Intro

Laffy: All the credit for this chapter goes to Loki

Loki: I ain't write nothing, except everything.

KinBloodRed: JK, JK. I wrote this chapter...totally didn't steal it from Loki's laptop or anything.

Loki: She did. She's never read FMA before.

KinBloodRed: Shhhh! People trying to read!

Loki: Whatever, enjoy the story.

We don't own FMA. (But we wish we did)

So I suppose all of you have heard of FullMetal Alchemist, right? I mean why would you even be here if you haven't? Do you not have a life?! Ahem, well anyways I'll give you a summary of it. It's about two boys who try to do what one should never do with alchemy and that's bring something back to life. Now I'll bet you think that's all sweet and innocent, right?

Well that is a bunch of crap. First off those two "boys" weren't even boys. This Edward Elric isn't some gorgeous heart-throb. He's actually a bald midget that has a HUGE drinking problem. And do you remember this "Winry" that was Elric's girlfriend? Yeah well, SHE'S A CACTUS. That's right, a cactus that Elric found at a bar when he got really wasted and decided to marry. And this "oh so adorable" Alphonse Elric is a confused sixty year old man who follows Ed around because he thinks he's a potato. Oh yeah, he also wraps himself up in tin foil which he calls "armor" to protect himself from aliens. Clearly, these people aren't sane.

And you remember those army losers? Yeah, they're freaks too. That Riza is actually a "night worker" that goes by Hawkeye. And that faker Roy Mustang used to be rich but he used all of his money to buy a bunch of "miniskirts" and is now a broke hobo who needs a bath.

I'm sure you're wondering about Hughes now, right?

Well Hughes has a multiple personality disorder and one of them is Elicia. He couldn't afford to go to the doctors and is on the streets. Also, that silly Havoc fellow is actually a drug head and is always high and is always stealing people's stuff. And Breda is just an Izaya Orhiha copycat. (We know the real Izaya and he's twice as cool)

Now as for us "bad guys". Envy isn't some transvestite, he's actually a super sexy model. AND I- ..he doesn't wear a stupid skort! They just say he does because I'm too sexy for them to handle. And Gluttony is really a body builder/personal trainer, HE DOESN'T EAT PEOPLE. Well, he ate a dog once but that was a dare. Anyways, Lust is a beautiful and respectable woman who barely shows an inch of skin. Greed is a kind soul and helps feed the homeless and misfortunate. Little Pride is a well behaved student and is at the top of his class. And Sloth is a workaholic who works hard to feed all of us- ..er...them. So as you can see we-..they are VERY good people and it's those stupid Elric's fault that we look bad. But that's why we're here- to tell you the REAL story.

AN: So just in case you couldn't tell this is a collaboration between myself and KinBloodRed.