Laying next to Kevin the anxiety hit once again as my tireless mind wandered, the things I done. He doesn't deserve this. The smell of my partner made me the happiest next to the feel of his touch or embrace yet for some reason I couldn't silence my mind tonight and I still continued doing things and betraying the man I loved.
It was no surprise, Tweek Tweak was flawed, on a major scale yet why did it care to haunt me now when I felt happiest? I hadn't been too terrible lately. I'd been rejecting my base desires, living clean and somewhat loyal to my boyfriend, I'd made my choices, so why did I still feel lost?
Climbing out from between the creased sheets I sat my head in my hands, eyes clenched tightly.
"Babe are you ok?" I heard the voice whimper sleepily behind me.
Looking back into those perfect dark eyes I knew it was time to come clean.
"No, I'm not fine and I think we need to talk." I answered begrudgingly deciding it was time to confess all.
Climbing out of bed Kevin walked around the bed and grabbed my hand dragging me up. He gently tugged on my arm leading me through our apartment toward the kitchen. Releasing me Kevin moved off to make coffee as I sat at the table. Head aching, chest pounding as I managed to fight off a panic attack.
Eying me with a curled smile on his lips Kevin nodded.
"Whatever is on your mind Tweek you gotta share it before you go crazy. Let me in, we're meant to trust each other." Kevin soothed.
Nodding my head gently I swallowed hard.
"When I was young the world frightened me so I basically sat back and watched it go by, I knew goodness, kindness and self-control and if anything was too much pressure, I'd run away. As I grew up I found the pressure an aphrodisiac and the naughtier something was, the more I enjoyed it." I explained hoping my warped views made sense to Kevin who just looked at me smiling as if to say "continue."
"I'm kind of a masochist Kev, you understand right. I don't know what I want to need to find contentment and I act without thinking and I don't care who it hurts." I continued.
Kevin sat wide eyed staring at me.
"What are you trying to say Tweek?" He asked placing a coffee before me.
I shrugged and fell silent burying the secret within myself and shutting down. When in a tight spot my defence mechanism was to just shut off and go quiet.
"Listen Tweek….. you can shut down on me." Kevin stated as he stretched out a hand gently taking mine, our gaze locked onto on anothers Kevin's expression stern. "Something is troubling you so you need to get it off your chest." He added.
Taking in a deep breath and releasing it I knew he was right.
"I feel it's best to keep my demons with me. Allowing you knowledge of them will just posin your beautiful mind." I spoke softly. Kevin cocked a brow and tilted his head.
"My god Tweek, what the fuck is wrong with you this morning? You're acting so weird." Kevin announced pointing out my obvious issue. "I know you've been hiding something for a while now, I just haven't bother to ask because well…. Your baggage is your baggage but you said you wanted to talk so here I am ready to listen. So spill what's troubling you or let me go back to bed." Kevin continued tired and frustrated.
"People… nghhh….. you know human nature…. Ahhh too much pressure." I yelped as I felt as if something inside me was about to explode.
"Yes people….. fuck Tweek I know. I'm devious, you're weird. You are tossing and turning through the night/ Something's on your mind….. what is the problem. I won't be pissed off, in all the years you've known me, am I the type to get angry?" Kevin explained standing up from his chair and crouching at my feet, gently smirking up at me.
"You are pretty devious." I laughed as Kevin reached up and stroked a piece of my wild blonde hair behind my ear.
"Go on…" Kevin urged.
My mind began ringing alarms. Kevin just admitted to being flawed too, why should you trust him to bare your crosses? My brain had a good point, although I loved Kevin I'd still done wrong, I'd still betrayed everything I believed in. Something had to cause me to do that. Something wrong in not only myself but perhaps a problem with Kevin.
"Hey Tweek, you there?" Kevin pushed interrupting my train of thought. Biting my lip I decided it was now or never.
"I been cheating on you." The words casually slipped from my tongue as I watched Kevins reaction.
His pursed lips began to curl and the light his dark eyes became brighter as he, as he….. what the fuck he began to laugh at me.
"Kevin what the hell?" I snapped gently pushing him away from me.
The noirette pulled himself to his feet as he ended up hunched over laughing clutching his stomach.
"That's gold Tweek, you…. Cheating… on… me. Great joke, ever through of ditching the coffee house and becoming a comedian?" Kevin chuckled.
Folding my arms across my chest I stared down my lover.
"It's not a joke I need you to be serious now." I begged.
Kevin composed himself and moved back into his original seat at the table.
"Fine, so who with and for how long?" He asked his stare not willing to meet mine.
"Craig for almost two years." I confessed feeling the tightness in my chest release and leave me feeling free and clear.
"Wait, wait….. hold it. You expect me to believe you have been screwing around with Craig behind my back?" Kevin stated.
Looking toward him sheepishly and tight lipped I nodded sternly.
"For two years Tweek, we've only been together three. C'mon this is bull right. Ashton is gonna jump out soon and tell me I been Punkd." Kevin said.
Feeling my heart beat faster and my worry turn to sadness I hung my head.
"No, it's true. All true. I've been holding onto you and lying to control you." I answered.
"Get real Tweek. Craig Tucker doesn't fuck, honestly if he did I would be with him right now. Ok, I asked him out about two weeks before you first asked me out and he told me to fuck off. He doesn't like anyone." Kevin announced.
"He loves me, he tells me all the time. But I love you both. So right now it's painful to hear you saying those things with a straight face. You think I'm lying, why can't you just believe me?" I cried as my heart felt like it was breaking.
Kevin shook his head in utter disgust.
"So you're saying you are sleeping with Craig, have been lying to me about it for the most of our relationship and you wonder why I've got no expression…. We were planning marriage and kids Tweek. You've just made it impossible for me to trust you ever again. Right here right now, pick me or him." Kevin explain calmly.
"It's not that simple…. I do love you both." I yelped.
"Well if I'm expected to believe Craig is your side fuck, then you need to choose. Me or Craig, what's it gonna be?" Kevin said coldly.
"I can't pick, I just can't." I cried hoping Kevin would simply let it go.
"Well I guess that's made your choice Tweek. We're over…. And now I know you're a cheating asshole it makes this so much easier on me." Kevin announced moving back toward our room.
Following in hot pursuit I was now the curious one who'd been left in the dark. "Easier on you? Was life ever hard for you here? That was very cryptic, what do you mean?" I asked in quick fire mode.
Kevin smiled widely as he began shoving all his perfectly folded clothes in a bag. Once he'd finished packing he slung the bag over his shoulder and turned to me.
"A coffee house pipedream doesn't pay the bills Tweek….. I borrowed money off friends in exchange for letting them ride my ass." Kevin growled.
"Who did you let do that?" I gasped.
Kevin laughed. "Well there was Clyde, Cartman, Kenny, Bebe wore a strap on and your lover boy Craig wanted some of this action too. So enjoy life always tasting me on your new boyfriend."
With that Kevin was gone, his conscience had always been clean despite his infidelities for nothing more than cash. I'd felt guilty everyday since I'd begun seeing Craig, like I was slapping Kevin in the face. Turns out I'm the one who got the slap. My mind now at ease I regretted ever feeling bad about falling for Craig. At least I had reasons and wasn't a whore. If I ever got in that situation again, fuck my mind and flawed design.
A/N - Once again thank you for reading. Your support makes me unbelievably happy. This is the second of four friend song fics. The song this one is modelled of is Flawed Design by Stabilo and it's dedicated to my best friend XxDarkSarcasm1010xX who I'm missing like mad these days.
So I hoped you enjoyed this, be sure to leave me a review. Cheers.