It wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be, from what he had seen on scots first night Stiles had assumed his first full moon would have been just shy of hell. Except, he was sitting on the couch munching on popcorn and laughing at the cartoons on the screen. Anyone that didn't like finding nemo had better re-assess what they are doing with their lives, because this shit was the bomb. He giggled letting his shoulders bump into Derek's playfully.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming," he said making a fishy face at the older man who for at least the first, maybe ten minutes of the movie had done a pretty good job of pretending he wasn't amused. He was now however staring at him in a way that managed to be perplexed and fond all at once. "What's gotcha so confused sourwolf?" he asked scooping up some popcorn and trying to toss it into his mouth. Apparently gaining wolfey reflexes hadn't helped him all that much because he was still pretty klutzy. "you." Derek replied, Stiles laughed, "you're going to have to be more specific on that one sweet cheeks" he said snapping at the kernel that flew past his mouth.
Crap.
"You should be feeling the urge to run right now, to be outside, you should… "He just gave him a quizzical look, "you haven't even 'wolfed out' as you like to say." Stiles shrugged, "isn't your wolf freaking out?" he asked. Stiles thought a moment, still not really used to the whole having a different part of him. It was like having an organ that had thoughts and feelings of its own, it was really weird.
"Nope, he's like… humming. Purring maybe, do wolves do that?" he asked and Derek shook his head, "well anyway he seems pretty happy." He said and Derek just continued to stare at him like he had grown two more heads. With their lives he was pretty sure that wasn't impossible but as he assumed it would be a painful process he assumed it hadn't happened.
"You shouldn't have moons like this until you find your anchor" Derek replied and Stiles smirked, finally catching a kernel in his mouth. Victory at last! "Oh, that." He said smiling, "I did." He said staring at the screen, ooh year his favorite character; Stiles loved that little girl she was so freaking funny.
"You … what?" Derek practically yelled, and Stiles turned his attention away from darlah. "Calm down sourwolf. I just said I found my anchor. You know that thing that keeps me human. I didn't feel like ripping anyone's throat out tonight, cause you know even if maiming is your style it's really not mine. But uh yeah, so I asked Deaton and he helped a bit and here I am human, safe and not ripping anyone to shreds." He said looking back at the television.
So this werewolf thing was actually pretty cool because he could tell how Derek felt without having to pull his teeth out to get information. He could tell that his heart was beating too fast, could smell, fear, confusion, nerves, frustration. And well that was odd because why would Derek be feeling all those things.
"What is it" he asked trough bared teeth, almost as if he were angry but he would sme… oh there it is right under the confusion. "Seriously dude what's with all the scary nervous vibes, your making me want to like, I don't even know. But my wolf isn't happy anymore." He said frowning and Derek was still glaring at him, "what is it" he demanded and Stiles just sighed, "family, pack… you" he replied looking at the floor because how do you tell your alpha that you love him, you love him so much that he is what keeps you steady. What keeps you grounded? What keeps you human? How do you just say that?
Well Stiles didn't know either, that's why he hadn't said anything. Why he kept it to himself since he learned because he knew it was weird. He knew he was weird. He knew at this point Scott had been tearing doors off walls, eyes flashing bright yellow and Stiles. Well his eyes hadn't changed from their honey brown for even a second, he thought for a moment that he bite didn't take but then he realized he would be dead and ruled that one out.
"Sorry, I mean I know it's weird and all. I mean Scott had Allison as an anchor but they were like together and all I mean. I'm sorry; Deaton said there is nothing can do about it. He said if you aren't there I'll settle for something else, settle for my dad, or the pack and they should keep me relatively sane but he said nothing would work quite as well. but they will work if you don't want to like, spend every moon with me because I get that there's only so many times a person can watch finding nemo before they explode." He shut his mouth quickly when Derek growled; "alright shutting up now" he said nodding awkwardly.
"Me" Derek said and Stiles hadn't noticed in between all the rambling but Derek's face had changed, his eyes had softened and he no longer looked like he was trying to bore holes into the side of Stiles' head. "Stiles did Deaton tell you what that means?" he asked, and Stiles shook his head, "no" he replied and god Derek was rubbing off on him because he was being monosyllabic. "Stiles, how does your wolf feel, what's it doing" Derek said trying to figure out why Deaton couldn't have just told him. Made it easy on him just this once. But no, he had to leave the tough part to Derek. "Um, he's I don't know. He seems happy, he's doing that purring thing…" he said twiddling his thumbs nervously because his wolf might have been calm but apparently that feeling didn't extend to his human self.
Derek sighed, "He is calm, on a full moon." Derek recapped and Stiles nodded, Derek reached a hand out to hold Stiles' between his. "Stiles I need you to do something for me. I need you to try and change." And Stiles nodded. Because really how was he supposed to argue, it wasn't like he hadn't thought of doing it before he was just afraid he would hurt someone he didn't have to feel like that anymore though, at least, he hoped.
Stiles let himself go a little, claws sneaking out, eyes flashing another color and Derek nodded, "that's what I thought." His breath sounded forced Stiles stared at him oddly, "did I do something wrong? Oh god is they like…. Purple or something" he asked nervously. Derek shook his head, "red"
"wh… how." He yelled shifting back surprisingly quickly, "red… red is alphas, you are the alpha, how can I be, Derek are you still an alpha I didn't like screw up the pack tell me what's going on" he said voice filled with panic. He didn't want to be the alpha he wanted Derek to be the alpha.
Derek let his eyes flash and Stiles was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief, red. And Derek laughed "guess this explains why you can still challenge me." He said and Stiles were a little confused, "what… does this have something to do with whatever Deaton didn't tell me because I'm confused." He scrunched up his forehead in an admittedly adorable way and Derek laughed again. Regardless of the fact that Stiles was still kind of freaking out. Because how the heck does that even happen, you can't have two alphas it doesn't work like that. Stiles was meant to be a beta, a good little obedient beta. Well okay that was laughable because he would have fought tooth and nail to have his opinion heard but regardless he wasn't supposed to be an alpha.
"Stiles, calm down" Derek commanded and he did, at least a little and that was kind of not fair because he wasn't sure how Derek did that. "You are an alpha for the same reason that I'm your anchor, because I am your mate."
This must be what a heart attack feels like, he must be having a heart attack and he is just healing because of the stupid werewolf thing but he was definitely having a heart attack. That was the only thing that could explain why someone just reached into his chest, grabbed his heart and squeezed. "I… wh… Derek, don't make fun of me it's not funny." He said frowning.
Because he knew that wouldn't happen, Derek wouldn't ever want him, there was no way ever. Because why would he want him. It wasn't as if the bite had changed him all that much, sure he could probably win a fight with a human now but he was still the scrawniest most pathetic excuse for a werewolf either. He was uncoordinated, messy, and he still had ADHD. He wasn't good enough for Derek; he was just a stupid teenager with a crush. A crush he hoped would go away before Derek realized but apparently that was out the window.
"Stiles calm down." Not that again, how the hell did he do that? "Sorry" he muttered. He didn't really know what to do the human side of him said to flee. To run away as fast as he could which admittedly was a little bit impressive now, but regardless he wasn't going to do it. Mostly because his wolf would fight him tooth and nail to get back here, get back to Derek. All he wanted to do was curl into Derek and never leave regardless of the fact that Derek didn't want him. Stiles knew if he left he would wolf out, and hurt someone and well, it was worth the embarrassment and the awkwardness if he didn't hurt anyone.
"Stiles" Stiles snapped out of his thoughts, "yeah… I, I'm sorry. I can leave if you want, go try to find Isaac, or Scott or something." He said flustered, "I don't want you to leave." Derek replied, "Stiles nodded, "because you don't want me to kill anyone?" "No" Derek said before smirking, "well yes, I don't really want that but mostly because I'd rather sit and watch the end of finding nemo with my boyfriend." Stiles eyes snapped up, "I… you… boyfriend?" he stuttered, "If that's okay with you." Stiles grinned, "Yeah, I mean yes. Yes that is more than okay. "He sat there a moment, staring at Derek's green eyes, how had he never noticed them before. I mean sure he had noticed them in passing; he knew they were green but they were so different up close. And when he smiled, it was like he had a face that was made for a smile and Stiles made it his mission in that very second to make sure Derek smiled a whole lot more because wow… it was beautiful.
"can I kiss you now?" he asked still not really sure what was okay and what wasn't, and Derek didn't reply just pressed his lips sweetly to Stiles' and it was everything a first kiss should be. It was sweet and cautious and beautiful and it made Stiles chest feel tight in all the right ways. It made his wolf howl and him grin. He could hear Derek's heart rate raise and it only served to make him more excited, happier. It was nothing like he had imagined it would be. He wasn't pushed up against a wall, Derek wasn't rough, and his lips were soft and pliant not rough and unyielding. God Stiles were under the impression that maybe he had just died and gone to heaven.
"Wow" he muttered when Derek pulled away, pushing play on the Stiles wasn't expecting his night to turn out like this. He had spent the last month worried about killing a civilian or worse his father. He was worried he would wolf out and never be the same person, instead he found himself curled up on Derek's couch, laughing at the fish as they attempted to escape the fish tank. Tossing popcorn in Derek's mouth with a giggle. And no it wasn't what he had expected, but it was so much better.