Disclaimer: Nothing. Owned. Applies to all chapters.

Luna: This character in no way resembles me, for I'm a girl and he's a boy. He's not a fan boy. He won't fall in love with one of the characters. Hell, he doesn't even PLAY videogames. Unlikely, huh? I've decided to take every cliché and redundance of every single self insertion and break it, now. This is a testament to every self insertion fic that is just plain unoriginal ( I'm not saying all are, I've seen some good ones, but still…) and my attempt to breathe new life into it.

I'll probably fail. But that's OKAY! And I wanted to use a male character cause normally I use female ones (easier to use, cause I am female) but I wanted a challenge. With that said, I present to you: THE ANTI-SELF INSERTION FIC.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1:…It…talks?!

His name was Seth Isaccs.

A teen of 5'11, slim and lanky, with light brown hair cropped to the ears and dark, almost hypnotic eyes. He was calm and quiet in demeanor, thought of his Ipod like an extension of his being and brought the thing everywhere, and liked gloves; a lot. He was 16 when it all changed.

No one told Seth when it would all just go tospy turvey.

It just…happened.

He had logged on to the infamous, social life consuming Myspace, when he felt dizzy. Normally, when one was dizzy, they step away from the computer.

But Seth had new picture comments.

So that was out of the question.

He had placed the cursor right over it to click it and then-

A blinding flash of light.

When he woke up, he was on the floor. In what seemed like a very colorful plaza.

People milled about, along with…some sort of weird dog things.

He blinked, expecting to wake up.

He didn't.

So Seth stood up, and bumped right into a bluish pig creature.

" Watch it!" it cried, and his careened into it.

" What in the hell!" shouted Seth, eyes widening.

It was only then did he notice how oddly everyone looked at him, and how oddly everyone was dressed.

Seth quickly scanned the area, and a knot formed in his stomach.

Where the FUCK am I?!

He thought logically, first and foremost, and then he decided he could let himself panic after.

So he ran down the explanations…

He could be dreaming.

He could be high ( although…he can't ever remember smoking pot)

He COULD be in an alternate dimension, but what were the odds of that?

Seth was still disoriented, and almost stepped on a short thing that bore bat wings, big ears, and a…pom-pom? He had an unexplainable urge to poke it, but he was too terrified to act on it.

" What are you doing, kupo?" it asked, irritated.

Seth couldn't help it.

He let out a girly, hi-pitch scream, just as a black-haired man was finishing a speech. The crowd was in an uproar, screaming stuff about ' going down with the Empire'.

"…Don't we live in a democracy, or something?" asked Seth, to no one in particular.

That's when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

The tapper was a girl, wearing a fitted, short, tan dress. Her hair was in blond pigtails, and he marveled how its shape seemed to defy the laws of gravity. Her eyes sparkled, with curiosity and she said, " Hey…are you okay? You kept screaming back there…"
" Uh…yeah. Just…that weird thing…there's a lot of weird things here…" he said, sounding like a brain damaged 9 year old.

"…The Moogle?"
"…Moogle?"
" Yeah, the thing you screamed at."
" Yeah, sure. What is it?"
The girl blinked in confusion.

"…Did you hit your head?"
"…Maybe."
It occurred to Seth that if he were to play by the rules of some 'dream', he'd better make up a story. Taking after his stoner friend Dave, he used a famous line of his.

" I'm just on a really bad trip."

"…Trip? To Rabanastre? Or the Giza Plains? Or…"
Seth blinked, and realized he wasn't getting through to this girl.

" High. I'm really high and confused."

"…You don't seem to have a Float spell on you."
He wanted to bash his head against a wall. It was like he was speaking a dead language or something.

" Stoned! Baked! Really, really out of it!…" he cried, and then, " …I lost my memory."

"…I see," the girl gave him a polite smile, that shouted, 'ha-ha-I'll-play-this-off-until-I'm-in-range-to-run-from-the-crazy-man'.

"…I'm Seth," he said, finally, extending a hand.

" Penelo." she said, smiling, this time, genuine.

" So…er…where are we? We're not in Pennsylvania anymore, eh?"
"…Penn…Sylvania?"
"…I'm guessing that's a no…"
" Well, Seth, its nice meeting you; but I really have to go. See ya!" cried Penelo, and took off.

Seth sighed, seemed like he was alone again. Alone and confused. He really had to work on his valid story of why he was here.

With no set destination, he found himself wandering to a bar. The barkeep refused to sell him anything, though.

He became distracted by the wall, though, it had all these posting on it. Of…monsters?
One thing resembled a tomato. And it had a sign for help for someone to slay it.

"…Are they serious?" he asked, once again to himself, "…Who am I talking to?"
As if on cue, one of the men approached him and said, " Aye, looking at that monster, are we?"
"…I guess."
" Interested in it?"
"…Meh."
" Good! Now I'll tell you where to find it so you can slay it! When your done, I'll give you a nice reward!"

" What!? I didn't-" began Seth.

" A nice reward! Of 1,000 Gil!

Gil was probably the currency. And Seth didn't know much of this world, but he did know that whatever world you were in, money was important. After all, time money.

The only thing was…he needed a weapon.

Sadly, Seth was as broke here as he was back home.

But…he did have an Ipod.

And no, silly, he'd of died before he'd of sold the thing.

He was planning to put the wire to some good use.

So, following the random man's directions, and ended up in an odd desert area.

Seth realized what a fatal error he'd made.

There was wolves roaming wide and free.

Suddenly, this seemed like a really BAD idea.

To calm his nerves, because Seth is NEVER one to back down, he blasted some Taking Back Sunday, and wore the ear phones around his neck. Stupid move, because then the wolves became attracted to the noise.

But since Seth, like any good teenager, listened to it at extremely high volumes that should shatter and wear down your ears before your at least 20. And the wolves weren't use to such noise, or music, and were temperately stunned.

So Seth ran like a little girl.

He ran past the cactus that were roaming about, and that formable dinosaur; and found the tomato thing.

Funny was it, that he was terrified of fluffy Moogles but the large ass dinosaur didn't seem to phase him in the least.

Taking his head phone wire and planning to choke the tomato thing to death. as much as it pained him, for he was a lover not a fighter and a lover of tomatoes; Seth charged.

And didn't get very far, because he collided with a guy who just moved to strike the same thing with his sword.

" Hey!" he cried, as the tomato thing ran away, due to the fumble.

The guy was perhaps Seth's age, with blond hair that he could only describe as 'flowing and Herbal Essence like', and a tiny vest that only seemed to cover his nipples.

Seriously, that thing must be drafty.

" You got in my way!" He continued, annoyed.

" Gee…sorry," said Seth, shrugging.

The guy still looked steamed, and then Seth sighed. He really shouldn't be so nice.

" Look, if we work together-"
" I don't need help," he said, stiffly.

" Aw, come on! After all, 2 heads are better than one."
" Whatever."
The thick headed guy went on ahead after the tomato thing, and Seth caught up. The guy struck at it, as some wolves surrounded them. Luckily, the music warded them off, thanks to Seth.

The tomato thing made an annoyed noise, and Seth wrapped the Ipod ear phones around it; and held it upwards for the guy to strike.

" Now!" he cried.

"…I was going to hit it, anyway…" said the guy, blandly.

He did.

And it died.

"…We did it," said Seth, not very excited.

" No, I did it,"

"…You're a cocky bastard-"

"-Vaan," he finished for him, smirking.

" Seth." said Seth, and then scratched his head, " Look, can I have half the earnings? I sorta lost my memory and…I don't know what to do…"
Vaan looked thoughtful, and suddenly seemed a lot less arrogant.

"…Alright. But if it wasn't for me, you couldn't of killed it with that…is that even a weapon?"
"…Not really. Its an Ipod."

"…I…pod?"
Seth sighed.

" Yeah…forget it."

Vaan seemed to soften a bit and said, " If you need work or anything, Migelo's always looking for people."
"…Thanks, I guess."

The 2 some traveled back across the plains, as Vaan gave him odd looks and stared at the Ipod; curiously.

What is he, like, back woods or something? He acts like he never saw an Ipod before…

After seeing the unexplainable for today, Seth was ready to collect his earnings. They entered the Sandsea, and the man was overjoyed.

Only then did he notice the fact that a lot of the people seemed…to look alike.

Weird.

After receiving his reward, split with Vaan, Seth asked, "…Whats the empire? Last time I was awake in history, we had a democracy…"
" What?…You really don't remember?"
"…No."
" Their the enemy. That's all you need to know. Anyway, I have to get to Old Dalan's place in Low Town. I'll see you around." said Vaan, and took off in the opposite direction.

" Ah…Sure."
Looks like Seth was being ditched more than that annoying friend who latches onto people and sucks out their personalities.

Oh well.

Luna: Done! Please review, and I'm sorry if its not what your used to me writing. Its an experiment…(shifty eyes) review, please?!