Author's note: I'm taking a break from "My New lover." for a bit, enjoy this in the meantime. :)
Us
Integra
I look upon the destruction, with satisfaction. That I caused, by your hand. I had always had trouble accepting that fact. But, you, pushed me, pushed me to my brink, to snap, and you show no remorse. You make me my best, my servant. Yet, you call me a little girl, even at my old age. You say I am still that little girl in your eyes, looking to you for guidance. You tell me humans always grow, always change, always move forward. But you're the vampire. You live forever, you have millenias to change. I still wonder what you mean by that. Until you explained to me.
We sit in the garden, the sun directly hitting your face, you seem unfazed. I clasp a cup of tea, looking at the contents of the small glass. It's cold.
"Alucard." I look from my cup. You don't say anything, but give me a slight glance.
"I must ask you a question." I clear my throat. "I am bit embarrassed to ask, but what did mean by humans always change? I don't quite believe you." I say. You turn your body to me.
"Well," you begin to speak, clasping your hands together. "Humans, live short lives. They must change, to keep up with time. To keep up with others, humans are capable of adapting so quickly. It's fanstanting. That's why I am vampire, because I couldn't, I couldn't change, I am unable to change. I couldn't be human, I wasn't strong like them. Like you."
"I see," I look past your shoulder, then back at you. "Humans must change and adapt because they don't have much time. But the vampire, as all the time in the world, in the whole universe. Your kind doesn't have to change. Your kind, is, forever like children."
"Children?" You question.
"Like a child, forever stuck."
"Elaborate."
"Well, people choose to be vampires, because they want a way out, they do not feel like they have a future, so they choose to stay stuck forever, never moving forward, because forward is death. And they fear it. Humans fear death as well, but they accept it."
"I see."
"You see, humans can put their childhood behind. But Vampires live in their childhood."
You nod.
"But you." You begin to speak, "Still remind of that little girl."
"I'm not a little girl anymore." I protest. "I am an old woman."
"You might be an old woman, but to me, I don't see you any other way, because I don't want to lose you." You say, my eyes widen.
"Lose me?"
"You are like a- like a-" I see your eyes flickering. "A mother, a daughter, a sister to me... a countess, a partner in life. Family."
I furrow my brow.
"I have never felt that way about any human before, aside from my Seras."
"So you think of me as family?"
"Well yes, vampires are quite possessive." You say. "You are familiar. You are the one constant in my life. The one person that tells me I can exist."
"But, what happens when I die, Alucard?" I say, "What happens when I stop being your constant?"
"I don't know." You day, "But I don't have much time, do I?"
"No, knowing my family genetics, I will die within next five years." That fact depressing me, but it is fact. I will die, and leave you behind.
"You will never be a child with me, will you?"
"No I won't." I say, "I will never be in the kingdom of grown wounded children. I will pass in peace, and with my father."
"I can respect that."
I always thought vampires were grown wounded children. Wounded by trauma. Wounded from the past. Unable to leave their on mistakes, they feel like they deserve the misery of living in the past, trauma does that to good people. Some people good and pure, turn to the night, bitter, and filled with hate, forsaking god for putting through their hardships. A god, so loving, so merciful, being so sadistic, they hate god. So they punish him, by turning their backs to him. But god doesn't control their fates, they do, humans have free will. Maybe it is easier to blame god and hate him, than take responsibility.
I clasp your hand, putting it between your palm and your thumb. I see your eyes flicker, and you at me, month open, mesmerized. Maybe physical touch is something you need. Your hand is cold, far colder than I would expect for a vampire.
"What's wrong?" I ask. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Your hand. It's…" you trial off.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" I ask, taking my hand away, but you quickly grab it again, this time with more force, constricting my fingers. Your eyes look so desperate. I wonder how long it has been since someone has touched you. I don't mind giving you what you need. In human beings, touch, is important. Social bonding is something that drives the human species. Vampires are social creatures as well. I wonder if it works in the same way.
"No, you're not, I just wasn't expecting it." You say, your voice trembles. I grin at you, i'm glad I can make you feel this way. After all these years. You don't look at me. You look down at your knees.
"Alucard." I catch your attention.
You look at me, not saying a thing.
"Did you really mean you see me as a sister, a mother? A daughter?" I ask, curious. You nod. I raise my eyebrow.
"Not in a literal sense of course. "You were so young when we first met, that while you were my master, I felt I had to raise you, you will always live in my eyes as that same little, hot headed girl."
I chuckle. "I see."
"And a mother, because, while I took care of you, you also took care of me, watching out for my well being, making sure I was okay, when I clearly was."
I look onto you, you chuckle and squeeze my hand.
"And, and sister, because, you always treated me as an equal. As if I was just as human as you." You continue, "And now, a companion, we seem to have little to no boundaries in our relationship, I feel as if I could say anything to you, be anything for you. Everything, and more."
I smile warmly.
"You don't see me as the monster that I am, you gave me chance, put me in my place, yet gave me free will. You're amazing Integra."
"Amazing?" I question.
"Yea, I think so. And I will always think so." He says.