~*Sleepover*~
"I left money for pizza on the table, call me if you need anything."
"Okay, Dad. Have fun on your trip."
"You two behave while I'm gone, I'll be back on Sunday around 6."
"Daaaad, you don't have to worry about us. We're both 15, we can handle a weekend alone."
Adam set his bags down on his way out the door. He turned to face Connor and in a stern voice, he gave his final warning. "No. Parties." Adam shot him a pointed look, making sure their eyes met.
"Dad, I promise I won't have a party. That's 98% of the reason Jude is here. Besides, I don't have many friends at school."
"Connor."
"I know, I know."
Adam picked up his bags again. "Alright. I'll see you boys on Sunday. Love you." He made his way to his car and loaded his bags into the trunk.
"Love you too dad." Connor said while he leaned against the door frame, waving at his dad as he pulled away. He vanished back inside and returned to the living room. "Okay, so the booze will be here in 20 and then we'll kick off the party in about an hour after we move everything breakable into a safe place."
"Connor."
"I'm kidding. You know I'm not the party type. Being here with you for the weekend is more than enough." He plopped down on the sofa and started their first of many movies.
Jude couldn't help the feeling that welled up inside him when Connor said that being with him for the weekend was more than enough. He made himself comfortable on the couch, putting a pillow in his lap before pulling his knees into his chest.
"You look adorable."
"What?!" Jude said in a slight panic.
"In your little oversized sweater with your knees pulled into your chest. You look so shy. It's endearing."
Jude was wondering if he heard that correctly or if he was just hearing things. "Connor, seriously."
"I am being serious. Am I not allowed to compliment my best friend?"
Jude chuckled. "Thank you."
Their attention returned to the TV, watching scene after scene play out, but Jude's mind began to wander.
Connor casually placed his arm around Jude, drawing him into his side before smiling down at him. "Co-Connor…what are you doing?"
"Making sure you're comfortable. Do you want a blanket?"
A lump formed in Jude's throat. "Sure."
Connor pulled a blanket from the pile near the couch and helped Jude drape it over them both. "Wait a second." Connor adjusted so Jude could lean his back against Connor's chest. Connor placed his arm across Jude's upper body, feeling the rapid thud of his heart. "Comfy?"
"Very." Jude smiled up at him.
Connor smiled back before leaning down to place a kiss onto Jude's lips.
"Earth to Jude." Connor said for the fifth time while waving his hand in front of Jude's face.
"Huh?"
"You alright? You spaced out for a bit."
"Yea, I'm fine. I was just thinking about the video I watched on the actor's stunt work."
"Oh, okay. I was gonna heat up some food in the microwave then go shower. Want anything?"
Jude contemplated Connor's offer. "Chicken nuggets?" He replied with a mischievous grin tugging at his lips.
"Of course, sir. Is there be anything else I can get for you?" Connor said in a haughty British accent.
"No thank you, Mr. Stevens, that will be all." Jude said, playing along with Connor's antics.
Connor vanished into the kitchen, leaving Jude alone with his thoughts. He breathed a sigh of relief the second Connor was out of sight. Jude criticized himself for slipping into another Connor centered day dream, especially while the boy sat beside him. Jude was still mentally scolding himself when a loud expletive pulled him from his thoughts.
"Shit!"
"Connor, you okay?"
"Yea, I just spilled water all over my clothes." He rounded the corner, fanning his arms and hands. Water droplets fell to the ground around him as he groaned.
"God, Connor, you're such a klutz." Jude snickered. Connor chuckled as his hands found the hem of his shirt.
Jude's laughter died in his throat as he looked up at his best friend; Connor had decided that today would be a good day to wear all white. A white t-shirt clung to his well-toned upper body and white shorts clung to his legs and…the area around them. Connor stripped off his shirt and his shorts, leaving him in black boxer briefs accented with horizontal gray stripes. The fabric was slightly damp and hugged his thick, muscular thighs.
Jude's jaw went slack as he took in the sight before him. Connor's perfectly tanned skin glistened due to the thin layer of water still clinging to his skin and the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, there due to embarrassment, only added to the 'wow' factor. He tugged at his waistband a bit before looking back up at Jude.
"I'm gonna toss these in the dryer." As he left he called over his shoulder. "The nuggets should be done, help yourself, I'll be back."
"Sure…" Jude murmured quietly.
'Holy crap did you see-'
"Oh yea…I saw…" Jude confirmed, cutting off the voice in his head.
'Baseball has been kind to him.'
"Indeed, it has…" Images of an almost-naked Connor continued to flash in Jude's mind taking him deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole that was his imagination.
"Hey, I got the goods!" Connor proclaimed happily as he sauntered back into the living room, still only clad in his underwear.
"Wh-why didn't you put some clothes on?" Not that Jude minded Connor being almost naked.
"I'm going to shower after this, I didn't see much of a point in putting on fresh clothes."
"Fair enough." Jude chuckled awkwardly as he began to eat. He watched Connor out of the corner of his eye, drinking in the sight before him, committing it to memory.
Connor tore into the meal before him, dipping the nuggets into the sauce he'd squirted on the side of the plate. Jude, on the other hand, ate slowly, savoring his meal, as well as Connor. Despite folds of skin making themselves present along Connor's midsection, Jude still found every aspect of the boy sitting beside him enticing.
His skin seemed to emit a soft glow, as if the rays of the Sun that had shaded him this color were trying to escape. His dark blonde hair was messily tousled, no doubt from taking off his shirt. Defined muscles moved under his radiant skin as he moved about. Jude's gaze drifted lower and lower, eyes beginning to roam over Connor's still clothed legs and crotch. Jude could make out fine hairs spread over Connor's muscular thighs, he wondered how far up the hairs went.
"Here, I'm going to hop in the shower. You can have the rest." Connor handed over the plate before getting up. He took a few steps before stopping in front of his friend. "Do you need anything else?"
"No, I'm okay. Thanks."
"Holler if you need me."
With that, Connor headed up to his bathroom. Jude sighed to himself as the image of Connor's plump butt bouncing as he walked replayed in his mind. "Get it together, Jude. If you fall apart on Friday night, you have no hope of making it until Sunday."
Jude finished eating, washing and drying the plate they had used before heading up to Connor's room. He sprawled out on his friend's bed, letting his mind drift a bit as the sounds of his friend showering filled his ears.
Water sloshed a bit as the pair situated themselves in the tub. They faced each other, smiles playing at their lips. Their shoulders barely crept above the water line. Beneath the surface, Connor's legs were spread allowing Jude to stretch his legs out. Connor's knees just barely crept above the water, appearing as though they were two sister islands, separated by a vast ocean.
"You're doing it again."
"What?" Jude asked through a chuckle.
"Your eyes get all squinty when you smile."
"Oh…um..."
"It's okay. I like it. It means you're unabashedly happy."
Jude smiled even wider at the compliment, looking away shyly. "Thanks. You make me unabashedly happy."
"I could say the same about you…but it'd be an understatement." Connor's had rose out of the water, beckoning Jude to come closer. Jude shifted through the water and ended up with his back pressed against Connor's chest. "That's better." Connor's head rested on Jude's shoulder and his arms snaked around Jude's midsection. His hands resting just below Jude's navel.
Jude slowly shifted his head, so he could look at Connor, their cheeks brushing together as he did. Their eyes were half lidded and their lips all but brushing together. A ghost of a smirk tugged at the corner of Jude's mouth as a surge of happiness coursed through his body. The gap between them lessened. Until…
"That felt great." Connor called from the bathroom.
Jude's eyes flew open as he was now made aware of his surroundings and a pressing situation that needed his attention; Connor was on his way out of the bathroom and one of Jude's lower extremities was no doubt going to be the focus of his friend's attention if he didn't so something quickly. Jude looked around frantically before an idea donned on him seconds before Connor exited the bathroom.
"Jude you can shower if you want." Connor was wiping his face with a face towel when he finally walked back into his room. He smiled at the sight in front of him, not being able to contain his happiness. Jude lay comfortably on his bed, steady breathing, eyes shut, head resting on his pillow. "Isn't that cute." He chuckled before creeping over to the side of his bed. "What a shame it's not gonna last."
Connor jumped on top of Jude shouting for him to wake up while simultaneously tickling his sides. Jude broke into a fit of laughter almost instantly, squirming beneath the larger boy straddling him. Jude's eyes screwed shut as Connor's hands roamed over his body finding more and more places to tickle. His neck, his armpits, his sides, and even his thighs were all targets for Connor's onslaught. Eventually he settled for pinning Jude's wrists beside his head as they both let out slivers of laughter.
Connor's damp hair hung in front of his face as he peered down at Jude, still trying to stifle his laughter. Jude, trying to do the same, finally opened his eyes, taking in the precarious situation he found himself in; Connor was straddling his stomach, and while he wasn't close to Jude's crotch, it was close enough that Jude worried Connor could be made aware of a certain situation Jude was still dealing with.
"So…umm…I'm going to go shower now."
"Mmhmm." Connor hummed in response.
"And then we can uh…do whatever I guess."
"Sure."
Jude looked at the lack of space between them and Connor's barely covered form. "You gonna let me up?"
"Maybe."
"Connor."
He chuckled. "Fine." Connor dismounted him before sauntering off towards his closet to put on fresh clothes, unknowingly being watched as he did.
Jude let out a sigh before heaving himself up and rushing into the shower.
Sleep. Sleep was a good thing. Sleep was what he needed to at least take a temporary reprieve from trying not to ogle his best friend. However, sleep was not what he was getting. Why? Oh, just because of the simple fact that he was lying next to his best friend…in his bed…under the same covers. Jude was facing the windows that lined the wall Connor's bed was against. Connor was facing the rest of his room, breathing steadily.
'Go to sleep, Jude. Connor's asleep so you should be asleep.' That's what his mind told him. His body, on the other hand, wanted to be awake. His body wanted to roll over and pull Connor closer, hold him in his arms. He opened his eyes, vision adjusting to the moonlight shining in through the blinds, settling on the scenery outside.
A sigh escaped his lips. "Jude?" Jude nearly jumped a mile into the air. "You awake?"
"Y-yea. Why?"
Connor rolled over to face Jude. He scooted closer to his friend. "Can't sleep." His arms slowly enraptured Jude, pulling the smaller boy against his chest. "I had a bad dream."
Jude's body tensed the second Connor touched him. "C-Connor!"
"I need you to make me feel better."
"H-how?"
"Turn over." Jude did as Connor instructed, albeit hesitantly, he was eventually face to face with his best friend.
"Now wha-"
Connor suddenly pulled Jude closer as he scooted farther down the bed, resting his head against Jude's chest. "I had a dream about getting shot…I could feel the pain in my foot again. Except…except no one came to visit me. No one cared. I was alone. I didn't have my dad, Taylor, Daria, Ms. Adams-Foster…you…it was awful…"
Jude's heart sank as he listened to Connor sleepily recount the nightmare he had. He couldn't imagine not being there for Connor when he needed him. His arms wrapped around Connor's vulnerable form, a hand rubbing circles in his back while the other gently teased dark blonde locks. "Well…you have me now. You always will." 'Even if it's not in the way I want you to have me…' Jude's mind added.
"Thanks." Connor hummed at the sensation of Jude playing in his hair. "That feels nice."
"Sh-should I do it more often?" Jude could feel his face heating up at the inquiry.
"I wouldn't stop you." Connor chuckled.
"Taking that as a yes. Now, try to get some rest okay? I'm right here."
The pair got comfortable under the covers, slowly drifting off together. Connor slept soundly, no dreams filling his mind as he did. Jude, on the contrary, had dreams filled with his friend, subconscious desires manifesting in his mind like they had been throughout the evening.
Jude lay on Connor's bed, playing on his phone while waiting for Connor to get out of the bathroom. "Jude…" A soft voice called out.
Jude's head slowly tilted upwards, jaw almost dropping when he saw what was before him; Connor leaned against the doorway to his bathroom clad in an oversized, gray sweater that stopped at his mid-thigh, his fingers were just poking out of the sleeves. "C-Connor…"
Connor slowly sauntered over to the foot of the bed, setting one knee on the edge while the other found a spot between Jude's legs. His hands slid up his thighs, rubbing against smooth skin until they reached his green boxer briefs. Connor proceeded, slowly creeping up Jude's lithe form, eyeing him like a hungry predator. Eventually they were face to face, Connor hovering over Jude as a smile crept onto his face.
Timid hands found their way to Connor's hips, trailing up to his toned back, making a pit stop at his sides. Connor's hand cupped Jude's cheek as he leaned in for a tender kiss. Then another, and another. His weight rocked forward creating an arch in his back. Nimble digits explored the newly formed valley before they came to the end of the oversized garment covering Connor's toned form.
Jude let his hands venture under the soft fabric and found a new world of soft, supple skin that consisted of valleys and ridges. As he explored, hands drifting upwards, the gray fabric caught on his hands, exposing more of Connor's skin to the warm air in the room. His jet-black trunks that clung to his thighs were exposed, then his lower back, then his abs and sides. Connor sat up, straddling Jude before slowly taking off the sweater. He tossed it into the corner before rolling onto his side, facing Jude.
The pair lay facing one another, letting their hands roam over the other's body. Small smiles played at their lips between soft kisses. Jude's hand moved down Connor's back and eventually his fingers hooked into the taller boy's waistband, lightly tugging at it. Connor softly moaned Jude's name, effectively breaking their kiss. Their eyes fluttered open ever so slightly, taking in the slightly blurry forms before them. A curt nod came from Connor, giving Jude the confirmation he needed before proceeding. After discarding Connor's last article of clothing, Jude let his hand drift from Connor's lower back to the front of his body…
Birds chirping. Warmth against his body. The steady rise and fall of another's chest. The dull thud of a second heartbeat. Jude was awake, and Connor was pressed against his chest, still wrapped up in his arms. Jude quietly swore to himself, hating that every bit of what had gone on was, once again just a manifestation of his feelings, a way to discharge his feelings.
Connor shifted against his chest, hugging him tighter as a sigh escaped his lips. Jude wanted this moment to last forever, he didn't want to know what the day would bring. Logic was tugging at his brain, saying that eventually, Connor would get up and go about his day as if nothing had even happened. His arms tightened around the warm body beside him, clinging to this fleeting moment.
A few moments later, Connor began to stir. Hazel eyes slowly took in their surroundings, noting that most of it consisted of a dark green shirt and speckles of pale skin. Life was breathed back into extremities that had grown stiffened due to lack of movement. Connor pulled Jude a bit closer to him, burying his head in his chest as he took a deep inhale. The lingering scent of his friend's body wash flooded his nose, bringing about a familiar feeling of ease that slowly made its way through his body.
Jude smiled down at his friend, memorizing the feeling that washed over him the moment his eyes met Connor's. The smile was reciprocated and was even coupled with a small chuckle. 'Good morning' they said in unison, causing more laughs to fill the air.
"So…what are we doing today?" Connor asked with a yawn.
"Don't know. We have the whole day to do anything we want."
"Hmm…I have an idea."
"What is it?"
"Not telling you, it's a surprise."
"Connor."
"Judicorn."
Jude's eyes widened, and his cheeks flooded with a dull shade of pink. "O-only Marianna calls me that!"
Connor grinned up at Jude mischievously while his hands caressed Jude's sides. "Judicorn." He hummed as he began tickling his friend. Uproarious laughter bubbled up from inside Jude as Connor continued taunting him.
He tried fighting back, but his efforts were fruitless, Connor being the stronger of the two easily overpowered Jude. Connor shifted so that Jude was trapped beneath him, limiting his options for escape even more. Eventually he pinned Jude's arms beside his head, finally letting Jude catch his breath.
"I can't stand you." Jude said as his head rolled back onto the bed.
"Shut up, you know you love me." Connor stated very matter-of-factly.
To that Jude just clamped his mouth shut and shifted his gaze away from Connor. 'Well, you're not wrong.' Jude thought to himself.
"Cat got your tongue?" Connor asked slyly.
Jude only groaned in response, trying his best not to let his mind wander, especially given his current predicament. "Connor."
"Fine. I'll let you up and get breakfast started. What do you want?"
'You, served up on a platter.' Jude's mind replied. "Uh, pancakes?"
"Chocolate chip?"
"Oh yea."
"Great. I'll go get that started, come down when you're ready." Connor dismounted his friend before strutting out of the room. Jude couldn't help but glance as his butt as he walked. After Connor was gone, Jude sighed as his head relaxed into the pillow.
"One more night. One. More. Night."
After mustering the courage to go down to the kitchen, Jude took a seat at the table, tousling his hair as he let his eyes wander the kitchen. Connor stood with his back to the table, busying himself with making the last of the pancakes. After he had plated their meal, he set them on the kitchen table before retrieving plates, utensils, butter, and syrup.
"Dig in." He said cheerily, gesturing towards the stack of steaming pancakes between them before.
Jude plated a few of the fluffy cakes, slathering the one on top with butter, before coating them in syrup and carving out a triangular, bite sized, piece for himself. "This is really good, Connor." A smirk gracing his features.
"Thanks, I had to learn to cook for myself when dad had to be at work early." Connor drowned his pancakes in syrup before practically inhaling one. Syrup dripped down his chin as he chewed, going back for another bite.
Jude's eyes were fixed on the stray drop of syrup clinging to Connor's chin. Flashes of Connor seductively eating the syrup on his plate began flooding into Jude's mind. "Crap." Jude muttered. He inadvertently missed his mouth and managed to get syrup on his face.
Connor let out a low chuckle. "Jude, you klutz. You got syrup on your cheek." Connor picked up a napkin then gently wiped the corner of Jude's mouth. Jude's gaze lingered on the syrup still sticking to Connor's chin as his face was wiped free of syrup. "There." Connor said, satisfied with his work.
"T-thanks." Jude said shyly. Connor simply nodded before going back to his food. Jude sighed, noting that this was going to be a long day.
"I'll be right back, Connor." Jude excused himself to the bathroom, sliding down the back of the door after shutting it. "This is getting out of hand." A shaky hand ran down his face as flashes of the day's events flashed across his mind.
There was the incident when Connor dropped something, and it slid under the couch. In that instance, Jude could tell from the outline in his shorts that Connor was wearing his jockstrap from his baseball uniform. Why? Jude hadn't a clue. Then there was the moment Jude saw Connor reaching for something on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet. His shirt rode up just enough, which is any amount that exposes skin, to send Jude down an all too familiar path. The most recent one was when Jude tripped over a wrinkle in the hallway rug, sending him right into Connor's toned arms. Jude could still feel the warmth in his cheeks as well as the warmth of Connor's body pressing against his. After that Jude excused himself.
"Come on, Jude. Get your act together. You've still got about twelve hours left, most of those you'll be asleep." He rose to his feet, standing in front of the sink. He gave himself a once over before splashing water on his face and exiting the bathroom.
"Welcome back." Connor said with a smile. "So, I had an idea about what we could do tonight."
"And that would be?"
"Well, I saw this game on a TV show and it seemed to go pretty well for them, so I wanted to try it out with you." Connor turned to face Jude as he took a seat on the couch.
"Okay…what is it?"
"Truth or Truth. Pretty straight forward in terms of rules. The reason why I wanted to play this with you is because…"
"Go on."
"Well…you're my best friend, Jude. And I feel like I can be honest with you about anything. I feel like this will bring us closer as friends. What do you say?"
Jude sat in stunned silence, a million scenarios running through his mind while he just stared blankly at a slightly flustered Connor. "Well…I say yes. I'd really enjoy taking a step towards a deeper, more meaningful friendship with you, Connor."
"Awesome. I-I mean cool. Cool." Jude could see a twinge of pink settling in on Connor's cheeks. It complemented his flustered demeanor.
"So…how do we start?"
"Well, in the show, they sat facing each other and they started by asking each other questions."
"Okay." The pair turned so they were face to face instead of side to side, so they had no excuse to keep stealing side glances at one another. "Do you want me to go first?"
"Sure. If you want to. It doesn't have to be a deep, personal question right off the bat. We can warm up to that."
"Alright…umm…what's your least favorite color?"
Connor chuckled a bit. "Really?"
"I couldn't think of anything!"
"Okay, okay. I think my least favorite color is maroon." Connor scrunched up his nose at the mention of the color.
"Really? Why?"
"It's like a weird combination of burgundy and purple. It just…looks weird."
"Okay, fair enough." Jude chuckled, feeling a bit more at ease.
"My turn. What did you think of me when you first met me?"
"That's a good one. Well…" Jude hesitated slightly. "Well I thought you had a really nice smile and were nice for being so eager to be my partner, especially considering I was the new kid."
Connor blushed a tiny bit. "Thanks…you like my smile?"
"Yea…"
Connor could see that Jude was a bit flustered because of his line of questioning. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"No, no! You didn't. Yea it was a bit embarrassing to admit, but here we are."
"Fair enough." Connor shot Jude a smirk, feeling warmth bloom in his chest when it was returned. "Since I asked you two questions, you get to ask me two questions."
"Wow, the pressure's on now. Let's see…do you wish you lived with your mom?"
Connor hesitated, not expecting that question. "Sometimes. I like living with my dad, but it can be hard at times. We don't always see eye to eye and I get nervous around him, not knowing what to say or do…I know he loves me, and I love him. When I'm with my mom though, I feel like I can be my genuine self."
"Are you your genuine self around me?" Jude blurted out before he could stop himself.
Connor looked up at him, smiling brightly. "I feel like I'm more myself with you than most people. The reason we're doing this…I guess is so that we can be our true selves with at least someone."
Jude looked down at his feet, letting the words resonate within him. 'How can I be my genuine self when my genuine self wants to be with you?' His thoughts echoed in his mind for a second before he came back to reality. Luckily, Connor looked like he was also deep in thought, so Jude's little space cadet moment went unnoticed.
"Connor?"
"Yea, I'm here. Just thinking about what I want to ask next. Did you like living in any of the foster homes you were in before getting to Stef and Lena?"
"I…I did for a short time. After the first bad one I was always on guard. I enjoyed them for a little while…but this home is the best I've been in, by far."
"I'm glad you're safe and happy."
"Thanks."
Silence hung in the air for a moment as the pair looked at one another. "Jude."
"OH! It's my turn. Umm…what's one thing you've always wanted to tell me?"
"Hmm…well I want you to be more confident in yourself. You're so smart and kind hearted, I know it's rough being the new kid and it's worse because you're a foster kid, but…well…you're amazing and I want you to always think of yourself that way."
"That means a lot to me. Thank you. I'll do my best."
"That's all I ever want from you. I have the same question for you, what's one thing you've always wanted to tell me?"
Jude had one thought rush to the forefront of his mind, but he quickly shoved the thought away. "That I'm so glad I met you."
Connor felt his heart flutter a tad. "Thanks, Jude. I'm glad I met you too."
The pair hugged for a moment, lingering longer than they usually did. "It's your turn again." Jude murmured softly into Connor's ear.
"I know…I'm not ready to let go."
"That's okay. Hang on as long as you'd like." They stayed there, wrapped in each other's arms. Connor felt safety and acceptance right where he was, and he never wanted to go without that feeling again.
"Have you ever kissed anyone?"
"Nope." Connor said somewhat proudly.
"Wait…but I thought…you and Daria…"
"Nah, that's just a rumor."
"Oh. Sorry I shouldn't have assumed."
"It's okay. Umm…Jude…do you like anyone?"
"What!? Oh, umm…yea, kind of." Jude wanted to lie but he knew it wouldn't be fair to Connor. "Do you[AA1] ?"
"Not really. I have friends but, I'm not really interested in anyone right now."
Jude's heart sank a bit. "Who do you like?" Connor asked slyly.
All the color drained from Jude's face. He knew this was inevitable, he just hoped he could avoid it a bit longer. He was faced with a dilemma; lie to Connor and save face or tell him and risk ruining their friendship. "I…I…um…"
"You okay?"
"I…I don't know if I should say."
"Oh?" Connor quirked his eyebrow upwards. "Is it Taylor? Maybe Daria!"
"No, it's not. I assure you."
"Well if it's not them, then who? You only talk to like, 3 people." Connor laughed heartily. Jude's eyes were glued to the ground as Connor's chortling died down. His eyes were transfixed on his friend, the gears beginning to turn behind his vivid, hazel eyes. Then it clicked, without Jude saying much, the pieces fell into place. "It's…me."
Silence hung heavily in the air. Connor stared disbelievingly at his now mute friend. Said friend was currently rubbing his arm, captivated by a particularly interesting spot on the floor. Jude felt so uncomfortable now, he felt like he should have just said it was some girl in another class or one of their friends, but no, he let Connor piece things together.
"Jude…how long have you liked me?"
"I don't want to play anymore." Jude got to his feet and raced upstairs. Connor called after him, to no avail.
"Jude, wait!" Jude had just made it to the bathroom and locked the door as Connor reached the landing. "Jude! Please talk to me! I…I'm not mad. I promise." Connor's voice faded from a slight yell to a more even tone.
Knees drawn to his chest, back pressed against the bathroom door, and a mind full of anguished thoughts, Jude sat on the tile floor trying to tune his friend out. Friend? Were they still friends or would that change after tonight. Connor sat on the other side of the door in a similar position, trying to find the correct words that would coax his friend out of hiding. A dark cloud loomed overhead, causing a downpour of thoughts; some thoughts were to the tune of 'how did I not notice' while others were along the lines of 'he could have told me, I would have understood'. Connor shook his head, trying to will himself to focus on the task at hand.
Twenty minutes go by. Both parties have calmed down considerably, but their minds still remain fuzzy. "Jude…please, just talk to me. I promise you I'm not mad or anything. I just…I just have questions."
Jude lifted his head and took a breath steadying himself. "Go ahead." He said weakly, voice barely piercing the door.
Connor scrambled to turn towards the door. "Are you okay?"
"I…I don't know…My chest feels tight; my mind is racing…"
"Jude, I promise, I'm not upset or creeped out." Connor paused. "How long?"
"Since…since the day we met. It wasn't more than a slight crush, but now…it's only gotten worse."
"Did you think I'd really push you away because of this?"
"OF COURSE, I DID! You can't just fall for your best friend, your straight best friend, and expect nothing to change. It doesn't work that way, Connor…it just doesn't."
Connor was taken aback by the sudden outburst. He shrunk a bit at his friend's confession. "Look…I won't lie and tell you this doesn't change anything…however, I will tell you that you're still my friend. You having feelings for me doesn't really change much…I just feel bad that…that I can't return your feelings."
"That…that's what I was afraid of."
"Jude, please." Connor banged his fist on the door. "Let me in…please…" The pounding of Connor's fist on the door softened, eventually giving way to silence once again. The lock clicked before the door cracked open. "Jude…" The door swung open wider, revealing a boy who'd been broken down to his lowest form. Tears were sliding down his reddened cheeks and that was all he could take; Connor wrapped Jude in his arms, trying his best to fit the pieces of this broken boy back together.
"It's weird talking about this…I guess I grew to like you because you treated me like a person, you didn't treat me like some charity case. You were so nice to me and you listened. You didn't make me feel like…like a freak. I was more than my backstory."
"I see…I was just doing what I thought was right. You seemed like you needed a friend and I wanted to be a friend. I... I wish I could be the person you fell for. But…I'm not gay or bi."
"I know…" Jude curled in further on himself, wishing Connor's bed would just swallow him whole. "And that's part of the reason that this hurts so much."
"Jude…"
"Can we just…go to bed? I'm tired."
"Sure, anything you want. Do you…want to sleep with me? Or stay downstairs?"
"I think I should stay downstairs."
"Okay…" Connor responded, more disheartened than he was before. "You know where the blankets and stuff are, right?" Jude nodded as he shuffled out of the room. "Goodnight…"
A few hours later, after Jude had gotten situated on the couch and began to drift off, until he heard noises coming from upstairs. He tried to ignore it and go to sleep, to no avail. He couldn't shake the side of him that still deeply cares for Connor spurred him to rise from his cocoon of anguish and head towards the source of the sound.
As he made it to the landing, he could hear pained sobs emanating from within Connor's room. "Connor?" He called out weakly, getting no response. He took a breath before nudging open the door. A lithe figure was trembling slightly under a heavy blanket. "Connor, are you okay?"
The trembling stopped. "I'm fine. Go back to bed." Connor lied, straining to keep his tone even.
"Connor." Jude said sternly.
The older boy rolled over to face his friend thankful that the darkness was concealing his face. "I don't want to lose my best friend." He sobbed.
"You haven't lost me, I'm just hurting. I can't just magically be okay after what happened tonight. However, I can promise you that I'm not going anywhere, not unless you push me away."
Connor sat up hurriedly. "No! Never."
"I've heard that before." Jude muttered to himself.
"Jude…I'm not like the people from your past."
"I know. That's why I liked you. You're different." He met Connor's tear-filled gaze with one of his own, the moon light gleaming off a tear that rolled down his cheek. "A-anyway, I was just checking on you. I'm going back downstairs."
"Oh…umm…okay. Good night." Connor desperately wanted to go after him, but he knew that Jude didn't need to be smothered with attention, he needed space to process.
"Night."
The next morning was awkward; when Connor descended the stairs, Jude was on his way to the kitchen. They met at the bottom of the steps, blank stares plastered onto their faces. They proceeded into the kitchen to make themselves breakfast. Connor offered to make Jude something, but he opted for cereal. Breakfast was quiet, both boys scrutinizing every move they made, every breath they took, and every glance they shared.
Jude finished first, and after he'd washed his dishes, he adjourned to the living room. He retrieved a book from his bag and settled into a comfortable spot on the couch. Connor sauntered in later, taking up a spot on the other side of the couch. He clicked on the TV, channel surfing until he settled on a movie he'd seen a million times.
The pair sat in tense silence while the TV blared. Jude kept glancing at Connor, trying to see if he could read what Connor was thinking or feeling. Connor noticed what Jude was doing, and he did his best to ignore it until he'd had enough. He shut off the TV, undoubtedly catching Jude's attention.
"This is ridiculous."
"Wh-what are you talking about?"
"This awkward atmosphere and this tension between us!" Connor shouted as he wildly gestured with his hands. "We're best friends, Jude! You liking me shouldn't change that! We've been through so much already, why should this change anything?"
Jude closed his book and set it to the side. "I'm trying not to be awkward, it's just…an adjustment. You know how I feel now, and because you do, I second guess how I act around you. I don't want to come off as flirty or moody, but I'm not sure if I was acting that way to begin with."
Connor sighed heavily as he threaded his hand through his hair. "I want to say that we should just act the same way we used to, but I need to stop being so idealistic. I know it'll take time, but for now can we at least, I don't know, practice?"
"Practice? Really, Connor?" Jude couldn't suppress the chuckle that bubbled up from inside of him.
Connor chuckled as well. "Yea, it's a warm up for the real deal." Jude laughed a bit more. "Aw, come on! Don't laugh! I don't see you coming up with any ideas."
Connor turned away, a bit dejected. He folded his arms across his chest and pouted like a 5-year-old that had been told 'no'. He felt weight around his shoulder and pressure around his upper body. "Thank you, Connor."
Connor's had came up to grasp Jude's, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Adam returned later that night, walking in on the pair simply watching a movie together. The time leading up to his return was spent playing video games and relaxing. The pair managed to find a middle ground where their comfort levels were at their highest, given the situation.
"I hope he wasn't too much trouble, Jude."
"Dad." Connor groaned.
"He was an angel, Mr. Stevens. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me stay here while you were gone."
"Thanks for not letting Connor destroy the house."
"Are you done picking on me?"
"Nah, still got a few more years of that, son."
A car horn interrupted the trio's laughter. "I should get going, mamma is getting impatient." Jude's eyes went from Adam's to Connor's, not sure how they should say goodbye. Connor pulled him into a tight hug. "Bye, Connor." Jude said contently as his arms encircled his best friend.
"See you later, Jude."