A/N Prompt: Perfect, by Ed Sheeran
This piece was part of the Sing Me A Rare B:Side OS Competition Spring/Summer 2018. I had a choice of song and I could choose my own pairing. All characters, spells, magical equipment and locations from the Harry Potter series belong to JK Rowling.
I'd like to thank my beta, I_was_BOTWP for being her wonderful, encouraging self and a much needed second set of eyes.
It was three o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday and Ginny didn't know how she was going to make it until the end of the day. James and Albus hadn't stopped fighting since they got up that morning and it was pouring rain in Hogsmeade, so she couldn't even send them out to play in the garden and run off some steam. Their shouting and screaming, along with the general frustration of being cooped up inside seemed to have upset the normally angelic Lily, who at 4 months old simply couldn't understand what all the fuss was about and cried nonstop when she wasn't being held. To make matters worse, Ginny knew that Harry had rounds tonight and wouldn't be home until after nine o'clock.
She knew she should feel grateful for her life, her husband, and her children. Harry was far less stressed working at Hogwarts than he had been in the days when James was an infant while he'd worked as an Auror. His hours were more regular, even with rounds and correcting. Yet somehow, Ginny felt he had less time for her lately and it left her feeling unattractive and forgettable, the way only a postpartum mum could. Lily was an easy baby, she hardly ever cried, she slept well at night and for naps. She was generally content to coo and babble at whichever one of her brothers was making faces at her. Albus was a serious, but also a fairly easy toddler. He liked to tell stories in his slow, measured toddler speech, thinking hard to remember all the words he wanted to use. At nearly 3, he was mature beyond his years and was usually a good balance for James' rambunctious nature. For all his exuberance, James really was a good older brother. He cared fiercely for his siblings, sometimes perhaps too fiercely, but he wasn't yet 5 and there was time still to learn his own strength.
And then, there were days like today. Days where nothing seemed to go right and every small disappointment seemed to pile up and leave her feeling terribly overwhelmed. Days like today made her miss Quidditch, if only for the ability to work out her frustrations until she was tired and muddy. Days like today made her miss her friends as well. It wasn't that she couldn't turn to them, exactly, but that she felt like they would never quite understand where she was coming from. Her closest friends simply weren't in the same place she was at the moment. Hermione was freshly into yet another new relationship, this one with Theodore Nott, and Luna was constantly in and out of Britain, searching for her creatures and still blissfully single. Both were miles away from marriage frustrations or the daily difficulties of raising 3 small children.
But something had to give. In a fit of desperation, she put her head through the floo and called the Burrow.
"Mum! Are you home?" she called.
Molly Weasley, hearing her daughter's voice from the kitchen came bustling into the sitting room. She took one look at the tired face in her floo and her face lined with worry.
"Ginny! Is everything alright, dear?"
"Is it raining in Devon? Are you busy? Can we come over for a bit?" Ginny asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.
"Gather up my grandbabies and come have a cup of tea, love. The sun is out here today." Molly smiled.
Ginny pulled her head out of the floo, rounded up the boys, picked up the baby and the diaper bag, and shooed them all back through to her mother's sitting room.
Molly was standing near the fireplace when they came through and immediately noticed all the things only another mother would. James wasn't wearing any shoes, Albus had his shirt done up, but the buttons were off by a few places and Ginny was still wearing pyjama bottoms while absentmindedly patting a howling Lily on the back and shushing quietly to calm her. Molly gave each of the boys an enthusiastic hug, slipping apples out of her apron pocket and into their hands as they pulled away.
"Grandpa is outside in the garden fixing a Muggle bicycle, why don't you boys go keep him out of trouble?" she said with a wink. They both immediately tore off with their snacks and their mission.
She led Ginny and baby Lily into the kitchen, fixed the tea, and gently took her grand-daughter into her arms before sitting across from her bewildered daughter and beginning a rocking motion that quickly soothed the infant.
"That's a good girl, Grandma's here, little love." She cooed before turning her eyes up to Ginny. "What's the matter? Having a hard day, dear?"
Molly watched as her daughter pulled her thighs up to her chest and rested her cheek on the top of one knee. There were tears running down her face and she was suddenly gulping in air like she'd forgotten how to breathe. It was hard to watch one of your children break down, but time and practice had taught her that quiet support and patience were the best tools in these situations.
"Even now, you make it look so easy! She's been crying for hours! I tried everything, Mum! And the boys haven't listened to me since they woke up this morning, but it's like they're angels the minute we get here...Why am I such a horrible mum? I've been watching you, all my life, but when I do it, just the way you do, it never works... I'm so tired! And they deserve better! And I'm such a mess that I don't think Harry loves me anymore...and everything sucks and I don't know if it's ever going to get any better!" Ginny's words exploded in a flurry of tears, sobs and hiccups.
"Oh love! You're such a wonderful mum!" Molly soothed. "There are days where everything seems to happen at once, aren't there…Now, one thing at a time."
Molly took a deep breath watching as Ginny wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve, before looking at her with red-rimmed eyes.
"They listen to me, because I'm Grandma and not their mum. They know you love them no matter what and so they trust you the most to be at their very worst, just for you! My mother told me the same, once upon a time." Molly smiled. "It's not much comfort now, I know. I was such a mess when my boys were as little as yours! You just weren't there to see it. It's hard work having three children so small." She took another deep breath and looked into Ginny's eyes before continuing. "It does get easier when they grow, well, maybe not easier but different in more good ways than bad...mostly? They'll need you a little less, they might sleep a little more."
"Tell me what it was like with my brothers. Please?"Ginny pleaded.
Molly could see the need for reassurance in her eyes. And so she started sharing stories of her babies and of the struggles she had raising them. She told stories of mischief and tears, joy and sorrow. She talked, they laughed, and before either of them knew it an hour had passed.
"What if Harry doesn't love me, Mum?" Ginny asked in her smallest voice, rather abruptly changing the subject.
"Sweet girl! That man adores you! He looks at you just the way your dad used to look at me when we were your age. He may be busy, but I suspect he's just trying not to overwhelm you. He sees how much the children need you, so he tries to need you a little less to make up for it."
"But I want him to need me! Some days I can't seem to remember what loving him feels like…" Ginny sighed sadly.
"Have you told him?" Molly asked. "Take a moment, to think about the past and remember what you love most about him. Pull out a photo album. It will make you feel better." She added.
Just then, Arthur came into the kitchen, ushering James and Albus ahead of him. The boys wore wide smiles upon their faces and Ginny couldn't help but smile back.
"I suppose it's time for you to get home then, love." Molly reached out to smooth Ginny's hair. "I have my knitting club over in the morning, but bring these rascals over in the afternoon and they can stay until Thursday, give you a bit of a rest, yes?"
Ginny gently scooped Lily out of Molly's arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, Mum. I love you." Ginny softly answered, turning back toward the sitting room.
She flooed them all home and somehow found energy she didn't believe she had to feed everyone, bathe all three children, and settle them all in their beds for the night. Keeping an ear out for the baby, she flopped onto the sofa in the library with her photo album full of wedding pictures, intent on following her mother's advice.
And that was how Harry found her, hours later upon his arrival home, smiling through silent tears and staring at a picture of the last dance from their reception. He crossed the room gingerly and gently sat beside his very emotional wife. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and couldn't help but smile as he caught a glimpse of the repeating motion of the photograph in her lap. In it, Ginny laughed as she twirled in his arms. It was taken late in the night and they were both barefoot in the grass, having long ago removed their uncomfortable shoes, and surrounded by fairy lights. Harry could remember so easily the feeling of pure happiness that had overtaken him in that moment. He would cherish that memory forever.
"We were so young Harry! I was so beautiful…" Ginny spoke, breaking him out of his memories.
"You're as beautiful now as you were then, Gin." Harry smiled at her and leaned in, intent on kissing her to punctuate the sentiment only to have her dodge him and give him a look rivalling those he'd seen on her mother's face.
"You can't be serious! I'm wearing stained stretchy pants and one of your old shirts! It's hardly comparable to my wedding dress." She scoffed.
He looked at her, suddenly more serious. Taking the album from her lap, he carefully placed it on the coffee table in front of them and took her hands gently in his. He looked into her eyes and found them still wet with tears, but also full of worry.
"You know that isn't what I see. I see my lovely, capable wife. The loving mum to our children."
"Is that all I am, then? You're children's mum? Maybe I don't want to be a piece in your perfect puzzle!" She frowned as she raised her voice at him again, before promptly starting to cry in earnest, missing the bewildered look on her poor husband's face.
Harry sat in silence, hip to hip with the woman he loved and tried to decipher what could have led to this moment. He placed his arm around her shoulders again, pulling her close in another attempt to slow her tears and ease her discomfort.
"Ginny, what's wrong?" He asked softly and sincerely.
She looked up at him and the words just seemed to tumble from her lips.
"I'm tired, and the kids deserve a better mum. And I look frumpy all the time, so you stopped loving me and you don't need me anymore. But I miss you. And I want you to need me. I wish we could be young again, it was easier!" she whined.
Harry almost laughed at the idea of the war against Voldemort being easier than navigating a house full of babies and a changing relationship, but his self-preservation instinct kicked in just in time. He kneeled down on the floor in front of her and took both her hands in his own, staring up into her eyes.
"I'll never stop loving you as long as I live, Ginny. And if you think I'd give you up again when the last time nearly destroyed me, then you've missed some important information somewhere. Because I need you more than anyone. And we're still young, Gin! Still kids ourselves, really. I've never been more certain that I love you, you know."
Ginny looked down at his honest expression and smiled involuntarily.
"Come, dance with me!" Harry exclaimed as he shot up off the floor, tugging her with him to the centre of the room. He looked down at her bare feet and kicked off his shoes to avoid stepping on her toes before twirling her 'round a few times and pulling her close.
"Harry! There's no music! This is silly…"Ginny protested, laughing.
"There's music in my head, can't you hear it?" He quipped. "Besides, who needs music to dance with a beautiful woman?"
Swaying in time to the unheard melody they seemed to share, Ginny felt herself becoming calm. A wave of contentment washed over her as she rested her head on Harry's chest to breathe in his scent.
"I still look a mess" she mumbled into his sweater with a pout.
"You look perfect," Harry whispered into her hair.
Ginny found she couldn't argue with him this time, so she squeezed him a little tighter and smiled.