Heartfelt Lies.

Chapter one. Might continue if I get feedback requesting another.

AU Britanna.

I walk by the rivers edge,

Skipping smooth wet stones,

And watching them sink.

Im sorry Britt.

Im sorry for doing this to you, it's killing me inside.

I never was a fan of innocence.

But I know that somehow this is going to work out, and if it doesn't, Im sure there will be a good enough reason. Because I love you Britt, so much so that it hurts sometimes.

I got two black eyes,

And an empty fifth of gin.

I guess that's kind of the reason Im doing this, for the greater good, for you. Im holding you back Britt, Im watching the brightness in your eyes fade day by day and its awful. We're stuck. We have been for a while, both noticing, but still too blind to do anything.

And I see Im wrong for you,

But we try.

I cant give you what you need right now, and as time passes by I cant help but feel its wasted.

And you swear Im hard to lay beside.

We used to be on fire, and now we're burning out, a dull glow in comparison to what we used to be. And its down to me. Your dancing's taking off, we knew the move to New York would be worth it. We packed everything we owned into the bags on out backs and got on the first flight out of lima after graduation. It was hard at first, but we made it work. We worked.

If I was you I would run from me most nights.

Money was never a big problem, I worked nights part time at the bar below our run down apartment, while you took a couple shifts at the Starbucks around the corner. I dropped out of NYU after the first year. I realised I didn't need a degree to be happy, all I really needed was you.

Maybe I was meant to be left behind.

I started working full time at the bar, while you worked your arse off trying to make it as a dancer. I know Im biased, but I always thought you were incredible. You took my breath away with every step you took. I knew you would make it, from the start I wasn't ever worried. When you got your first job on that music video I was so proud. It was only a small part, but you owned it. Making the producer notice you, paving the way for your career.

thundering circumstances,

beyond our control rumble in.

I think that's where our problems started. We hardly has any time to ourselves. You were spending all day at the studio, while I was promoted to working manager down the bar at nights. We argued. Both needing to see one another, but unable to make the time. I was so desperate to provide for you, it was kind of a natural instict of mine, it still is, and probably forever will be. I looked after you since we were little, punching a six year old puck in the face and making him bleed after he made fun of you colouring the farmland animals in purple. I felt something pulling me towards you even then. We were inseparable.

Counting time by the lines round your eyes,

as your gentle caress helps me forget.

I started to notice little things, you started staying at the studio longer and longer, as we started to speak less and less. I cant blame you Britt. We hadn't touched each other in weeks besides a chaste kiss here and there. We had no time, I was constantly at the bar but all the time I was there I was wishing I was upstairs in our shitty little apartment, cuddling on the couch with you while we watched an awful horror film from the seventies. It didn't matter if you could see the puppet strings on the so called monsters, you always ended up hiding behind me, I protected you.

And I think its time to say goodnight

Nights like that were rare, extremely so.

And you swear Im hard to lay beside.

But I cherished every moment.

Now years seem to pass as we blink our eyes.

I don't expect you to forgive me Britt, but I need to leave for a while. Let you do your thing on your own. I've been selfish, keeping you from reaching your full potential, keeping you with me.

Maybe I was meant to be left behind.

I will always love you Britt, and you will forever hold my heart in your hands. But I can see us crumbling, and we need time apart to truly realise what we have. Im going home for a while. Going to see Quinn, her divorce with Finn was messy, especially after he found out about Rachel. She needs a friend.

By all of our heartfelt lies,

Heartfelt lies.

Maybe you could meet up with Rachel, she's come back over to finish her stint on broadway. Leaving Quinn home alone. Another reason I should go.

Our heartfelt lies,

Are not enough this time.

See Mami and Papi. I know they'll ask about you. I know what Im going to tell them. Hopefully they'll understand, they're going to be disappointed. They love you more than they love me.

And I see I would love to stay the night.

But you found someone else to lay beside.

This is going to be good for us, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

And I know that is makes sense.

Ill call you. If you still want to speak to me. I'll understand if you hate me. Maybe I deserve that, for putting you through this.

But its like sand in my eye.

I love you Britney Susan Pierce. Forever and always. I wish I was strong enough to say this to your face, but we both know one look at your eyes and my resolve would crumble. So writing you a letter will have to do. I have to do this. We're not over Britney, we will never be over. No matter what happens. I've loved you from the first day I met you. It took time to realise, but I know now that I have. So this is goodbye, for now. I don't know how long Im staying for, but I will come home to you, if you'll still have me. I love you Britt.

Maybe I was meant to be left behind.