Note: This story has been EDITED for content. Go to my webpage for unedited version.
A Night to Chase Away Loneliness
by Aqua
Disturbed
Hotohori threw his blankets off of his body, not caring when they fluttered to the floor in a heap. The cool night air rushed against his skin at the movement, but were unable to get rid of the heat in his veins. He had been woken by a vivid dream, something he was ashamed in himself for having to admit dreaming in the first place. It had been primal, and certainly nothing appropriate for a man who had to worry about his country as he did.
He did not know who featured within his dream, he just had the vague impressions of heat and skin, hair curling around his body as they had rolled around upon his bed in a fit of passion. He'd been rubbing and thrusting, feeling tight legs clamped around his hips. Hotohori himself had been crying out his passion, his lover's own cries echoing in his head even now.
Now, here he was, wide awake and alone. His body was still pounding with its desire, hard and tight to the point where it felt very uncomfortable.
For a brief moment, Hotohori wondered if he should perhaps call someone into the room. He'd never thought of doing it before, having never quite been in this situation before. However, he quickly discarded the thought. He was not going to do something as embarrassing as to call one of the women of the harem in here, even if that was what they were there for. Unlike others who had sat in the throne before him, Hotohori refused to give into the desires of the flesh.
Decision made, the young emperor lay back in his bed and forced his eyes to close. For a brief moment, hazel eyes and violet hair flashed within his mind but he quickly pushed the thought away, forcing himself with all of his will to fall back asleep.
Part 2
Discovering Him
Hotohori made his way through the gardens slowly, enjoying the night air for once. He'd finally finished his duties for the day and had decided that he wanted a nice walk in the gardens. Since he'd had that dream several days ago, it had been repeated itself every night to the point where he was almost hesitant to go to sleep. It was simply too disturbing for him, having this dream lover return every night.
Instead, Hotohori had decided to go for a walk in the gardens until he felt tired enough to drop off without fear of having that intoxicating dream. The night air was pleasant against his skin, overheated from so many hours having to wear his thick robes. His hair was loose for once, fluttering around his body. It had been giving him a headache, and it was late enough that Hotohori was rather certain he didn't have to worry about someone spotting him in such a fashion.
It was then that Hotohori heard someone humming. Confused as to who could be out here at this hour, the young emperor searched around for the other person he could hear.
When he spotted her, his breath caught in his throat. She was leaning over some flowers, picking them one by one and weaving them into a necklace. Her face was peaceful and happy, her violet hair flowing around her body. Those eyes, which were so familiar to him now, were shimmering gold in the moonlight. The clothing she wore was the same type as those of the harem, but accentuated her beauty so that she was breathtaking.
He must of made some kind of sound because she suddenly jumped and spun around, moving so quickly that she ended up kneeling on the ground before him. The flowers fell out of her hands, tumbling to the ground beside her. She looked surprised, perhaps even a little frightened to see him standing there.
Smiling softly, Hotohori moved forward, hoping that his own astonishment was not visible as he fought his reaction to seeing her. How could the person from his dream be here in real life? Was he sleeping? How could someone find out if they were or not? This was certainly different than the situation in his dream, though, so perhaps... perhaps this young woman was real?
He bent and picked up the ring of flowers and gave them to her, his hand trembling slightly as her own brushed against his. "Here. I wouldn't want such a beautiful thing to become damaged. I'm sorry that I surprised you so much," he said, honestly.
"It wasn't your fault. I am startled too easily," she replied, giving a small laugh and taking the flowers. She had a contagious laugh and Hotohori found himself chuckling along with her.
"What brings you out here this late?" Hotohori questioned, kneeling beside her to help select flowers for her to finish the necklace with.
She gave a casual shrug, shifting so she could weave his chosen blossoms into the nearly completed necklace. "I didn't feel like sleeping right away. Tonight is a nice night and I wanted to enjoy it. I'm sorry if I am intruding in on you. My name is Korin, by the way," she replied.
"It's all right, I don't mind having your company. Besides, these are the public gardens and can be shared by everyone. Korin is a nice name," Hotohori replied.
She blushed prettily, ducking her head slightly. "Thank you. What name should I call you?" she asked.
Hotohori hesitated. He didn't want to lose the casual mood between them, but he didn't have the heart to lie to her either. Too often people treated him like their emperor and not like a real person, like she was now. He didn't want it to go away, this rare occurrence.
"Call me Hotohori, ne?" he said. There were not many other than his advisors who knew he was one of the seven seishi of Suzaku. He felt more comfortable using that name in keeping his identity secret. As of late, he was feeling more like a seishi anyway, and had taken to the name in secret.
A smile appeared on her face, wider than before, as her eyes lit up. "Ah, well then I insist that you call me Nuriko," she replied, laughing lightly. She knew the legend of Suzaku as well, it seemed.
"All right, Nuriko," Hotohori said, sharing her laugh.
"So what brings you out this late at night, Hotohori?" Nuriko questioned, standing now that she had finished braiding her necklace together.
Coming to stand beside her, her eyes watching his movements, Hotohori felt a strange feeling flit through his body. He recognized it from his dreams. He wanted her, despite not even knowing her past her name. For a brief moment he intertwined the thought of inviting her back to his room, but quickly pushed the inappropriate thought aside.
"I could not sleep," he said instead, looking up to the starlit sky. "I have been having troubled dreams and am hesitant to return to them."
"Doesn't it bother your wife that you are here in the gardens instead of enjoying her company within your chambers?" Nuriko questioned. Then her face went red and she lifted her sleeves to cover her face. "I didn't mean it to sound like that! I only thought that she would miss your company, falling asleep alone."
Hotohori chuckled, shaking his head. "No need to apologize. I am not married," he stated.
"You aren't? But you are such a handsome man!" Nuriko exclaimed, then went even more red in the face.
"Are you part of the harem?" Hotohori questioned, quite pleased that she had given him such a compliment. He had always been careful to keep himself looking beautiful, no matter what.
Nuriko nodded, glancing away for a bare moment. Hotohori would of missed the flash of something in her eyes if he had not been looking. "I am part of the harem, although I know that I will never be chosen. I have been here for so long and it is nearly time for the emperor to chose his bride, yet I have never even laid my eyes upon him. I believe that I could love him, but it seems doomed when the other girls talk about how often they see him."
Hotohori was silent, surprised. He had not been aware of being around any of the girls from the harem, not wanting to give the wrong impression to them or anyone else. However, Nuriko mistook his silence.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have such a loose tongue. You probably don't want to hear about all of that," she said apologetically.
Hotohori shook his head. "No, it's all right. I don't mind. The truth of the matter is that I found someone that I desire as well, whom I will never be able to have because of matters out of my control," he said quickly. It wasn't complete truth. He had found her, he just knew that he could never bring himself to sleep with her, to make her think that it could become something permanent. Although her company was a pleasure, Hotohori did not know her well enough to say whether he could ever have any type of permanent relationship with her. He wasn't the kind of man who could have a casual relationship.
Silence descended upon them for a moment, then Nuriko suddenly gave a small laugh. "It seems strange, doesn't it? Both of us are lonely and pining over someone who we will never have. Yet, we both have found each other," she said quietly, looking up at him with soft eyes. "Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad as to please each other, on a night when we both need the company so badly? I don't want to come off as easy or flighty. However, I think that when two people meet in a situation such as ours, perhaps it is something more than just coincidence? It could be destiny trying to tell us something, and it would be a shame to pass up the opportunity."
Hotohori's lips parted. Had she been able to read his thoughts? He knew it was a bad idea, yet the look in her eyes made him unable to deny it. He was longing for her, for someone whom he could be with that would take away the loneliness he had felt in his heart for so long. He dreamed of the Suzaku no Miko coming one day, he also had dreams of his phantom lover who now stood before him, offering a night of pleasure within her arms.
"I don't know," he said, his tone honest. He reached forward and brushed some of the hair from her cheek.
"It doesn't have to be permanent. Perhaps, just one night? One night in which we can be next to someone. You are an incredibly beautiful and compassionate man, and I would be glad to have one night in your arms," Nuriko replied.
"You don't know me," Hotohori pointed out.
She smiled and laughed lightly. "That's what makes it fun," she said, her tone teasing.
Moving slowly, Hotohori took a deep breath as their faces moved closer and closer to each other. Anticipation appeared in Nuriko's eyes, which fluttered closed once they were only a few inches away from each other. It seemed to take an eternity for Hotohori's lips to finally descend upon the soft ones of the young woman before him. She tasted divine, and it was suddenly as though she were the only person in the world who existed. Sweet and tangy, with a fragrance of the flowers which she had been braiding hovering around her. The kiss was very chaste, yet both of them were trembling as they pulled away.
"I feel as though I should know you," Nuriko said softly.
Hotohori gave a soft moan, wrapping his arms around her body and pressing the two of them together tightly as he kissed her again. This time it was more forceful, their lips parting so their tongues could battle. He felt Nuriko's arms wrap around his form, and it was as though they were trying to merge their bodies into one.
It was then that he felt it. Hotohori jerked in surprised, backing away slightly as he stared at the person before him. Nuriko's eyes were filled with surprise, lips parted and cheeks flushed. Lips swollen from his kisses parted to question his sudden strange behavior, but Hotohori held up a hand.
"You're a man," he stated.
Nuriko flushed dark red, bowing his head, before looking back up at Hotohori with slightly frightened and slightly hopeful eyes. "Surely that doesn't matter so much, if we will not be seeing each other again after tonight," he said.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a man?" Hotohori exclaimed. He had grown up with a lifestyle that would never allow for any kind of homosexual activity. Oh, there had been emperors before him who had taken on male lovers, but Hotohori had never even fathomed the thought in himself. His dreams of love had always been of women.
However, now that he thought of it, he could not recall the gender of his dream lover.
Nuriko was beginning to look devastated, biting his lip. "I'm sorry to of offended you. I hadn't first been thinking we would be in this position, when you first approached me in the garden. Being a man isn't something I usually announce, since I dress like this," he said.
Hotohori felt guilty as the expression that came to Nuriko's face then, the pain that appeared there. Truthfully, he didn't think he had a problem with it. It wasn't like he hadn't been around homosexual people before. It was true that none of them had been attracted to him, to his knowledge, but he had treated them the same as all others. Obviously, Nuriko thought that Hotohori was disgusted with this knowledge.
"It just shocked me. I thought you were a woman. I'm flattered that you would find me attractive," he said quietly.
Nuriko's eyes shot up to his. "Most people do not react so well. I apologize for not telling you sooner. I will be on my way," he said, turning to leave.
Hotohori's hand shot out before he could stop himself, catching Nuriko's arm as the other turned to leave. "Wait, Nuriko. Don't go yet," he said softly. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't want the other to leave. Perhaps it had been the kiss they had shared, perhaps Nuriko's words that had spoken of chasing away loneliness for a moment, or even because of his own inner, hidden desires. Any way that it worked, Hotohori knew that he still desired the person in front of him.
Surely, just one night? Just one night couldn't hurt?
Part 3
Quiet Moments
Hotohori opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. What could he say? How could he explain what he was feeling, when he couldn't even figure it out for himself? He struggled to come up with a way to let Nuriko know what he was feeling, but was stopped by warm fingers on his lips. Startled, he looked up to Nuriko's gentle hazel eyes.
"Come with me," he said softly.
Silently, the two of them made their way deeper and deeper into the gardens until they reached a small area that was rather secluded, although there was a nice grass clearing. Nuriko turned to face him, slowly undoing the sash around his waist.
"I come here often to relax. No one else has ever come here, so we will be safe to do what we want while we are in this clearing," he said quietly. The silken sash fluttered to the ground, followed by the first few layers of the dress and robes he was wearing, until all that remained was a thin white undergarment that clung to his slender, nearly feminine but definitely male, body. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. However, I am willing, and would very much like to share this moment with you."
His breath catching in his throat, Hotohori moved forward and gently touched Nuriko's cheek. Someone so beautiful, so kind, and so desirable was offering themselves to him, and he was unable to back away. In fact, Hotohori had to confess to himself that he didn't want to back away either.
"I've never done this before. The kiss I shared with you was my first," Hotohori said shyly, not really wanting to admit to his inexperience.
Nuriko shook his head. "I've never done this before either. I think we just need to do what we think is right," he replied.
"What feels right," Hotohori echoed almost silently, leaning forward to take Nuriko's in another kiss. The soft mouth below his parted slightly, and their tongues traveled into each other's mouths where they rubbed against each other, tasting each other as they discovered the feel of each other all over again.
It took many long moments for them to recover. Hotohori was breathing hard when he opened his eyes. He felt Nuriko's head resting on his chest and brought one of his hands up to run his fingers through his lover's soft hair. He didn't want this moment to ever end. He'd never felt at peace like this, as though everything had slipped into place.
Absently, he wondered if that was Nuriko's doing, or if this was how everyone felt after such an experience making love. Either way, he was relunctant to part even when he felt sleep trying to overcome him. He certainly couldn't be found here like this, sleeping in the arms of another man, even if Hotohori himself did not mind it in the least.
Hotohori gently caressed Nuriko's face and the young man looked up at him with a soft expression on his face, a pleased smile on his lips. Not wanting to tell him just yet, Hotohori leaned forward and kissed Nuriko softly.
"You need to go," Nuriko said quietly when he pulled away.
Nodding, Hotohori held him tighter for a moment. "I don't want to go. I would like to stay with you for the entire night. However, come the morning, people will be looking for me," he explained.
Nuriko smiled and shook his head. "It is all right. We may not see each other again, but I am glad we were able to share this moment. I will never regret chasing away my loneliness with you."
The two of them dressed in companionable silence, ignoring the stains on their bodies since both would be able to wash once back in their room. With one final kiss, Hotohori silently made his way out of the clearing, not wanting to open his mouth lest he end up asking Nuriko to come with him. This had to be only one night, and he knew he would remember it forever.
Just before leaving, he thought he heard Nuriko speak quietly, but told himself it couldn't be.
"Thank you, Heiki-sama."
Part 4
The Third Seishi
Hotohori frantically threw the rubble out of the way, struggling to uncover the two people who had been caught below. He called Miaka's name, frantic to be sure that she would be all right. The Suzaku no Miko had finally come, and he had already lost her. It could not turn out like this. He could only prey that they were all right. The entire gazebo had fallen upon the Miko and her guardian, and the stone tiles were certainly not light.
"Help me move these!" he exclaimed to the people who were just standing around and watching. They all appeared to be too shocked to realize that he could not lift the stones on his own.
"Excuse me, my name is Lady Korin. Perhaps I can be of assistance," a soft voice said, sounding strangely familiar.
Turning, the young emperor's eyes widened slightly as he saw a young woman before him. Or rather, a young man. Someone he had not seen for years on end and had thought he would never see again. All of a sudden, it was as though those years had not passed at all. In an instant, memories of that night came back. Skin upon skin and lips upon lips, hands touching and hips thrusting.
Backing away, Hotohori opened his mouth to say something but couldn't get more than a word out before Nuriko had placed himself before the rocks and easily lifted one of the larger pieces of the ceiling over his head, casually throwing it behind him as though it were nothing more than a pebble.
As he watched, Hotohori felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. The frightened yelps of the people around him as they dodged flying debris were not heard by his ears.
That night, this young man had requested to be called Nuriko. Hotohori had thought it to be simply because he himself had chosen to be called Hotohori. Yet, what he saw now was certainly not the capability of a normal human being. Was it true that Nuriko was actually a seishi as well? If he was, then this situation had become far more complicated than Hotohori had ever thought that it could.
It did not take long for Nuriko to finish moving the pieces of gazebo out of the way and he helped Tamahome and Miaka from where they were stuck within, a smile on his face.
Upon seeing Miaka safe if only a little scratched up, Hotohori moved forward quickly. "I'm relieved to see that you are all right," he said softly, taking her hands within his.
Miaka looked a little dazed, looking up at him before glancing toward Tamahome. She smiled then, looking back toward him. "I'm glad as well. How did we get out?" she questioned.
"I helped you," Nuriko said suddenly, coming up beside them. He glanced at Miaka and Hotohori's entwined hands briefly. Hotohori had to resist the urge to pull his hands back to his sides. Shifting his shirt down slightly, Nuriko showed them the red mark upon his chest. "I am the Suzaku seishi, Nuriko."
Hotohori tried not to gasp as Miaka gave happy exclamations over having found three of the seishi so quickly. Brown eyes met hazel for a brief moment, then Nuriko turned and made his way to Tamahome's side. Hotohori couldn't figure out why he felt saddened to see such a thing. He had been dreaming of the Suzaku no Miko for so long. Why would one night with this young man of caused such a feeling inside of him? It seemed ludicrous.
Yet, seeing Nuriko standing there with Tamahome... Even knowing that Nuriko was a man and knowing he was part of their destiny as a Suzaku seishi... Hotohori could not get rid of this feeling.
"I hope you are all right?" Nuriko said, before leaning down and kissing Tamahome softly on the lips.
Eyes shifting away, Hotohori nodded. It was for the best, after all, that Nuriko forget about that night. He probably had already, though, and that is why he was flirting so obviously with Tamahome. Pushing down the bitter jealousy within him, Hotohori made his way back to Miaka's side, where she looked just as shocked as he himself was feeling.
"Miaka, we should return to inside. I'll call a doctor to look after your and Tamahome's wounds," he said, his tone quiet.
She bit her lip, looking up at him, then smiled. It looked forced, as was his returned smile. "Thank you, Hotohori," she replied.
In almost silence, the three seishi and their miko made their way toward the palace. Nuriko answered the questions which Miaka asked him, although Hotohori noticed that his tone seemed rather clipped. It seemed strange, since his own experience with Nuriko had shown him to be caring and polite. Had the violet haired man really changed so much after three years?
Part 5
Love is Known
Whatever had passed between them was gone completely. Hotohori couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. Suzaku no Miko had arrived, the person he had grown up believing would end his loneliness, but was in love with another. The loss was biting, but even more so since the only other person Hotohori had ever imagined, in his private thoughts, to also be one to end his loneliness was also in love with Tamahome. He was twice damned.
Nuriko had dove into all of their lives with a flair, bringing smiles and jokes and laughter between the four of them. However, the emperor's own happiness brought on by the other was short lived when Nuriko began to lavish his attentions on Tamahome. While Hotohori himself was unable to forget how it felt to have the other in his embrace, it seemed as though Nuriko had given up the memory for Tamahome's attentions.
The four of them had been traveling for only a few days, but it seemed like forever to him. As they set up camp for the night, Hotohori found himself sitting alone by the fire while the other's happily argued. It was strange, but Nuriko seemed to have something against their miko. Hotohori figured it was because Tamahome obviously preferred Miaka's attentions and the purple-haired seishi was jealous.
Sighing, Hotohori stood. "I am going to take a short walk. I'll be back soon," he said when they gave him inquiring looks.
The night air was cool as he made his way through the trees. During his life, Hotohori had rarely found time to be outdoors. Now, he forced the thoughts of Nuriko and Tamahome and Miaka from his mind and focused on the nature around him. It even smelled differently out here, the air fresher than in that of the city. There was no sounds of people, but of night animals shifting around and leaves rustling in the trees.
"It is a beautiful night, isn't it?" a soft voice asked behind him.
Turning, Hotohori was surprised to see Nuriko standing a few paces away. He hadn't even heard the other man approach. Smiling slightly, he nodded. "I don't have many chances to be able to appreciate nature. I thought that a walk would clear my head," he replied.
"You have a lot of things troubling you right now," Nuriko replied with a small nod, coming to stand beside him.
The two of them were quiet for a few moments before Hotohori heaved a sigh and turned toward the other. "You shouldn't of followed me. Leaving Tamahome and Miaka together alone might place you at a disadvantage for his attentions," he stated, glad when his voice didn't carry the small note of jealousy that he'd thought it would.
"Tamahome?" Nuriko replied, as though surprised by the thought. Then he laughed slightly. "I should say the same for you, about Miaka. You are deeply in love with her, aren't you? It doesn't make sense that you would be out here talking with me instead of trying to get in her good graces."
Hearing the note of jealousy that he'd tried to keep hidden voiced in Nuriko's own words, Hotohori gave the other a surprised look. "Miaka is in love with Tamahome, as he is in love with her. It would not only be impolite to try and break between them. Besides, I have found that Miaka isn't the only one in the world that I could love."
Nuriko's breath hitched audibly and he gave Hotohori a wide-eyed look. "There could be another to hold your attentions?" he questioned.
Smiling slightly, Hotohori raised his hand to gently brush the other's cheek. "One night, you told me. A night to chase away the loneliness that we both feel. However, it wasn't one night for me. Every night since then, I've wondered what it would be like to have you in my arms," he admitted.
The beautiful young man before him seemed to wilt slightly, falling into his arms. Hotohori wrapped the other in a hug, feeling Nuriko's arms cling to his own form. "It was the same for me. When we finally did meet again, I was shocked to realize that the Suzaku no Miko had arrived. Everyone always spoke of how you would marry her one day. I couldn't help but be jealous that she would so easily win over your heart."
"I love Miaka, Nuriko. But she is not mine to have. Also, I've begun to learn that the heart is not so fickle that you can love only one person," Hotohori breathed.
"Does that mean that you could love me as well?" Nuriko questioned after a few long moments of quiet, his voice no more than the breath against Hotohori's neck.
"Perhaps I could. Or, perhaps I do," the emperor replied, holding the other close. He was never letting go. Never again was he going to let this beautiful figure go. Perhaps, they could rid each other of their loneliness. Forever.