Lemony: Ok, I'm an idiot for writing this but I couldn't help it, this is my FIRST Hellsing Fanfic so please enjoy….
Disclaimer: Hellsing isn't mine. If it was you'd have this…
"Is the mission complete?" Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing asked her vampire subordinate. Alucard smiled, his fanged teeth gleaming.
"Yes, my master." He said simply,
"Did you recover the stole artifacts?" She continued pulling a cigar from her the breast pocket of her tailored suit, placing it to her lips, and lighting it. Alucard nodded and pulled out something that small and cylinder shaped, wrapped in white paper.
Integra leaned upwards in her chair leaning on her desk, she was studying the small object. She thought for a moment it looked like toilet paper.
"What is this?" She said taking the mysterious object from Alucard and examining it, it looked like a cigarette without the butt.
"I'm not sure, master." Alucard admitted, Walter stood in the corner and snickered as she approached the desk.
"I know exactly what that is Sir Integra," He said leaning in to make sure he wasn't mistaken.
"What is it then?" Integra asked curiously wanting to know what in God's name had all these vampires riled up, this little thing had caused so much chaos in the occult community and it was her job to stop it.
But first to find out what the hell it was.
"It's a joint, ma'am." Walter said smiling broadly, Integra and Alucard arched an eyebrow. They really had no fucking idea what he was talking about, Walter let out a frustrated sound.
"A joint, a blunt, a stiff…you know, weed."
Alucard and Integra still looked confused, they knew all about occult knowledge but when it came to things like this they where both clueless.
"Its marijuana." Walter finally said, and they both nodded finally knowing what he was talking about.
"Why would vampires wage war over marijuana?" Integra asked both the men who shrugged, she arched an eyebrow at both of them.
"There must be something about it that makes them lose their bloody minds." She said, Walter and Alucard shrugged, even though he was a vampire, Alucard never touched weed because he never had a use for it.
"Well, what does it do?" Integra asked Walter who seemed to know all about the joint in her hand.
"It…well…I'm not entirely sure." Walter admitted, true he knew it went by many names but he know real clue what it did. "The effects of everyone are different for everyone."
Integra smirked, "Walter, have you done this before?"
Walter turned a furious shade of red, "once," He confessed, "In my youth."
"Well, if the effects are different for everyone, we all have to try it and document it," Integra finally said, "Alucard, summon Seras, she'll be part of this as well."
In no time at all, there stood Seras looking at the pot. Being a police officer she knew it was nothing to mess with!
"Sir Integra! Why do you have marijuana?" She gasped as Integra placed to her mouth and waited for Walter to light it.
"Testing it," Integra replied, and just like that they where off getting high as kites.
~Two Hours Later~
None of them knew what the fuck happened. One minute they where all passing around the blunt, the next minute Integra was standing on her desk dancing!
"DO DA STANKY LEG!" She sang rolling her shoulders and swiveling her leg, her glasses where askew and her suit disheveled. Seras was in the corner, asleep, completely limp and not moving snoring so loud it echoed through the office. Alucard was laughing to himself, cracking the hell up. "Sir Integra, what do you get when you cross a penis and a patoto? A dick-tater!" And with that Alucard cracked up some more "Damn, I want some Cheetos."
Walter was in the center of the room shaking his ass to invisible music only being egged on by Integra. He put his hands over his head and shook his ass like a stripper.
"Shake what ya' momma gave ya!" Integra yelled to Walter who rolled his ass happily.
"Walter! Teach me how to dougie! Teach me how to dougie!" Integra cackled swinging her arms over her head. Seras let out a loud snore.
"I WANT CHEETOS DAMMIT!" Alucard hollered,
"Cheetos sound really good right now…or brownies…or both." Integra said rubbing her stomach, "I'm starving!"
"CHEETOS!" Alucard yelled before laughing at himself. Just then Integra's office door opened.
And there stood the merry Queen of England.
The Queen froze as she took in the sight before her. It was a bloody circus at Hellsing headquarters.
"Hey there, Quenny!" Integra said falling off her desk and hitting the floor right on her ass. The Queen gave them all a disgusted look, Walter didn't noticed he was too busy stripping off clothes. Seras was still snoring.
"Excuse me, your majesty," Alcurad said approached the stunned royalty, "But do you have any Cheetos?"
He laughed out loud in the Queen's face.
The Queen arched an eyebrow, " Your all high aren't you?" She asked, they all sobered quickly, except Seras who was . They all nodded sullenly.
The Queen smirked, "Can I get a hit?"
THE END?
Lemony: Ok, yes I'm idiot. But hey, we all have our little problems…REVIEW!