I don't own MASH or anything related to it.
At the 4077th, Colonel Potter's day had just taken a turn for the worst.
"Klinger," Potter shouted, "get my officers in here on the double."
Colonel Sherman Potter re-read the document Klinger had just given him. There, in solid print, was an order from ICOR for him to attend a 5 day meeting on the status of medical care in Korea. For every good thing that came from a meeting like this, he'd have to listen to long winded "expert" types who just seemed to enjoy the sound of their own voices.
He'd come back with some good information and a headache from all the "expert" suggestions.
And, he'd have to leave tomorrow afternoon.
Father Mulcahy was the first to arrive, "Is everything ok, Colonel?"
"Padre, I may need your help with this one," Potter replied.
"Colonel, I'll certainly help in any way I can," Mulcahy announced.
"Appreciate it," Potter responded.
Hawkeye and BJ came in next and stood next to Father Mulcahy by the Colonel's desk.
"Colonel, you look a bit frustrated," Hawkeye began, "What has Charles done this time?"
"Pierce, it's not Winchester. Let Margaret and him get here, and then I'll let all of you know SPECIFICALLY why I am frustrated," replied Potter.
Klinger walked into the room, "Sir, I've made all the travel arrangements. Your jeep will be ready at 2, tomorrow afternoon."
"Travel?" asked BJ.
"Business or Pleasure?" queried Hawkeye.
"Would I be in this mood if I was getting 5 days of R and R?" Potter asked.
"5 days of R and R, Colonel," Margaret said as she entered, "You've certainly earned it, sir!"
"I'm sure I have, Margaret, We all have. But there's no R or R for this trip," Potter stated.
Winchester sauntered into the room.
"Colonel," said Winchester, "Were you discussing railroads? I heard mention of R and R. I know someone at Great Pacific…."
"Winchester, why would I be discussing railroads?" Potter asked sarcastically, "I need to discuss a 5 day trip sponsored by that wonderful travel agency – ICOR. No rest or relaxation." Potter continued, "I Have a 5 day medical conference to attend starting tomorrow. For all the good information I might get, there are hours of long and boring conversation. If a so-called expert isn't putting me to sleep, it's some officer from another MASH, complaining about the same things over and over. If Charlie Grant at the 8063rd brings up that incubator of his one more time…."
"Colonel," Hawkeye interrupted, "How can we help?"
"I need a CO to take my place," Potter began, "Pierce, you got so military, I thought you might turn into Frank Burns. Winchester, you turned my company clerk into your manservant. Each of you are fine surgeons, but not CO material for this outfit."
"I second that," BJ replied.
"And I third it, Sir," Klinger added.
"BJ, that leaves you, then. Welcome to your first command!" said Potter.
"Colonel," BJ began, "I am not your highness, like Charles, or a wannabe dictator, like Hawkeye. But I'm not good at giving orders. I have no desire to command anything except a trip home to Mill Valley."
"Wannabe dictator," Hawkeye began, "Isn't that a little harsh?"
"Pierce," Winchester replied, "Can't take criticism from a friend?"
"Charles," Hawkeye answered, "I'm surprised you didn't put a moat up when you were CO."
"Stop this Nonsense!" Potter yelled, "BJ, you are going to be acting CO. You just have to make sure the patients are cared for, the lights stay on, and when I come home, I don't have to deal with any "surprises."
The officers quieted, briefly.
"Colonel Potter," began BJ, "I do have a suggestion that might be the best for the 4077th, overall."