2 Months, 6 Days, 4 Hours, 18 Minutes (give or take). That's how long Tommy's been back. That's how long I've sat and wondered what we were, if we were even anything at all. Before he left we shared an amazing kiss, one that wasn't taken back and tossed under the rug. Tommy even asked me out on a date, only to show up late and tell me that he was leaving and not sure if/when he was coming back. Well he came back. And now, 2 Months, 6 Days, 4 Hours, 20 Minutes (give or take) later we've gone back to that artist/producer friend role where we use sarcasm to cover up what we really want to say.
Jude sat in her kitchen, pen in one hand, coffee-cup in the other. As she wrote down the last of her thoughts she began to stare out the window. Everything she has written had been corrupting her every thoughts and she had figured putting it on paper would help her sort things out. Instead, all it did was make her face the fact that she still didn't know what Tommy felt for her. If he even felt anything at all for that matter.
Sadie came into the kitchen and saw Jude starring out the window, lost in her own world. To say she wasn't worried about her sister would be an understatement. Its not that Jude was in any sort of trouble, its just that she always seemed to be keeping to herself lately. More then once Sadie found Jude spaced out, lost in her thoughts and it didn't take a genius to figure out whom her baby sister was thinking about. Tom Quincy.
Sadie knew the effect Tommy had on women, once being a victim of his charm. She also knew that whatever hold he had on Jude was that much stronger. When it came to Tommy, Jude saw no one else. The same went for Tommy when it came to Jude. They had a way of leaving the world around them and making themselves the only ones in the room.
"Jude," Sadie called out. No answer. "Jude," she tried again, this time walking towards her. Still, no answer. "Jude!" Sadie all but screamed as Jude, being startled by Sadie's sudden presence, jumped up in shock.
"Geez Sadie, what a way to scare someone."
"Jude, I've been calling your name for the past five minutes. What's going on with you?" Sadie asked her sister, concern written on her face.
Jude gave Sadie a puzzled look. Unsure of exactly what her question meant and even more unsure of what her answer was. "Nothing's going on with me. I just didn't hear you. I must have been caught up in a new song."
"Jude, you can fool yourself all you like. You can even pretend you were working on a song but we both know what's really on your mind."
Jude stayed silent, not wanting to admit it out loud.
"Or should I say who?" Sadie asked, breaking the silence.
Being the stubborn person that she was, Jude just shot her an irritated look. "I don't know what you're talking about Sadie."
"Tom Quincy"
Nine letters. That's all it took to make up his name. And it was those same nine letters, when put together the right way, that made her heart skip a beat and her pulse quicken. The sparkle that came into her eyes when said name was mentioned wasn't lost on Sadie.
"Jude, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Either confront Tommy and tell him how you feel or move on." Sadie stated, as if it was that simple.
Jude shook her head ridding what Sadie had just said from her mind. "It's not that easy Sades. Besides, Tommy already knows how I feel about him. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. And if he's not ready to share his feelings with me then why should I be the one willing to jump off the cliff first?"
"You know Jude, maybe it time you and Tommy just let go. If neither of you can face what you want then maybe you shouldn't even bother. And furthermore, if he's to much of a coward to tell you how he feels then he definitely doesn't even deserve you."
Jude appreciated what Sadie was trying to do and was grateful to have a sister who carried so much. A part of her even understood what she was getting at. But, deep down she really did believe that Tommy deserved her, even if he himself didn't think so majority of the time. No matter how hard she tried to fight it she knew that she was in love with Tommy and even thought that he loved her too. Not in that – I'm in love with him I hope he loves me too kind of way. She genuinely felt that he loved her. She just couldn't really explain how she knew this. A simple touch, look, or smile was all it took from him to justify her beliefs. But that wasn't enough. She needed more before she allowed herself so willingly to jump. Before she allowed herself to give herself to him, again; and not risk getting hurt, again.
"Don't worry about me Sades, I'll be fine." Jude gave her sister a smile as she hopped off the chair and began walking towards the door. She looked back at her sister, "I gotta get to the studio. There's something I need to get down, I'll see you later"
"Yeah sure thing, later." Sadie replied, watching Jude grab her things and leave the house. She really hoped that whatever it was Jude had to get down would help her figure things out once and for all.
Jude arrived at G-Major and headed straight to Studio C. She really needed to sort things out in her head before she was ready to confront Tommy about anything. She needed to write.
On her way into the studio she bumped into Spiederman. He was on the phone and was having, what appeared to be, a very important conversation. At least she assumed so by the way he looked at her when he noticed her coming towards him. Not wanting to interrupt him she simply waved and lifted up her journal to him. He nodded at her, understanding that she was going to write in Studio C.
Jude sat in Studio C thinking back on everything that happened in the past three years.
She thought about her past relationships, her times with Tommy and what everyone had to say. In the end, her decision on Tommy was hers and hers alone to make. However, she needed to reevaluate what everyone's been telling her. What he himself has been telling her.
"He doesn't deserve you."
"I don't deserve you."
Everyone, including Tommy, seemed to believe that to be true. Jude however felt different about the situation. Jude truly believed that he deserved her, just as much as she deserved him. Which is why she had been waiting for realization to hit him.
Who knew that she would be waiting this long though? Was there anything she could do to make him see what he himself was so afraid to open his eyes to?
All she wanted was to hear him admit what she so willingly did with every song she sang, every look she gave, and every touch/embrace they shared.
She needed him, she just wasn't sure if the same was true for him.
She opened her journal and jotted some words down. She noticed the page to her left and what it had written on it. The last time she had written in her journal was the week that Tommy had left. She couldn't figure out what would have made him just up and leave the way he did. Why he couldn't tell her what the situation was. Why she couldn't make him stay, make him come home sooner, make him…
Jude let out a sigh. She loved him. That was the bottom line and maybe she was a fool for doing so. As much as she loved him it was still a mystery to her just how much he loved her in return. Did he love her at all? Was she just imagining everything she thought she felt from him?
Hours had passed since Jude arrived at G-Major and locked herself in Studio C. It wasn't until someone knocked on the studio door that she broke out of her music-writing trance. She opened the door and saw Tommy standing there, leaning against the doorframe with a small smile on his face. Her stomach did a flip and she secretly cursed herself for being so effected by him.
"Hey girl. Have you been in here all day?" Tommy asked as he slowly walked into the small studio. Sitting down on the available chair. Jude nodded and just looked at him.
"I got worried when you didn't show up and weren't answering your phone." Jude quickly reached into her pocked and noticed the many missed called she had received. Most were from Tommy, with the occasional few from Sadie as well as others.
"I put my phone on silent and must have lost track of time. Sorry."
"Well I just hope you got something good out of all that time." He said with a smile.
"It's kind of silly actually, now that I think about. Not really my usual thing. Also, I was kind of thinking we should talk before I play you the song." Jude said with an almost shy look to her face, one that Tommy isn't quite sure he ever saw come across the face. The Jude Harrison he knew was never shy.
"Okay, what did you want to talk about? Are you having problems with the music for the song? Do you need to work on a hook? Fix up the lyrics?"
He was ready to talk about anything involving her and any music she had created. He was ready to talk to her about anything she wanted to talk about. However, what she wanted to talk about was the last thing he expected to hear, and that, he wasn't ready to talk about.
"I want to know where we stand, what we are…"
"What we are..?" Tommy repeated, more so as a question, with a confused look on his face.
Jude began to pace the room, her hands moving with every word she spoke. "It's just that before you left, we kissed and then we we're going to have a date and then you just up and left. No explanation, no nothing. You didn't even answer my calls. Then you come back and yeah you explained everything and I forgive you but I just want to know, what are we? Are we friends? Co-workers? More…"
Tommy was starring at her as she paced up and down the room with her swinging hands. He was actually getting a little dizzy. "Jude I --" She looked at him as he spoke and noticed the hesitation in his voice and before he got a chance to say anything she cut him off. "Because even as a friend I would expect more from you. When you left without a word I didn't know what happened. I didn't know if you were okay, if you were in trouble. Nothing. I felt so in the dark."
"Jude, you have no idea how sorry I am for doing that to you. I felt like such a dick for coming so late and leaving the way I did. Darius wouldn't let me tell anyone. You know how he is when it comes to his own personal life. And I didn't want to lie to you so I figured not talking to you and not having to answer the question I knew you would have had would be better. I never wanted you to think I cared any less for you or that you meant nothing to me."
"I know Tommy, it was just so difficult and confusing in the moment. But you've been back for months now and I still sit and wait for something to move forward with us but it just continues to stand still. I just want—"
Spiederman entering the studio cut her off. "Dudes, we gotta get whatever song you have for today down. Darius said 'Time is money and he isn't paying you to sit around.' Plus me and the guys were kinda hoping to cut out early to check out this new club…"
"Okay Spied, let's go and get this down." Jude grabbed her journal and guitar and started heading out of the studio, she looked over her shoulder "you coming?" "Yeah" Tommy got up and followed them to Studio A.
When Tommy walked in he noticed that everything was already set up. Kwest was sitting already in engineering mode. Tommy sat down on his chair and put his headphones on.
Jude was in the sound booth explaining to SME the direction the song was going in. Tommy heard her play a few cords on her guitar assuming she had done so in order to give the guys and idea of what the song sounded like.
Tommy gave the count and on 3 the band began to play and Jude began to sing.
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know
And maybe there is nothing
That I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ought to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do!
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
Love me love me
Say that you love me
Leave me leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...
Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not lead to solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray, and I beg
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
So I cry, and I pray for you to
Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care 'bout anything but you...
Anything but you...
Love me, love me (Say that you love me)
Fool me, fool me (Go on and fool me)
Love me, love me (I know that you need me)
I can't care 'bout anything but you..
While the song was being recorded Tommy's producer side took over him as he worked on the faders and sound levels. That's not to say that the message of the song fell short on him. He heard every word loud and clear.
They only recorded for one take because SME was so anxious to go out. Which was fine because something in the song was off. Jude heard it and so did Tommy. The music for it had to be more developed before it could get laid down as a track.
Jude was helping the guys pack up their stuff, which left Tommy with some time to think about the song.
"What did you do?"
Tommy looked at Kwest with an innocent look on his face. "I didn't do anything. We've barely even argued since I got back."
"Well maybe that's the problem." Kwest stated in a matter of fact way.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Tommy asked in a defensive tone.
"It means that you should either grow a pair and tell Jude how you really feel or give her a chance to find it with someone else. You don't know what it was like for her when you up and left without so much as a word. She was a mess and you two weren't even an item. Not that you are one now. Point is, Jude cares for you. So stop being a fool and tell her what she needs to hear."
"It's not that easy." Tommy was about to continue but he noticed the look on Kwest's face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. He also noticed that Kwest was no longer looking at him but towards the door. Tommy tuned in his chair and saw the back of Jude's head she already managed to make it out the G-Major doors and was out in the blink of an eye.
Tommy sprung out of chair and ran after her, calling out her name in an attempt to make her stop. By the time he reached the G-Major parking lot Jude was already in her car and driving away. Tommy let out a sigh as he tried to think of where she would go right now.
She wasn't sure why she ran. She wasn't even sure if it was the right thing to do. But hearing Tommy say that it wasn't that easy for him to admit his feeling for her hit her harder then she liked to admit. It's not that he said he didn't love her, which would have hurt just as well. He said it wasn't easy to say what she needed to hear.
There were so many ways that she could interpret what that meant. In that moment, when she first heard those words her mind raced to all the worst interpretations. It's not easy because he doesn't feel the same way. It's not easy because he likes her but doesn't love her.
After going through all the worst interpretations she really thought about it. This was Tommy she was referring to and as weird and difficult as this situation between them currently was she knew him. That's something that not many people got the privilege of saying. Right now all she got out of it was that he was a coward and scared. That she could deal with.
She knew now that leaving like that wasn't the smartest thing to do. To bad she was stubborn and acted first and thought about things later. Using that time to think was helping Jude clear up her thoughts. She found herself in front of the rehearsal space. Stepping out of the car Jude walked towards the building making her way into it and walked up the stairs to the floor of the rehearsal space.
She walked into the rehearsal space and was greeted with the shock of her life. There, on the couch, was Spied and Karma making out with barely any clothes on. To say that she was shocked was an understatement. She let out a gasp and the couple broke apart, lips swollen. Four eyes stared at her and she stared back. "I'm, ugh, I, okay." Jude stammered and walked back out. She looked back at the door and shook her head, getting the image of what she just witnessed out of her head. She made a mental note to burn down that couch the next time she was there.
She made her way down the stairs lost in her own world and next thing she knew she felt herself colliding into something.
After Jude drove off Tommy ran to his car and went to the one place he thought she would go right now, the rehearsal space.
When he arrived he noticed her car parked at the front and was never as thankful for a moment as he was just then.
He quickly made his way into the building and began trotting up the stairs. All he could do was think about what he would say to Jude. He cared for her deeply and wanted nothing but the best for her. Even if the best wasn't him. Which majority of the time he believed it not to be.
He was so lost in everything that he didn't realize he had just walked right into Jude.
Two bodies collided. The look on both faces was of utter confusion. "Tommy what are you doing here?" "Jude, I need to explain. What you heard I—" "No Tommy. You don't have to explain. I understand. I really do." "Jude I do care about you, I don't want you to think that I don't I just…can we go somewhere and talk?" "Ugh, sure. The space is a little, um, preoccupied at the moment though." "Okay lets just go to my place."
They both got in their cars and Jude followed him home.
When they arrived they walked into the house and stayed quiet. It was hard to find the words that needed to start the conversation they had hanging in the air. So, to make it less awkward Jude did the one thing she knew to do, she went to raid Tommy's fridge. After all, it was the middle of the day and she barely had a thing to eat.
She rummaged through the fridge and found nothing to her liking. Not that it surprised her really Tommy was a health freak. Twizzlers were his only food vice. But she loved that about him, especially the little hint of sugar the came off his breath.
He watched as she tried to find something in his fridge, knowing that there would be nothing there that she would like. As much of a health freak as he was he found it adorable at what a crappy food habit she had. She found joy in the absolute worst of foods and cringed at the sight of any food colored green. He let out a chuckle.
"Why don't you try the top cabinet to the left of the fridge?" Jude took her head out of the refrigerator, closed the door and looked at him confused. He met her confused look with one of encouragement. So she did as he suggested. She opened the cabinet and found right next to his stash of twizzlers a box of Strawberry Pop Tarts. A smile came across her face and she reached for the box, opening it and grabbing one of the silver wrapped packages from it.
She took a bite out of the delish snack, an "mmm" sound escaping her lips. "Why do you have this?" She asked Tommy as she continued eating. "Well I know how much you love your Pop Tarts and I know that you hate everything I eat so I got a box just in case you ever found yourself in the mood for a snack when you're here."
"Tommy, that's one of the nicest things I think anyone's ever done for me. I've been here like two times." "I know, and both of those times you managed to bitch at me for having nothing good to eat."
He was sitting on the couch and Jude walked over taking the seat near him. "Tommy about the song, I don't want you to feel obligated to just come out and tell me things that you aren't ready to share. I just need more from you. I can't just keep wondering."
"I heard the song and I don't want you to think that I don't care because I do. It's just not easy for me okay. There are things about me that you still don't know and I'm afraid that when you do find out about certain things from my past you'll stop looking at me the way you do. That you won't believe in me any more and I more scared of losing that then anything else."
"Tommy who you were in your past shaped you into who you are now and who you are now is the person I care about. Stop trying to protect me from yourself. I'm here and I'm willing to let you in. I'm not asking you to go on TalkNation and confess your undying love for me. I'm not even asking you to tell me that you love me. I'm just asking for a little more then you've been giving."
Tommy couldn't believe how grown up she sounded in that moment. It was like she was the adult and he was the confused teenager. She had a way of expressing things that made him forget about her age. She had a way of seeing into him that made him afraid of just how well she really knew him.
In that moment he wasn't sure what came over him. Maybe it was how close they were sitting, her knee touching his, the scent of her perfume, the look in her eyes. Maybe it was just time. The next things he remembers doing was grabbing her to him and attacking her lips.
Tommy's sudden action shocked Jude and she let out a gasp as his lips touched hers. Tommy took this as an opportunity to slip in his tongue. The soft caress of his tongue on hers brought Jude back to reality and she kissed him back full force. She repositioned herself into straddling him giving her leverage over him. Tommy broke apart from the kiss first and she saw the want in his eyes, her own eyes mirroring his. He moved his lips along her neck causing a moan to escape her lips. The sensation she found building up in her was one she never felt and one she knew only Tommy could stir up. While he teased her with his lips she found herself pressing down on him and moving her hips, trying to create a friction to ease the ache she was feeling.
As she pushed down harder she heard him groan and was now aware of the hard-on he currently had. As realization hit, her cheeks turned a light shade of red. Tommy's lips found hers once again and this time he leaned her down into the couch, hovering over her as they continued their actions on each other. His hand felt its way up her thigh into her shirt and she dug her hands into his hair, the feeling of his skin on hers causing her to shiver.
She couldn't remember taking her shirt off but she did remember what it felt like when Tommy's mouth began sucking on one of her perked nipples. Being so exposed to him and loving every second of what she was feeling caused a sudden boldness to overcome her. While he toyed with her nipples her hand reached down and found its way into his jeans. She grazed her hand along his member the only thing separating her skin from the feel of his was the thin cotton of his boxers. And still, that one little touch brought her into a whole new state of arousal, knowing that she had such an effect on him without even doing anything to him.
He pressed into her, a moan escaping her lips. "Tommy…" He looked down at her and she licked her lips biting at the corner. He was slightly out of breath from the intense kissing they were doing. "Jude, we don't have to…if you want we can just stop." She placed her hand on his face and looked up at him. "Let's go to your room." All he could do was nod. He slowly lifted himself off of her and followed her into his bedroom.
She got to the bedroom before him and when he walked through the door he found her lying on his bed, the look of seduction and lust displayed on her face. He pulled off his shirt to expose his chiseled chest and defined stomach. She liked her lips as he walked towards the bed. "If you keep looking at me that way I won't be able to control myself much longer." Tommy said as he crawled up the bed, settling in between her legs and placing a kiss on her lips. She felt the smile his lips formed as they touched hers. "I don't want you to control yourself," Jude said in between kisses.
Tommy began placing kisses on her neck, past her breast, down her stomach and then found himself face to face with her jeans. He looked up at her and saw the confirmation in her eyes. He slowly undid the button and unzipped the zipper. He slowly pulled her pants down alone with her underwear. He noticed how her stomach tightened from her sharp intake of breath. While standing he undid his pants, leaving himself in only boxers.
He climbed back on top of her, getting lost in her lips. Her soft moan, caused by the feel of him against her, left him with a need to be one with her. But he knew he had to be patient. He knew this was her first time and he didn't want to be greedy. He needed to show her just how important she was. And that scared because he never cared about anyone's needs but his own. Maybe he really did love her. He placed that thought in the far back of his mind and moved his hand along her silk skin.
His hand glided down her stomach towards her center. The heat below was like a magnet and he was drawn to it in more ways then one. He spread his finger in between her lips feeling how moist she already was and inserted it into her center. Her hips bucked up and she let out a deep breath she wasn't aware she was holding in. he inserted a second finger and took her lips into a hard kiss. The sounds escaping her lips were driving him mad. She was close he could feel her tightening against his fingers. He left her upper lips and went for her lower ones. His tongue licked against her folds and slipped in between them. As his fingers worked their magic on her his tongue lapped up the liquid that spilled out of her.
Her whole body shook, her hips bucked up as she felt this intense pressure build up inside of her anticipating its release. When she did cum she felt her mind go blank and everything around her was a blur. She was pretty sure she screamed in those moments of release but her brain wasn't registering much just then. Tommy came back up and kissed her, his lips still glistening from her juices and she tasted herself on him. A foreign taste to her but one that turned her on even more so then she already was.
"Tommy," she said in a soft moan "more…I want to feel you in me." She grazed her hand against his hard chest and lowered it to his boxers, tugging them down. Tommy watched as her hand moved to remove his boxers, his member being exposed as she pushed the fabric down. Seeing him so exposed left Jude in a stunned state. She just couldn't help but stare at him, well more so his member, not him-him. She was caught in a trance and seeing him that exposed had her fascinated.
He moved off of her to fully remove his boxers. In doing so he made his way over to his nightstand and reached for a squared packet. Jude watched as he placed the rubber circle down his shaft. She didn't speak, just watched. A part of her found it hard to believe that this was actually going to happen. She was never so exposed to someone as she was in that moment and that wasn't what scared her. She wasn't even scared of the fact that she was about to give herself so willing to Tommy, that she was free falling off the cliff. What scared her in that moment was the slight doubt that this was in fact happening and not some dream, because if this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up again.
Tommy settled in between her legs ones again resting his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and took in her scent. "Jude…I want you to know something." She looked up at him and saw a look in his eyes that she never noticed before and couldn't quite figure out what to name it as. "I care for you in a much deeper way then I can even understand. Maybe that's what love it but I don't want to say that. I don't want to 'fool you' I just want you to know that this isn't something meaningless to me, you're not something meaningless to me."
Hearing him say those words, even if the "I love you" wasn't included confirmed everything she ever thought. It gave her the peace of mind she had been waiting for and so when the next five words escaped her lips she wasn't even shocked to hear herself say them. "I love you Tom Quincy."
They shared another passionate kiss as he positioned himself at her center. He steadied himself above her and slowly slipped himself into her core. He went slow, not wanting to hurt her in any way, although it was killing him he wanted nothing more then to make this as special for her as he could. It wasn't until Jude began to moan that his self-control started slipping.
Jude started to move more with him. Things that she didn't understand she seemed to want. Like for him to go faster and harder. With every moan she found herself asking for just that. "Ooh Tommy, that feels so good go faster." She expected herself to be embarrassed by this but she wasn't. She knew she had nothing to be ashamed of with him. He complied with her every demand and when her need for release began to reach its peak he let himself go. He felt her tightening around him and let out a hard groan as he thrust into her with more force. She bit down on his shoulder as her body let out its release, the pressure getting him to reach his own as well.
He stayed in her even when the aftershock subsided, not willing to part from her just yet, their foreheads resting against each other, soft breaths escaping their lips.
After what seemed like forever, Tommy slipped out of her and rolled over to the side of the bed. He turned towards Jude, lying on his side with his head supported by his hand. As he looked down at Jude he noticed the bright smile spread across her lips and a look of easy on her face. As her eyes met his she let out a small giggle. "What is it?" he asked with a smile. Her energy has such an effect on him that he was amazed at how a small giggle could bring such a grin from him. "If I knew writing that song with bring us here I would have written it months ago. Maybe that way we could have been having more fun with ourselves." He leaned over her, "who says the fun stops now?" he asked in a husky voice.
His lips met hers and he rolled her over so that she was on top of him. It was the middle of the day and they had months to make up for and that's exactly what Tommy planned on doing.