Disclaimer: Sherlock does not belong to me, it belongs to BBC and Doyle.
I am gifting this to PawToPaw who has been a great encouragement to keep writing and leaving me such lovely reviews regularly
December 12th 2011
My Beloved John
Please, please, please forgive me. I never wanted you to get hurt. I never wanted you to mourn me. I realize that I was foolish in thinking that you would not get hurt or mourn me if you saw me jump. If I had realized how much harm it would do to you, I would have tried to find some other way to deal with this situation. I really had not expected that things would go quite the way they did.
Yes I realized that I was going to end up meeting Moriarty, I had not realized he would kill himself however, I thought that I was going to have to kill him and then 'kill' myself to save you. Had I considered the fact that I was part of a military pack I would have done things differently, but I must admit I forgot that detail. Tell Eric I was being foolish.
The reason I did what I did is simple. I did it to protect you. I could not tolerate the idea of something happening to you. Neither I nor the pack could survive without you.
Of course that might not have been the best reason to pray for help without actually knowing which of your gods I was praying to. I know it was one your goddesses that answered but I do not know which one she was. She was surrounded by stars, everything else seemed to have vanished and she glowed, well, her feet glowed, I found that I could not actually look directly at her. She had a rather musical voice, though it was completely in my head.
I made a deal with her. I would hunt six humans who had killed one of her immortals, though I am not sure if she meant hers as in one of her children or one who served her, she would make sure that I survived the fall off of the top of Bart's. She did too. It wasn't the hitting the ground that hurt, that I barely felt, what hurt was when she broke my link to everyone in the pack but you.
Despite that, Eric was still able to sense I was alive through you, I had forgotten exactly how close the two of you are. Again, that was as foolish of me as forgetting that you are part of a military pack. I am not sure who the cat Elspeth that was delivered with the information from Eric is. I assume she is a part of the military pack that I hadn't met yet, after all, it cannot have just been you ten as a military pack in the army the size of the British one. Plus you said in the past that not all of the military pack stayed with you after the service so perhaps she is one of the ones who decided to strike out on her own.
So now I am on a plane to the other side of the ocean, and I will be gone for I don't know how long. I hate it. I want you. I miss you. It hurts not knowing when I will see you again. When I will get a chance to curl up with your shorter self and wrap myself around you or when I will get to curl my body against your beautiful wolf form.
Please don't forget me,
Yours always
Sherlock