A black hooded figure steps onto pristine white tiles marred with slight cracks in a florescent spotlight that seems to flicker every five seconds. He raises his arms and begins to speak. "Welcome denizens of earth to the most morbidly cheerful place on earth. Now I can already here the questions you're all asking." 'Is it Nny's basement?' Nope. 'Is it an american mall's food court (A.K.A. The court of obesity)?' Uh uh. 'Will there be cake?' You don't have to sneak any nail files past our guards, they're DEAD lousy at their jobs. Ha ha ehee hee hee haaa! Ah, but back to the point. For all those of you who don't know I'm the sikeokilla and this is the discreet funeral morgue. Where we clean up loose ends for discounted prices. Want a name drop? Well a certain celebrity loves his hookers... but they don't seem to live through the experience of his love. Not that the news ever picks up on our 'disposal services'. But once more I'm rambling. You didn't come here to hear me talk. You came to hear a tale. And what a story I have for you today bats and ghouls. What a story indeed. We begin in an alternate universe. Some might say parallel whilst others claim it's perpendicular but the truth is that it's a separate subsequent in that it neither crosses nor follows the plot of the original Invader Zim story line completely."
Act I: Invasion means confusion.
Chapter I: Two whole worlds of misunderstanding.
One fine sunny summer day all of the children of happy harbor village were playing their mind-numbingly stupid games in the hot ultraviolet waves. Well, almost all of them. Three of the neighborhood children were missing from the pitiful action. One of said children was boring his eyes into the children. His red irises silently taunted their idiotic antics whilst he wished that his eyes could fire lazers through the kneecap of one particularly pudgy child he was glaring at.
He gave a loud exaggerated sigh "How much LONGER Computer?"
A sound like a snarl trapped between exasperation and boredom came from the other side of the dimly lit purple and green walled living room. "Zim if I've told you once I've told you a billion times. Technology is not instantaneous even in hands as capable as mine it still takes time. You can't rush genius..."
The green skinned human grabbed his ears and began yelling at the four eyed teen who was tapping furiously at the keyboard. "Blah blah blah. I've only heard this speech like twenty times. When's it gonna be done already?"
Computer got up and crossed to the overstuffed purple couches far right cushion (closest to the front door) and plopped down. Grabbing the remote he replied offhandedly, "I'm finished. Go ahead and have your fun."
Zim leapt from his stoop and zipped across the room springing into the cushy leather swivel chair and allowing it to slide his lower half under the desk for him. He swirled the mouse around frantically. "Finally all the CIA's secrets are mine for the taking. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" His evil grin stayed plastered on his face for a good three minutes before it drooped into a frown. "Bah there's nothing here. The public is just as stupid as the officials. The only good thing here is a deep space photo of an extraterrestrial craft. And even that's not solid Intel."
"So much for world domination plan number four hundred and seventy four. I'll file it under G for government."
Zim fell into a slouch and slunk over to the far left cushion. "So what else is new?"
"Well school starts next month. Gir skipped two grades so he'll be a freshman. Of course I'm finally a senior. Aren't you becoming a sophomore?"
Zim groaned "Please don't remind me. I'm surprised you signed Gir up at all though he misses so much school."
"Yeah but the teachers mark him present whether he's there or not because of his above average intelligence as well as his habit of blackmailing any of the teachers who oppose him."
"Not that anyone would be able to tell he's intelligent under normal circumstances."
"Not from talking to him, no." Computer finger combed his messy brown locks as he looked left and right "Speaking of Gir shouldn't he back by now?"
"He's only been gone a couple months. Don't worry he'll be..."
At that moment there came a sudden loud humming that vibrated the whole of the cul-de-sac. Zim and Computer got up and strode towards the window in unison. Staring out they found Gir being led out of a stretch limousine that seemed to be the cause of the violent tremors. Two beautiful girls were giggling at something Gir had said as the limo drove off and the shaking faded. Gir turned to face the house. His trademark green dog hat on his head (Sewn from a torn stuffed animal that Zim decapitated) and blonde hair covering one of his cyan colored eyes. He waved hello to each of the four gnomes and knocked over the black flamingo trying to give it a high five.
He barged into the house. Slapped some large bills down on the coffee table between the tv and the couch and marched into the kitchen before disappearing into a cabinet on a "quest" to find waffle mix.
Computer and zim returned to their seats on the couch and Computer began channel surfing. "Thanks for putting us off the grid Zim it really helps to have your own power and water...and heat."
"Well you and Gir bring in money all the time it's the least I could do to pitch in. I love you guys."
Computer smirked, "Nice try but your still not getting your nuclear powered jet car back."
"Aw come on."
"No even I'm not allowed to drive yet. Well technically I could take the test but it's probably best to wait until I can legally be called your guardian. So you aren't getting back your transportation until after I lift the low profile status."
"Ugh fine. But can I at least get the Package-shaped Adapting Control Konsole back."
"That's rough stuff and you know it. Tell you what I'll give it to you next week when you turn fifteen."
Zim sighed he couldn't wait to get back to fiddling in his lab.
Across the galaxy...
Irk was a war driven planet that lost many of it's denizens in sexual activities and bloodshed. The tallest irkens were put in power but staying there was all about pleasing the people. And dead irkens made for bad moral so they hired a new chief of science to try and remedy some of the problems on Irk. The scientist was called Brane and he was quite brilliant indeed. Easily identifiable by his large orange eyes and his fat antennae which touched one another and came up over his head in an oddly arched right angle. He developed better defense technology and soon the irken armada was outfitted with powerful world-shattering cannons and every soldier had top of the line offensive weapons. Brane's devices could even outclass vortian machinery. But soon it came time to fix the irken birthing problem and Brane became worrisome. He tried almost everything he could think of. He tried decreasing the pain of labor, he tried making the fetuses smaller, he even tried making super toast. Then one day it came to him. Why birth at all? He set to work creating a new system for cloning irkens.
His first clone was somewhat successful. There was only one problem, it was insane. So Brane set about making a way to control and monitor brain function among the clones. He developed what he called the "control branes" to monitor clones and carry out the cloning process. The first Irken to be born this way was a female with a hot temper and antennae that fell down to her shoulders before jutting out in a jagged pattern on either side of her head. The professor took these two clones before the entire irken population and explained his success to them. They were delighted and the tallest were given all of the credit for the scientist's triumphs.
This angered Brane deeply and so he decided that he would build his own empire. But he would do so with subtlety in mind. So as to not raise suspicion with the tallests. He mounted a special control brane in his living quarters and programmed it to monitor but not control his first two creations. He set about preparing a ship for them and set it adrift with programming to instruct and train his prodigal progeny.
With their creators transmissions received weekly they trained and studied hard to become capable of doing his bidding. The two grew up in the pod slowly drifting towards their first objective A planet that Brane wanted them to conquer in his name. A giant ball of dirt and water on the fringes of known space. He called it earth.
As the small orb grew nearer and nearer the children grew restless and awaited their arrival.
"At last," the male whispered under his breath as his arch of antennae shook with the shuddering of their entrance into the atmosphere. "we're finally going to begin." The squinting female made no sign that she'd even heard her companion speak and so he continued. "Remember the plan though Gaz. Infiltration then slow enslavement. With the equipment that Brane gave us we should have this world on it's knees within a week. And then we'll be heroes and the irken armada will welcome us back with the thanks that we deserve..." He paused as the girl grunted.
"Fifteen years I've been stuck with you in this pod and I felt an aging effect that the other clones don't get. As soon as we finish here Brane promised to hook us back up to the regular control branes. Then we'll age like normal irkens. Until then any time I spend listening to you blab is a second closer to death by aging. Irkens don't die by aging it's disgraceful. So shut up and sit down Dib." She lay back on the couch and waited.
Little did they know that they were being followed by a personal assassin of the tallests. Sent to take out Branes deluded dreams of making an empire before his freaks could even take their first backwater dirtball. The purple eyed killer made her transmission but had to leave a message because the machine picked up. "Targets in sight. They'll be dead by lunch my tallests. And then we can take this planet for our own cultivation. Glory to the Irken empire. Tak out."
Phew done. So tell me what you thought and I'll get back to it in about a week or so. P.s. Skoodge and Mimi will be introduced later along with some of the other missing cast members.