Oh god, it had been one of those days; one of those days when sins of the past had sneaked up behind her and consumed her whole, kidnapping her and throwing her down into an abyss. She saw everything: her sins; his sins; their sins. It didn't happen to her often, thank god; but when it did, it controlled everything: every thought inside her head, every breath that she took. Other symptoms included crying. So many tears, so little time.
No sooner had Mara come into her apartment had she sunk down on the couch, knees to her chin. Small wet patches slowly developed on the knees of her trousers, her tears dripping like an old neglected pipe during a flood. She sat there for hours, forensically examining every last memory of her last twenty or so years of her life, every good moment, every bad moment, every moment when she had messed up or said something wrong, every instance of regret she had ever had.
Number 164: Not being able to see how wrong my work was.
Number 165: Not killing Luke Skywalker when I had the chance.
The doorbell rang. Mara did not want to move from the foetal position that she had settled in. She was too deeply ripped up to move, the abyss making her its puppet, keeping her curled up like a child in fear.
On the sixth ring of the bell, both annoyed and impressed by the persistence of the caller, she reluctantly uncurled from her bubble of self pity and slowly drifted over to the door. Peering at the monitors showing the hallway outside, she recognised the man standing at the door, white bags pooling around his ankles.
Luke Skywalker.
POODOO!
Mara hesitated a moment before she answered the door. Did she really want to do this? No. Was she gonna do it anyway?
She opened the door and peered out into the bright lights of the hallway.
And there he was.
'Hey Mara, how are you doing?'
'Fine,' she replied. She felt her face, feeling its warmth and the traces of dried up tears on her cheeks.
She could see from his searching but warm blue eyes that he could see her pain too. Damn tears.
'I brought dinner. Do you mind if I join you?'
'Yes,' Mara stated forcefully, jabbing the button to shut the door. Luke's face was suitably stunned. The door slid shut, encasing her in the dim lights of her lounge. She took a deep breath and opened the door again.
'I'm sorry. I'm just tired.' Mara knew that he could see through her lie, but it was the best way of explaining it to him. She didn't want to have to share with him right now. 'Grab a bag and put it in the kitchen.' Mara said, conceding defeat.
Luke picked up two bags and scuttled past her over to the worksurface, putting them down and removing some food containers. 'You got any plates?' he said, peering into random cupboards behind her.
She sighed. Thirty seconds in and he was already tearing the place apart.
'It's ok, I've found them.' Luke called.
Mara rolled her eyes and wandered over to the kitchen counter, leaning on the edge of the surface. 'Look, I appreciate the gesture, but...' How to put this politely... 'Are you sure there's nothing else you need to be doing right now? No politicians to wrangle? No conflicts you need to resolve?' She was getting desperate now. 'No sisters you need to kiss?' she said, hoping to annoy him back out the door.
He looked up at her, looked back down and pretended that he had heard none of it. Well, that was successful…maybe a new tactic is needed.
The piping hot food was filling the room with its spicy scents. 'Smells good.' Mara said. 'What have we got?' she peered over at the plate of food.
'Food.' Luke replied dryly, focussing on the job at hand.
Mara gave him a sardonic look. What a…
'Here you go.' Luke said, gently dropping the plate into her hands 'You know where your cutlery is.'
She put the plate down and grabbed utensils from a drawer on the far left of the counter before slamming the drawer shut with a small but powerful knock from her hip. Meandering over to the couch, she called back to the kitchen 'So, have I done anything in particular to merit this act of charity?'
'Nope. Just thought you'd like the company.' Luke said, carefully shutting the cutlery drawer after himself. She honestly didn't know what annoyed her more, his care for her furniture or the fact that he turned up unannounced expecting to be let in to her sanctuary. Probably the latter.
They sat in silence for a while, each glancing at each other in between mouthfuls. It was almost uncomfortable.
'What do you think about love?' Luke blurted out at lightspeed.
Mara looked at him, taken off guard by his question, and chewed on a piece of meat thoughtfully. Love, the most bothersome subject of them all. 'I never really had time for it,' she began, looking up at the ceiling while formulating her thoughts 'I only really know what it's like from other people.' It wasn't exactly voyeurism, but she guessed it came close to that. She had heard her colleagues talking about their relationships, and Leia too, but only for a little while. 'I guess the most striking thing about it is that it causes people to make stupid decisions.' She made eye contact with Luke. She had heard rumours about Vader's origins, his love and his loss. She put it out of her mind before she hurt him. 'Why are you asking? You got a crush?' That'll ruffle his feathers...
'No, I don't. I heard some of my students discussing it earlier. They all thought it was the romantic kind though.'
'You sound disappointed. Are there even more types of love then just the romantic kind?' Mara racked her brains trying to think of other kinds of love, but found none.
'Well, yeah. There's unconditional, there's compassion, there's the type of love that comes with friendship...' Luke paused to think about it all some more 'I guess that love kind of exists on a continuum, with possibly hundreds of possible descriptions and names for them.'
'And what about us?' Mara smiled for the first time that evening.
'Us?' Luke looked confused.
'Yeah. Where do we stand on the continuum?'
Luke chewed slowly, considering his next move. 'I'd say that we're platonic,' he said eventually.'It's more than compassion, not romantic, not quite friendship.'
'What about unconditional?' Mara prompted.
'You done with your plate?' Luke asked.
Mara looked down at the now empty plate. It was amazing how distracting this pain of a man could be. 'Yeah, I'm done.' she said, handing her plate over to him.
Twenty minutes later and Luke was preparing to leave, dishes done, kitchen tidied and brighter lights illuminating the room.
'Thank you.' Mara said at the door.
'No problem.' Luke said as he walked over to the door. 'I'm here if you need me, ok?'
They smiled at each other. Then he pushed the button to open the door and left, the door shutting automatically behind him.
Mara turned back to her bedroom, walked in, and collapsed on her bed. Today was an okay day.