"Rrrrrahhhh!" Cloud screams in fury and he smacks his rough draft off his desk. The papers flit to the ground and the blonde glares in pure disappointment. All nine months of handwritten work…scattered on the lotus white carpet.
The anguished male feels like a boulder is on his shoulders. "Dammit…" Cloud swears and he sits back in his black leather chair to relax; something he always forgets to do. Reality does not seem to even exist for Cloud anymore…all it is now is: books, cigarettes and wine. No love…no hope…no life.
He puts his feet up on the blood-red desk and crosses them at the ankle. His faded grey jeans fold together as he stretches his stiff long legs. "I should have stuck to law school." Cloud mutters to himself and he dumps the large stack of papers in his stainless steel trashcan. The trashcan shakes and comes to a stop like a lucky penny settling from a drop on concrete. "Bye bye, hope." He says and he does a casual army salute at the trashcan.
"A little killer won't hurt…" He says and he starts smoking again after eleven cold months without using it. Cloud lights up a cigarette and inhales deeply. He exhales the smoke and it circles in the air above him until the ceiling fan massacres it with its spinning blades. His grinds the bud of the cigarette on the inner curve of the trashcan and then discards it.
As his eyes close, images of circling ravens fill his mind in the form of a flickering picture show. Their inky wings streak across the sky as they slowly and unevenly soar in and out of the frame.
The suffering artist hums to himself as he notices his radio is still playing after all these hours. "Won't you hold my hand as we sway and kiss again, my girl?" Cloud sings with the radio and his mind clears out as his hours of lost sleep come back to him.
"Come on, Cloud…stop doing this to yourself…" He says and he crushes the box of cigarettes then lets them fall down in the trashcan. "My imagination…is strong…but my writing…is weak…" Cloud mutters and he listens to the fan beat the air. The radio changes to a mattress commercial and Cloud tunes it out.
'All those late nights writing…were pointless. I've only sold twenty copies from all my six books…It's all shit. Nobody wants to read about life guidance and mystery novels from me…because my life is boring and full of no true path…I'm nothing…' Cloud thinks in his mind.
"Nothing…" Cloud whispers and his breath exhales as his eyelids grow heavier. He rests his hands behind his head as the ceiling's fan gently cools his heated mind. His mind goes blank and his dreams are lost in the dark of the dim country house.
"All your writings…your dreams…your memories…crushed. Trouble remains and it alerts you like a wooden grandfather clock every hour with the same message…you ruined your life. You did, Cloud. You are young but you will die. You will die like all of them except no one will know; because…no one cares about you. Remember those days of dying Easter eggs aqua and kicking the heads off of dandelions which held a million wishes?" Cloud pauses for a moment and clenches his fist.
"T-They are all gone. A-All gone. Your sweet carousel is now reversing and playing the music backwards…Those horses retreat from you but soon they will go through you once you are merely a ghost. You are an adult now. You have to pick up your own feet but you are too deep in the quicksand. It's pulling you under…Devouring you because you have already ruined your life. You are a feast for me now…You are an idiot, Cloud. There is no…l-love." He whispers to himself. His burning heart aches are the last thing he feels before his forgotten slumber.
'Don't fall…I've got you…Please…Don't go………' "…I-I won't go…" Cloud says in his sleep and he clings to the side of his leather chair as tears pour down his face. The morning light seeps inside his room as the sun rises to touch the precious diamond blue sky.
A rooster crows and Cloud wakes up in shock. "Wha–?" Cloud exclaims and he hears new sounds. "Thanks, man. I'll take it from here." A voice says from far outside Cloud's window. He smoothes down his ivory button-up shirt and he swallows his throat.
The saliva in his mouth coats his dusty throat and he coughs a little. "Eight in the morning…Who is…what?" Cloud mumbles to himself and he slugs out of his chair. The blonde writer squints his eyes from the blinding morning sun as he opens the window. The wooden shutters swing back and Cloud catches his breath at the sight of his new neighbour.
"Well that's all the boxes!" The hefty man from the truck says to the man that Cloud's eyes are glued to. "Thanks a bunch!" He shouts as the truck roams away and Cloud ignores the awful smell of gritty diesel. The man sighs and he flips his black hair out of his eyes when he picks up a cardboard box. The dishes in the box rattle as furious as a snake as the new neighbour walks up the porch of his house.
The black haired neighbour's icy blue eyes glance over at Cloud's window and he puts on a friendly smile. '…It isn't…all gone…there is…h-hope…' Cloud thinks and he quickly slams his windows closed as a shocked reaction.
The mahogany shutters hit the side of the house as a powerful wind blows. He stumbles over all his twenty-five cent, musty books from the thrift store and he grabs his laptop. He swiftly perches on his desk chair as he types with the elegant of a snow white swan in Microsoft word:
Awakening by: Cloud Strife
Cloud pauses and he looks back at his window to see his gorgeous neighbour. 'My first neighbour….and he is….breath-taking…' Cloud thinks as his heart envelops deeply in affection for a boy. He glances back at his word document and bites his bottom lip. '…I'll call him…Sho…' Cloud thoughts murmur and he smiles for the first time in three years. "And he will be my hope…" Cloud whispers and his fingers type away on his first romance novel.
"My Sho…" Cloud's mouth mutters and he glances back at the window to see his neighbour unpacking from inside the house. "Let me…hear your voice again…" Cloud says as his eyes glance sweetly through the clear glass. "Now…I live…" Cloud says to himself and the blue-eyed beauty swiftly catches a glance at Cloud's face as he exits into the empty kitchen.