." "We won't be taken without a fight." Psylocke warned. The leader laughed aloud, and soon the other two joined her. When they stopped, tears had wet their eyes. "Well, as appealing as it is to take you," admitted the second, "we've not come to do that." "You, fight us." spoke the first, amusement in her tone. "Waa!" she cried out, moving around her hands in some strange pattern. She then snickered. The leader and second rolled their eyes. "Yes dude." they said in unison. "Really, we've come to help you." the leader told them. "You see, there is a way you may be able to escape capture, at least for a good time. In the meanwhile, the FCPA will be working to fix the world merge." "The FCPA? Who are they?" queried Storm. "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" cried the leader, and then caught herself. "Sorry. I'm unable to tell you that. I'm not actually supposed to know that information, but I am the sole possessor of Entity." "Fascinating?" Beast asked in confusion, raising an eyebrow. "Anywho, you may be able to escape capture by using these." The leader held out a bag full of devices that looked like something between Cyclops' visor and a pair of sunglasses. "They are somewhat like detectors of auras. They will tell you the nature of someone's relationship towards you." "Interesting." Prof. X said, picking up a visor and putting it on. He looked at Cyclops and saw a flash of green script that proclaimed 'dedicated student', and a button appeared that proclaimed 'wink for more detail'. Beast, who had done the same and looked at Iceman, murmured "Oh my stars and garters." He then took the visor off and glanced over at the leader. "Where'd you get your hands on such an admirable piece of equipment, my dear?" The leader grinned. "Let's just say that's classified." "Well, it be a useful machine, petite." Gambit proclaimed, "but what does dis have to do wit' escapin'?" "I was getting to that. Anywho, you have to use those to find one known as a 'true fan'- one that will do absolutely anything for the love of a character- namely yourself. This person must also be an author. If you can ally yourselves with them- which is childishly simple, considering that they'll probably collapse in honour just at the suggestion of being around you- they will protect you. However, be wise. Some authors are more powerful than others- and some have unusual allies." Cyclops nodded in understanding as he attempted to put his new visor over his current one. The leader smiled kindly and merged the two for the hapless mutant. With the new modifications, he looked at the author and saw the flash 'conflicting feelings'. "Conflicting feelings?" Cyclops pondered aloud. The leader looked a bit flushed. "Uh, I'd think that you should take it well into advisory not to use that to look at any of us. Ever." Cyclops seemed shocked, but nodded again. "Alright." Wolverine chuckled as he reached for his own visor. Gambit had put his on and was admiring himself in a newly appeared mirror. He smiled over at Rogue. "Pretty cool, eh chere?" Rogue shook her head as she looked around at her team mates. "Ah think y'all look like you've been in the Matrix." At the mention of the Matrix, the first grinned widely. "That movie was awesome!" she crowed, going into an impression of Neo dodging bullets. Gambit looked over at her with a smile of amusement until two fateful green words flashed before his eyes. "True fan." He spoke aloud, but it was barely a croak. His usually devil- may-care-expression looked drained of blood. "What'd ya say, shugah?" Rogue asked, still merry. Gambit pointed at the first and wordlessly showed Rogue the inside of his visor. She also paled. "One of.one of them is your true fan, Remy?" Rogue looked hurt, somehow. "But-" The first, also known as Kathleen, turned to look at Rogue. "What? What're you guys talking about?" "Well, petite." Gambit said, putting on a smile, "you're my true fan." The leader and second shrugged. "Figures." The leader didn't really seem impressed by their revelation. "But.don't you.?" Gambit seemed confused. "How would you.?" "It's kinda duh that Dude's in love with ya. I mean, hard not to notice when-" "Silence, toi!" cried the one now also known as Dude. The leader again shrugged. "Just stating the obvious." Dude grinned. "Well, you shouldn't talk, you're the one in love with-" "Quiet, you!" exclaimed the leader, blushing furiously. Wolverine then looked at her and seemed deathly angry and yet relieved at once. The second laughed. "You're both asses." She stated. "Dang it, Ray- of Sunshine- why aren't you obsessed with someone? You're the sap!" the leader looked somewhat disappointed. "It's not faair!" whined the first. "Gambit, tell her it's not fair!" Gambit seemed very, very confused, but turned to Ray. "Uh, it's not fair, petite?" "Gambit." Dude sighed happily and clutched Gambit's arm, leaning against him. Gambit's expression read complete and utter confusion, but he didn't move. Meanwhile, Rogue looked like a thundercloud of jealousy. Wolverine approached the leader and looked her in the eye. "Well, darlin'. I guess you know what I'm goin' ta ask." The leader sighed in disappointment. "Yes, a character can have more than one true fan, Wolver-" Wolverine looked sufficiently baffled. "I was goin' ta ask you to be my.uh.protector, but if ya don't want the job-" The leader's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me?" she burst out. "I'd do it for a box of stale donuts and a poke in the eye!" She then frowned, however. "But why would you want me as a protector? What's with the sudden change of heart about trusting us?" Wolverine heaved a sigh. "Darlin', it's either you or some other rabid fan girl. An' like ya said, some authors are more powerful than others." The leader lifted a brow. "Was that a compliment? You do know, my stories aren't the best, I was just talking about my connections with the FCPA and my tons of characters, I mean, the other Wolverine fans would totally chew me up if they ever figured this out, like, they'd kill me-" Ray sighed. "Pizza?" "Yeah?" "You're rambling again." "Right." She sighed and then grinned. "I guess the whole collapsing in honor thing was sorta accurate, but my sense of balance isn't bad, luckily." Wolverine lifted an eyebrow. "Okay then, darlin'." "Anywho, I guess our work is done. We should go and warn the-" Pizza was abruptly cut off by a cry of triumph from Storm. When they turned to look at her, she blushed. "I apologize, my friends. But finding my true fan and discovering she's not.well.a man of dark intentions-" Ororo said with a blush, "is a relief." "Who's your true fan?" asked Pizza in confusion. She looked at her two companions, then eying Ray. "Ohh. I didn't catch that one." "Probably didn't get this one, either." called out Iceman. He looked pointedly at Dude. "You're attracting more X-Men than Magneto, Dude." Pizza grinned. Dude only laughed evilly and smiled at Bobby. "I guess- hope- our work is done here." said Ray with a grimace. "In fact, let's leave before we get any more of it. We still have a couple stops to make, don't we?" Gambit seemed confused, but it wasn't anything new. "Where would you go, petite?" Pizza responded for her. "Next stop is the TMNT 'verse. And you're coming with us." "And so am I." Psylocke cut in, rather belatedly. Pizza glanced over at her- she smiled sheepishly. "I haven't been telepathic in a while.I was kind of looking around. But you're my true fan." Pizza shrugged. "I may end up overdoing this phrase, but it figures. You're with us, hopping to the next 'verse." "How're we supposed to get there, darlin'?" Wolverine asked. Screwing up her face with concentration, Pizza.concentrated. What else? She puzzled and puzzled until her puzzler was sore, and then found a solution. "Well, I've got a short term solution." Pizza proclaimed. "We can imitate teleporter's powers from here to get to the TMNT 'verse, but how we get on from there is-" "Something we'll have to figure out when we get there." Dude cut in, rather seriously for herself. "We don't have a lot of time, remember? Maybe it'll be different in the real world." Pizza nodded. "Alright, everybody join hands. We're off." Archangel frowned. "What about the rest of us?" The authors smiled in sympathy. "We can't take you all." Ray told them. "It's beyond the power we can manifest here." "I wish you good luck, however." stated Pizza. Strangely, she kissed Cyclops, followed by slapping him in the face. She then grinned and joined the forming circle of teleportation. Cyclops rubbed his cheek in disbelief as they disappeared- the first and her charges in a pillar of blue light, the second and Storm in a flurry of shockwaves, and the leader and the two martial artists in a swirl of iridescent sparkles. But not before one of them had taken the time to yell "BAMF!".