In my job as a Galactic Ranger Officer of Peace and Justice, Or Galactic Ranger for short, I see a lot of weird things: Cat girls, Living latex monsters, and altogether weird ass shit. The last mission I undertook was one of the weirdest. It started out like any other day. I got a mission to look for a missing bounty hunter named Samus Aran. She had been last seen being chased by space pirates and crash landing on a planet's surface. I was sent to find out where she was and if she was still alive. Easy mission right? WRONG!
As soon as I landed in a remote forest I heard what sounded like a fight. There were these children fighting against a medieval style army. I hurried into some century appropriate gear, pulled on my sword and shield, and went to help. I killed many. My sword drank their blood as if it was alive. I rended heads from shoulders. I used a Francesca throwing axe and killed many men. Eventually some monsters like living plants attacked. I cut them down. Eventually the invading army retreated. I turned around and had everyone in the village pointing a slingshot at me. "I am a friend" I announced. "Are you Hylian?" they asked me. "No I am not," I said. Their weapons came down. "What was that?" I asked. "The New Hylian Army" they spat, "They think they can take our Women to be used as slaves to the evil queen Zelda." "Who is this Zelda?" I asked. "She was once our most honored Princess, but that was all a disguise. On her 18 birthday she initiated a Coup De' Te. She killed her father, mother, and any one related to her who could take her power. Anyone who didn't swear allegiance to her was either killed or made Zelda's personal slaves. She wasn't content with just Hyrule Either. She soon invaded the neighboring kingdoms. Now their princesses Peach and Daisy are her slaves." they explained to me. I realized that I must help these people and soon. "What are you called?" I asked. "We are the Kokiri." the said proudly. "I will help you. Do you know of any Rebels I could ask for help from?" I asked. "The Princes Marth and Roy would help you! The Free Gorons and Zora Tribes might also help you!" they exclaimed happily. "Okay I will need a guide for this journey. Who can accompany me?" they looked at me in sheer terror, " oh sir! No Kokiri's can exit the woods without Dying!" I looked around sullenly until suddenly I heard a voice cry out, "NO! I will accompany him." A girl with hair as green as the trees of which she lived in stepped out of one of the houses. "And what is your name?" I asked. "Saria!" she exclaimed proudly. "Okay Saria let's go."
We went through a tunnel made from a tree and entered what is known as Hyrule field. It was horrific. Piles of dead bodies and horses littered the ground. Blood had stained the grass so all was a sea of red. I gasped. Saria vomited upon the ground. That was the moment I would stop whoever was the cause of this all. Saria pointed me to a secret way into Death Mountain. There we gained support from the Goron Rebellion Force. Afterwards was a huge party. I became the sworn brother of the big boss Daruk. Afterwards Sari and I Retreated back to our rooms. "I have a question." I said. "Fire away." she said. "How come you're so young?" I asked. "Well Kokiri Never age. We are as timeless as the forest." "Oh! Well then I guess I won't feel so bad when I do this." and I kissed her. She looked at me afterwards and returned my kiss. That night Saria and I Became lovers. We went to Lake Hylia afterwards to ask for the Zorras help. They agreed. Then we went on a long journey to the kingdoms of Prince Marth and Prince Roy. They lended us their greatest soldiers.
All the armies met up in front of Hyrule Castle. "Men today we fight not only for our freedom but the freedom of all men and women! Where I come from there is a saying, A THREAT TO JUSTICE ANY WHERE IS AN INJUSTICE EVERYWHERE! So fight on my warriors! Some of you may die, but remember THE NEEDS OF THE MANY OUTWEIGH THE NEEDS OF THE FEW! OOH-RAH!" Saria whispered in my ear "no wonder I fell in love with you." I looked at her and drew her into a loving embrace and kissed her. "I love you too Saria" I whispered. We stormed the castle. We killed all who stood before us. I went straight to the throne room. There I found Zelda. "Your time has come Zelda." I yelled. But as I was yelling I noticed something strange. There were ropes coming from her back. I looked harder and a man jumped out from the darkness! "WHO ARE YOU?" I screamed. "Sasori the puppet master!' he exclaimed. I then realized where I knew him from. He was part of the Akatsuki one of the most wanted groups in the galaxy. "But you're supposed to be dead!" I yelled. "I did die. But I was brought back to life by my master to kill all galaxy rangers! And if I'm not mistaken your one of them!" he then used his Zelda puppet to attack me. I sliced through the chakra strings, and faced him. "NO!" he screamed, "MY DARLING DOLL!" and started to sob. "I'm taking you in." he then disappeared and a voice reverberated through the room "NOT THIS TIME RANGER!" and laughed. Just then Sari and the rest of the army came in. "STOP! Zelda has been manipulated. Let's go and find the others." we found the princesses and Samus in the dungeons undressed and gagged. We helped them out. I got Samus to my ship and helped her find some period clothing. Eventually everyone settled down. Zelda is trying to make up for what she did as Sasori's puppet, the princesses returned home, and the kingdoms started a new friendship. That left only Sari. It was against the rules to let anyone know about the rangers. But I loved her. So I went to her tree house one day and talked to her. I gave her this choice: I will be leaving in three days. Come to the middle of the lost woods or I will leave. That was three days ago. I am sitting in my chair right now ready to take off........
"Hey!' a voice yelled. I look out and there's Saria! "So this is your spaceship. I thought it would be bigger." she giggles. "So are you coming with?" I ask hopefully. "....................." "Come on spit it out already!" "Um...Okay!" I kissed her one last time. And now were off!
"You failed me Sasori" a high, cold voice said. "BUT MASTARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH" Sasori began before getting a violent shock. "I do not Permit Failure! Sargeras!' the voice yelled. "Yes Master" the evil titan Sargeras said. "Prepare the Burning Legion! AZEROTH IS MINE! !" it laughed evilly, "Sasori may go to IF he completes his mission!" "Oh thank you master! I will not disappoint you! THAT RANGER IS DEAD!" he yelled once more. "And Sakura shall be mine!" he whispered to himself later that evening "I will make sure of it!"