Part One: (Scenes 1 &2)
A/N: Yes, this is the other side to HfromOz's "Hairy Potamus and the Monotonus Folly" (MoldyWarts side of the Folly), and it might be a bit strange. Don't whinge about spelling because i'll just ignore it. Don't give me unconstructive flames. It was also a Drama Assignment, and I'll write more if I get some good reviews. But enough of that crap, here goes...
Characters:
Lard MoldyWart - Lord Voldemort
Permfail - Wormtail
Hairy Potamus - Harry Potter
Wronky Weasel - Ron Weasley
Scene 1: Lard MoldyWart's Castle in Majorca (F7?), Spain
MoldyWart is sitting in his big high backed chair/throne with his facing the stage. Permfail is kneeling at his feet looking at him with fear and admiration.
MoldyWart: Permfail, get my nubile fellytone.
Permfail: What was that all great master?
MoldyWart: Get my Folly
Permfail: Oh, yes all great MoldyWart snickers
MoldyWart: Get it Now…
Permfail: Oh, yes, all great wonderful, fantastic, beautiful master
MoldyWart: Yes, Yes, Yes, cut the crap.
Permfail: Oh Master! I would be honoured
MoldyWart: If you don't get it now I'll practise my Inverted Clapping.
Permfail gets telephone (Mobile phone) and hands it to MoldyWart with a great sweeping bow before resuming his original position.
MoldyWart: And now to ring my greatest enemy, Hairy Potamus. I'll ask him if he want's to duel me, and of course he'll say yes, Potamus just won't be able to resist me, I'll be so charming. (Looks at Permfail obviously expecting a comment)
Permfail: (After a long pause) What happens then master?
MoldyWart: (Raises Voice) And then I'll get him! Get him just like I got his father, Lurid. I'll suck him through the felly and perform the Inverted Clapper spell on him and he'll be mine (Laughs evilly) Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Thunder Rumbles overhead and more lightening and rain sounds as MoldyWart has a coughing attack after laughing for a long time.
Blackout
Scene 2: Also MoldyWart's Castle
Telephone dialling noise
MoldyWart: Aha! It's concocting!
Permfail: Oh Goody master! (Rubs hands together and looks very happy) Goody goody
MoldyWart: Someone's picking up (Long Pause) I hope it's Potamus… Permfail, are you sure you got the right number, wouldn't want it to be Dumbelladorn would you now.
Wronky Weasel: Hello?
MoldyWart: Can I speak to Hairy Potamus (Sniggers)
Wronky Weasel: (To Hairy) It's for you
Haiyr Potamus: Hello? Yes this is Hairy Potamus speaking, to whom am I talking to
MoldyWart: It's me, Lard MoldyWart
Hairy Potamus: What?
MoldyWart: It's ME! Lard MoldyWart, the greatest evil dark wizard since before Sizzler Zitherphin, who was only a mediocre evil dark wizard.
Hairy Potamus: MoldyWart?
MoldyWart: (to Permfail) He's trying to charm me, I'll give him some sugar to contend with. (Into phone) Hello Hairy Potamus, I am feeling very good and generous this fine morn. Now listen up m'boy, do you want to go and have a duel somewhere, eh? nothing too serious, only for fun you know.
Hairy Potamus: Look, MoldyWart. I don't know what you want from me, just leave me alone and get on with colonising Russia, Okay? I want to finish school before battling you again.
MoldyWart: Of course you know what I want, didn't I just tell you. Besides I've finished colonising Russia, and that wasn't any problem whatsoever;
Hairy Potamus: (Firmly) Good Bye MoldyWart. I shall see you when I am 18
Hairy cuts off the connection and puts down the phone. MoldyWart is staring at his end of the phone strangely, as it is emitting blue sparks
MoldyWart: Hey! Potamus hung up on me! He's not allowed to do that, that's my job. I'm the one who can do the really good evil laugh, aren't I?
Permfail: Oh yes master, your evil laugh is supremer than all other evil laughs. (Snorts)
Disclaimer: I herby disacknowledge any rights I may have had to earning money (sic) or anything else by publishing this and I also state that I didn't breach copyright (I hope) and I don't own any of the original characters written by J.K. Rowling.