Title: Spiked!
Rating: G, comedy
Pairing / Characters: Shinigami of the Gotei thirteen
Word Count: 894 words
Warnings: Seriously OOC behaviour
Summary: What happens after certain shinigami get drunk…
A/N: I personally prefer Soi Fon and Unohana. How about everyone else?
It was supposed to be the party of the century. Everyone, from lieutenant, to captain, to the hallowed members of Room Forty Six were invited, and all were invited to bring their own drinks.
In hindsight, that was probably what caused the temporary memory loss of certain… individuals…
First:
Arm around his lieutenant's shoulder more for balance than anything else, Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni warbled an off-key rendition of 'yellow submarine' even though half the words were replaced by hiccoughs and he'd forgotten the rest. Waving a half empty glass of sake in the air dangerously, he beamed at his subordinates, wondering what half of them were doing there in the first place.
Second:
Hardly one for drinking, Soi Fon had passed out early on the floor in the corner surrounded by sake bottles and oddly, a lacy red piece of lingerie. She didn't stir when Shunsui picked up the bright red item, nor when he risked a glance at the size. No one was sure who put it on the flag pole, but it was certain that that someone was going to DIE in the morning.
Third:
Cheeks flushed, Kira Izuru grinned maniacally at everyone as he piled sake cup on top of sake cup, swearing at anyone who got too close to the precarious tower. Even when Matsumoto lost her balance and fell face first into Kuchiki-taichou's lap, giggling insanely, he didn't pay them any attention except to scold them all for making him lose count.
Fourth:
Unohana Retsu had always been the one to warn people about the side effects of drinking too much, particularly on nights like these. She always attended, of course she did, but when Renji accidentally gave her wine instead of the grape juice she preferred, Soul Society discovered just why she persisted in staying sober. It wasn't that she was as matronly as they had thought, just that it would have been nice if she'd given them all warning before she started stripping.
Fifth:
Giggling just as insanely as Matsumoto was, Aizen pranced around the hall, peering at the female shinigami in attendance, assuring them all that even though he was wearing his favorite "x-ray glasses", he wasn't actually peeking at their breasts because it wouldn't have been polite. No one had the heart to tell him he wasn't wearing glasses at all.
Sixth:
Byakuya refused to drink. Standing (because sitting was just too dangerous) against the wall, his arms folded, he watched his lieutenant dancing with his sister and considered all the ways to gut him and string him up from the Shrine of Penitence in the morning.
Seventh:
Komamura was not usually considered a party animal, regardless of how… animal-like he was. Amazingly enough, after several drinks, he proved that he was quite capable, despite his size, of executing perfectly timed maneuvers on the dance floor.
Eighth:
Kyouraku Shunsui enjoyed a jug of sake or two (or three) whenever it was possible. However, all sake was abandoned at the sight of his prim and proper little Nanao-chan, her hair loose, her eyes sparkling, the most adorable flush on her cheeks, flirting with several shinigami, who were falling over themselves just to get near her.
Ninth:
Tousen couldn't see what was going on, but it didn't take a genius to smell the wine on the table before him. 'I will drink this,' he mumbled, words slurred, 'because it is truly the path of least resistance…'
Tenth:
Scowling, Hitsugaya wondered what it was that made people want to get drunk and make fools of themselves. Eyebrow twitching in annoyance, he glared at Matsumoto as she staggered over to him, a soppy grin plastered to her face, two cups of sake in hand.
'Taichou!' she trilled happily – and promptly fell over someone's foot, just as promptly smothering him in her chest.
His howl of 'Matsumoto!!" echoed around the hall, stopping the merrymaking only momentarily.
Eleventh:
Kurotsuchi Mayuri was just drunk enough not to know he was making a fool of himself as he told everyone willing to listen – and those who weren't – that it had been his idea to get rid of Urahara Kisuke because of course the man was clever, but true genius lay in being able to detach his own body parts for sheer convenience.
A demonstration of the said detachment followed, and Mayuri truly didn't understand why it sent most people screaming into the night.
Twelfth:
Humming loudly, Zaraki danced around the hall with Yachiru in his arms, oblivious to how many feet he stood on, or the sniggers of his underlings. Yachiru for the most part, clung to his massive arms, pointing out how ridiculous everyone looked, and did ken-chan want to have something to drink too because it seemed to make everyone so happy, including 'baldy' and 'pretty' who had spent the entire evening smiling a little too enthusiastically at each other.
Thirteenth:
Lips twitching, Jyuushirou watched as the merrymaking continued late into the morning, as those still drunk enough to drink merely stumbled over the inert forms of their friends. Byakuya had left early, carrying a peacefully sleeping Rukia, Unohana had long since abandoned her stripping, Mayuri had run out of body parts to detach, and Soi Fon was – he blinked as she sat up, watched a horrified realization dawn on her face, and decided to get while the going was good.