Invasion of the Oddish
by Curlyjimsam
A/N: A one-shot Tenth Doctor fanfic. Marginally a crossover with 'Pokemon', although all I've really done is steal the monster and even then I haven't kept all of its original attributes. But hey, this is fanfiction, I can do what I like … can't I?
"Oddish," breathed the Doctor, as if that explained everything.
"What?" said the man next to him. "Are you saying something's a bit strange?"
The Doctor liked Captain Nice, who reminded him somewhat of the Brigadier with his neatly trimmed moustache and militaristic persona. "Well, yeah, it is," he responded. "In a manner of speaking, anyway. But the real problem – the real problem – is that you've got a real problem."
"The real problem is that we've got a real problem?" repeated Captain Nice uncertainly. "You mean … these plant things …" He gesticulated vaguely towards the little clusters of green leaves that were protruding from the ground all around them.
"Yeah," said the Doctor, and smiled. "They're your problem."
"But how? I don't – what are they?"
"I told you," said the Doctor, kneeling down to study one of the plants more closely, "Oddish."
"What are Oddish?" said Captain Nice, remaining on his feet. "Some kind of alien plant?"
"A kind of plant, yeah," replied the Doctor. "But not just any old plant."
He got to his feet, and studied Nice closely. The captain took a step back nervously. "Is this some kind of –"
"Tell me, Captain Nice," said the Doctor. "I've only just arrived here and I'm a little bit dippy, so I haven't got a clue where or when I am. Would you mind enlightening me?" He smiled his toothy smile again.
"Enlightening you? What are you talking about?"
"Which planet are we on, for starters?"
"Well, we call it Cybele …" replied Captain Nice, perplexed.
"And how long have there been humans on this planet?"
"You mean –"
"When did people first come to Cybele, captain?"
"Around eight months ago," said Nice. "But how is this relevant to –"
The Doctor put his hands into his pockets, and looked out over the plants. "You came here to mine, is that right?"
Nice nodded. "Yes, that is correct."
"Good, well, that isn't relevant to anything actually, but how long do you estimate Cybele's year to be?"
"Cybele's –"
"Yeah. How long's it take to go round its sun?"
"About fourteen Earth months, I think. At least, that's what I seem to remember being told."
The Doctor nodded, as if encouraged. "So … you just assumed when these plants started popping up that this must be something that happens every year here, but as you hadn't been here long enough to tell …"
"Are you saying these plants don't grow here every year?" asked Nice. "Then how on earth …"
"How on Cybele," the Doctor corrected. "Well, you see, the thing about Oddish is that during their early stages of colonisation they look like plants."
"They look like – What do you mean, colonisation?"
"I mean, colonisation," said the Doctor. "Oddish are an intelligent semi-herbaceous alien lifeform thing. They spread by means of seeds, y'know – like plants on Earth. Like plants in most places, to be honest. Anyway, their seeds get carried hundreds of light years through space, they land on a planet, get buried in the ground, and then – they grow."
"They grow?" said Captain Nice, sounding slightly shocked. "Into what – these plant things?"
"Bit more than that," said the Doctor, taking his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and kneeling down again. "Hang on, if I can just persuade this one to wake up just a teeny bit early …"
He pressed a button. There was a buzzing noise, and a pale blue light fell across the leafy plant. Then it seemed to shake slightly.
"Here we go," said the Doctor brightly. "Brace yourself."
Captain Nice breathed in, and tried to look like he wasn't the sort of man to feel nervous about the shrubbery. The leaves shook slightly, and Nice felt a strong temptation to do the same. That or run away, anyway. He had visions of a host of terrible creatures – black monsters of soil and rocks, killer space worms, mile upon mile of strangling root … Or else this Doctor fellow was just some lunatic. This was 2367 after all, why should he believe in any such rubbish?
There was a shower of earth, and something popped up from the ground. It was small, round and bulb-like, blue, with two tiny feet and even a little face. The leaves seemed to be growing from the top of its head. It was almost – Captain Nice hesitated to admit it – almost cute.
"'Ello!" said the Doctor to the Oddish, and then decided it was time for introductions. "Oddish – Captain Nice … Captain Nice – Oddish."
Captain Nice would not have offered the Oddish a hand to shake even if the Oddish had appeared to have hands. "I thought you said these things were a real problem, Doctor," he said.
"They are!" said the Doctor, then, noticing the look on the captain's face, continued, "At least, they are in large numbers. These things popping up all over Cybele – you won't stand a chance. They'll take you right over – mining's not gonna be practical any more, is it? But one of 'em – no threat whatsoever. Say hello!"
"I – Good morning," said Captain Nice shortly.
"Right," said the Doctor, smiling his smile once more. The Oddish seemed to be studying him curiously. Then he stopped smiling, and sighed. "I suppose I'd better be going," he said. "Why don't you and Odd-Oddy-Oddish here get to know each other, and maybe you can come to some agreement …"
He walked gloomily back to the TARDIS. Maybe they would come to some agreement. But he doubted it. Neither humans nor Oddish had much tendency for agreements. One of them would wipe out the other, or vice versa – almost certainly. Either the humans would destroy the Oddish before they had a chance to grow properly, or the Oddish would come out of the ground – in just a few weeks – and drive the humans away. There was no point trying to interfere. That was how the Universe worked. There was nothing he could do.
Nothing he could do.