Author's note: This chapter has been rewritten, as will the rest of the chapters very soon. Feel free to suggest other changes, since I'm nowhere near done editing this story.
A cold wind broke through the air, shattering the silence of the night. Leaves rustled loudly against one another, branches hitting against the trunks of trees, water lapping up against the shore. The forest was anything but silent.
Ashfur was beside a stream, awake and aware despite the late hour and the bad weather. He was alone, and no one knew he was there. Ashfur's eyes were fixed on the stream, painting reflections in the water that existed only in his mind. Sadness filled his eyes, but he ignored his own reflection in the stream. He was intent on watching what his imagination alone had created.
Ashfur escaped to the stream usually around once a moon, somewhere where he could think about anything and everything he needed to consider. He came here at night because he didn't want his Clanmates to know, for they didn't understand that he had more on his mind than some others did. He had only visited once every season or so before Squirrelflight had left him. Since then, Ashfur had felt the need for his sanctuary more often than that.
Many things could be considered beside the stream. He thought about apprentices, other warriors, even Firestar. He marvelled at how well Birchfall had trained and grown, wondered if it had had anything to do with his training. He wondered if Firestar's decision was right, to keep Brambleclaw as the deputy even after Graystripe's return to the Clan. Sometimes, he even considered what could have happened if things had gone differently in his life.
He spent many nights thinking about Squirrelflight, and what could have happened between them. On that night, just like countless others, he was thinking about her.
Ashfur knew that she truly loved Brambleclaw, and perhaps he had always known that. But even though he knew that she was happier now, he still longed for her to return to him. Ashfur knew what would have happened without Brambleclaw. They would have had a family. Hollypaw, Lionpaw and Jaypaw would not exist. Instead, there would be three of his kits there, learning and growing.
This was one of the things that Ashfur constantly returned to. If he hadn't lost Squirrelflight, they would have surely had kits. And Ashfur knew what those kits would have been like, if they had had the chance to live. If not for Brambleclaw, the kits would be there, with him.
Ashfur had always imagined the first as a brown tabby, like Squirrelflight's sister, Leafpool. He would have been a proud and arrogant tom, constantly getting into trouble for misbehaving and not respecting those older than him. Nonetheless, he would train well, and would begin to learn how to act around others. When he finally became a warrior, he would be well respected and would have learned how to act around others.
Ashfur could see the tom's naming ceremony clearly in his mind. Firestar would praise him on learning to get past his initial personality, much like Squirrelflight had been when she was young, and learned to thrive in the Clan. Firestar would tell him that he was one of the best fighters in the Clan, and that he might someday become deputy. And then Firestar would give him the name Sootpelt.
Ashfur had chosen the name because it reminded him of his own name. He had also decided to name one of the other kits Flamewind, after Firestar's name and Squirrelflight's appearance, but he hadn't poured as much thought into him as he had in Sootpelt. Sootpelt was the cat that Ashfur wished more than anything had been born.
Ashfur was still staring into the water, imagining the broad-shouldered tom that could have been his son—that would have been his son.
Brambleclaw caused all this, Ashfur thought. If he had said the words aloud, they would have dripped with venom. Ashfur hated no cat more than he did Brambleclaw right then. He wished that Brambleclaw had never set his eyes on Squirrelflight, that Squirrelflight had never fallen for him.
But sadly, that had never happened.