Title: Splash
Fandom: Alias Smith And Jones
Genre: Drabble. Fluff. Humor. (This might even be considered crack!fic.)
Rating: K+ (Parental Guidance suggested)
Word Count: 375
Disclaimer: Alias Smith And Jones and its characters are property of its copyright owners. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is taken from this story.
Author's Note: Thanks to Simonesa for all her great ideas, and beta duties.

Summary: POV from one of the primary characters in the pilot.

Splash! ... glurg ... glurg ...

Down the slope and into the water. I mentally roll my eyes. These guys are idiots. They're never going to get me to open up this way. I've got too tough a shell. They should know that... they've coaxed open enough of my kind in their time.

Ah... The stories I've heard. About soft hands. A gentle touch. A sweet caress of my frontispiece. Warm breath on my tumblers. And then with a few deft strokes and a little patience, success!

Sigh. The legendary Hannibal Heyes.

To tell the truth, when I was brought aboard the train this morning, I was looking forward to the possibility of meeting him. Hannibal Heyes. Hannibal. Han. I imagined him having his way with me, exploring my every corner, my every nook and cranny. And then taking what he wanted. I fantasized about surrendering the contents of my most private inner chamber to him.

Imagine my thrill when it turned out what he wanted was me!

I was so excited when he actually showed up and put his warm hands on me. My mind was in the clouds. It looked like all of my wildest dreams were coming true. Only to crash back down to earth five minutes later. I was bereft when it looked like he was going to give up and leave me behind. I wanted to scream out,

Hannibal! I have what you want! What you've always wanted! Fifty thousand dollars! Come back! Don't give up on me!

And then he didn't! He took me with them. I smiled to myself. At last. Somebody who would go all the way with me. Someone who would not shy away from doing whatever it took to crack my secrets and reach inside my secret places. Unfortunately, that isn't how it is turning out.

Sigh. It looks like I'm doomed to spend eternity here at the bottom of this lake. I can hear them – that idiot gang – splashing around, far away from where I am. They're yelling. They think they've hit the jackpot. They're wrong. I'll never belong to them. I belong to another. One more worthy. The only one deserving of the title Leader.

Hannibal? Where are you? I'm waiting.