"What's wrong?"
A simple question, one that wasn't normally ignored. The brow of the young prince pinched together as he hovered closer to Balin's tense shoulder, not understanding the silence. Kili tried to lean over the shorter dwarf, wanting a glimpse of the parchment he held in his hands. "Is it news from Uncle?" He questioned again, huffing in annoyance as Balin stepped away from him, hastily rolling up the parchment.
"Yes, if you must know," the white haired dwarf snapped, briskly walking past the prince without a second glance.
"Wait! Balin, tell me what's going on!" Kili pleaded, running after the other. His uncle and brother left nearly a month ago to speak with the dwarfs of the Iron Hills, trying to work out some negotiations of some sorts. The details were fuzzy to Kili, having decided not to pay any attention during that meeting once he learned he was not allowed to go. He spent his weeks pouting and sulking, complaining to anyone within earshot.
He was only a few years younger than his brother, it wasn't fair that he was constantly left out of all the exciting business. And now Balin was outright ignoring him. He had a right to know if something had happened to his own kin. Just as he was taking a deep breath to continue his pestering and questions, Balin turned on him sharply, nearly causing him to bump into the elder at the sudden stop.
"Lad, please! Why don't you go wait by the front gates, hm?"
The dark haired prince blinked at him for a moment, confusion clear on his face, "The front gates? But, why would I-"
He was cut off by Balin's irritated sigh, now shoving at the boy to move down the hall, "I swear to Durin, just go! Your uncle and brother will be here shortly."
"Shortly? But they weren't supposed to come home for another week! Please, tell me what brings them home so soon!" A nagging worry started to creep into his heart, why else would Uncle come home early if not because he was forced to.
"I don't have time to answer your every question, my boy. Please, just wait for them. I must make proper arrangements for their arrival. I'll be down shortly." Before Kili had a chance to protest, Balin was already hurrying on his way, beard wagging in front of him.
Hefting a great big sigh from Kili's chest, his shoulders deflated and sagged as he slowly trudged to the gates, muttering little complaints to himself. By the time he made it to the gates, they were already swung open with dwarfs fluttering about, all in a panic. His heart sank even lower into his guts, seeing this was not a happy joyful return. From what he could gather from the pieces of conversations passing him, his uncle and his group were attacked on the road by a pack of Warg riders. As dread filled his veins, Kili shoved passed the crowd, running out into the fresh air.
Squinting against the harsh summer sun, he could make out a troupe of ponies in the distance, riding at full speed for the mountains. "I see them! They're coming!" he shouted to the dwarves behind him. He tried to spot a familiar rider among the group, but they were still too far to see. It was hard for him to resist the urge to grab a pony from the stables and ride out to meet them, but he knew would only be in the way, as restless as waiting made him. He started pacing between the great stone doors of the gates, constantly glancing out at the fields, making sure they were drawing nearer.
Balin finally appeared, followed closely by dwarf women carrying armfuls of medical supplies; some dragging gurneys behind them. Kili thought he would be sick with worry as he gaped at them, knowing they would not have been summoned unless something very grave had happened. Trying to swallow down the growing knot in his throat, Kili tore his gaze back to the fields, nearly shouting in relief as the riders finally came into sight. The excitement was knocked out of him like a blow to the stomach, leaving him breathless and reeling.
Thorin was at the head of the troupe, with Fili seated on his pony in front of him. Blood was matted into Thorin's black hair, dribbling down his chin and into his beard thickly. His arm gripped Fili's waist tightly, trying to keep him in the saddle, having long lost consciousness. Kili could barely recognize his brother, everywhere he looked he was covered in blood. Without thinking, he ran forward, only to feel power arms enclose him, holding him back. Instantly he recognized the tattoos adorning the dwarf's skin, knowing it was Dwalin who had a hold of him. He begged and pleaded for the dwarf to let him go, quickly dissolving into hysterics as he watched his brother be pulled from his Uncle's pony and placed upon a gurney.
Kili couldn't break his gaze away from his brother's limp and bloodied form, even as he was carried passed him. His uncle spared him a glance, placing a hand on his shoulder for a moment, blood smearing on Kili's cotton tunic as he spoke to Dwalin. But Kili barely registered their presence, still straining against Dwalin's thick and solid arms, wanting nothing more than to be at his brother's side. With that, Thorin's hand slipped from his shoulder, disappearing down the main corridor, being fussed over by the dwarf woman as he followed them to the healing rooms.
With his brother now out of sight, Kili's legs crumpled beneath him, slumping his Dwalin's arms as he choked back a strangled sob. "Why can't I be with him? I don't understand, Dwalin…please, I beg you, let me go to Fili!"
The larger dwarf turned him around, letting the prince lean into his chest, rubbing at his back as gently as he could. "They just need a moment to clean him up and look after his wounds. I promise, we'll go see him once we're allowed,"
"But…what if he's dying…and I'm not there," Kili croaked against the other's broad chest; his fingers gripping at the leather of his vest, his knuckles white with strain.
Dwalin grew silent for a moment, trying to pick his words carefully, not wanting to panic the younger dwarf further. "It would take a great deal more than a measly Warg pack to take out your brother. He is a Durin, just as you and your uncle are. You all possess great strength…and a historic amount of stubbornness. He will pull through this, I know it."
A small smile tugged at Kili's lips as he pulled away, wiping at his running nose and tear stained cheeks with the back of his hand. "I-I guess I'm just getting a little worked up, huh?"
"Don't blame yourself, lad. It's never easy seein' your brother hurt," Dwalin grunted, knowing the feeling all too well.
Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Kili let it out in a heavy sigh, feeling emotionally drained. "Mind if I wait outside the healing rooms? I'll stay in the hall, promise. I just want to be close to him…just in case," he asked as he glanced up at Dwalin pleadingly.
"Aye, I'll sit with you," Dwalin nodded, giving Kili a slight nudge with his foot to get him moving.
"Thank you, Mr. Dwalin!" Kili's face lit up brightly, holding himself back from running down the hallway. But Kili's smile dissolved rather quickly as they made their way closer to the healing rooms; blood decorated the stone floor beneath their feet, disappearing under the solid wooden door closing off the rooms. They could hear the muffled voices of frantic dwarves just behind the door, but as much as Kili strained his hearing, he couldn't make out a word.
Leaning back against the stone wall behind him, Kili let himself slide to the floor, staring wide eyed at the door. "I know you said he'd be alright, Dwalin….but…he's lost a lot of blood," Kili whispered hollowly, the color drained from his face. He just couldn't chase away the ache in his heart, trying not to picture just what was happening behind that door.
Scratching at his bare head, Dwalin frowned deeply, struggling to think of ways to comfort the young prince. He never was good with words, that skill belonged to his brother. Heaving out a heavy sigh, he sat next to the young dwarf, patting at his trembling knee. "Ya just have to be strong for him. He wouldn't want you out here worrying yourself sick, now would he?"
"I'm so scared, Dwalin!" Kili cried out, burying his face in his hands, fighting off tears again, "I-I can't lose him…I just can't." His voice cracked with sorrow, crumbling under the weight of his fears.
"And no one said you would," Dwalin answered wearily, rubbing soothing circles between the prince's shoulder blades.
The two of them sat in the hallway for hours; Dwalin refused to leave the young dwarf alone, hoping his presence gave the other some form of comfort. Every so often, Dwalin tried to engage Kili, but he never got a word out of him. Kili stared endlessly at the door, tensing every time they could see movement under the door, only to let out a deep, troubled sigh when the door remained closed. Later in the evening, they were brought bowls of stew from the kitchen, the other dwarves taking pity on them, but Kili merely poked at it half-heartedly before setting it aside.
Dwalin wondered if banging on the door and demanding news for the sake of the younger prince's sanity would be considered rude or not. It pained him watching Kili slip further and further into despair, the weight of his worries clear on his face. Wordlessly, he reached over and tucked the smaller dwarf against his side. Instantly Kili clung to him, his face buried against the other's hard chest. Dwalin had no words of comfort left to give; fear grew in his heart as the hour grew later. For a brief moment, the thought of Fili's death flashed in his mind, the sorrow was nearly crippling. He could not lie to himself, he was overly attached to these two boys, having watched over them for nearly their whole lives.
Before Dwalin could dwell on his thoughts any longer, the door to the healing room finally creaked open. In the doorway stood a worn and tired Thorin; the plaits in his hair were frayed and coming undone, with dark circles prominent under his tired eyes. Dwalin could feel Kili jerk against his side, gaping up at his uncle, not sure if he should run to him or not.
"He's alive," Thorin spoke in a low voice, opening his arms, inviting Kili into them. In a blur, Kili launched himself from the floor, flinging himself into his Uncle's waiting arms. A soft sob escaped the young dwarf's lips as he was held against his uncle's chest. Thorin tried to hush him, petting at his hair gently as he whispered to him. Once Kili started to quiet and his trembling lessened, Thorin pressed a little kiss to his forehead. "You may see your brother, but please, do not rile him up. I do not want him pulling his stitches open like last time."
A strangled little laugh left Kili's lips, knowing his uncle was referring to the time Fili accidently cut himself with a knife and had to get the wound restitched at at least three times. It was hard to convince the older prince to stay put when he needed bed rest, always eager to get right back on his feet and prove his worth. Thorin stepped aside for Kili to enter, closing the door behind him as he went to lean against the wall next to Dwalin.
"Ya look awful," Dwalin stated bluntly as he got to his feet.
Thorin merely punched Dwalin's shoulder harmlessly with a snort, "As do you, my dear friend. But I must thank you for staying with Kili."
Dwalin shrugged, smoothing out his beard, "Ya know I think of you all as my own family. I would never leave that boy to suffer all by himself. How is the other one?"
Thorin rubbed at his temples wearily as he let out a sigh, "Better now. A Warg caught him by the shoulder, dragged him right off his pony and bit right down to the bone. It was nearly impossible to stop the bleeding, but in a few weeks, he'll be good as new."
The taller dwarf nodded before swinging his arm around Thorin's shoulders, "Come on, ya earned yourself a tankard of ale."
"We both have," Thorin finally had some humor return to his eyes as he walked with Dwalin down the hall.
—
Kili stood frozen in the doorway as he stared at his brother's prone form beneath the thin white sheets. His long, blonde hair was freed from their plaits, fanned out beneath his head against the pillows as he slept, oblivious to his surroundings. Thick bandages wrapped around Fili's torso and shoulder, covering the stitches holding his wounds closed. His pallor was uncharacteristically pale, verging on the side of sickly in Kili's opinion.
A soft groan parted Fili's lips as he shifted, his brows furrowing as he made to sit up. Kili gasped sharply and ran to his brother's bedside, gently pressing his hand on his bandage-free shoulder, urging him to lay down. "Shhh, brother, it's alright," Kili whispered softly, brushing the hair back from his brother's forehead.
The blond thankfully stilled, only for his eyes to peek open slowly. He groggily gazed at the other for a long moment, trying to get him into focus. A small smile upturned his lips, his hand reaching for Kili, struggling to lift his appendage. Kili immediately cradled his brother's hand in both of his own, pressing it against his cheek. "I-I missed you," Fili's voice was raw and hoarse, curling his fingers against Kili's stubble-rough cheek.
"I missed you more than you could imagine, Fili," the dark haired dwarf breathed out as he kissed at his brother's calloused palm.
Fili let out a soft sigh, soaking up the little affection eagerly. "I think…I have a pretty good idea. I'm glad to see you earlier than expected, shame a Warg had to drag me home-"
"Fili, please! Do not say such a thing, the pain is still too fresh in my heart," Kili cried out, trying to hold back the wave of fresh emotions crashing over him. All of his worries and fears gripped at his heart and throat tightly.
The blond started to chuckle, only to wince hard in pain caused by the movement, "Don't be so dramatic, brother. It's just a little wound."
Kili gaped at his brother in disbelief for a moment before his eyes hardened, "You nearly died out there! Your blood is smeared all down the hall from here to the gates!"
His brother rolled his eyes at him exasperatedly, "Dear brother, now you are just exaggerating."
Tears starts to swell his Kili's eyes as he stood back from the bed, gritting his teeth harshly, "Why can't you ever just admit you were in danger?! Real danger!"
"I wasn't! I was with Uncle and our whole company, and I'm still alive and breathing here now, aren't I? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this-"
"Because I was scared, brother! I was terrified that I might lose you and I'd be left here all alone! Y-You just don't understand…I love you a-and I need you." Kili's fists were balled up at his sides, trembling as he stared down at his boots. He couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face, sniffling miserably as his brother fell silent for a moment.
Guilt was written all over Fili's face as he stared at his brother, hating himself for putting him through so much hurt. "Brother…Kili, come here." Pushing down the pain that sprouted up with each movement, he opened his arms, urging his brother closer.
Kili hesitated for a second before carefully climbing up onto the bed, fitting himself against his brother's side, resting his head against his collar, thankfully on the side that was uninjured. Fili's arms draped around his quaking shoulders as he gently nosed at his hairline. "I'm so sorry, Kili…I did not mean to upset you so. But believe me when I say, I will not leave you willingly."
"You don't understand…," Kili whispered softly against his brother's skin, causing the elder to frown slightly.
"What don't I understand?" Fili blinked down at the top of his brother's head, nudging him slightly, trying to coax a reply out of him when he was met with just a head shake.
"Kili, please, just answer me, or I'll never understand."
The younger prince sat up slightly, refusing to meet his brother's blue gaze, staring instead at his brother's bandaged chest. "I-I love you." He blurted out, swallowing thickly before continuing, "More than one should love his own brother. I-I know it's not right to feel this way about you, but I can't help it! I ache when I'm not at your side and the thought of losing you nearly drives me mad. I can't hide this from you anymore a-and I know you don't feel the same-"
Growing impatient as he listened to his brother ramble, Fili reached up without warning and curled his fingers in the hair at the nape of his brother's neck. Tugging the younger forward, he crushed their lips together in a desperate kiss. He could feel Kili's muscles tense under his grip, as if torn between pulling back and accepting the kiss. After what seemed like an age, Kili slowly relaxed, his lips become more pliant as Fili worked the kiss deeper.
A soft whimper escaped the back of the dark haired prince's throat as his brother gave his full lower lip a little nip and a suck before pulling away to let him breath. Kili's whole body felt impossibly warm, with his heart hammering against his rib cage. "Tell me I'm dreaming," he mumbled quietly as he brother peppered little kisses to the corner of his mouth, still in a daze.
"You're not. I cannot deny my feelings for you any longer," Fili sighed as he nuzzled at his brother's cheek, unable to help himself from showering his brother with affections. His feelings for Kili had been pent up for far too long.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Kili pulled back enough to gaze at his brother, "How long have you felt this way about me?"
Fili hummed for a moment, looking off to the side as he thought back, "I'd say for about a few years?"
Kili's jaw dropped open, gaping at the blond in shock, "That long?! Why didn't you say something! I've been trying to hide this for the past summer!"
"I didn't want to pressure you into anything! I didn't want to…corrupt you."
"How is love corruption?! Oh, my silly thick headed brother!" Kili cupped his brother's bearded jaw in his hands and scattered little kisses across his face with a warm little giggle.
"But we're brothers, some would deem it immoral-"
"Hush, Fili, I'm not losing you again. No one could ever convince me not to love you," Kili said firmly, determination in his tone. He leaned forward to kiss his brother's lips again, only to accidently lean his weight against the other's wounded chest. Fili cursed and sucked in a trembled breath, his face scrunched up in pain as he flinched away from him.
Kili let out a startled yelp, nearly falling off the bed as he scrambled away from him, "I'm so sorry! I forgot! Do you need me to get a healer?"
"Kili!" his brother laughed out breathlessly, "I'm okay…just…give me a moment."
Kili shifted anxiously at his brother's bedside, wringing his hands together as he studied his brother. Slowly the pained expression faded from Fili's face, taking a deep breath once his muscles relaxed. A smile reappeared on his lips as he gestured with his head for his brother to join him again. "Lay with me, I wish to be a great big leech and steal all your body heat."
"Are you that cold? I can get you more blankets," Kili offered, already turning for the door before his brother's voice stopped him in his tracks.
"I just want you. Please."
It was odd to hear the plea coming from the blond's lips, and Kili could only comply. His heart swelled in his chest, still dazed that his brother actually returned his feelings. It all seemed so surreal. Slipping onto the bed, he settled himself against his brother's side, hooking his leg over the other's hip to tangle their limbs together. Fili's fingers came up to bury themselves in his brother's dark, unruly hair, gently massaging at his scalp.
A soft sigh escaped Kili's lips as he let his eyes close, curling closer to Fili's body, ever mindful of his wounds. "I love you, brother," he muttered against Fili's bare skin.
"Mm…I love ya too," Fili answered, his voice thick with drowsiness, struggling to stay awake with his brother's comforting warmth now draped over his side.
"Sleep, Fili, I'll be here when you wake up." Kili stretched up to press a small kiss to his brother's lips before tucking his head beneath the blond's chin. The only response he got was Fili's steady and relaxed breathing as he fell asleep, with his fingers still tangled in his brother's hair, holding him close.