a/n: I'd like to give my friend Lilith credit for inspiring me to write this. I love you, and everyone else in The Handcuff Gang xx :)
In the TARDIS library, there was a book only one man knows about. Sitting in between the book on the French Revolution and the first volume of Winston Churchill's "The Second World War", was a novel with a worn spine and distressed pieces of paper sticking out of the top. Whenever the Doctor missed his wife, he would pick up this book and begin to read the words underneath faded yellow markings. He would read the notes that were slightly torn from years of folding and unfolding and the smudged ink or graphite that flowed melodically on the piece of paper. He was careful to always put it back, lest one of his companions wandered into his library. The book was called "The Time Traveler's Wife."
On this day, The Doctor missed her with a passion that burned deeper in him than anything he had ever felt before. After being sure to shut and lock the door, He picked it up off the shelf and studied the cover. He remembered the day he received it well, even though it was before he regenerated into this body. River gave it to him for one of their anniversaries. They never knew which anniversary though because of their timelines. It was all wrapped up in brown paper with a red satin ribbon. He was confused at first, pondering what it could be.
"Well, don't just gawk at it! Open it you silly old man!" River sat precariously on the couch in the library, crossing her legs. He slowly untied the satin ribbon, enjoying the feeling of it between his fingertips. As he removed the paper, he saw a shiny cover of a book. The cover had someone's legs on it, and a pair of men's shoes sitting next to those feet.
"Do you like it? I thought the name was funny, seeing as I am one." She chuckled, looking in his direction for his approval. He didn't think to glance at the name until now. "The Time Traveler's Wife."
"Yes I love it! I will have to read this eventually. Thank you Riv." He smiled in her direction and she smiled back.
He thought of her smile as he returned to reality. Such a warm and inviting smile. Oh how he missed it. Looking back, he didn't really want the book at first. The Doctor didn't read novels that were popular, he preferred historic readings. He felt foolish considering how it has become such a big part of his life now.
He wandered over to the couch and plopped down, rubbing the front that had lost its gloss from being overused. He cracked open the cover, which almost squeaked with age, and saw a note written in pen on the back of the cover:
To my Travelling Man,
I love you sweetie
xx, River
His hearts ached as he read the note, her voice ringing in his head. He flipped to a random page and picked out the note. Underneath it was yellow, highlighting the quote: "I won't ever leave you, even though you're always leaving me." He unfolded the note, graphite turning the page grey.
Dear Doctor,
You are the light of my world, the pen to my paper, my soul and my faith. You personify the work of whatever God may be out there in your kind actions. I am forever thankful for you, even though you know me more and I know you less each time we meet.
There will come a day when I am gone from you. I fear it is coming too fast for my liking. I would be happy spending eternity with you, but sadly I cannot. That is why every waking moment that I am able to will be spent with you. Fighting aliens, laughing together and having fun. Making memories for me to recall one day when I'm alone and you're off on an adventure with a companion. That is why I highlighted this quote. Even though you leave me for short periods, I will never leave you. You mean too much to me, Doctor.
Truly and Forever Yours, River Song
Her notes she wrote towards her end always made him tear up a little, and this one is no exception. There was a lipstick stain in the bottom left corner that he touched and then kissed. Another thing he missed about her was her kisses. Both intoxicating and sobering, River Song knew how to awaken every single sense the Doctor had. No one else could do that to him; no one else would ever be able to.
He placed the note back in its original spot and flipped to another page marked with a note. He pulled out the pink stationary, exposing the quote: "Right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment."
Hello Sweetie,
You just left me, so here I am in my cell, after our date.
Even though you took me to a planet you PROMISED would not ruin my outfit, it did anyways. I was (and still am) so mad at you!
Yet, it was perfect. As I continued reading this book, I saw this quote and it reminded me of the imperfectly perfect times we have had so far.
I hope there are many more to come, River Song
He loved those dates. He loved them so much, sometimes he did it on purpose. She wanted to go to the planet made of gemstones, he took them to the planet made of mud. He couldn't do that with other companions, they would storm off in a rage. River handled it so well though, she could go with anything.
As he grew tired of reading all of the quotes and notes, he decided to close the book and go to sleep. Until he found something strange.
He found a new note.
A new folded up sheet of crisp, white paper that smelled of honey and vanilla. Where in the world could this have come from? He had read every note in this book and had never seen this one. As the scent overpowered his nostrils, he knew it had to be recent, or well preserved. He gently unfolded it, and read the beautiful calligraphy on the page.
My dearest Doctor,
I know you read these notes every time you miss me, I'm glad you enjoy the last gift I gave you. You're probably wondering where this note came from. All I can say is the TARDIS is a great mother to me ;)
I know you miss me, and I miss you too. More than anything else in the physical world, I miss you. Knowing you, you've tried everything to bring me back. This is how it has to be though sweetie. I would come back if I could, and if I ever find a way I will. Just know that I am always with you sweetie. Looking over your shoulder, whispering in your ear, permanently one step behind you. I love you so much, and could not bear to let you feel alone. I am the voice in your head, the wind at your back and the footsteps you hear when you are all alone. Even if you feel like no one is there, I am sweetie.
And I Always Will Be, Mrs. River Song