Ouran High School Host Club: The Musical
Characters:
Tamaki Suoh- Club President
Kyoya Ohtori- Club Vice President
Mitsukuni Haninozuka (Hunny)
Takeshi Morinozuka (Mori)
Hikaru Hitachiin
Kaoru Hitachiin
Haruhi Fujioka
Act 1, Scene 1
Setting: Ouran Academy High School, Tokyo, Japan. Mid September
Scene: Haruhi Fujioka is walking through the halls of Ouran looking for a quite place to study. She is a boyish looking girl, about 15, a first year, and the new scholarship student at Ouran Academy.
Inside Haruhi's Mind: This school has at least 4 libraries; I'd think that one of them would be quiet.
Haruhi walks up to the door of Music Room 3 and look up to the sign.
Inside Haruhi's Mind: Huh, an abandoned music room. This is probably the only place I'll be able to study at all.
Haruhi opens 3rd Music Room door and light shines through while opening. Stage turns so that you can see on the other side of the door. Door to Music Room 3 on stage left, Hosts on stage right
The Hosts: Welcome!
Haruhi falls to the ground and scurries to the door pressing herself against it Hosts looked shocked and confused
In Haruhi's Mind: I guess this school doesn't have empty rooms after all.
Hitachiin Twins: Oh wow, it's a boy! Kyoya looks over to the twins
Kyoya: Hikaru, Kaoru I believe young man is in your class. Hikaru and Kaoru look at each other
Hitachiin Twins: He is?
Kyoya: Apparently you two don't pay much attention to your surroundings during class.
Hitachiin Twins: No it's just that he doesn't act very sociably, so we don't know much about him. Kyoya smirks slightly and looks down
Kyoya: Hmm— well that's rude.
Hitachiiin Twins shrug
Kyoya: Mr. Scholarship Student, welcome to the Ouran Host club.
Tamaki leans forward in his seat.
Tamaki: Scholarship Student? Then you must be Haruhi Fujioka!
Haruhi who is trying to open the door (which has been accidentally locked from the outside) turns around timidly with her hand still on the doorknob.
Haruhi: How do you know my name?
Kyoya: Why, you're infamous of course. It's not every day a commoner gains entrance to our school.
Tamaki gets out of the chair he's sitting in and starts circling Haruhi
Tamaki: You're a hero to other commoners Fujioka. You prove that even a poor man can excel in an elite private academy
Haruhi: Um, thank you I guess.
Haruhi starts walking away
Haruhi: But I think you're taking this poor thing a little too far.
Tamaki: Scorned, looked down upon- but that doesn't matter at all. Long live the poor!
Haruhi gets to the door and is about to open the door knob when Hunny runs over to Haruhi and drags her closer to the group of Hosts
Hunny: Get back here Haru-Chan! Wow, you must be like a super hero or something! That's so cool!
Haruhi: Umm, sure…
Tamaki walks over to the Hosts and puts his hand on his chin and his other hand on his hip.
Tamaki:I wouldn't think that a scholarship student, would be so openly gay
Haruhi: Openly what?
Tamaki walk over to Haruhi and drapes his arm over her shoulder. He then leads her over to the other Hosts
Tamaki: But that doesn't matter. We welcome you poor man, to our world of beauty!
Music then starts to play and the song "Welcome to Our Club" begins Song ends. Haruhi tries to escape 2 times but Tamaki catches her and drapes his arm over her shoulder again While everyone is dancing in the back ground
Tamaki: So what type do you like?
Haruhi: Type?
Tamaki: The strong silent type? (Mori appears in front of them, saunters over to Haruhi and ruffles her hair) The little devil type? (Hikaru and Kaoru jump behind Haruhi put their hands on her shoulders, and give her a rose) The loli shota? (Hunny runs up to Haruhi and jumps on her making her spin him around) The cool type? (Kyoya takes Haruhi's hand and bows) Or am I—more your type?
Tamaki gets really close to Haruhi and takes her chin in his hand. Haruhi moves slowly away Hosts keep singing and dancing At the end of the song, the Hosts point over to Haruhi
The Hosts: Now choose!
Haruhi quickly walks backwards
Haruhi: No, no you don't understand! I was just looking for a quiet place to study!
She then bumps into a blue vase and knocks it over, it breaks into pieces
Hitachiin Twins: Uh oh! Now you've done it commoner! We were going to sell that Renaissance vase for 8,000,000 yen!
Haruhi: That much for a vase? How many thousand yen is that?
Haruhi starts to count on her fingers in exasperation
Haruhi: How many thousands are in a million?
Haruhi turns around to face the Hosts
Haruhi: I'm going to have to pay you back, aren't I?
Hikaru: Yeah, but with what money?
Kaoru: You couldn't even afford the school uniform.
The twins point to Haruhi's outfit
Haruhi: This sweatshirt was the only thing my dad could buy. And how could anyone whose family didn't own a huge business buy the schools uniform?
Hitachiiin Twins look at each other and shrug
Hitachiin Twins: You're right, how could they?
Kyoya walks slowly over to the broken vase and picks up one of the shards. He walks back to Tamaki and shows him the shattered piece of glass.
Kyoya: So what are we going to do Tamaki?
Tamaki dramatically sits down in the red velvet chair in the middle of the room and points at Haruhi.
Tamaki: Fujioka, have you ever heard of the saying: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? Since you have no money, you can pay with your body. So from now until you graduate, you're the Host's Club dog!
Haruhi stares at Tamaki for a little, and then falls over. Hunny runs over to Haruhi's slightly unconscious body and starts prodding at her back.
Hunny: Tama-Chan, I think you killed him!
Lights fade out until the next scene
Scene 2
Scene: Haruhi is running across the stage with more items each time she runs across the stage The song "As the Host Club's Dog" begins. As the music fades away, Haruhi walks across the stage for the 5th time, and the Hosts keep meeting her midway and giving her more tasks to do Tamaki: Get the groceries here's the list. (List is 5 ft. long)
Hitachiin Twins: Do our homework, you're smart.
Haruhi: But I only have to do the jobs that involve the Host Club itself!
Hitachiin Twins: So?
Hunny: Get more cake for Usa-chan and me please!
Mori hands Haruhi boxes of unknown items
Mori: They go in the back room…
Kyoya: Get the fuchsia tea set from the other room, dog.
Haruhi: Ahhhhh! I've had enough!
Haruhi drops items and runs off stage, Tamaki runs after her
Tamaki: Fujioka! No brakes until you've finished everything!
Lights fade out
Scene 3
Scene: Music Room 3 with the Hosts at work. Kyoya and Haruhi to the side
Kyoya: The Host Club utilizes each mans unique characteristics. Just to make a point, Tamaki is number one around here. He's the "king".
Spotlight on Tamaki who is talking to a group of girls
Kyoya: His request rate is 70%
Kyoya shows Haruhi his clipboard and she looks up from the clipboard and at Tamaki who is holding a girls chin and whispering something her ear making her squeal
Haruhi: What's this world coming to?
The song "Call Me King "Begins
Song ends
Tamaki, who has left his table of girls, scans Haruhi over and over
Tamaki: You need a makeover, or no girls going to look twice at you.
Haruhi: Yeah, well I'm not trying to get girls to look at me.
Tamaki: What are you talking about? That's the most important thing. You have to learn to be a gentleman and please the ladies like me.
Hikaru and Kaoru, who happened to have walked by, walk over to Haruhi and scan her over too. Hikaru turns his head around to Tamaki.
Hikaru: Boss, you can teach him how to be a gentleman.
Kaoru also turns his head around
Kaoru: But he's not going to get very far.
Both twins turn back to Haruhi
Hikaru: Maybe if you took off his glasses it'll help.
Hikaru takes Haruhi by the shoulders and turns her back to the audience. He takes off her glasses and stares at her. All the Hosts crowd around Haruhi and gasp. Except for Kyoya, who is behind Tamaki but has his back to Haruhi.
Haruhi: Guys, I need those!
Haruhi tries to grab her glasses back but Hikaru won't let her have them
Tamaki: Don't you have contacts?
Haruhi: I did but my dad stepped on them. So I had to use my grandfather's glasses.
Tamaki snaps his fingers
Tamaki: Hikaru, Kaoru hair!
Hitachiin Twins: Got it!
Hitachiin Twins drag Haruhi off stage.
Haruhi: Whaa?
Tamaki: Kyoya, order a uniform! Mori-senpai! Get those disposable contacts you used to have!
Hunny: What can I do Tama-Chan?
Tamaki: Hunny-senpai! You…
Hunny leans closer in excitement
Tamaki: …can eat more cake.
Hunny slouches over and trudges over to table and sit
Hunny: Usa-chan, I guess it's just you and me since no one wants our help…
Lights fade out
Scene 4, A
Scene: Spot light on Haruhi and the Hitachiin Twins. Twins are clipping Haruhi's hair in a chair with her back to the audience. A catchy tempo is playing in the background
Haruhi: Hey! Stop it!
Hitachiin Twins: Don't sweat it, we're pros!
Lights fade out
Scene 4, B
Scene: Spotlight on Mori and Haruhi. Haruhi's back is still against the audience. The catchy tempo is still playing in the background
Mori: Here…
Mori gives Haruhi the container of disposable contacts. Haruhi slowly takes the container.
Haruhi: Uhh… thanks.
Lights fade out
Scene 4, C
Scene: All the Hosts surround Haruhi as Kyoya gives Haruhi her uniform, which is surrounded in brown paper, the catchy tempo continues to play
Kyoya: Change into this uniform.
Haruhi: Huh? But why?
Hitachiin Twins: Don't ask questions!
Hitachiin Twins grab the uniform from Kyoya and drag into the dressing room. Haruhi's back is still to the audience.
Hitachiin Twins: Change! Change! Change!
Haruhi: Fine! But you two have to get out!
Hitachiin Twins are thrown out of the changing room. After Hikaru and Kaoru regain their balance, they look at each other in confusion.
Lights fade out
Scene 5
Scene: Hosts wait outside changing room, Tamaki pacing, Hunny still eating cake (plates stacked 2ft) Kyoya typing on his laptop, Mori standing behind Hunny, and Hitachiin Twins talking amongst themselves.
Haruhi: Hey guys?
Haruhi opens the changing room curtain finally facing the audience
Haruhi: Are you sure I don't have to pay for this?
Kyoya not looking up from his laptop answers, other Hosts stare at Haruhi
Kyoya: The entire uniform is 3,000,000 yen. Your expenses are taken care of.
Hikaru: If we knew what you'd look like-
Kaoru: -We would have helped you sooner.
Tamaki: You're so cute; you could be a girl if you wanted to!
Kyoya: You know Tamaki; he might draw in some costumers.
Tamaki: That's exactly what I was thinking all along.
Tamaki runs up to Haruhi and gives her a hug and lifts her off the ground
The song "Starting Now, You Are a Host!"begins
Song ends
Kyoya: Tamaki, you can teach him what you know.
Tamaki leads Haruhi to a table of girls
Tamaki: The motto of the Host Club is: Be strong, distinguished, and elegant. Since you're none of those. We'll start with the basics.
Tamaki begins to show haruhi the basics silently, with instrumental music playing in the background. The music continues to play as they speak.
Tamaki: now gently set down the tea. (Haruhi sets down the cup) No no no! not like that. when setting down a cup of tea, cushion it with your pinky (demonstrates)
Haruhi: Ok, then what? what if we run out of conversation?
Tamaki: When things get complicated, you won't believe how effective a gaze up from below will be.
Haruhi begins to do everything again but with more grace and better accuracy. Tamaki smiles
Tamaki: Okay, I think you're ready. Let's test your abilities with some of our guests.
Tamaki sits Haruhi down with 3 girls at a table, Tamaki hides behind a couch and watches them. Haruhi looks at Tamaki with disgust and turns to the girls. Talking is inaudible for first 10 seconds.
Girl 1: Your mother died 10 years ago?
Girls 2: Who makes you food?
Haruhi: Oh, I do. It's a lot more fun than you think. My mother was an amazing cook so she taught me. When she went into the hospital, she left me her recipes. I use those most of the time to make my food. It also made me proud when dad enjoys them. Umm…
Haruhi looks down and notices the empty cups. Hears Tamaki's voice.
Tamaki in Haruhi's mind: When things get complicating, you won't believe how effective a gaze up from below
Haruhi picks up a glass and bends over, giving a look from the side.
Haruhi: Would you like me to refill you drink?
Girls start blushing
Girl 1: Oh sure…(said softly and with a lot of feeling)
Girl 3: Um, can you refill mine too?
Girl 2: Mine also!
Voices inaudible again as Haruhi walk off the stage with the 3 glasses, and girls giggling.
Spotlight on Tamaki, Kyoya, and the Hitachiin Twins. Tamaki watches Haruhi walk off stage from behind the couch.
Tamaki: I don't get it, no affection at all!
Kyoya is writing on his clipboard but doesn't look up.
Kyoya: He's a natural.
Tamaki turns around, gives a sad face, and frowns a little
Tamaki: A natural?
Kaoru: No affection, just himself.
Haruhi comes back with the drinks, Tamaki look back and forth from Kyoya and Haruhi
Girl 2: Is it ok, if we could request you tomorrow?
Haruhi: Yeah, I'd really appreciate it ladies.
Tamaki walks over to Haruhi and the girls. He looks to Haruhi and smiles.
Tamaki: Well Haruhi, I guess you're just a natural.
Lights fade out. Curtains then fall on the scene
Zelman and Jirou walk in
Zelman: you took my coke and told me I got Mimiko pregnant WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
Jirou: what r u sending to my brother you little C***, B****, T***.
Zelman: I give you 10 to tarn this off and run before I set you on fire!
END OF ACT 1...