Faux Felix

I know they don't really use technology there because there's too much magic. Just humor me.

Harry awoke suddenly at 5:00 in the morning GMT and did all those boring things that authors should be prohibited from describing: brushing his teeth, washing his face, putting on regular clothing, those things.
Although he didn't bother to brush his hair; that never did anything anyway.

There wasn't much to do now that Lord Voldemort was gone, and to top that off, his warring fanclubs (plural) were getting worse with the "OMG U SAVED US AWL!!!!" bit and the really creepy "don't you dare touch him, he's so perfect!!!" bit.

Being so early, the rest of his dormmates were still asleep: it would be the perfect time to drink the last of his little bottle of liquid luck...

Tastes a bit odd, he thought, but luck is luck...

Then came the voice, brisk and confident:

Get out your laptop, go to fanfiction .net, click Books, click Harry Potter, select Sort by: Update Date and Status: Complete, then read the first story and do what it says for the entire day.

So, as must happen, he did what it said.

The story that appeared was Keyword Search by whatever-works81 (visit the author link at the top to find the story!!), and it described first that he, bored-after-the-war Harry, had obtained Colin's camera and sat around outside with it looking for his epitome of beautiful. Seemed simple enough, right?

"Hey Colin!"

"HARRY?!?!? Can I take your picture?!? Can you take a picture of me?!? Can you take a picture with me?!? Can someone else take a picture of both of us?!? Can-"

"Can I borrow your camera?"

Colin gasped in astonishment (a good thing, as it turned out, because he was about to asphxiate himself). "THE Harry Potter wants to borrow MY camera?!?! You can totally keep it!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Thanks, Colin. Want an autograph?"

"AN AUTOGRAPH!!!?!?!"

"Yeah, here you go..."

"I have an autograph, I have an autograph..." he began chanting, and Harry was able to slip away without attracting any (more) notice.

One of the gardens, many of the vain girls had found, had small staircases in it with wide, flat, gently sloping ledges in place of handrails; they were in the habit of sunbathing there during the warm morning hours (in the afternoons the castle blocked the sun). Harry had discovered this place in fifth year, when he'd gone out with Cho: she frequently wanted him to meet her there so as not to spoil her tanning time - or lose her spot. Those girls really were catty, and there were never enough spaces. Many times an unpopular girl would be bullied away, running as quickly as she could up to her room so as not to be seen crying.

But Harry didn't have those problems. Not only was he a guy, and a cute one at that, he was also popular, famous, the Savior of the Wizarding World, worshipped by various fanclubs, etc.

So he got a place.

Once the girls figured out Harry had a camera, they started prancing by, fluffing their hair and flashing their brightest winning smiles (but never making eye contact). Harry quickly grew bored, but decided to keep at it, as Felix had told him.

A while later Harry was really getting bored: apparently this writer hadn't quite gotten his personality down. Patiently waiting? Never.

Then HE walked by on his morning ogling rounds - the smug Malfoy himself, making eye contact with everyone he saw as he wandered down the path - especially (obviously and impudently) Harry.

The fangirls gasped, shrieked, screamed, and fainted (though not all at once and not necessarily in that order) and a large group of them started to move forward threateningly - so Draco decided to save himself from the deluge with whatever life raft available.

In this case, that was Harry, the only person they idolized.

Those close to him have protection. How can I, his enemy, become close instantaneously?

By becoming his boyfriend.

Simple enough.

Spectators were piling up to watch the bloodbath of an epic battle - many were getting out their own cameras to try and record the carnage. That, however, was not something Harry was doing.
Instead, Harry was sitting tensed for a battle himself - Draco was walking towards him.

And promptly straddled Harry's lap... and kissed him.

The fangirls gasped, squeaked, nosebled, and fainted, all at the same time.

Unfortunately for Harry, the cameras were still out; by the end of the day, so was he - out of the closet (which he didn't know he was in in the first place).

The picture was in the Daily Prophet the next day.

Harry was absolutely the person most confused by the whole thing. He was tired, he was traumatized, and he had been badgered by the press for so long that even Snape let him off class for the day.

Although there was a very blonde someone who might have had a say in that...

Harry shook his head and decided to forget the whole thing but one detail, the moral of our story:

Never drink old felix felicis, as you don't know what it's been doing all that time.

Harry woke with a start and decided to chuck his leftover felix out the window.

Too bad it was gone.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
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Thanks for reading, and have a nice day.