For a challenge on Aarinfantasy ;D so it's been x posted from there.
D and the Detective
Chapter One
"Huh, Leon, you're not in Chinatown today?" Jill looked thoughtful for a second then clapped her hands together once, "I've got it. You and the Count are fighting again."
The blonde man scowled at her, "why the hell would I spend all my time with that freak show anyway?!"
"So I'm right? Well…you should at least go see Chris right?"
Leon slouched forward, his chin in his hand. She had a point. Sort of. In a ridiculous, totally non-sensical Count obsessed way. His gaze slid from his computer screen to the woman's face. It was arranged in a smile and her eyes were closed.
"I've got a point, I know! Anyway, either get out of here or you can sit here and do paper work. I mean…you did let that perp get away last week…"
"Okay, fine, I fuckin' get it!" he slammed his hands on the desk and stood up, "it's only because I don't want to do paperwork."
The man stomped from the office but stopped to turn around, "and I didn't let the perp get away!"
Jill giggled to herself then plunked down in Leon's chair-there was lots of paperwork to be done.
Dammmit. What's with that grin of hers? Like I really want to spend all my time with a feminine man who calls me an idiot! His blood boiled just thinking of it. If she loved the Count so much she could go live with the mental case for all he cared. And what the hell was she implying when she told him to go visit Chris?! Because God knows he wants me around when he's got all those other freaks around to keep him entertained. But he is my brother. Dammit I'm not a horrible big brother!
He stomped his way to the curb then hailed a taxi, got in, sat there, paid, got out then stomped some more up to the door of the pet shop. The entrance had looked like any other Asian oriented store when he first came here-an easy job he had told himself. It'll be eeeeeasy. He thought to himself as he repeatedly mentally hit his head against a brick wall. How could he have known the owner of this god forsaken opium den pet shop would turn out to be a man who wore dresses and got manicures weekly and who also had a penchant for selling horrible animals that killed all their owners in increasingly gruesome ways? How?! He couldn't have, that was how. And now, now he was forced to return to the pet shop on a daily basis (and thus forced to come into contact with said girly man who got weekly manicures and wore dresses) to see his little brother. Who he had willingly thrown into the wolf, lion, bird, stupid man eating "mermaid" and idiotic sheep thing's den. I'm a horrible big brother.
What only made things worse was that the Count seemed to know when he was coming and prepared the correct amount of sugar coma inducing sweets and that tea that tasted like crap. Shit, I forgot to bring him a cake or something.
"Oh my dear Detective are you just going to stand outside my door like a loiterer?" came the hopelessly effeminate sounding voice through the door.
"Cut out that dear Detective crap I told you!" Leon snapped as the portal to all things trippy swung open.
The smell of incense was enough to make anyone feel nauseous but luckily the effect wore off somewhat when you visited the shop almost everyday of the week. Unfortunately the lack of visibility didn't.
"Have you come to see Christopher?"
"Ugh, don't call him that. And yeah, I have. You got a problem with that?!"
The Count smiled that annoying smile of his, "of course not. He is your little brother Mr. Detective. Why don't you come in?"
"Yeah yeah," he grumbled, "where's that stupid sheep dog thing?"
D strolled further into the store until they reached the tea "room". Leon took up the entire couch by himself so after some quiet muttering to himself about the inconsiderate nature of certain Americans the Chinese man sat opposite the detective on an armchair.
"You mean T-chan. He went with Chris…topher to go get some cake for the party."
Bastard. You called him that just to piss me off. But he had to ask.
"What party? You better not be getting my brother into your crazy Asian opium parties! I could arrest you right now!"
The black haired man's nose wrinkled in distaste, "My dear Detective, please refrain from showering me in your spit. I am as usual doing nothing warranting such a reaction. What a flair for the dramatic you have."
"You are and I'll prove it! …Someday, I'll prove you're selling something illegal!" Leon clenched his fist and stood with one foot on the table, "and when that day comes I won't go easy on you! I'll slap those handcuffs on so fast-"
"Oh my. I must admit, the thought is so…frightening," the last word came out, no matter how anyone looked at it, more sarcastic than a Shakespearean play. Or was it ironic that plays were?
That warranted what he called a Class 2 Count anger outbreak-mild to normal level of annoyance coupled with raised eyebrows, sarcastic remarks and/or small threats of physical violence.
"Don't say it like that!"
"Well if you would stop threatening to 'throw me in the slammer' every time you came to visit perhaps I wouldn't be so tempted to say things 'like that'," D returned, his odd coloured eyes giving him a death glare.
…He should never, ever say 'throw me in the slammer' ever again. His face nearly cracked as he tried to restrain himself from laughing himself into a stupor at the animal loving weirdo's use of colloquial language. Keep it together. He'll kill you if you laugh. No, seriously, he probably will and Chris won't even know or care because he probably likes this freak better because he has animals. Leon sprawled back across the couch and sighed,
"What party?"
"Oh don't worry, nothing you would be interested in my dear Leon."
He sighed, not bothering to hide his annoyance, "try me."
"Why, it's a fundraiser for a local animal shelter. It's black tie and doesn't include the devouring of helpless animals which is why I don't think you will be interested."
"You're right. I'm not. But if you're dragging Chris there I'm coming too! There's no way you're getting him into trouble with your weird friends!" Leon slammed his hand down on the table sending silverware tumbling into the air and spilling D's tea all over the place.
"You can't come. I'm only allowed to bring on guest and it's Chris. Therefore you aren't invited."
Oh yeah? Oh yeah? You think you're gonna keep me outta some stupid PETA party that easy? HA.
"Now, my dear detective kindly fetch me a towel so I can clean up the mess you made. These are antiques you know, and needless to say they would warrant quite a huge garnish of your wages at the department."
The Count's eyes closed and his mouth turned up at the corners-he was pleased with himself no doubt. But being happy never tended to last very long. The annoying pet shop owner's happiness could turn to annoyance, even anger in a split second. And it was usually Leon that caused it.
"Shut up," he crammed a miniature cake into his mouth and stomped off in a totally random direction in the hopes he would find where D kept his towels.
"In the kitchen Detective!"
Yeah, but where's the kitchen? Leon steered clear of the big, ancient looking door he knew led into the maze that was the Count's opium den…wait a minute! Now's the perfect time to nail that bastard! With that stupid sheep thing gone there would be no one to stop him from exploring a little. The man had to repress a self-satisfied laugh. Oh yeah, he'd definitely get that freak now!
He tiptoed across the shop and back to the door. It stared back at him (assuming doors in this shop had eyes) and seemed to issue a warning with its black wood which Leon steadfastly ignored. Once he managed to wrench the door open the entire world was plunged into darkness. Woah, aren't there supposed to be lights back here? He didn't waste time trying to adjust however; D would no doubt know exactly where he'd gone and now was the opportunity to put as much distance between them as humanly possible.
Corridors wound around into black holes and then back into each other. As he walked little pinpricks of light exploded into being like stars on a dark canvas. Dammit! Screw this, I'm opening some doors! There wasn't any shortage of them either. One led to a completely dark room, another to what looked like a storage room and then finally, at the end of a particularly long hallway…
"Why hello Detective! Did you get lost, this isn't the kitchen."
"Uh…yeah…"
D put a hand on his back and pushed him forward propelling both of them back into the light.
"What the hell?! What did you do?!"
"If you weren't so fixated on finding some imaginary illegal operation then I wouldn't have had to do anything Mr. Orcot," the Asian narrowed his eyes, "now if you would take a seat in the sitting room…"
Damn. What just happened?! I was in that room…that huge ass bed and all those…maybe that was his bedroom! Ugh! Who knows what I would have seen in there?! He sat down on the couch again and before he could even think about different strategies to sneak back there D returned. And god knew what the weirdo could do-maybe read his mind. Great. So now he's even more of a freak.
"Your brother should be returning momentarily my dear detective. You spend so much time at work I'm surprised he even remembers you."
"What the hell is your problem!? I'll beat you so hard you won't be able to-"
The stupid sheep burst into the shop bringing with it Chris and the badger. Even though he was fairly sure seeing his big brother holding the Count by the collar wasn't unusual Leon let the freak go as soon a Chris got inside.
"Hey Chris, what's up?" he grinned sheepishly.
"Ah, I'll take the package. Thank you Chris, you're so much more helpful than a certain someone."
The boy just smiled hoping perhaps that he could get away with not answering at all. Either way Leon patted him on the head as if to remind his little brother that they were in fact related and as such should protect each other from the freak show. Even if the weirdo did have animals that all seemed to have taken a liking to Chris. Blood is thicker than water, Blood is thicker than water.
"Don't start bashing me in front of my kid brother!"
"Did I say Detective Orcot is a buffoon who does not appear to have any fine motor skills?" the Count stared at him, his weird eyes digging a hole through the blonde's.
"I-Insulting an officer! I could arrest you right now!" he stammered out while reaching for his handcuffs and finding them to be missing, "you damn sheep give those ba-OW! I'll turn you into fuckin' haggis!"
At that all the surrounding animals leapt at him each getting their own bite or scratch in until he was left resembling human spaghetti. And of course all the while D just stood there, his overly long fingers entwined with each other and wearing the stupid smile again. But it was D who moved first to patch him up. Even if he did say how much the dim witted detective deserved his fate. Repeatedly.
It stung. It stung so bad he wanted to punch someone-preferably D for putting him through this hell. Why had he let the crazy man/woman use his damn Chinese medicine on him anyway?! What had he been thinking?! It stung like a mother and smelt bad too; like a cocktail of various liquids that all came together in one horrible smelling skin burning concoction. And that grin. Of all the annoying things the effeminate man could've done he had to go and smile like he was happy to be killing his only human friend. Other than Chris.
"My Dear Leon you seem to be in pain. Does this hurt?" the Chinese man tilted his head to one side and proceeded to jab one of the cotton balls harder against the detective's arm.
"AHH! YES YOU ASSHOLE I'LL TORCH THIS PLACE I SWEAR!"
"Now, now Detective haven't you learned? It's best not to threaten me in my pet shop."
Leon entire body shuddered unwillingly at the sudden darkness that had overtaken the other man's face and tone of voice. Mass murders he could take but this side of D? No way. The black haired Asian's mouth turned down at the corners, his eyebrows drawn close together and the delicate chin tilted so that the bobbed locks of hair fell into his pale face. But then the moment passed. Leon was able to take in air again.
"Now, good as new," one of the claw like nails skimmed the surface of the officer's face, "we wouldn't want you to be impaired from finding a wife now would we?"
He stood up, knocking the hand away and glared down at D, "I don't see you gettin' a girlfriend either!"
The Count didn't answer, only smiled that same smile and packed up his first aid kit.
"That's not an answer! What the hell is with you!? I might as well have just called you a homo!"
Not that that would be surprising…
"You forget my dear detective…" the Chinese got to his feet and leaned in so his face was inches from the blonde's, "I don't associate with humans."
And then he walked away his hips moving from side to side. Kind of like a girl's. Leon leaned back on the sofa with a sigh. His hand immediately went to his eyes effectively blocking out all the light. Dammit! This isn't the first time…D was too girly for his own good.
"Huh? Oh, hey Chris. What's up buddy?"
The man looked down at his brother's round face and grinned-having a brother was nice. Especially a little one that was so quiet like Chris. Kind of wish he'd talk a bit though…
"What do you think of the Count? You like it here? Don't blame you, it's better than my apartment even if there is that stupid…" he stopped himself from going any further than that. All he needed was to dump all his stupid insecurities about D on Chris.
"Chris? Would you like to take your bath now?"
As usual they seemed to communicate through ways other than human speech and Chris bounded off to wherever the bathroom was in the place. D carried yet another pot of tea and sat down.
"You won't be able to sleep tonight if you drink that now. Goddamn sugar addicted…"
"Oh? You assume I sleep my dear Leon."
"Hmph."
They sat in silence-D sipping his tea while Q-chan hovered around the cake as if debating whether he should eat some and Leon leaning his head back on the couch. Despite all of the potentially dangerous animals lurking about the shop he felt his eyes closing. The incense. It had to be the incense. Damn…drugs…damn…D…
~~**~~
"Oh my dear detective~"
His snore cut out and became a series of grunts. For a second a panicked shockwave ran through his body-D was gonna find and rip down all his sexy posters! Again. Except that they weren't in his apartment. They were in the pet shop. Specifically in the tea room where he'd fallen asleep in the first place.
"What the hell is goin' on? Why'd you drug me?!"
He heard a laugh but everything remained dark. Until he realized he still had his eyes closed and opened them to see the Count's face just over top of his.
"Drug you? Oh my! I did nothing of the sort. You simply fell asleep of your own volition."
Leon pushed the other guy out of the way and sat up, knocking Pon-chan and a bunch of cats off the end of the sofa. He pointed a finger so it nearly made contact with D's nose.
"I wouldn't fall asleep here on my own and I can prove it!"
The Asian stepped back and turned on his heel. After walking a few steps he stopped and glanced over his shoulder, "oh, and detective? Try to keep me out of your dreams next time?"
"What?! What do you mean!? What the hell-you-come back here I'll-I'll-" he reached out to grab the back of the other man's clothing but found himself staggering past him without so much as a thread between his fingers.
"Don't wander off dear Leon~"
What the hell is this?! Where's Chris where's my gun?! He stomped around tearing cushions off the couch and shaking out the bright red blanket that had been covering him just moments before.
"D!"
Either he couldn't be heard or he was being ignored-either way he didn't get an answer. Stupid bastard probably took it. "I will not have you carrying a gun around my beloved animals detective" yeah, that's exactly what he thought. I oughta…
"COUNT! Where's my brother?!"
The black haired man came back into view, "Where? Probably with Phillipe. They are good friends."
Phillipe? Is he keeping more illegal kids in here?! And a French kid too! Dammit if this gets out…The blonde ran a hand through his disheveled hair. How sad was it that he couldn't even keep track of his own little brother and that weirdo could? He scowled-it was all D's fault. Him and his damn animals winning over Chris! But there really was no way he could bring the kid to live in his apartment.
"You!" he slammed his hand down on the table, "it's all your damn fault!"
"What is my dear detective?"
"HUH!? D you…you bastard! My little brother…stop stealing him from me!"
He half expected D to burst into laughter but the Count just smiled, "Oh my dear Detective is that what is bothering you? Well, no need to worry."
"You-I'm gonna arrest you right now!"
"Dear Leon, calm down. You'll make T-chan angry. Chris speaks of you all the time," the Asian man strolled over and set the pistol and handcuffs on the table.
"That's a crime. Stealing an officer of the law's firearms!" Leon snapped as he pulled them over to himself. Come back baby. I won't let that freak steal you anymore. But he sighed, "Chris never talks to me. What the hell's so special about a dude in a dress anyway?!"
"It's not a dress! And he doesn't speak to you because you don't listen properly!"
Right. I don't listen properly. What the hell, how could I have not guessed? And it is so a dress.
"Then teach me dammit!"
Silence rang out in the air. Neither man spoke until the doorbell rang and D excused himself. Despite being curious as to who the client was Leon stayed where he was. The person would probably be lead back here anyway-for morning tea.
"Welcome to my pet shop. Please come with me and have some tea where we can further discuss your options."
The customer was a girl, probably around 13. Brunette with big eyes and skinny. Maybe a bit too skinny even.
"Please, take a seat on the chair," D motioned to the place he usually sat and stared until Leon moved down the couch.
"Hey! What're you buyin' here huh?!"
He got a slap from D but kept on pressing for information throughout the session. He wanted to know what was going on-he wanted to know bad! But before he could even think of following them behind the door it was slammed in his face and locked behind them. That's weird…he never locks the door…he must really want to keep me out…I HAVE TO GET IN THERE!
As he began to work on beating the door down he felt an odd tugging sensation at the bottom of his pants.
"Just wait a second."
It persisted.
"I said wait alright?!"
But he looked down to see the raccoon. She stared up at him with black eyes just before clawing her way up his leg.
"OW! What Pon-chan what?!"
She climbed right onto his shoulder and perched there precariously until he put a hand up to steady her. What does she want? Maybe she's a distraction. Dammit! Leon pulled her off and set the little raccoon on the floor. Where she promptly leapt back onto his leg.
"Pon-chan, I'm tryin' to go in there to see the damn Count!"
He had nearly gotten her off of him for the 3rd time when the door swung open and hit him in the nose. He let out a shout and recoiled holding his poor face.
"D dyou asshole dyou hid me righd in de-oh Chris."
The boy's eyes immediately widened and he started to step backwards.
"No, hey, I'm alride. See? Good as new."
Dammit it hurts more than I thought it would. Leon rubbed his nose but grinned. He patted the smaller version of himself on the head-his nose wasn't spewing blood or anything so he figured it'd be okay. Besides, he had to put on a good face for Chris.
"Aw, come on Chris it's okay!"
The boy's lower lip twitched but he nodded and squared his tiny shoulders. Phew. He had dodged a bullet with that one for sure. Luckily his little brother seemed to get over his accidental attack of Leon fairly quickly or at least quick enough to drag the man along with him through the doors. Yes! I bet Chris knows the way to everything by now!
The corridors wound around until he was sure they were heading back to the main room, the lights lit up by themselves as the brothers made their way through the halls. Finally they moved through a door and into a room that definitely had to be an illusion. How could there be an ocean in a pet shop?! Leon felt his mouth fall open then snapped it shut-there's no place like this around here! He turned his head in every direction. The air smelled of salt and reminded him of some half remembered place lurking just beyond his memory. Blue water stretched for miles meeting white sand beneath his feet. Waves crashed against the shore every so often-kind of like when he put a shell to his ear except it was the real thing. This…There's no way this is real!
"Hey, Chris, where is this?"
He couldn't say he thought Chris would answer back verbally though the hope had crossed his mind since being a witness against D didn't work too well if the kid couldn't communicate. I could find a lot of people to take the stand…if D didn't kill them all! Leon frowned until Chris grabbed onto his arm again, pointing at something in the water. As they approached it remained stationary other than moving along with the waves. Is that…a kid? The man blinked and the thing turned into a dolphin. Huh. Must've been the light or something.
"Chris, the Count didn't say anything about having a place like this in here."
And this is an exotic animal! HA, got you now freak! The blonde grinned, ignoring Chris pulling on his hand to go closer and turned on his heel-I'm taking this to the chief right now! Only he couldn't find the door. There had to be a door somewhere otherwise how could they have gotten inside!? He put his hands on either side of his head.
"What the hell!? D where the hell are you?! Let me out of here!"
End of Chapter
The place Leon can't quite remember is the island from Deep(volume 8)! ^^