Me and leefpool are co-writing Random One-Shots- Harry Potter Edition! We will be taking turns adding segments to each chapter until we think the word count is all right. This idea came to life when we were talking randomly about Harry Potter.
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. If we did, we would have died from having to do public speaking.
When the Muggles Noticed. . .
The Dursley family. . . well, you know all about them if you're reading this don't you? Harry's relatives, don't like magic, consider themselves normal, yada yada yada.
Well, back to the point.
It was just a normal evening, September first. That was, until they sat down to watch the news.
". . .people were literally disappearing and appearing in King's Cross Station this morning. While the people who disappeared have mainly been doing it through the wall between platforms nine and ten, and carrying strangely large trunks which often had animals such as owls, cats and toads on them, they have also disappeared in seemingly random places.
"The people who have appeared have also done it in seemingly random places, and they have also done it by appearing from the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Whether this is some kind of advanced and unknown projection technology, or just a joke pulled by teenagers, is yet to be confirmed. Although detectives have been on the scene and think it may be a combination of both, seeing as most of the population which was disappearing were between the ages of eleven and eighteen.
"One part which suggests it being projections, is that the detectives have not been able to find a way to through the barrier in the same way as the people who went through this morning. Detectives and police officers will look further into this, but for now, over to Jim for the weather!"
All the Dursleys could do was stare.
Nearly a Year Later
"Breaking news! Some of you may not remember, but one school year ago, on September first, we reported on a case of what was most likely a combination of immature teenage stunts and advanced projection technology; people disappearing and appearing in King's Cross Station! Today, the same has happened, and we have had an unbelievable amount of people questioning on it, specifically people who remember the report from last year. For those of you who don't, we will replay a recording now to either jog or add to your memories."
This time, the Dursleys could do something. They glared at Harry.
Invisibility Marquee
On this spot, on the night of 31 October 1981,
Lily and James Potter lost their lives.
Their son, Harry, remains the only wizard
ever to have survived the Killing Curse.
This house, invisible to Muggles, has been left
in its ruined state as a monument to the Potters
and as a reminder of the violence
that tore apart their family.
And all around these neatly lettered words, scribbles had been added by other witches and wizards who had come to see the place where the Boy Who Lived had escaped. Some had merely signed their names in Everlasting Ink; others had carved their initials into the wood, still others had left messages. The most recent of these, shining brightly over sixteen years' worth of magical graffiti, all said similar things.
DIE, POTTER!- Bellatrix Lestrange.
If you read this, Harry, we're all behind you!
At this one, Harry spun around.
"But there are twenty-eight of us and none of us is an Animagus, so we wouldn't need so much an Invisibility Cloak as an Invisibility Marquee-" -Hermione, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
He looked, but there was no one there. So he reached out a hand, and felt silky fabric, which he grabbed, and the Invisibility Marquee slid off the crowd of unsuspecting wizards…
Harry let out a muffled yell and jumped backwards, knocking Hermione over in the process. "Wha- How-?"
The wizard in front stretched. "Ah, it's been years since I've been able to stretch my limbs!" He seemed to notice Harry for the first time. "Ah, there you are dear boy, it seems you have fallen over." He held out a hand to help him up, but Harry didn't take it. "When did you lot get here?"
The man let loose a jolly laugh. "When? We've always been behind you! When you were a baby in your crib, when you when getting that Philosophers Stone- ALWAYS. Even when you were swimming in the lake to retrieve that red haired young man. His hair is even redder than Lily's, I must say."
Halloween Parties
Tomorrow, it was Hallow's Eve. Snape had special plans that day. . . special plans for his House. And he still hadn't sorted it out.
He sat in his dungeon office, hand on his forehead, trying to sort through all of the things on his desk. There wasn't enough! Why must Slytherin House be so large? Not that he was complaining, but he didn't want to spend all his money on this. Maybe he could ask some other teachers to lend him a few Galleons.
Just then, the door opened, and a certain, messy haired boy stepped in. "I'm here for detent-" then the boy saw what was on Snape's desk.
Oh, how could I forget that Potter boy was coming tonight?* Snape quickly stood. "Potter. . . yes. I am afraid the detention is cancelled tonight. Leave at once, and if you tell anything you saw here to anyone, I can assure you, you will be facing a year's worth of detention sorting through the dirtiest of the Hogwarts laundry."
The boy, too frightened by how Snape appeared at the moment, left at once. The greasy-haired man slumped back in his chair. No matter the fact of how horrific it was, he was sure the threat had gone straight through the boy's head. He would no doubt be telling the know-it-all and the freakishly-tall-for-his-age red-head. And there was no possible way the rest of the school wouldn't hear about it after that.
Halloween
Snape sat in his place in between the Headmaster and the witch who always had a bit of dirt on her hands. He was enjoying some nice chicken, and, though no one noticed it, sneaking sweets into his robe pockets. Well, he was enjoying himself up until the point where Dumbledore turned to him and asked the question.
"Oh, Severus, I've been meaning to ask you; when are you giving your gifts to your House?"
Snape paled. "How did you know about that?!" he snapped.
There was a twinkle in the old man's eyes. Well, there always was, but it seemed to grow brighter now. "Isn't it obvious? I stole Alastor's eye."
Somewhere far away, Moody was staring (with his only eye) at a note on his bedside table
While Snape was preoccupied with Dumbledore, Harry turned and poked Ron and Hermione.
"Wha?" Was Ron's reply through a mouthful of food, to which Hermione gave an exasperated look. She then turned to Harry.
"What is it, Harry?"
"You know last night, when my detention was cancelled?" They both nodded. "Well, when I went in there, Snape was sitting at his desk. And you know what was on it?" His two friends shook their heads impatiently. "Sweets! Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. . . there was even Acid Pops!"
Ron choked on his food, and Hermione had to pat him hard on his back to make it stop.
"W-what?" He managed.
"Sweets! And a large banner, too! It said, 'Slytherin Private Halloween Party. Sweets for Everyone Clad in Green.'" Ron managed to choke on his new mouthful of food at that.
Back at the staff table, Dumbledore seemed to remember why he had started a conversation with Snape, and he held out his hand. "Well, since you haven't given those sweets, would you mind adding these to their number? I don't think enough wizards know of Muggle sweets." And of course, his hand was full of lemon drops.
A Monument to the Potters, by Rita Skeeter
On this spot, on the night of 31 October 1981,
Lily and James Potter tragically lost their red and black haired lives.
Their daughter, Harriet, remains the only witch
ever to have been killed by the Living Curse.
This house, invisible to Magic Folk, has been left
in its perfect state as a monument to the Potters
and as a reminder of the goodness
that tore apart their book club.
First Year List: Type-os
People stared more than ever on the train. Hagrid took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a canary-yellow circus tent.
"Still got yer letter, Harry?" he asked as he counted stitches.
Harry took the parchment envelope out of his pocket.
"Good," said Hagrid. "There's a list there of everything yeh need."
Harry unfolded a second piece of paper he hadn't noticed the night before, and read:
DOGSHORTS SCHOOL loves WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
UNIFORM
First-year students will inquire why they need:
1. Three sets of plain work robes (highlight pink)
2. One plain pointed hat (magenta) for day wear
3. One pair of protective gloves (Muggle type or similar)
4. One winter cloak (mint green, bright red fastenings)
Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry lame rags.
COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of the following:
The Standard Book of Kills (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk
A History of Mystery by Bathilda Bagshot
Magical Tragedy by Adalbert Waffling
A Beginners' Guide to Confusion by Emeric Switch
One Thousand Magical Hurts and Uncles by Phyllida Spore
Magical Laughs and Notions by The Weasley Twins
Fantastic Grease and Where to Hide it by Severus Snape
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Dejection by Quirrell Fake Trembles
OTHER EQUIPMENT
1 wand
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size, blue)
1 set glass or tear drop vials
1 landscape
1 set brass whales
Students may also bring a towel OR a hat OR a code
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN LEMON DROPS
Harry blinked down at the list. "Err, Hagrid, are you sure it's supposed to be like this?"
"Like wha'?"
Harry showed him the list.
"Tha' can' be righ'. . ."
Far away, a woman named Minerva McGonagall was sipping her tea when she decided to review the first year list. Upon reading it, her eyes grew wider and wider, until she got to the book list. Then she spat out her tea, and marched to the Headmaster's office.
"ALBUS!"
The old man looked up from where he was smiling at a letter written in the neatest handwriting one could imagine a letter to be when it appeared to be all in capitals. The writer of the letter must have been very angry. "Yes, Minerva?"
"What is this?" she shoved the list at the man's face.
"It is the first year list, of course! Although, it seems to have been written while the person who wrote it was half asleep. But for now, I must send a reply to Mister Malfoy."
At Malfoy Manor, several days previous
Draco hid his eagerness to rip the envelope open, and simply tore away the wax seal. Upon taking out the letter and reading the list, however, his nonchalant expression changed to one of shock, horror, and fury.
When they saw the look on their son's face, the two parents frowned. "What is it, Draco?" Wordlessly, the boy handed the list to his parents, who each read it in turn. Lucius stared down with disgust written all over his face.
"It appears Hogwarts is now more corrupt than we thought. I will express my fury through a letter to their senile Headmaster." And with that, he swept out of the room.
House Elf Rights
"You all right then?" Hermione whispered to Harry.
"No, he's still stuck in the bog," said Ron.
"Oh, very funny . . . It's horrible, isn't it?" she said to Harry, who was staring up at the statue. "Have you seen what they're sitting on?"
It was then that Harry noticed what the chairs were made of. House Elves. All woven together in painful looking positions, with ugly little grins on their faces.
He turned to look at Hermione, and was startled by her expression. Pure anger. And she was holding up a sign that loudly proclaimed "CAMPAIGN FOR HOUSE ELF RIGHTS, THEY DESERVE TO BE FREE."
Harry face-palmed. "Hermione, can you stop with the Spew business?"
"Not Spew, Harry, S.P.E.W.! The House Elves deserve their freedom!" She grabbed the arm of a passing Ministry worker. "Excuse me, do you want to join my Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare? They deserve freedom! Wages and sick leave at least!"
"Um..."
They had only to look at the wizard a little longer before realizing that it was Arthur Weasley.
"M-Mister Weasley!"
He squinted. "Ah, Hermione- Wait, what are you doing here? Out! GET OUT! BEFORE THEY FIND YOU!
Every head in the Atrium turned to look to look at them.
"Oops."
Just as Sane
"Don't worry, I can see them too. You're just as sane as I am."
After this incident, Harry Potter went insane from believing that he was.
*I don't think Harry had detention the night before Halloween, but it was necessary for that little one-shot.
Leafdapple: There you have it! Funny? Hilarious? Leave a comment!
leefpool: Guess which ones I wrote? I mean really, guess! If you can guess which ones are the ones I wrote and which are Leafy's, you can request a segment about a certain thing! Do it through PM (and we will tell you if you got it right through PM, too), though. We don't want people who look at reviews to get spoilers. If you're a guest, though, you don't have to do it through PM. Maybe try being vague but descriptive at the same time. . . ? Ah, tell it however you want. And tell us which you thought was funniest. I vote First Year Type-os! XD It wash sho funny. Remember to review. I eat reviews, you know. They're good for the author segment of my brain.
Both of us: FLAMES WILL BE USED TO ROAST UMBRIDGE
-Leafdapple3
~leefpool