Title: He Had To Know 1/1
Note: A short, sad story with some curses.
He had to know, right?
He just had to! There's just no way, it's just impossible—he had to know, know that I loved him…right?
God, I feel so stupid…just, so stupid…I feel like hitting myself. Here I am, this whole thing is about him, and once again, I make it all about me, my only concern being whether he knew. I really am a selfish bitch…
It was something completely inconsequential, held no meaning, just stupid.
When I think about it now, I feel like shooting myself, honestly, I do…
I was angry at him because he forgot to set the alarm clock. I know, really dumb. We were late for the pre-show meeting by about half an hour. God, I don't know why I was so angry. I just was.
I remembered how he made love to me the night before. So much passion, so much intensity. I would expect no less from him. He was so perfect. So beautiful, so everything. It was the gentle, slow, earth shattering sort of experience. It was…unforgettable.
And, well, as a result, we woke up late…and he hadn't set the alarm. I was angry, very angry. I yelled at him, pissed off so much, I even recall throwing my heel at him. But he just stood there, that sad, sorry look in his eyes. He had tried to apologize all day, but I wouldn't hear any of it from him. Instead, I spent my time avoiding him and when we did cross paths, I'd berate him for his incompetence—how I wish I could take it back now…
I remember right before he went out to have his match…he pulled me aside, behind the curtain, thinking it was the only time he would get to apologize to me. We stood there alone together as he waited for his cue…and his eyes, so sad, so patient, I'll never forget. They were pleading with me…
"I'm sorry, I really am,"
His eyes, his beautiful eyes, they could never lie.
"Please tell me, that we're okay? I love you."
But I did nothing. I just turned my face from him and rolled my eyes as I pushed against his chest so I could pull out of his grasp.
"You're music just hit."
Was my cool reply. And with that, I stalked off, leaving him there to make his entrance…If I'd only known it would be the last time I would be held in his arms…
I'd never said it to him, ya know. Those three words.
I love you.
But he'd said them to me…God, he'd said them to me…
At the peak of our ecstasy…
"I love you, I love you so much."
And then he would kiss me with so much passion that if I didn't believe his words then I'd damn sure would know it through his actions.
But, I'd never returned the favor…
So I just stood there, motionless, unable to do anything but watch as the EMTs wheeled his body into an ambulance. I'd somehow get in. I just sat there. Wasn't crying, wasn't anything. We'd made it to the hospital. But he hadn't.
Through the whole ordeal, I remember everyone being so upset. They were all crying. My Dad even shed a tear or two…but I didn't, not a single one.
Because the moment that he was gone, I was gone too.
And, I'd never told him.
So now I stand here at the balcony, looking at the veranda down below. It's a pretty far ways from here to the ground
Hell, what's one more stupid mistake worth anyways?
End~