A/N: This season has been heart-crushing, and every time I see that LOOK on her face I just want to start bawling. This is a one shot based on the preview for The Doctor in the Photo, which looks AMAZING. It's probably a bit overly emotional and OOC, but I think Brennan has changed a lot and is seriously close to a breaking point. Please review! Obviously, I don't own Bones.
Dedicated to my amazing friend, Hope03, who is the best Bones buddy I could ever hope for. I'm so excited to reenact the ice skating scene from The Fire in the Ice with you! =]
He has known Temperance Brennan for seven years, and he can honestly say that he has never seen her so on the edge. He sneaks a glance at her and immediately can tell that she's trying desperately to hold back tears. The sight nearly crushes his heart, but then he feels another emotion.
Guilt. Guilt for still being so affected by her, guilt for the last few months, guilt for worrying what is going on with her when he has a beautiful woman at home who loves him.
But despite this, he still feels that familiar tightening in his chest, the desire to hold her until her tears subside, the rush caused by the possibility that they could have so much more.
"Talk to me, Bones." He knows he shouldn't go there, that he can no longer allow himself to be so involved in her when he is trying to move on, but she looks away, and her next words stir something so deeply inside him that he nearly can't breathe.
She turns toward the window, but not before he sees a few tears spill from her eyes, and her voice cracks on her words. "I can't, Booth."
And that's all it takes for him to catch up to reality. They used to be able to talk about everything, anything at all. He used to be able to read her thoughts just from looking into her eyes, those eyes that he knew so well. He used to know her so well, and now he has absolutely no idea what is going through her mind.
How did they get here?
But in the back of his mind, he knows. Her rejection had stung more than he had ever known was possible, and he had been so focused on throwing himself into moving on that he had immediately latched onto the nearest woman. He was trying to prove something to himself, but in the meantime he had only hurt the beautiful, amazing woman sitting next to him, lied to himself, and would hurt the woman waiting for him at home.
He had never more strongly felt the need to put things right in his entire life.
"Please, Bones," his voice is pleading. Here was the strongest woman he knew, reduced to crying brokenly in the seat next to him.
She has no fight left, and more tears make their way out of her eyes. "I made a mistake. I missed my chance."
Here is Bones, his partner, his friend, and now he can admit the love of his life, sobbing beside him, and he then knows beyond a doubt that she loves him, too.
His gaze turns toward the road, but only for long enough to pull off into an abandoned parking lot.
"Bones…" he begins, but she cuts him off.
"Don't, Booth. I understand that this is my fault, I accept that," she pauses a moment to catch her breath and stubbornly wills the tears to slow. "But that doesn't mean that it hurts any less. I'm trying to be happy for you, I am. But it kills me to know that I could have had everything, and now I have nothing."
He sees now every choice he has made in the past few months clearly. All those looks she's tried to hide, the ones that scream 'I love you, see me' which are quickly covered by her attempts to be happy for him. He sees how little time he's spent with her, and now he can clearly see that she's lonely, and it makes his chest ache to think that he had a part in that. Because even though she rejected him, he didn't fight for her. For them.
He cares for Hannah, their relationship is easy. But he is absolutely, irrevocably in love with Temperance Brennan, and he knows that nothing easy is worth having.
"Bones, look at me," he says, reaching over to take her hand, waiting for her tear-filled gaze to reach his.
"I'm not happy," he says.
"What?" Her brow furrows, and he is struck again by how much he loves her, by how much he has always loved her, and now by the realization that he has missed her.
"I thought I was, with Hannah, but I'm not."
"But you said you were moving on. I want what's best for you, Booth, and Hannah is great."
He thinks back to her words outside the Hoover, how she said "I can't" and "I don't have an open heart" and how she talked of protecting him, and he hears her and understands in a way that his wounded pride had not allowed him to before.
"You're what is best for me, Temperance. I was just too hurt to see it before. Hannah is convenient, but she's not the one who takes my breath away when she looks at me. She's not the one who makes my heart race when I see her name calling on my phone. She's not the one I want to grow old with."
He watches as she inhales sharply. "That's you, Bones. It's always been you. I love you."
She lets out her nervous breath, and it is a testament to how far she has come that his admission does not make her panic. Instead, it is welcome. "I'm sorry I wasn't ready before. I'm sorry I was too frightened."
His hand tightens around hers. "I'm sorry I pushed you too fast. I'm sorry for letting you doubt my feelings for you."
And then somehow she is in his arms, trying to hold back tears that she has been fighting for months. But instead of being tears of anguish, they are also tears of relief, and tears of joy. She suddenly feels like her heart is too big for her chest and that she might burst, even though she knows that that is impossible.
"Can we have another chance?" she whispers.
"Yeah, Bones. We're the center." He drops a kiss to her hair and tightens his arms around her.
And for the first time in a long while, despite the road ahead, they feel that there is hope, and love.