The Secret is That I love You
Entry #25 October 25, 2009
Your best friend, the one person you desire to see every day, the one who never steers you down the wrong path or purposely hurts you. Your best friend is everything blissful, but what if they're more than just that smile you crave every day or that mini vacation you desperately need for a few hours? What if they're your…everything? Your heart, your soul, and you feel like you can't live without them.
I guess the real question is: can you be in love with your best friend? Could it ever truly work out for the both of you? I'm struggling on how to answer that question. I'm not sure what to do. My head is spinning and I miss her already. I want to spend every waking moment with her, but I can't right now. She has no clue that I dream of loving her forever. I know as cheesy as it may sound, but I can't live without her and I choose not to. I, first, just have to figure out a way to make it possible.
Chapter 1
I woke up with a smile on my face; thankful because that's another day I get to see Bailey. She's my best friend. We've known each other since kindergarten. We're inseparable. I began to wash my face when I heard a peck at the window. I peeked around the corner of the bathroom wall. There sat Bailey on my porch, as usual. I walked over, slipping on a tee shirt along the way.
"Bails come in. You don't have to sit out there." I said, sliding the door open. She smiled and stepped inside for a moment.
"I find it funny that I arrive the same time every morning. You are riding the bus, correct?" she asked. Her face was beaming. I was planning on taking my car today, so I'll just take her to school.
"Actually no, but I have something better than the bus. Mom got my car fixed for my birthday. I'm going to start taking it, and you're coming with me." She began to clap in excitement.
"Why Cody that's amazing. I bet you're ecstatic." She replied. I gave her a hug. She handed me my khakis from my bed. I pulled them on, turning to face my closet. I placed my hand on my chin. "This one." Bailey said, pulling out a lavender, button down, collared shirt. She smiled. I took the shirt carefully off the wire hanger.
"You know this is my favorite shirt." I stated. "I'm only saying that to make you feel better." I giggled. She stuck her tongue out at me. "No, but it really is my favorite shirt. The best birthday present I've ever received."
"Better than getting your car fixed?" she asked. Anything from you Bailey always stands as 'the best' to me. You're the best. You're my best…I stopped talking to myself for a moment. I noticed we were staring into each other's eyes. "So, is it?"
"Eh, I think you got me there." I chuckled. I buttoned up my shirt and headed down stairs. We had to cut through the kitchen to get to the garage, which was fine with me because I wanted to tell my mom to have a lovely day. "Hey mom, Bailey and I are about to head out okay. Love you." I kissed my mother on the forehead.
"Awe, look at the momma's boy." My twin brother, Zack, mocked me. "Oh, hey Bails."
"Hello Zack."
"Zack leave Cody alone. It would be nice to get hugs and kisses from you for a change." My mother said.
"Well men don't hang with their mommies twenty- four seven. Men hang with other men and do manly things. Plus, my best friend isn't a girl." He laughed. "Later mom." Zack grabbed his skateboard from the garage and headed for school. My mother handed me my key.
"Thank you so much." I hugged her tight once again. I'll admit I'm a momma's boy. My mother means the world to me. "Here is the key, Bails. Go on out, I'll be there in a moment." She looked at me with confused eyes. I ran back upstairs to my room, closing my door behind me. There on my bed laid a small leather journal. I placed it in the front of my book bag. "Thank you." I mumbled. "Thanks for not letting her ask about this."
My journal had been lying on my bed the entire time Bailey was in my room. I raced back down the stairs, heading for the garage. My mother flashed me a concerned look.
"When are you going to tell that girl you love her?" she smiled half heartedly. I could feel myself beginning to blush.
"What? Me, love Bailey." I laughed, playing it off. "No mom, I think you've been misled by our actions. Bailey and I are just friends, and nothing more." At least that what I wished I felt. Yeah, so maybe I did love her, but I couldn't risk her knowing. I looked out into the garage. Bailey was waiting patiently for me in the front see. I got into the car.
"You're going to Krista's party tonight, right?" she asked.
"Nah, I don't think I'll be attending. It's just not my scene, you know." I stated.
"Awe, come on. You need to let lose. Have some fun. The mathletes are going. I'm going."
"Really, let's go then. Let's go together."
"Oh, now Cody you know I would love to go with you, but I can't tonight. I'm going with a few friends." Bailey said hesitantly. She was lying. I could tell. She was definitely not going with friends.
"I see, so who are you going with then?" She stared blankly ahead.
"Um…Moose." She continued to look forward. I'm sure she didn't want to see my facial expression.
"mmm…well I'll just stay home then. I have an essay due next week any ways." I gripped the steering wheel. Don't lose control Cody. Don't lose it. I said in my head. I did not like Moose. Why? I think it was just jealousy to be honest, but not majority of the reason. He was handsome, tall, a jock. I...I had none of those qualities. I'm flimsy, a nerd, and I enjoy math more than I do football. Moose had a big ego. He thought he was better than everyone. That he could have anything he wanted instantaneously.
"Why stay home? Is it because of Moose Cody? Just give the guy a chance." She begged. She was irritated with me, but I couldn't stand him. He picked on me all of the time and she knew that.
"A chance, give him a chance. Yeah right." I scoffed. "I gave him a chance. No, scratch that. I gave him chances, and frankly anyone who has broken your heart is not worthy of you in my book. He doesn't deserve you. You're so much more than…" I stopped. My heart was starting to take control of my mind again. I almost slipped up.
"More than what Cody? Go on, finish." It's like she knew what I was going to say. She knew that I was going to say something that could potentially altar our friendship. Did she want that?
"Nothing Bails." By this time we were parked in the school parking lot. She could see the anger in my eyes. At that moment the anger wasn't so much toward Moose. It was towards me. The most amazing person in the world was right next to me and I couldn't even tell her how I felt. I've loved her for the longest and I can't even be man enough to tell the woman I love that I love her. Bailey leaned over, giving me a peck on the cheek.
"I'll see you fifth." She smiled and headed into the building. I sat there. That kiss meant nothing. It was just a friendly peck on the cheek. She's given them to me a zillion times. "I love you" I said. She was too far away at that moment to hear those words, but it's better that she didn't.