Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter. Or peanut butter. Becausef rankly, if I did, I don't think Fred would have died. And peanut butter would be in the series for everything. For instance, Harry would have defeated Voldemort with a combination of peanut butter and duct tape. Which by the way, I do not own either.

A/N: Please R&R, it makes my heart go all warm and fuzzy and want to put up more.

A/N: I looked over it just a couple days ago and realized that there were a few typing errors. This update is just trying to fix them. (20 Dec 2009)

The Magic of Peanut Butter

A Harry Potter fanfiction

by Katherine

Draco carefully examined the strange muggle weapon on the table in front of him. It was fat and cylindrical, and seemed to be a jar of some sort. It had a red lid and a label to match that plainly said; "Warning", and a strange evil sounding word; "Peanut butter." Cautiously, he unscrewed the top and pried off the paper sealing on it.

Inside lay a perfectly smooth, flat glob of an oily light brown color. Draco stuck one long pale finger in and brought it to his face to smell. 'Not too bad,' he thought. 'Could be worse.'

However, it did become worse, because when he tried to wash it off, the 'Peanut butter' became gooey and slimy and ugly. And left a greasy streak on his finger.

That did it. He didn't want to, but he knew he had to. It was time to call in the professionals.

So, Draco put away the jar and donned a black cloak, pulling the hood up to cover his face. He sneakily tiptoed past a group of Hufflepuff girls who were gushing over a picture of him. It showed how focused he was that Draco did not even smirk to himself about it. He was on a mission, and nothing would stop him.

"Oh, there he is! Hey, Draco!"

He scowled. Did they really not realize ninjas were not to be bothered on secret missions to Gryffindor Tower? Then again, they didn't know he was a ninja... Draco tucked and rolled out of sight down a deserted corridor.

"Draco! Hey, Draco! Wait up!"

He hurried, but to no avail, the two mission-invaders caught up to the blonde.

"Yes Parkinson, Zabini?"

Pansy looked affronted. "We just wanted to know if you wanted to go for coffee."

Normally, he'd have agreed in a heartbeat. Coffee was coffee. But, he had a ninja mission to complete.

"Well...uh..."

"Yeah," Blaize continued. "You're so busy now; we hardly get to see you. And we're your best friends."

"Oh, well, um, uh, about that..."

"So it's settled then? We're having coffee?"

The two dragged him off, and he pouted. Really, the nerve of some people!

Two hours and fourteen cups of coffee later, ninja Draco was back on the prowl. He slinked up to the Gryffindor common room door and waited for the Weaselette to step out.

When she did; "Petrificus Totalus!" He hissed. "Silencio." And dragged her to the room with the weapon.

Draco carefully wrote out a ransom note and sent it off with his owl, and as he suspected, shortly after, the Golden Pot-head, his Weasel, and their female companion arrived.

"What is the meaning of this!?!" Pot-head shrieked, waving the note. "'Come to the Slytherin common room if you want your Weaselette back. A minion will show you to my study. Tell me what I want to hear and you shall all walk free.' I mean what the hell!"

"Oh." Said Draco matter-of-factly. "That? I kidnapped your Weaselette. That's the ransom note."

"Ransom note?!?"

"Yes. How else was I supposed to get you here?"

"Um...ask?" The female companion said as if he were stupid.

"Details." Draco said waving a hand dismissively. "Now, are you going to tell me what I want to know or do I have to force you to?"

"We don't even know what it is!" The Weasel said exasperatedly.

"Oh, that's easy. That." And he pointed to the jar.

"Peanut butter?" The female asked incredulously. "This is all about peanut butter?"

Draco nodded mournfully.

The Golden Trio cracked up, and Draco stomped his foot. "It's not funny! That thing there is dangerous! I saw it blow Filchs' face up like a puffball!"

The female unscrewed the lid. "It's not a weapon. It's a food. Here, watch this."

She took a finger and put some in her mouth. "See, it's good."

Draco waited for her face to puff up, but it never did. "That's what Filch did before he got puffy."

The Weasel smiled. "'Prolly cause he's allergic to peanuts."

"Oh."

"Try some." Now the Pot-head was eating it.

So, Draco cautiously dipped in a finger tentatively stuck out his tongue to taste it, and...marveled at the magic of peanut butter.

A/N: I hope you liked it! :) Love Katherine