Coming Home - Kouichi's Return

by beancounter22765

After two years, the twins papa is back.

Coming Home: Kouichi's Return

Kouichi sat on his futon, running his hands through his hair. He couldn't sleep. The two kids who ran into him earlier today were about the age Aoi and Akane were now, three to four years old. Where had the last two years gone?

Even after two years, the pain of losing Misaki was still sharp. He didn't want to face the fact that he would never see her again. Kouichi just wanted to continue pretending that he was away on a business trip and Misaki was waiting for him at home with the twins. But it wasn't working anymore.

After a fitful night, Kouichi decided that he would go back to the house for a visit to refresh his memories of his life there with Misaki. It should be empty since his mother was working abroad, his brother lived near the TV station where he worked, and the twins were probably in Shizouka with Misaki's family. Not with her parents because her mother had been seriously injured in the same accident as Misaki. More likely Aoi and Akane would be with one of Misaki's cousins or aunts and uncles.

Maybe after a visit to the house he would consider making the trip to Shizouka to see his father-in-law and ask how the twins were doing. It would all depend on what state he was in after his trip to the house.

As Kouichi stood on the sidewalk in front of the house, he hesitated to go in. It did not look like it had been abandoned for two years. It looked well-cared for and lived in. Maybe his mother had rented it out or maybe Seiji had gotten married and received mother's permission to move in. "Oh well," he thought, "maybe his father-in-law would have the answers." In any case, Kouichi did not feel comfortable about entering the house without knowing who was living there now.

Just as Kouichi was about to leave, he saw a young woman with a boy and girl walking down the sidewalk in his direction. If the young woman had been five years older and her hair was curlier, he could almost imagine that it was Misaki. Maybe she was coming some from taking the twins to the park, or the library, or the store. He could just imagine her apologizing for losing track of time and telling him dinner would be ready soon.

Before Kouichi had taken more than two steps, the young woman said, "Excuse me…" When he turned back, there was a look of surprise-or perhaps recognition-on her face. When he turned around to walk away again, she exclaimed, "Wait…" Then the boy said tentatively, "Papa?"

Kouichi froze at the boy's question. Turning slowly back around again, he faced the young woman and the children. The girl exclaimed, "Yes! It is papa!" With that proclamation, the children began chattering excitedly at the young woman.

After quieting the children, the young woman addressed Kouichi. "Are you Matsunaga-san's brother?" she asked. Then she introduced herself, "My name is Nakamura Shiharu and I am the babysitter for Aoi-kun and Akane-chan."

Kouichi was not ready for this. He had only meant to come to the house to refresh his memories of Misaki. He was not ready to confront his children that he had not seen in two years. He did not know how to react to this young woman that the twins were clinging to. If she was the babysitter then she was probably working for Seiji. And he most definitely was NOT ready to see his younger brother. He still felt pangs of guilt about asking Seiji to look after the twins for one night and then disappearing on him.

Shiharu was conflicted about what she should do. The twins were finally seeing their father after two years. She was only the babysitter, so it really was not her place to invite him into the house. But this was his family home, so he should come in. Shiharu nervously said, "I apologize for being presumptuous, since I am only the babysitter. Please come in and wait for Matsunaga-san to return from work."

Reluctantly Kouichi followed the twins and the young woman into the house. As had become their routine, the twins entered the house and said, "I'm home!"

Kouichi stood frozen in the entryway, overwhelmed by the flood of memories of his life here with Misaki. He could almost hear her sweet voice saying, "Welcome home." He could almost see her standing there in the kitchen doorway wearing a cute little apron, fresh from making dinner.

After a moment, he was distracted from his memories by the gentle voice of the babysitter. "I apologize. It may not be my place, but 'Welcome home'." Then the twins joined in as well and shouted, "Welcome home!"

All of this was just too much for Kouichi to process. He had walked away two years ago. He had given very little thought to the house, Aoi, or Akane during his fall into the abyss of despair as he tried to comprehend and process Misaki's death.

He still felt trapped in the dark abyss of loss and the only response he could articulate was, "Sorry for the intrusion." He felt as if he were intruding in a stranger's home. The dark part of his mind taunted him with the thought that Seiji had taken the house and the twins, brought in this young woman, and was living the life Kouichi should have been living with Misaki.

Shiharu and the twins were confused by his reaction to their greeting. Unsure what else she should do, Shiharu continued with the regular evening routine. First they hung up their coats, then they straightened their shoes in the entryway, and finally they started doing their chores.

Still deep in thought, Kouichi removed his coat and shoes and took a seat at the kitchen table. Unsure what else she could do, Shiharu made him a cup of tea and left him to his thoughts.

Aoi and Akane peeked into the kitchen, curious about their father who had finally returned. Though he was 'papa' they were too shy to approach him directly because they barely remembered him apart from the pictures of him with mama at their grandparents' house.

Unsure what else she could do, Shiharu sent a text message to Matsunaga-san at work to let him know that his brother was at the house right now. That was all she could do about the situation so she started to make dinner. The twins would be hungry soon and it was easier to wait with something to do.

Seiji was concerned when he saw that there was text message from Nakamura-san. She almost never contacted him at work. There must be some emergency with the twins. He should have felt relief when he read the text and found no emergency but he knew that Nakamura-san must be very anxious around his brother, a complete stranger to her.

All he could do for now was send her a text message that he would be home soon. Seiji went to inform his supervisor that there was an emergency at home and he was leaving right away. His supervisor knew about Seiji's situation and trusted that it had to be important because Seiji would never have asked to leave so abruptly otherwise.

When dinner was ready, Shiharu asked the twins' father if he wanted to eat with them. He replied, "I'm not hungry," and returned to his thoughts. Shiharu was not hungry either but she sat at the table to keep the twins company.

Shiharu was not sure how to react to Matsunaga-san's brother. He looked and sounded so much like Matsunaga-san but he seemed so withdrawn and acted almost cold toward her. She worried that she had offended him by being so familiar with the twins and the house. After growing so close to Matsunaga-san recently, his brother's presence was making her doubt her right to be there. "Please come home soon Matsunaga-san," Shiharu thought dejectedly to herself.

Just as Aoi and Akane finished eating, Matsunaga-san walked in the front door. Shiharu went to welcome him home but his attention was on his brother. During the commute home from work, Seiji had more than enough time to contemplate his feelings toward his brother. Two years of pent-up frustrations and anxiety pressed in on Seiji. Barely maintaining control of his temper, he asked, "Nakamura-san, please take the twins upstairs. My brother and I need to talk."

His request did nothing to calm Shiharu's nerves. They rarely went upstairs and then only to move things in and out of storage. She collected the twins and the books they had picked up at the library earlier that day. Then she gently herded Akane and Aoi up the stairs to give the brothers privacy to talk.

After watching the trio climb the stairs, Seiji turned back to Kouichi. With barely controlled anger, Seiji growled, "Where have you been?" When Kouichi did not even attempt to answer, Seiji's two years of worry and frustration came to a head. Unable to contain his temper any longer, Seiji punched Kouichi in the jaw.

"Is violence how you've learned to deal with things?" Kouichi asked his brother, rubbing his jaw. "That hurt and you even cut the inside of my lip."

Seiji growled, "That is the first time I have hit anyone since becoming an adult. You have no idea what I have gone through for the twins. How could you just abandon them like you did?"

Shiharu had just begun reading one of the library books to the twins when they heard the loud CRASH downstairs. Worried, she went to the door and opened it slightly to listen. She heard only the faint hum of voices. The twins crowded around her legs, trying to leave the room. Because there was nothing to alarm her, "They are just talking, "she assured the twins and shooed them back into the room. Then she began reading the book again.

Downstairs the brothers were having a barely contained argument. Seiji demanded, "Where have you been? Why did you run off like that?" How could you leave Aoi and Akane alone like that? Why didn't you just ask for help?"

Kouichi answered dully, "You have never been married or had children. You have never lost the one you love. There is no way you can understand how I was feeling or what I was going through."

"You say you loved Misaki? Then how could you leave the children that she gave birth to for you. Do you realize how dangerous it was for her to have children, given maternal mortality rates? She risked her life to give you Aoi and Akane. How could you just walk away from them like that?" Seiji raged.

"Just shut up!" Kouichi responded, "Shut up!"

Seiji would not stand for his brother telling him to 'shut up' so he punched him again.

Once again the crash was heard upstairs and Shiharu surmised that the brothers were fighting. She told Aoi and Akane, "I am going to check on them. You two wait here." Akane and Aoi both insisted, "We want to come too." As Shiharu tried to dissuade them, she was surprised how they worked together to open the door themselves and headed for the stairs.

The voices from the living room were clearer now that they were downstairs. Seiji shouted, "I may not understand everything but I did know enough to ask for help. Just because you are hurting, does not mean that you can walk away from everything. I know that is what our mother and father did to us. They hurt each other and walked away, leaving you and me to deal with the consequences. You don't understand…"

"I do understand," Kouichi interrupted. "Every day I think about leaving Aoi and Akane and I regret it. But every time I think about…" At this point, Kouichi broke down. He just could not continue because the thoughts of losing Misaki were just too painful.

Reaching the living room door before the twins, Shiharu peeked in and saw the tense postures of the two brothers. She had no idea what to say or how to diffuse the situation.

Before she could react, Aoi pushed his way around her and stood between the two men. Shiharu tried to explain that they heard a loud noise and they were curious. Before she could coax the twins back upstairs, Aoi looked back and forth between his papa and his uncle. Facing his uncle, he said timidly, "Don't be scary."

Stunned silence met Aoi's simple words. He took all of them by surprise. Kouichi looked through his fingers at his son. Seiji was shocked at Aoi's perception, remember the last trip to Shizouka and the grandfather's rebuke that the twins were the ones to decide the relationship with their father, not him. Shiharu did not know how to react and settled for just trying to keep her tears in check.

Silently Kouichi got to his feet and started for the front door. Seiji called after him, "Where to you think you are going?"

"I need to cool off and clear my head," was Kouichi's subdued reply.

Akane was frantically trying to get Shiharu's attention. Shiharu was finally able to understand that Akane saw the blood on her papa's lip and wanted him to have a bandage. As Shiharu retrieved the bandages, she heard the front door close.

Akane wanted to go after her papa and give him the bandage but Seiji picked her up. "It's too late for you to go out," Seiji told her, "You can give it to him when he gets back."

Shiharu contemplated the bandages in her hand and then notice that Kouichi had left without his coat. It was only March so the night was very chilly. Shiharu said, "I will go find him and give him the bandage. He couldn't have gone far. Akane, you stay here with Matsunaga-san and I will be right back."

"No, Nakamura-san, don't…" Seiji started to protest. He remembered how anxious she had been around his brother earlier that evening. It was also late and he did not want her walking around alone so late at night. He was disarmed, however, when Akane said, "Okay."

Seiji tried a different tack, "Nakamura-san, he is an adult. He will be fine."

Shiharu replied, "He forgot his coat and it is chilly out. I'll just go give it to him and I will be back soon."

At first, Shiharu was having trouble finding Kouichi. She decided that he might have headed for the train station. It would be safe and warm there. Then she saw him sitting on a bench in the park shivering.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Aoi was asking his uncle some very difficult questions. The first he asked was, "Did you fight with papa?"

As much as Seiji wanted to deny it, he knew that he had to tell Aoi the truth. That was one of the lessons that Shiharu had taught him during the last two years, he had to tell the twins the truth, even if it made him look bad. "Yes, Aoi, I did."

Aoi replied, "Shiharu-tan said hitting when you fight is not nice."

Seiji responded contritely, "She's right. But sometimes adults have to be punished when they do things wrong."

Aoi was confused by the word 'punished' and looked quizzically at his uncle. "Do you hate papa?" Aoi questioned. "No, I do not," Seiji replied truthfully, with a smile.

While Seiji and Aoi were having their 'man-to-man' talk, Shiharu was approaching Aoi's papa. "Pardon me, Matsunaga-san's brother, but I brought your coat."

Shivering, Kouichi wrapped the coat around himself and said, "Thank you." He was not sure how to act around the babysitter. She was a stranger to him and he didn't know what to say to her. There were so many ways that she made him think of Misaki.

"By the way," Shiharu said, reaching into her pocket, "Akane sent these for you." Handing him the bandages, she continued, "She saw the blood on your lip and thought you might need them."

The look on Kouichi's face soften as he took the bandages. "It's amazing. It has only been two years but Aoi and Akane have grown to become so caring and considerate. I don't deserve it. I am still the same as I was two years ago."

Shiharu was confused by Kouichi's comment that he hadn't changed in two years. "I thought you came home because you wanted to be a family with the twins again," she remarked tentatively.

With his shoulders hunched, Kouichi admitted reluctantly, "That wasn't the reason I came back. I'm not really sure what prompted me to come back. I just had a vague, unsettled feeling. I couldn't keep hiding from the truth. I can't go back but I also don't know how to move forward. Facing the twins means that I have to face the fact that Misaki is gone, never to return.

When I was working, I saw a boy and a girl about Aoi and Akane's age that looked like what I imagined the twins would look like now. Subconsciously, that made me want to come back to the house and the memories of my family.

I never expected to see them here. I thought they would be in Shizouka with Misaki's family. And when I saw them, I really did not expect to hear them call me 'papa.' I have been away over half of their lives. How do they even remember me?"

Kouichi looked embarrassed about his monologue and said, "I'm sorry. As just the babysitter, you probably don't want to hear this."

Haltingly, Shiharu said, "Pardon me, but I know… I mean I know what it feels like to be left alone by the one you love."

Kouichi's eyes widened in suspicion at Shiharu's words. "How could someone so young know what it feels like to be left by the one she loved," he wondered. "Is she trying to compare the loss of a school girl crush with my wife's death?"

Then Shiharu started to talk about her life. "My father died before I was born so I never knew him. My mother never told me much about him but there must have been some conflict between their families. I never knew my father's side of the family and my mother's side shut us out. It was just my mother and me for five years.

She loved me and taught me so much in those five years. When she died, I didn't know what to do. She was my whole world and suddenly she was gone. Her family didn't want me. I was so scared and all I could do was cry when I was taken to the orphanage.

But then I remembered her warmth and her smile. I still have those so I can look ahead and be positive. I have the love she gave me and the lessons she taught me.

Even though she is not here with me anymore and I can't touch her hand or talk to her, in my heart I know she will always be with me. She lives on in my memory.

That is why, even though you lost your wife, you have to remember that you are not alone. While you have Akane-chan and Aoi-kun by your side, you should cherish this time with them. Otherwise, you will regret missing the chance!" Shiharu became more vehement as she spoke of the twins.

Shiharu suddenly realized that she was admonishing an adult and she flushed in embarrassment. Then she stammered, "I'm sorry. I'm just the babysitter. It's not my place…"

"It's okay," Kouichi soothed. He couldn't believe how he had misjudged this girl. In a way, she knew loss even greater than his.

Shiharu blurted out, "Forgive me for being rude," as she turned and dashed away.

Kouichi sat silently on the bench, contemplating both Seiji's and Shiharu's words. Seiji was right. Misaki had risked her life to have the twins. So many things could have gone wrong and he could have lost her even before the twins were born. The joy and pride of being a father had overshadowed those worries.

Shiharu was right, too. He needed to cherish the time he had with the twins. She only had memories of her mother, no siblings and no extended family. Not only did he have Misaki's memory and the twins, he also had Misaki's family and his own brother. It amazed him how this young woman could have such a positive outlook on life when she had no one—no parents, no siblings, no extended family. At least he had his parents and brother growing up, even if his parents were essentially absent since he and Seiji's teen years.

"Misaki, I am sorry for my selfish behavior for the last two years. I so sorry," thought Kouichi as he recognized his embarrassment of relationship riches. Finally he started to see a possible way to move forward and begin living again.

Shiharu was startled to run into Matsunaga-san and the twins as she headed back to the house. Matsunaga-san looked relieved and said, "I'm glad we found you, Nakamura-san."

"You all came looking for me?" she asked.

"Because you were gone so long, I tried to call you cell phone but it rang in the living room," Matsunaga-san replied. "We were worried that something might have happened to you. I didn't know what state of mind my brother was in."

Nakamura-san looked sheepish and said, "I didn't realize that I forgot my phone. I am sorry that I worried you." Turning to Akane, she continued, "I gave the bandages to your father. He praised you for being caring and considerate." Akane lit up with pride hearing that her father had praised her.

The four of them walked home together in silence with Matsunaga-san holding Aoi's hand and Nakamura-san holding Akane's.

As soon as Matsunaga-san closed the door, even before they had taken off their coats, he grabbed Nakamura-san's hand. She was startled and turned to look at him, blushing prettily. Even though they had grown closer since his confession on White Day, her heart still beat rapidly whenever they touched.

Nakamura-san looked at Matsunaga-san and he said, "Thank you for being here. If you had not been here to catch Kouichi, who knows when we would have seen him again.

Thank you for all that you have taught me since we met. I know that I should not have hit my brother. I don't know what would have happened between my brother and me if it had been for you. We definitely would not have been able to talk. Hopefully he will return soon, and we can finish our talk, both of us with cooler heads."

Nakamura-san felt her heart warm at Matsunaga-san's words as he squeezed her hand gently and then released it. Finally, they removed their coats and shoes. Then they followed the twins into the house.

After getting the twins dressed in pajamas, she took them to their room where she settled them in for the night. She finished reading the library book but Aoi and Akane were not read to fall asleep yet. Matsunaga-san looked into the room and remarked, "Usually they fall asleep halfway through the book when you read to them. I remember that time not long after you started babysitting for us when I even fell asleep listening to you read. Your voice is so soothing."

Nakamura-san replied, "It's probably all of the excitement today. Their father's return definitely has them excited. It took longer than usual to read the book because we were interrupted several times. Finding our place each time disrupted the flow of the story, so it did not relax them as it usually does."

Leaving the twins to play quietly in their room, Matsunaga-san and Nakamura-san moved to the living room. "Hopefully your brother will return soon. I may have been rude with some of the things I said to him. I would hate to think I drove him away." Nakamura-san said nervously.

Before Nakamura-san could say anything more, the doorbell rang. When Matsunaga-san opened the door, it was his brother. After closing the door, Seiji glanced down and asked, "Why are you wearing my shoes?"

Kouichi looked down at his feet and sheepishly replied, "I wasn't thinking when I left. I just stepped into the shoes that looked my size."

Seiji looked serious and asked, "Have you cooled down? Are you ready to talk?"

"Yes," Kouichi replied nervously.

"Good," Seiji replied, "Then, welcome back."

Tentatively Kouichi replied, "I'm home."

Just then the twins burst into the entryway. Akane said, "Where is the bandage? It's no on papa."

Kouichi knelt down to Akane's level and started to explain, "The cut is inside my mouth…" Then he decided to just put the bandage on his face to assuage Akane's distress. "Thank you, Akane," Kouichi said, "And thank you, Aoi, too. Thank you for standing up for me today. I'm sorry for selfishly leaving you two."

With that statement, the tense atmosphere in the house dissipated.

Suddenly Nakamura-san realized how late it was and she exclaimed, "Pardon me, but I have to go home." Aoi and Akane were upset that Nakamura-san was leaving. Usually they were asleep by the time she left to go home. The she smiled and reminded them, "Your papa is here to put you to bed tonight. I will see you tomorrow."

After Nakamura-san left, Seiji asked his brother, "What are your plans for tomorrow?

"I need to go to Shizuoka to see the Takegawas and apologize," Kouichi replied, "I only hope they will talk to me. I'm sure my disappearance hurt them a lot."

Seiji said, "I have gotten to know them during the past year and I know they are anxious for your return. I hope you will come back here afterwards and tell me how things went."

"I'm sure there are things you and I will need to talk about after I talk to them. I don't know how long I will be or when I will get back. I'll text you if it will be after ten." Kouichi assured him.

The next evening Nakamura-san had gone home before Kouichi returned from his trip to Shizouka and his talk with the Takegawas. "I'm home," he announced quietly as he came in the front door.

"Welcome home," Seiji answered from the kitchen, "How did things go with the Takegawas?"

Kouichi walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea. "It was better than I deserved. I'm so late because Mr. Takegawa was out all day. We have more to discuss but there are tentative plans in place. The Aoi and Akane will move to the Takegawa home as scheduled. I have some things I need to do to prove myself before any changes will be made."

Seiji nodded and said, "I have tomorrow off, and I would like you to accompany me to the child care center to drop off Aoi and Akane. While we're there, we will register you, so you can drop off and pick them up, even though they won't be there for much longer. Afterwards we will go to Takeru's and thank his family for all of their help"

"I understand," Kouichi replied. "Hey, Seiji, the Takegawas were really impressed with all you and Nakamura-san have done for Aoi and Akane. I'm amazed at the caring and considerate kids they have become."

"Well, Kouichi, I can't take any credit for how the twins have matured. You remember how much our parents left us on our own. Nakamura-san has been incredible with Aoi and Akane. I'm pretty sure she did some training of me during the past year and a half, too."

After a few minutes of silence, Kouichi seemed to make up his mind about something. "Seiji, Nakamura-san is an impressive young woman. If you don't mind me asking, how did you meet her?"

Seiji chuckled softly, "It's a bit of a long story, but I don't mind telling you.

For three months, I had been trying to do it all on my own. Several times I attempted to hire a babysitter but none of them lasted more than a few days. The twins were crying constantly and were afraid of strangers. Day child care helped but my work hours were erratic, and the center was not available at the odd hours I needed. I was exhausted, the house was a mess, and the twins were crying all the time. I finally decided that the only thing I could do was request a transfer at work to a job with regular hours, so I could be more available for the twins.

The day I turned in the request to my supervisor, he begged me to reconsider and I was late getting to the child care center to pick up Aoi and Akane. At first, I thought I had fallen asleep in the taxi and was dreaming. When I walked into the child care center, I saw Aoi and Akane happily clinging to a young woman that I had not seen before. They had been so afraid of strangers and now here they were clinging to apparently a newly hired university graduate.

I knew without a doubt that I needed this young woman as a babysitter for the twins. I was so sleep deprived and desperate that my request came out sounding like a marriage proposal. The sensei and Nakamura-san both looked scandalized until I explained I was offering her the job of babysitter, not indecently propositioning her.

I was a little shocked to learn that she was not a university graduate, but a sixteen-year-old high school student. She had just started working at the center to gain experience and save up for university. Her plan is to have her own child care center after she graduates from university. Working at the center was convenient for her because it was attached to the orphanage where she lived. Because the head of the orphanage was aware of my situation with the twins, she allowed Nakamura-san to accept the job of babysitter."

"Wow," Kouichi murmured, "She really is someone special. When she followed me out that first night, she told me how she had been an orphan since she was five. It's incredible that she is so gentle and caring after living such a hard life so far."

Seiji blushed slightly and responded, "She is very special, to Aoi, Akane, and to me. We think of her as a member of our family."

Kouichi's eyebrow raised slightly. "There has not been anything inappropriate going on, has there?"

"NEVER!" Seiji replied vehemently. Taking a breath, he continued, "I have done my best to maintain a proper relationship with Nakamura-san. It has not been easy at times. When we take the twins on outings, people are always commenting about the 'cute little family' and there have been instances when someone could get the wrong idea about our relationship.

I will admit that I fell in love with her when I met her. It took me nearly a year to realize that fact. I just this year confessed to her on White Day when I gave her a gift to thank her for the chocolates, she made me on Valentine's Day. I also told her that because she is so young and there is such a gap in our ages that I would wait ten years before pursuing a relationship with her. I want her to have the opportunity to experience the world before she makes up her mind about me."

Kouichi held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, nothing inappropriate. I can't help being a protective older brother. Hopefully, you two will have a great life together, like Misaki and I had for too short a time."

Clasping his brother's shoulder fondly, Seiji said, "I hope so, too. Just so you know, I'm really glad you are home."

"It good to be here," Kouichi replied, "There's no better feeling than coming home."