Setup: The picture linked below inspired the story you're about to read. The reasons behind the picture, why she's leaving, where she's going, what he'll do afterwards, are not important. The story isn't about any of that. In fact it would never happen in the world that it's set. It was just inspiration so I ran with it. The point of the story is a simple one. It's about the moment, the exact moment, you lose someone important to you. When you lose someone who's changed you, made you more or whole. Not in death, but in life. When they come to you and say "I love you, but I can't be with you." Then they're gone. I tried to capture a tiny part of that. I hope I came close.
It's barely over 1000 words so it won't take long to read. My apologizes for grammatical and punctuation errors but I don't have an editor and editing your own writing is fidgety at the best of times. I wrote this on a whim in about an hour. I hope you enjoy it.
THE REGRET OF HOPE
( Inspired by Imgur pic iOEQV )
She brushes past him. He looks down and sees her bare feet peek out from under her dress as she walks. The dress trails behind her so as she moves past, it slides across his boot. He lifts his head a fraction to look into her face as she turns to face him. The white oval of her face shines up at him with vibrant eyes, her pink lips with a hint of a smile. A hint, that she understands all things unsaid.
When he speaks to her it's deep and quiet as if he fears his words might cut her. "It stops when you are with me. How do you do that? How do you make it sleep?"
She reaches to him touching her slender fingers to his chest, eyes still looking up at him. "How do you live when it's awake?"
"Moment to moment. I can see no further than that." He lifts his eyes from her and looks to the sky filled with stars. "But when you're here, I can see further. The moments become something else; Like a gift of the future. It makes me long for it to sleep forever or that it would just curl up and die."
She drops her hand from his chest. "I can't stay, I never could. I'm sorry." The subtle smile fades from her face. She keeps looking at him even though he looks to the stars. She caresses his features with her eyes; committing the shape and lines of his helmetless face to memory for later reflection.
"I always knew you couldn't stay. Ones like you never do. It doesn't mean I couldn't hope."
The regret and pain of his words are immense like him. She can feel it radiate from him like a furnace. She hopes that he'll survive the future. That he won't succumb like so many others to what's inside him. Rotting him away slowly. She wants him to survive. He is special to her.
She finally looks away from him and turns to look at the stars as well. She wonders which he's looking at or maybe he's simply looking at the black spaces in between them. "What will you do when I'm gone?"
"I'll wish you weren't."
"Will you cry?" She glances at him when she asks this. She's not even sure that he can.
He sighs. "No"
"But you will hurt and it will be awake. How will you cope with it all?"
"I'll keep it inside or unleash it on others. I'm sure in some way they deserve it, most people do. Or perhaps I'll find someone who reminds me of you. And hurt them."
"Like you want to hurt me?"
He looks down at the ground shaking his head from side to side in small movements.
"Never you." He can't look at her. He knows if he does, something will break. A brace will fail or the hull will breach. Something will come loose and he'll make the wrong choice in a chain of wrong choices. He must let her go and he knows it. He wants to do it with a little dignity and pride. It's all he seems to have left now. He refuses to lose those things as tattered and threadbare as they are.
"Just someone who reminds you of me? Do you really hate me that much now?"
He doesn't answer because he has none. What he feels for her some may call love. He doesn't call it this because it never felt like they said it would. It was something else. It was different. It was powerful and intoxicating but painful. A struggle of emotion against emotion. Contrary passions at each other's throats fighting for supremacy. When she was with him, he calmed. He could feel her warmth and caring. A soft light of radiance illuminating him, making any shadow impossible. When she was gone from him the anger and spite rose up and ruled his every thought. Now that she was going to be gone for good, there would be nothing good left to feel. It was a kick in the chest that bruised his heart and clotted his blood. The light she shined on him would flare, then go out as if someone took a baseball bat to a lamp. All that's left would be the sad loneliness of pain and failure. The failure he felt for succumbing to her. For letting her show him something he knew he shouldn't have. For harboring hope, when it was only ever denial.
She turns to go. He wants her to say the words to him. Just once before she's gone. He knows she won't, but he wants her too.
"You can't say it, can you?"
She turns back and looks in his eyes. She hesitates then says softly, "I... I love you." He bends down menacingly quick towards her face and studies it. She takes a small step back from him for the first time in fear. He didn't think she'd say it, but she did. Something is wrong with the words though, they have no effect on him. They taste empty and hollow even though they came from her. Her feelings for him have passed but she says the words anyway, this moment before she's gone.
He growls low to her, "Now I know what it looks like when someone like you lies." She hangs her head and pulls a ruffle in the dress absently. He straightens still peering down into her face.
She tells him, her voice small and filled with regret, "I thought it would make it a little easier for you. To have the words."
"I don't need your commiseration. All I ever wanted was you." He hates this. He doesn't want to talk anymore. He simply wants to leave. For her to go so it can be over. So he can go back to whatever is left of his life.
"I'm sorry." She turns again and leaves. The dress trailing behind her lightly brushing the ground. He looks at the stars again then turns to ask her if she'll at least miss him. She's gone. Her small footprints go for a couple of meters then disappear. He stares at them for a long moment wondering if she was ever real.
end