Training Blues
Need a break from the crazy theorizing that is Divided By Zero, combining every single Nintendo (and MGS) canon into one fanon that makes my brain hurt when I think about it. So here's a humour story for me to work on set between the very first Smash Bros and the one that made it big, the melee
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the locations are… well I may get around to explaining that whole deal.
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"Samus!" clap, clap, clap "Samus!" the crowd cheered on the bloodshed as the bounty hunter Samus Aran fired a barrage of missiles at F-Zero racer pilot Captain Douglas Falcon. Their match had been going on for 12 minutes now. The rules were simple enough to follow, knock your opponent off the stage in any way possible, with anything you could either bring with you (within some restrictions) and whatever you could find that was provided by the tournament overseer Master Hand. 10 "lives" each, that meant you were rescued by the teleport 9 times before you had to find your own way back on the stage, or loose.
And the two fighters had used up all of those teleports in exchanges of high powered weaponry, flaming fists and those god damned hammers which the opponent always gets before you except when the head flies off whenever you get it and everyone else laughs at your appalling luck.
Ahem.
Samus quickly jumped to avoid another Falcon Kick which past right underneath her, Falcon having rolled into one to avoid a missile barrage. Giving her time to switch into her morph ball and drop a few concussion mines on him, however she had misjudged how faw the kick would take him leaving the mines to just fall onto the ground before exploding, killing nothing but airborne bacteria.
"FALCON…" he said, focussing most of his energy into one fist, Samus had already felt the effects of that focussed punch twice this match, both times knocking her into the crowd, but still it had its disadvantages. Like requiring a warm up and only going in one direction.
"PAWNCH!" He completed, the call of the Falcon ringing through his ears as his fist shot forward connecting with… nothing but now-searing hot air. Where did she go?
His question was soon answered by a large plasma blast from Samus' arm cannon, sending him hurtling across the stage and off the edge.
"GAME SET. THE WINNER IS SAMUS!" The announcer boomed as the crowd applauded the fighter left standing as she left the stage back to the locker room without saying a word.
--
"Could Samus Aran please report to the director's office. Samus Aran to the director's office, thank you." The PA system in the Competitors lounge called. How long had it been since this place had been established? 2, 3, maybe four solar years? It was still doing well regardless, and for some reason no matter how much time she spent here warming up for matches or competing in them the rest of the galaxy didn't seem to register her absence. No space pirates attacked while she was competing for some extra cash, which was weird considering how active they were whenever she returned. As though they were waiting for her return instead of getting away with anything while she wasn't there.
Maybe they were just scared of interrupting her and didn't want to distract her from the Smash tourney. Every minute she was there, she wasn't blowing their heads clean off.
"You wanted to see me MH." She asked in a robotic voice, the helmet altering her speech somewhat. O most people it would be surprising to see a gloved, disembodied hand as a director, but he seemed to keep things in line nd was one of the few things that wasn't trying to actively kill her.
"Sammy!" The right hand exclaimed as though they were best friends, "still got the suit on huh?"
"I prefer to have it on at most times, especially with some people around…"
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"Whoa? There's a girl under all that metal? Here I thought you were just a robot." Falcon said.
"OOK!"
"Fine, now I owe DK 20."
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"Well you can't blame them for getting a bit gender confused, after all you spend most of your time in that armour and most of the hero work in these worlds are… you know." Master Hand said trying to avoid a difficult subject, she was the only female in the tournament, with the possible exception of Pikachu or Jigglypuff and considering that the more well known females were princesses who had a habit of getting kidnapped…
"Yes, I know."
"Good, good. But I really wanted this conversation to go face to… hand. I really want to gauge your reaction and I can't do so if your eyes are obscured by a visor."
"Fine," she said, taking off her helmet and letting her blonde hair drop over her armour. "better?" Samus asked.
"Much. Now I called you in here because I need your help for a little project I'm working on. Something that your combat skills will come in handy"
"What do you need removed?"
"Nothing, nothing at all. Follow me please." He motioned, leading her towards a window that overlooked a large building. No, it was an ornate palace at first glance. Completely different from any of the buildings she'd ever seen, where most people preferred substance over any notion of style.
"That Samus, is Smash Mansion. A full living complex right by the stadium, so people don't have to waste energy on a commute, who knows? Maybe some friendships will be formed outside of the canteen and blowing each other to Kingdom Come. Nice work in your match with Falcon by the way, very smart how you held that charge blast loaded for the last minute, he never saw it coming." MH complemented her.
"It looks ready built, what do you need me for?"
"Well it's all part of my grand expansion scheme, I've already talked about it with Mario and Link and they seem interested in getting some new people here. Problem is, two of the people I've invited don't have anything in the way of prior combat experience. Well one of them kind of has some, but hasn't had any in another way."
"You want me to train them to be competent fighters. So they can actually produce some entertaining fights and bring more money in."
"Is that a yes then?"
"Why me? I've relied on my armour most of the time, and that has techniques that cannot be passed down."
"But you are still fairly strong without the suit, more agile and could go toe to toe with the Cap in a fist fight. The armour mainly slows you down since we put restrictions on the weapons to prevent them from killing people in one shot. Besides, Mario and Link won't train them."
"Why not?"
"It'll be complicated, just trust me on this one okay? No good will come of me letting those two train the two I'm bringing in."
"…" Something was definitely up if he couldn't have Link or Mario do it.
"I'll quadruple any winnings for the next year, converted into a currency of your choice."
"Deal."
--
It can't be too hard can it? Give them the basics and work from there. I'm sure he wouldn't just invite two people with no hope whatsoever in fighting. Even those two pink puffballs were a challenge. Samus thought, waiting in the old gym attached to the stadium, hopefully when the new place opened it would have much better equipment than this.
"Are you sure we're in the right place?" A high pitched, distinctly feminine voice asked. If words could be coloured, it would definitely be pink.
"The instructions were pretty clear." Another feminine voice responded as two women came through the door, both were wearing elaborate dresses, one had very bright blonde hair with earrings and a small jewel in the centre of the chest of a full length, frilly Pink dress and a crown on top. The other had light brown hair that probably looked blonde in some lights, and a dress that was white at the very front of the legs, purple in most other places with a trace of gold. Regal dresses.
"Are you lost?" Samus asked.
"Allow me to introduce ourselves, I am Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom and this is Princess Zelda of Hyrule." Peach introduced , doing a slight curtsey. Must be some upper class thing.
"The princesses? You must want the competitors' cafeteria. That's where Link and Mario will be."
"Actually we were told to come to the training room. Something about a Miss Samus Aran who was going to help train us, would you know anything about this?" Princess Zelda asked.
When I get my hands on that hand I'll…
Meanwhile back in the Director's office:
"Hmm, my metaphorical ears are burning."
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Oh how I love to twist the loose concept of Fanon and Canon to my own diabolical ends. MWA-HA-HA! Wait, am I even doing that this time around?