Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
Why did the sun have to shine? She wished it would storm and rain, and maybe hid the tears that couldn't stop. Tears? She never cried. Emotions were not allowed for her work, or for being a Jedi. But they flowed nonetheless. He wouldn't have wanted her to cry. He'd want to her be strong, the way he always was or seemed to be.
Why did so many people have to be there? Masses coming to pay their respects, but she didn't want them there. She wanted to be alone. No, that wasn't true, she wanted him with her. She wanted him to press her hand in his. She wanted his strong hands to cup her face again. She wanted him to come home and fix all the little things he'd never gotten to.
She wanted to forget that night he'd never returned.
Are you Mrs. Organa-Solo?
Yes.
I'm afraid we have bad news.
She wanted to forget the still face she was staring at now. She wanted only to remember his smirk. She wanted his hazel eyes to jest with her once more. She wanted his fingers to tickle the curls on the back of her neck while they kissed. Like he had when he left.
Do you have to go out tonight?
I'll be right back, princess. I promise.
No. He wouldn't be. Time had dripped by, and she'd sat on the couch waiting. Waiting for the thumping footsteps of his still cocky swagger. Waiting for the clickslide of the door. But it had never come.
There was no goodbye to her captain. She'd always promised to be with him. But she wasn't there to hold his hand while his blood spilled onto the Corsucant permacrete. She wanted to murder the drunk speeder driver, but no, he gotten off with thirty days in jail and then he'd be free. But her Han would never be back.
Come on, you want me to stay because of the way you feel about me!
Luke. She could feel him behind her. Thankfully, he didn't say anything. He didn't offer the hollow reassurances that others made. He was no only one she'd want to be here. He was the only one who could even try to understand her pain.
Pain. A broken, empty heart. She'd never loved anyone befor him. She'd always thought love was to dangerous. Until she met him. It had taken her so long to admit it. What she wouldn't give for those years now. But she had learned to love him.
Who are you?
Someone who loves you.
It was time to go. People were waiting to express their condolences. She hated it. What good did their words do? She could run and she could hide, but it didn't matter, he was not coming back!
Unconsciously, her hand went to her belly. She rubbed it gently. Today, no one would be able to see the bump that was barely there. It was a secret she hadn't even told him yet. His most precious, lasting gift to her, and he didn't even know.
She stepped closer, one last time. She choked out the words that she'd never say again,
"I love you."
And though she'd never hear his answer again, it echoed in her mind.
I know.