The Lonely Years
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. They, on the other hand, own me.
Note: Happy Valentine's Day!
It's been a while since my last Regal Cricket story so here is a short, reflective piece. It's mostly Archie's point of view and there's not much fluff in it. It's a bit rambling and crazy too. Nevertheless, I hope you like it!
Archie awoke with a start. The nightmare faded fast as he gained consciousness but certain shadows and visions lingered.
The cold, empty eyes of the dolls. The faces of all the people he and his parents had conned. The satisfied smirks on his parent's faces.
The tired man sat up and put his face in his hands. It was another bad night.
The curse had been broken for a few weeks already but he still had troubles with his memories. The past he had been trying to move on from continued to haunt him. Now, trying to reconcile his past life with the twenty-eight years he had spent in peace and contentment in Storybrooke was proving to be a horrible ordeal. Juggling the memories of two lives while living in a state of constant uncertainty was just too much. Even knowing that he wasn't alone in his agony, that every other person in town was suffering the same thing, was of little consolation. Sometimes, when remembering became too painful, he almost wished that the curse had never been broken. They could all have lived the rest of their lives in peaceful oblivion, even if there would always be a lingering sense of something being missing.
Archie shook his head. There was no point dwelling in what ifs. This was the situation now and he would do his best to deal with it. He walked to his window and looked outside. Despite the lateness of the hour, it seemed a pleasant time to take a stroll. He needed to get some air and clear his head. So he put on a coat and hat and went outside.
As he wandered down the familiar streets, he could not help but think about the inhabitants of each house he passed by and how they must be struggling with their pasts. He was thankful that he did not have to endure all of it alone, that he was surrounded by friends who would support him and cheer him up whenever he looked like he needed it. He was not alone.
His thoughts soon strayed to someone who had been alone for a long time. Regina.
He still hadn't seen her since he had escaped Hook's ship. No one in town had seen her since she had been accused of his murder. And this saddened him greatly.
The moment he found out the way the town had treated her due to Cora's manipulation; he became determined to find her. He knew that though she had been making much effort to change, she was getting very little in recompense and she was growing more and more frustrated. The last time he had spoken to her, she had been upset and angry but he had also seen the hurt in her eyes when she had declared that she had spoken to him in confidence.
Despite everything, she had trusted him, in her own way, and he knew that her trust was not easily earned. And though he had been trying to help her by speaking up for her to Emma and the others, she had felt betrayed and he was genuinely sorry. But unfortunately, due to Cora's masterful stroke, the town had turned their back on Regina and she was left all alone again.
"I would understand it if she gave up on trying to change now," he thought, "but I really hope she doesn't. Not after how much progress she made."
He had cleared her name to everyone but he was afraid that people still would not trust her completely. He wanted to see her and tell her that everything was sorted out but he knew that some degree of damage had already been done. People had easily believed her capable of murdering the only person in town who was trying to be her friend. Such wounds were not easy to heal.
She was alone. Again.
He could never imagine what it was like to be so completely alone. He had always been lucky enough to have a friend by his side during hard times. People were there to help him when he lost his way. And even in Storybrooke during the curse, he was one of the most-liked people in the town. While Regina had always been feared.
What must have it been like, thought Archie, all those years before Henry came into her life?
Before Henry came along, Regina had been so alone, Archie thought, and he now better understood the depth of her sadness and pain. Her son had been her only joy in an unfamiliar, unhappy world. And now, she had lost everything.
Now that he came to think about it, Regina had spent the past twenty-eight years suffering the same clash of identities as he and everyone else now did. She had known her past life but had to live a new one, forge a new identity. And before Henry, she had spent eighteen years alone, surrounded by strangers, none of whom knew who she was but all of whom she knew everything. And none of them had been her friends, whether back in their land or in Storybrooke.
Even as the mayor, no one warmed to her. She kept her distance from the rest of the townsfolk and as far as Archie could remember, she had no real friends. All his interaction with her had been strictly professional in nature. She didn't allow people to get close, probably because she knew that these were the same people who hated her and would have soon seen her executed back in their land.
He suddenly remembered the scene of Regina's execution and the meeting Snow and James had held to discuss it. Looking back now Archie felt guilty for having agreed to the plan. He didn't know how he could have condoned the killing of another human being, no matter what terrible things she had done. He had even asked her for some last words so that she may die "with a clear conscience"!
"What right did I have to ask that?" he thought in exasperation, "How could I have been so patronizing?"
He knew he always acted with the best intentions but intentions weren't everything. If he truly wanted to help Regina, he needed to be there for her, to listen to her and not impose his standards right on her. After all, he was not the ultimate arbiter of what was good. He had been lucky to have people by his side to help him find his way. He would do his best to do the same for her.
It took a curse to open his eyes to the complexities of life and of the intricacies of human nature. It took a curse to make him truly see Regina as a person and not just a source of evil. In a way, he was thankful for the curse and now hoped that he would be able to make the most of what he had learned from it.
"Regina," he said decisively, "I will find you."